Lost Hope
by DareToDream123
Summary: Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn, disliked nothing more than the needy, self-obsessed Nephilim. But, when Jace Herondale and Isabelle Lightwood - accompanied by a blue eyed beauty - flock to him in need of his help to find missing Shadowhunter, Clary Fray, and Daylighter, Simon Lewis, Magnus is unable to refuse them. Malec / NonCanon / Full description inside
1. Prologue

_Description:_ Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn, disliked nothing more than the needy, self-obsessed Nephilim. But, when Jace Herondale and Isabelle Lightwood - accompanied by a blue eyed beauty - flock to him in need of his help to find missing Shadowhunter, Clary Fray, and Daylighter, Simon Lewis, Magnus is unable to refuse them. In doing so, Magnus finds himself drawn more deeply day by day to Alexander Lightwood. A boy who possesses a deep, dark secret. A boy who has lost all hope... Malec | Non-Canon

 _ **Prologue**_

 _ **Dark Pasts**_

' _Facilis descensus averni'_

 _The descent to Hell is easy._

Once upon a time, those words would have meant nothing to him. They use to be mere Latin words on a page of a centuries old book that was so mind-numbingly boring that within seconds of attempted reading, he was asleep. Now though, they meant something more to him. The words ran deeply in him, frightening him, dawning on him. It turns out; the descent to Hell is easy - at least for him it is anyway. There was nothing he could do that would stop it. There was nothing anyone could do. The only option for him now was to just sit here and watch the gates to hell open, painstakingly slowly, while continuing to wait for his descent to finally finish.

Alec Lightwood had once dreamt of being an Angel; one with soft, feathery, pure white wings that gracefully hung from his back, lightly brushing both his muscular arms. He used to quietly tell stories to his mother and father about how, one day, he would speak to an angel and convince them to turn him into one too. He'd even extended his dream as far as telling his sister, Isabelle Lightwood, who only smirked and diminished it as being nothing but childish imagination. Of course, Izzy had been right. Izzy was always annoyingly, infuriatingly right. But, if changing into an angel was just a dream-like fantasy, then why couldn't the opposite be a nightmarish fantasy? Why did the opposite have to feel so real?

 _Why, oh why, did this have to happen to him?_

 **December 2nd 2002**

' _There is nothing more I can do to help your son, Maryse Lightwood. Even the power of the Silent Brothers is not enough to reverse this. But, Alexander will live.'_ Maryse Lightwood heard Brother Enoch speak these words in her mind, yet she couldn't quite comprehend them. These past few days had been a whirlwind of fear, doubt and helplessness. All she had dreamt of was that her eldest son would be alive, brave and as strong as he always had been. But she had not wanted this... She could have never even imagined this.

"There must be something you can do!" Maryse exclaimed in a slightly strangled voice, her usually calm and stoic composure dissipated at the thought of Alexander, her Alexander, being forced to live in that way. This couldn't be happening. Not to her son. "He can't live like this!"

Brother Enoch appeared to be somewhat unmoved; the boy would live, wasn't that good enough? ' _I have told you and I will tell you again, I cannot help him anymore. I can only heal so much. Alexander must live like this if he so wishes to live at all. It is a decision that only he must make. Now I must go, Maryse Lightwood. I apologise for what has happened to your son.'_

As Brother Enoch glided swiftly out of the room, with his head hung towards the floor, Maryse felt the familiar dampness of a first tear slip down her cheek. She rarely ever cried, only when a painful occasion called for it. This situation itself called for much more than tears - it sought for the tight constriction of her already stone-cold heart. Nothing had ever felt so excruciating. She could only let the helplessness and the fears consume her, let them burn her until they finally died away.

"I'm so sorry, Alexander..." Maryse whispered, hovering over him shakily, her shoulders trembling. "So, so sorry..."

* * *

Alec had always remembered this date, ever since the age of 13. It was, and forever would be, embedded in his memory as the worst day of his life. December 2nd 2002. Over the years, he'd tried so hard to just forget; to lock the memory away in a secret vault and destroy the key. However, the date was like a constant, painful stab in the heart that occurred at least once a day, every day. He couldn't possibly forget, it would be wrong to forget. That demonic day had changed him into the person he was today - Alec Lightwood, fiercely protective of his family and a valiant shadowhunter . He was subdued, serious, straight-to-the-point and a damn-good archer. If that day hadn't of happened, perhaps he would be different. Maybe he would be louder, more comfortable and poised in his own skin. But over the years, Alec had learned to live with himself. Each day, he took pride in the fact that he was alive. He had to concentrate on the positives, because there were too many negatives and dwelling on them would lead to a life filled with nothing but despair.

Alone in the darkened graveyard, Alec was lost in his thoughts and he sat cross-legged in the grass, playing absentmindedly with the single, white flower he held in his hands. Memories of that day always resurfaced on this particular date. Though he never cried, he had perfected himself into becoming a silent robot. Physically, he always appeared fine, besides his typical glum expression and stiff movements. Mentally? He was completely shattered.

On other days, he was able to be himself a little more; live his life how he should live it as a Shadowhunter. But he knew there would always be something missing from his life. That something was hope, as he had lost it all many years ago. He was living, but waiting, always waiting, for his slow descent to finally end. Maybe then, he could finally be free... Free of all the torment.

"Mom..." Alec whispered solemnly, placing the white flower at the bottom of the sombre gravestone, holding back the strangling knot he could feel tightening in his throat, blocking his airways. "I'm so sorry."

 _Maryse Lightwood._

 _Wife of Robert Lightwood,_

 _Loving mother of Alec, Jace, Isabelle and Max._

 _'You will forever be missed.'_

 _September 8th 1968 - December 2nd 2002_

 ** _So this is the prologue to my new Malec story. It's the first one I've ever written for TDI so I hope my portrayal of the characters has been done well. Thank you to all the Beta's who've helped me edit this story and I hope you as the reader have enjoyed the first chapter. Let me know what you think by reviewing and stay tuned for the next update.  
Thank you,  
Daretodream_**


	2. Missing

_**Missing**_

Despite the fact that Jace and Izzy were his family, Alec did not want to be here. If he'd been able to make his own personal choice in this matter, then he would have let the Clave deal with their current predicament and think nothing more of it. But, of course, Clary and Simon meant the world to Jace and Izzy. They were currently missing, and now everything was centered on them. There was no sign of their whereabouts, meaning that Jace and Izzy's whole world had suddenly stopped revolving and everything was frozen, like time had suddenly jerked to a halt.

Though Alec cared deeply for Izzy, and Jace, he had never really had the chance - or really wanted to - properly warm up to Clary and she was currently nothing more to him than a nuisance. She was a ridiculously annoying nuisance who had somehow managed to capture Jace's heart. Simon, Clary's newly-turned-vampire best friend was another great example of a nuisance, but he was special: he came along with a plethora of sarcasm, which only fueled Jace's need to counter with an even better comment. Putting it frankly, Alec had found the past year or so tricky. If only he didn't feel so lonely all the time. For a long time now, Clary had been at the centre of Jace's universe, Simon was constantly stealing Izzy's attention and Alec had nobody. God knows how he would feel when Max found someone...

A few days ago, all hell had broken loose when neither Clary nor Simon returned to the Institute after a night away at Luke's house. Jace, like always, had instantly panicked; his usual cool composure had turned into a frantic state of mind, while Izzy had chosen to wallow in her own thoughts, imagining all the horrific danger that Simon could have found himself in. Alec, as per usual, had been the only one to remain calm. His first thoughts were that Clary had been reckless, as usual, and had simply failed to inform Jace of hers and Simon's whereabouts. He believed that she was happily enjoying herself somewhere, failing to realise that Jace was back at the Institute, panicking about her well-being. This seemed a common occurrence for Clary - being carelessly reckless to the point where Jace was worrying 24/7 - but this one time, Alec had been wrong. Though the Clave had been informed of their absurd disappearance days ago, there had been no news and Izzy and Jace had finally ran out of patience.

And so, here Alec was at the base of a fairly modern apartment block, awaiting the reply of the High Warlock of Brooklyn, Magnus Bane. They were there in the vain hope that he would aid Izzy and Jace in their search. Of course, Alec knew that this activity was pointless - if the Clave couldn't locate Clary or Simon, then surely a warlock couldn't.

Warlocks. Alec had been taught to dislike them from a young age. Y _ou must never trust Warlocks, Alec. They are Downworlders who work only for a profit, nothing more._ His father had told Alec, Izzy and Jace this constantly from the minute they could talk.

Though Alec had tried and tried to convince Izzy and Jace out of this, they had failed to see the danger that this could cause. The Daylighter and Clary were valuable captives in the Shadow World; if word spread among the Downworlders that they were missing, it was possible that they could become even more missing than they already were. But, Alec didn't even know why he bothered to even try and convince Jace against this. Alec had begrudgingly known for a while now that if Clary was in danger, Jace would destroy the whole world to rescue her. So why did he think that Jace would give up this time? _You know why, Alec, it's because you want him to believe in you for once…_ He quickly pushed those thoughts away.

"The warlock's not home," Alec said impatiently, as Jace repeatedly rang the buzzer in frustration. "Let's try this another day."

Turning, Jace glared at Alec. "We're not going home until I find Clary," He replied flatly, almost daring Alec to argue.

"Well, repeatedly pressing a buzzer isn't helping anyone," Alec pointed out, rolling his eyes. "So if we could just go home-"

"We are not going home!"

"But-" Alec began heatedly, glaring in annoyance at his parabatai. Sometimes, Alec believed, Jace was so consumed with thoughts of Clary that he failed to see clearly. Couldn't Jace just listen to him for once?

"He's right, Alec." Izzy interrupted, a look of determination shining in her eyes. "I want to find Simon." Though Izzy had already had more boyfriends than Alec could count, she seemed to care much more for Simon than she did for any of the others. Truthfully, Alec was happy for his sister and was glad that she had finally found someone who she could stick with for more than two seconds, even if they were sickening to watch at times. Though Alec would never understand what Izzy saw in Simon, as aside from his incredible daylight vampire powers, Alec could see nothing remarkable about him.

"But the Clave –" Alec shifted uncomfortably, disliking the fact that he was arguing against not just Jace, but Izzy as well. It was rare that Izzy disagreed with Alec and even rarer that they actually argued about something. Usually, Alec would be at the side lines following whatever the two of them thought best. They always had to stick to the Clave's rules - the law was harsh but it was the law. This time, he had to involve himself; he was sick of them chasing after two irritating dead-weights constantly.

Jace pounded the wall with his fist in frustration. "Enough about the Clave! They-" Jace shouted, but he was abruptly interrupted by the clicking sound of the stereo attached to the buzzer on the outside of the apartment block.

"WHO DARES TO DISTURB THE HIGH WARLOCK OF BROOKLYN DURING HIS YOGA HOUR?" An angry, crackly voice sounded through the intercom, so loud that Alec could feel the sound of it vibrating from where he was stood.

Turning his attention swiftly back to the entrance, Jace's body relaxed from his rigid state and he pressed the button to reply. "Jace Lightwood, the high Shadowhunter of New York, possibly in the whole of the US accompanied by his, much lesser, siblings. We are in need of your help."

There was a pause, and for a moment Alec wondered if Jace's sarcasm had already caused the Warlock to lose his patience. Yet again, Alec was proven wrong.

"Nephilim." Magnus sounded strained, like it was hard for him to be amiable. "Was it not clear in my personal ad that I don't help you people?" The warlock was irritated, but Alec knew that this answer would not stop Jace.

"I think you'll find that 'no' isn't currently in my vocabulary and never will be, so I'd appreciate it if you would just help us before I become more of a nuisance than I already am." Jace warned, his light and usually care-free tone returning.

Watching carefully and remaining silent, Alec studied Jace as the look of determination only grew in his eyes. Jace had always been this way; stubbornly decisive, to a point where he never took 'no' for an answer. Alec had never truly found it in the slightest bit irritating until now. _Clary_. His relationship with Jace had been on a downward spiral ever since she turned up to the New York Institute, asking to be trained as a Shadowhunter. Though he didn't care to admit it, Alec had been jealous of Clary the minute she'd stepped foot into the Institute. It was her fault that he wasn't Jace's first priority anymore.

Yet again, there was another long, awkward pause. "How about no?" Magnus Bane stated firmly.

Jace remained silent for a moment, before answering chirpily. "If that is your final answer, then I will happily sit here buzzing your apartment all day. Was I not clear enough when I said that I would only become more of a nuisance?"

Alec knew Jace was treading on a fine line that could result in him putting himself in danger, but Jace did this so often nowadays that Alec no longer felt the need to stop him.

A deep sigh sounded through the intercom. Alec was sure that Magnus knew when he was beaten. "What is it you want, Nephilim?"

"A tracking spell." A smirk grew on Jace's face as he answered, pleased with his win. "I need to find my girlfriend, Clary Fray, and her pet vampire." Izzy instantly slapped him causing Jace to only smirk more.

"Come inside. We will discuss this matter in my apartment." The warlock's answer was rather hasty, unlike his previous irritated and bored composure. This caused Alec to wonder what it was that changed the mind of the warlock so quickly. Surely someone so old wouldn't give in to a bunch of Shadowhunters who were barely of age? Or maybe Jace really was that annoying.

Following his parabatai and sister obediently, Alec climbed the stairs, making sure to keep his eyes open for any clue of approaching danger. Since Jace and Izzy were so blinded by their need to find their special lovers, it was Alec's job to keep them both safe. Despite their current states of stupidity, he couldn't have anything bad happen to them.

Once they all reached the top of the stairs, they found the door to the warlock's home already open, revealing a very modern looking apartment. The furniture was all very futuristic and high tech and the colour scheme seemed to revolve around black and white. Stood a little back from the entrance, Magnus Bane watched them with strangely compelling golden cat eyes. His dark hair was spiked up and glittered to shining perfection and stubble traced the edges of his strong jaw line. Dark makeup covered his eye lids, causing his heightened eyes to appear mysterious yet he contrasted all of this with vibrant coloured yoga pants and a loose gym top reading 'This is my hangover shirt. (Don't talk to me)'. Alec couldn't help it; his eyes looked over the warlock in interest, taking in his strangely handsome appearance. However, the warlock seemed to notice Alec's wandering eyes so in return he deeply studied Alec himself, smirking as Alec shrunk in on himself slightly and blushed. As soon as the warlock's curious eyes turned away from him and towards Jace, Alec let out the breath he'd been holding.

"I take it you're the bothersome Shadowhunter who chose to disturb me." Magnus' concentration was fixed on Jace and he held a tinge of annoyance in his expression. "Your cuter, blue-eyed companion couldn't possibly have called on me so rudely."

Again, Alec blushed at the compliment, wanting nothing more than to hide himself away. Magnus seemed to notice this and winked at him cheekily, only causing Alec to blush harder. Luckily, neither Jace nor Izzy seemed to notice their small encounter and, though Jace frowned at Magnus' words, he chose to disregard the comment.

"My astounding beauty, sadly, isn't what I'm here for, Magnus Bane." Alec watched in fascination as Jace's tone changed from dismissive yet playful to serious and foreboding. "As you already know, I need your help in finding Clary."

"And Simon." Izzy interjected quickly, speaking to Magnus for the first time.

Though Magnus rolled his eyes at Jace's vanity, he seemed to turn more serious as Clary's name appeared in the conversation. "Clarissa Fray, or should I say, Morgenstern. I'm surprised that she chose the path of a Shadowhunter." Magnus mused with a small frown. "I knew her mother, hid them both in fact while they were running from Valentine. I witnessed Jocelyn's death myself." At this point, Magnus's eyes looked lost in memories and his words seemed more directed at himself than anyone else.

"So…You'll help us?" Izzy asked hopefully.

Magnus was in a contemplative silence, he chose his words carefully as he answered. "Unlucky for you, little Shadowhunters, after the Mortal War I vowed to myself that it was the last time I would aid you people and I'd hate to break this promise to myself. Besides, you could never afford my extortionate prices. Did you even bother to read my personal ad?" Magnus seemed horrified by this thought and walked away thoughtfully, taking a seat beside a small tabby cat on the pristine white sofa and resting his long, toned legs on the coffee table in front of him.

Izzy's expression was alive with shock at the dismissive nature of the warlock, while Jace's eyes boiled with anger and his hands clenched tightly into fists. Meanwhile, Alec stood quietly at the entrance, watching Magnus with a frown, and wondering why on earth the warlock had winked at him. Alec knew that there were much more important things to be thinking about, but he couldn't help but question his actions. Was the warlock flirting? Was he interested in him? _Nobody_ was ever interested in Alec, nor did they ever seem to really notice him for that matter. For the past few years, he'd tried so hard not to be noticed that it was nice for someone, besides Jace and Izzy, to actually realize he was there. For the first time ever, Alec could see something in the strange, mysterious warlock... Something he hadn't seen in anybody before.

"You can't say no." Jace suddenly stormed over to the edge of the sofa with Izzy following him, her leather knee-high heeled boots clicking on the cold flooring. Remaining in the entryway, Alec watched the encounter cautiously.

Magnus was clearly unimpressed by Jace's intimidation. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise I'd hired someone to make my decisions for me. Do tell me; do my yoga pants need more glitter or more colours? I can't decide myself." Magnus said sarcastically, his eyes darkening.

"We'll pay whatever fee you want, we can afford it." Izzy stood slightly in front of Jace, blocking him from the conversation so that he wouldn't annoy Magnus anymore." You helped Jocelyn and Clary once; you must have known them both! Surely, you don't want Clary dead too."

This quietened Magnus and his anger seemed to die down. While he stroked his sleeping cat absentmindedly, his eyes turned back to look at Alec. Upon being noticed, Alec shifted uncomfortably, his expression remaining blank.

"You," Magnus' eyes were locked on him and both Izzy and Jace frowned in confusion, looking back at Alec themselves. "You haven't spoken yet. What's your name, little Shadowhunter?"

"Alexander Lightwood." Alec replied impassively, trying to hide the uncomfortable awkward feeling within him. There was something about the way Magnus watched him that felt so intrusive and so personal that Alec almost feared the warlock could read his thoughts and actions.

"And what do you think I should do? I like you the most so far. Your siblings have become rather irritating." Magnus spoke as if Izzy and Jace weren't there, as if Alec was the only person in the whole world. Alec couldn't decide if he liked that.

Shrugging, Alec tried to appear nonchalant even though he knew he should be fighting for Jace and Izzy's case. "I thought you didn't want people making decisions for you?"

A small smirk played on Magnus' lips and he seemed to hold back a chuckle, though Alec couldn't understand what had been funny about his reply. "So you are listening to me. It seems like you're the only one." Magnus sighed. "But I want to know what you think to all of this, should I help your annoying siblings?"

"Yes." Alec answered automatically, looking away from Magnus and towards Izzy and Jace, who were staring at him, appearing extremely confused. "The Clave don't appear to be doing anything about it. If Jace really believed that you're not going to help us then he would've left by now. He doesn't waste time we don't have." His explanation was straightforward and straight to the point; it was as convincing as Alec could manage.

Studying him yet again, Magnus remained completely silent while he mused over Alec's answer. Apparently aware that Alec was shifting uncomfortably under his long gaze, Magnus broke away from his thoughts and turned back to the other Lightwood siblings. "Fine. Return tomorrow with some of Clarissa's and the vampire's belongings, preferably something they used often, otherwise the spell may not work. I'll expect payment once the spell is finished."

"We'll pay you once you have found them warlock," Jace's voice cut through the air like a knife, "and we don't have until tomorrow." The anger from earlier seeped into Jace's words, though Alec could sense that he was relieved that the warlock had said yes.

Rolling his eyes, Magnus appeared irritated yet again. "I will agree to your payment terms, Shadowhunter, but only because of your compelling brother." Alec felt himself blush once more. "However, the spell will happen tomorrow or not at all. That is all. I'm sure your egotistic mind can find its way out of the front door, or do you need my help with that too?"

Alec quickly hid his face and stepped out of the front door, gesturing for Izzy and Jace to follow him.

"Thank you," Izzy muttered as she followed a grouchy Jace to the dark entrance, sweeping past Alec who stood back to make sure that Jace didn't get himself into any more trouble.

"Alexander?" The warlock called to him and Alec instinctively turned to Magnus, pulling his eyes away from Jace, who was gracefully walking down the stairs.

"Yes?" Alec frowned slightly, watching as Magnus made his way towards the door, a smile on his lips. The smile was only small and light, but it caused something inside Alec to jump pleasantly.

"Make sure you come along tomorrow, I would very much like to see you again, little Shadowhunter." Magnus' smile grew as Alec's eyes widened a fraction and his cheeks reddened in embarrassment.

Not truly knowing how to form the right words, Alec nodded once before turning away from the warlock and hurrying down the stairs towards his siblings, with only a single backwards glance at the handsome Magnus Bane. Surprisingly, Alec was left with a lingering sort of pleasurable feeling in his stomach. His mind couldn't seem to comprehend what had just happened.

 _I would very much like to see you again_. Those words lingered in his mind during the silent journey back to the New York institute.

 _ **Thank you very much for reading chapter 1 of this story and I hope you've enjoyed it. Thank you for all the nice reviews so far and please continue to review, because I love to know what you think of the story! Stay tuned for another update :) Also, thank you to the Beta's who've helped me edit this chapter, I couldn't have done it without you guys:)  
DareToDream**_


	3. The First Lead

_**The First Lead**_

Sleep was a struggle for all of them that night. Jace was reading, in an attempt to steal his mind away from Clary and the trouble that she was undoubtedly in, while Izzy was trying to find the perfect object for the tracking spell the next day. Meanwhile, Alec was wide awake, lying face up on his four-post bed, thinking of nothing but the High Warlock of Brooklyn. Alec's sexual orientation had been decided many years ago, around the time when he was 15. Back then, he'd believed that he was in love with his step-brother and parabatai, Jace. Of course, nobody knew that he was gay, besides maybe Izzy, who was so observant sometimes that it was hard to tell what she didn't already know. Alec was afraid. He'd always been too afraid to even consider revealing his sexuality. Not only was he a potential monster, he was also gay; something that was regarded as 'wrong' in the Shadowhunter world. For years and years, Alec had struggled with his relationship with his father. Ever since Alec's mother, Maryse Lightwood, had tragically died, his relationship with his Robert Lightwood had been strained. Alec hated this. He'd always wanted to be closer to his father, to be able to confide in him. Revealing his sexuality would only place another wedge between them – a wedge that would ruin their relationship forever.

His unwillingness to admit that he was gay to anyone was possibly part of the reason why Alec had never had a boyfriend. Then again, he'd never really been interested in anyone but Jace. Sure, he noticed good looking men from afar, but he'd never acted upon his attraction. Even when he'd grown out of his love for Jace, Alec had never really liked anyone else. He'd never really had the chance. So why now, so suddenly, was he potentially interested in someone? Why could Alec not get Magnus Bane out of his head? It was like the warlock was residing in his mind, his previous words echoing around it ,causing Alec to contemplate what they could possibly mean. _Much handsomer, blue eyed brother. I like you the most. Your compelling brother. I would very much like to see you again._

Had Magnus Bane been openly flirting with him or was it just a figment of Alec's imagination? The compliments, the winks-had it all been real? Or was the warlock just trying to mess with him? These questions swirled in Alec's mind, distracting him from the sleep his body craved. What Alec couldn't work out was: if Magnus' flirting had been real, then how had he known that Alec was gay? He'd worked so hard to hide it for many years and Alec didn't think he acted gay. If anything, Magnus should have assumed that Alec was straight because of the wrongfulness it was perceived to be among Shadowhunters. Or maybe it was just a lucky guess. Could warlocks know those kinds of things? Questions, questions, questions. So many questions. Alec swore that he was going mad. He had barely even spoken to Magnus and already he was staying up all hours thinking about him. What the hell was happening to him?

 _You can't get close to anyone Alec_ , he thought miserably, breaking his reverie from fantasy and returning to reality. _Otherwise you'll have to tell them about the real you..._

Suddenly overcome with a glum sense of realisation, Alec turned over and curled up under the covers, forcing his eyes to shut and driving all thoughts of Magnus Bane out of his mind.

~ **Lost Hope** ~

Morning came quicker than Alec had hoped. During the early hours of Saturday, Izzy came striding into Alec's room; waking him abruptly and ordering him to change, get ready and meet them downstairs. As usual, Alec obliged (though not without a grumble of annoyance).

Alec was the last one to appear at entrance to the institute and he could tell that Jace's patience with him was already being tested. In Jace's hand, he held Clary's hairbrush and a sketch book while Izzy carried with her Simon's favourite T-Shirt, that read on the front 'Made in Brooklyn'. Upon noticing the items, Alec was sourly reminded that they were going to see Magnus Bane again today. In his fatigue, Alec hadn't really processed the fact that they'd been seeing the warlock, who he'd thought about all night since the minute they left his New York loft. Alec didn't really believe that he had the strength to see Magnus again. His thoughts had worked so hard to decipher what Magnus' previous words could mean, that if Magnus spoke to him again, his brain would probably shut down from overuse.

"Now that you've wasted half the morning on your hair, we should probably leave and not waste much more of our valuable time," Jace commented with a small look of irritation, though Alec knew Jace could never truly be mad at him.

"Oh please, like you didn't spend half the morning on your hair too." Alec rolled his eyes, hiding his embarrassment at the fact that Jace, the vainest and most self-absorbed person he'd ever met, had noticed that Alec had put a slight extra effort into his looks today. It was rare that Alec ever cared about his appearance, but this morning he'd seemed to be under the illusion that he needed to look better than he usually did. Instead of picking out any old clothes, Alec had made sure to choose gear which didn't have holes them and was neatly ironed. Though he made little extra effort with his hair, the small changes were noticeable to people who knew him well which, sadly, included Jace. He couldn't bear to acknowledge the true reason behind this sudden care for his appearance, so he pushed all thoughts of a certain warlock out of his mind.

Jace grimaced at Alec's comment, thus making this situation the first time that Alec had received a reaction, other than anger, from Jace since the moment Clary had disappeared. "Oh please," Jace mimicked his words and tone of voice. "I woke up like this."

"Boys," Izzy commented tiredly, rolling her eyes before swiftly exiting the Institute, leaving the door open for them to follow.

The Journey to the apartment was as uneventful as the day before; crowds of busy people bustled through the New York streets, the cars honked their horns in their usual irritating rhythm and neither Jace nor Izzy chose to speak, leaving an electric silence hanging between them in the air. It almost felt like they were demon hunting again, back in the old days when it was just the three of them.

An odd sense of Deja Vu arose in Alec as they all approached the doorway to the familiar apartment block. This time, Jace only had to ring the doorbell once before a clicking sound rang though the air and the front door swung open, allowing them to enter.

At the very top of the staircase, the door to Magnus' home was yet again open, but this time it revealed a very different apartment. Gone was the modern, futuristic furniture. The spacey apartment now had a distinct Japanese theme to the sophisticated décor and the colour scheme used neutral, tranquil colours, rather than the bold, striking colours of yesterday's appearance. It had a very refreshing effect.

"Alexander!"

Almost instinctively, Alec's head shot up and he locked eyes with the devilishly-handsome Magnus Bane. Today, Magnus had picked out a rather subdued yet sparkly kimono to wear and his jet black hair was gelled back to form a neat quiff. It would be wrong to say that his outfit was toned down, but it was much less obtrusive than yesterday's ostentatious sportswear. Surprisingly, it seemed that Magnus had tried to appear formal.

"How lovely to see you again!" The warlock greeted him brightly, a large smile (which most certainly did not cause Alec's heart to flutter) spreading across his rosy lips.

Attempting to hold back the red blush he begrudgingly knew was forming on his cheeks, Alec's lips pulled upwards into a polite smile - a rare sight nowadays, so much so that even he was shocked at the unpremeditated tug at his lips as his face brightened. "Magnus," He nodded his head at the warlock.

"Little Shadowhunters," Magnus stole his cat-like eyes away from a nervous Alec, glancing briefly at Izzy and Jace," did you bring the objects I require?"

Moving forward gracefully with a serious, almost tired expression, Jace held out the hairbrush and sketchbook. "They're ready and waiting for you to do your job. I do hope that you are not wasting my time, warlock, and that this spell actually works." Jace's tone hardened significantly. "I don't take well to people wasting my time, especially unskilful Downworlders," he spoke with a sneer and even Alec was taken aback by the harshness of Jace's voice.

"Jace!" Alec warned, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion and anger at the comment. Though it hadn't been fully clear this morning, Alec knew that Jace was in an even worse mood today than he was yesterday. This was likely down to his lowering patience and consuming worry, which was eating away at his energy. However, it was still no reason to be insulting the warlock who had agreed to help them; after all it wasn't Magnus' duty.

At the sound of his voice, Magnus' eyes flickered over to Alec, watching curiously as an irritated anger formed in the boy's expression.

"Sorry about my brother, he seems to be in quite a mood today." Izzy shook her head at Jace, glaring at him slightly while stepping forward confidently and handing over Simon's worn out t-shirt. "He's thankful really - he just doesn't express it very well."

"I thought he expressed his thoughts quite clearly, actually," Magnus commented darkly, a look of displeasure forming in his slightly narrowed eyes. "You can see your way to the door."

For a moment, Izzy appeared horrified and Jace's hands clenched into tight fists, as if holding back from attacking the warlock. Though this reply didn't surprise Alec in the slightest, he had thought that the warlock would be more patient than this. It was painful to admit but, Alec was more upset that this would mean he wouldn't have a particularly good reason to see the warlock again…

"You-you can't-" Izzy began, clearly frustrated, while taking a threatening step closer towards Magnus. Despite the fact that Izzy was at least a head shorter and had a smaller frame than Magnus, she still managed to look intimidating.

In an instant, Magnus' entire expression changed and Alec let out an internal sigh of relief. "I was kidding," Magnus chuckled, clearly pleased with himself at the commotion he had caused. "You're lucky that I'm in a helpful mood today, otherwise I would have blasted you both out the door. I doubt your brother would be too pleased about that."

A sigh of relief echoed around the room. Upon monitoring him carefully, Alec noticed that his parabatai was becoming increasingly agitated by Magnus' lack of hastiness. It wouldn't be long before Jace blew up again, like before. This time, Alec knew, the warlock would not be as forgiving.

"Do you need anything else to perform the spell?" Alec added quickly, inserting himself into the conversation before Jace could possibly say something worse than he had before.

"Candles." Magnus turned to him with a casual smile, holding his hand up to point towards a wooden cabinet in the far left corner of the living room. "If you would be so kind as to retrieve them from my cabinet."

Nodding, Alec strode purposefully over to the cabinet, pulling open the door and grabbing as many candles as he could hold. Meanwhile, Magnus cleared the floor space in front of the low, tanned sofa, moving the flowery rug out of the way. Carrying a stack of candles in his arms, Alec walked back over to Magnus. A grateful smile spread across the warlock's lips and his long fingers brushed up his wrist before taking the candles, one by one, from Alec's arms. Each time Magnus touched him, tingles shot through Alec, like an electric shock. It was an unfamiliar, yet exhilarating feeling. Though Magnus didn't seem to notice, he occasionally glanced up at Alec, whose eyes were locked upon him, watching him curiously with a look of slight indecision.

"What are the candles for?" Jace questioned in an abrupt manner. Casually throwing himself down on the sofa and sprawling out on it as if it was his own, Jace regarded Magnus with an inquisitive frown.

"To light the room, obviously," Magnus answered sarcastically, picking up a lighter from the draw beneath the television and beginning to light the many candles. "Isn't that the whole purpose of candles?"

"The whole purpose of lights, actually," Jace quipped. "Candles are a little too old-fashioned, though you're probably old enough to remember back to a time when even they didn't exist." Jace threw back a comment sharply, disliking hearing sarcasm from someone other than himself. With an indignant expression, Alec took a seat beside Jace, shaking his head at him.

"This spell will require your silence Shadowhunter," Magnus informed him. "Do you need me to magic away your voice or do you think you could stay silent for more than a few minutes?"

An irritated sigh left Jace's thin lips, but he remained obediently silent. Magnus grinned in response, clearly pleased with his win, before taking a seat in the centre of the circle of candles, Clary's hairbrush clasped in his hands. Alec watched in wonder as Magnus closed his eyes in concentration, placing his hand over the hair brush and tracing his fingers up and down it, as he mumbled incoherent words under his breath. For a few moments, the whole room seemed to freeze; Jace watched with an expectant frown, Alec's eyes looked upon Magnus in wonder, while Izzy stood back, leaning against the dining table, clearly trying to take her thoughts elsewhere. It was a few minutes before Magnus' lips stopped moving and he placed the brush down on the ground, before reopening his eyes.

"Nothing," Magnus revealed in exasperation. "Usually I see a place, something significant that indicates their position, but with this I see nothing."

Alec braced himself for Jace's expected torrent of questions and accusations.

"What does that mean?" Jace demanded, shooting up from the sofa. Alec could only imagine the possible scenarios flashing through Jace's mind right now and he knew that none of them would be pretty.

"She's not dead. I would know." As soon as these words left Magnus' lips, Jace let out a long breath and sat back down. "Either the object isn't powerful enough or there is a very strong glamour shadowing over the place where she is hidden, which would require more time and power than I have now to break."

"Then make the time. If you can somehow break it then you must." Jace's voice was venomous and demanding as he spoke swiftly, in an uncharacteristically dishevelled manner.

"It may not be required," Magnus responded calmly. "If I can locate the vampire, then it would give a more likely bearing of where Clarissa may be. The more I know about the glamoured place, the easier it will be to break the glamour."

"And what if you can't find Simon?" Izzy questioned, suddenly involved with the conversation at the mention of her estranged boyfriend.

"Then I attempt to retrace their final steps before they disappeared." Magnus voice was now rather formal and controlled. It was strange for Alec to hear. He'd grown use to Magnus' typical light and sarcastic mannerisms that held a strange sort of matured edge to them.

The room quietened again as Magnus fastened his fingers loosely around the 'Made in Brooklyn' shirt and closed his eyes yet again, preparing to perform the spell. Watching a warlock perform a spell was fascinating for Alec, especially when it was Magnus Bane performing it. The way his eyes narrowed in deep concentration and his face scrunched, body tensed, as if he was throwing so much strength and physical effort into the spell, captivated Alec. He had never met a warlock before; therefore he had never really seen magic performed.

More time passed and Magnus didn't seem to relax until at least 5 minutes later, when he finally reopened his slightly drained eyes. "The only thing I could track was his final steps before he disappeared, possibly-probably- through a portal."

Suddenly interested, Izzy stepped forward so she was standing directly behind a seated Alec. Her eyes were glued on Magnus expectantly.

"I traced him back to a derelict hotel in East Harmel," Magnus told her with slight hesitation.

Before he could continue, Jace's eyes darkened. "The hotel Dumort."

Jace's words seemed to echo in the air, and Alec's expression instantly fell. Both Izzy and Jace turned to Alec worriedly, watching him with hesitancy, as Alec's eyes grew haunted and he felt his wrists burn with remembrance. Dark memories arose in his mind, flashes of the last time he'd been there and he shuddered at the thought of them. Squeezing his eyes tightly shut, he attempted to fight back the demented scenes flashing in his head.

A frown formed in Magnus' expression and concern flooded his eyes. "Is something wrong?"

"Nothing," Izzy replied hastily, placing a comforting hand on Alec's shoulder. "Is there any way of you finding out why Simon was there, who he spoke to?" She changed the subject expertly.

"No," Magnus replied bluntly. "However, I know the head of the vampire clan there. If you bring him too me, he will likely answer questions on what your vampire was doing there. He owes me a favour."

"Raphael Santiago." The name left Jace's lips and Alec shivered at the sound of that name. "We've met him before. Though not on the best of terms..." Jace glanced at Alec briefly, before turning back to face Magnus. "We'll track him down and bring him here. He won't answer our questions though." His expression was suddenly curious as he questioned the warlock, "How big a favour does he owe you?"

"Enough to answer any questions I ask, the rest is none of your business." Magnus replied sharply, as if stung by the thought of what Raphael owed him. Magnus' attention seemed to be fully on Alec at the moment. He watched Alec carefully, his eyes lingering him over him – It was like he was trying to decipher what was wrong.

Jace rose from the sofa and he locked eyes with Izzy, the two of them nodding after telepathically agreeing something with each other. Suddenly seeming to return to his senses, Alec's eyes snapped up towards Jace and he quickly stood; his eyes hardened as he made his decision. He had a determination that wasn't there before. "I'm coming with you both."

"No." Izzy and Jace spoke simultaneously, sounding so unyielding that Alec knew their answer would not change. However, this did not deter Alec.

"I'll be fine," Alec stated firmly, clenching his fists in a frustrated anger. From the corner of his eye, Alec noted Magnus was watching the three of them from a distance, his eyes shining with a perplexity that echoed his confusion to the situation. "I can handle myself."

"Alec, you saw what happened last time-" Izzy began softly, but she was suddenly interrupted.

Stepping forward so that he stood by Alec's side, Magnus precipitously inserted himself into the conversation. "You can stay here. I have a reputation of being a very attentive host; just ask any Downworlder, they all adore my parties." Magnus stated, his eyes zeroing in on Alec.

A look of uncertainty formed in Alec's eyes as he looked back at Magnus with an undecided expression. Jace and Izzy had never left Alec behind; the three of them did everything together when it came to Shadowhunter business. It was painful for Alec to even think about Jace and Izzy completing assignments without him – especially ones that included potentially dangerous vampires. He could clearly understand their reasoning and worry for him, but he could look after himself. It didn't matter that he'd killed few demons compared to Jace and Izzy; he could still handle himself as well as them. But you can't Alec. They know you can't control yourself. These thoughts tumbled through Alec's mind, causing him to wince slightly.

Though Magnus' offer did sound appealing, Alec was nervous. He found it difficult enough to speak and act normally around Magnus when Jace and Izzy were there, who knows what he would be like with Magnus alone? However, the risk was tempting; he somehow seemed to like the idea of being alone with the warlock, getting to learn more about him and socialize with someone other than his family. Was the chance to be with Magnus alone really worth feeling horrid about being left behind by Jace and Izzy?

Seemingly taking Alec's long silence as a compliant answer, Jace followed Izzy towards the door while speaking." We'll be back in a few hours, if the vampire is compliant. We'll call if anything goes wrong." Alec stood frozen in the middle of the living room, watching them leave with a disappointed frown. "I do hope he puts up a good fight. I've missed using my seraph blade..." Jace mumbled on the way out, closing the door behind him with only a brief glance back at Alec.

His expression glum and his eyes vacant, Alec threw himself back down on the sofa, crossing his arms over his chest and losing himself in his own thoughts. The room filled with silence and Alec planted himself back on the sofa, staring ahead at cream wall behind Magnus. For a moment, the warlock seemed to observe Alec with concern, before he began blowing out each candle individually, allowing him to have some privacy. Suddenly, however, Magnus turned to him, his yellow eyes glittering under the luminescent light directly above him.

"So..." Magnus began slightly awkwardly, unsure of what to say. "Would you like some tea?"

 ** _So here is the 2nd chapter. Hope you're all still liking this story so far and please leave a comment to let me know what you think :) Thank you for reading_**

 ** _\- DareToDream_**


	4. That Night

_**That Night**_

With an indignant frown planted upon his face, Alec stared straight ahead. He was lost in the midst of his own self-loathing. Though he'd heard Magnus' words, they seemed to travel through one ear and out of the other, meaning Magnus stood there awkwardly, clearly waiting for a reply to his question that Alec hadn't heard.

"They left me," Alec mumbled in disbelief, his mind not fully processing what had just happened. Jace and Izzy had never left him behind before. They always worked as a team; it was a silent rule between them all that had stood ever since they'd gone out to fight their first demon. They'd only done it to protect him - to shield him from a mistake that he'd made around a year ago. A mistake that had happened all because of his condition. They didn't realise that Alec didn't need anyone to hide him away. He knew who he was and he could deal with it.

"I have Earl Grey, Green tea, Fruit-," Magnus continued as he watched him. Alec noticed the familiar look of concern that was etched in his almond-shaped eyes.

"I have to go after them," Alec suddenly stated in realisation, glancing briefly up at Magnus before throwing himself up from the sofa. Before he could move anywhere, a soft hand latched onto his arm, holding him still. Instantly, Alec froze, a strange rush of feelings surging through him as he felt Magnus' touch.

"Alexander, I don't know why it is that Jace and Izzy wish for you to stay, but I take it that it must be important." Magnus said gently, attempting to coax Alec backwards and away from the door. "So, unless you wish to inform me why it is that they wanted you to stay here and I decide that their judgement is wrong, then you're _not_ going after them."

Though Alec had relaxed from his previous rigid state, his body felt alive with tension again as Magnus spoke these words. A nervous energy filtered from him as he turned back to face the warlock, with a look regret clouding his usually electric blue eyes. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Then I can't let you go," Magnus replied, slowly releasing Alec. The tingles that had been shooting through Alec's arm now ceased to exist as Magnus pulled away and Alec craved to feel the touch again that sent so many unfamiliar emotions through him.

Letting out a sigh, Alec turned so he was squarely facing Magnus. "Fine," He huffed, more so for effect as Alec was secretly glad that this would mean he gets to spend more time with Magnus. However, that didn't diminish the feeling of abandonment.

"Now, enough of that glum expression, it dulls your eyes, darling." Magnus told him sweetly, his golden eyes glinted as he noticed the faint blush on Alec's cheeks. _Darling_. Nobody had called Alec that before. To anyone else it would appear to be just a sweet little endearment term that Magnus slipped into conversations with people. However, for Alec, it was different. Neither his mother nor father had ever referred to him as anything other than Alec or Alexander. Although, on the odd occasion, Izzy and Jace called him 'brother', they had never really had a nickname for him. This odd little word surprisingly pleased Alec - it made him feel remarkable for once.

"I'm sorry about that, I just-," Alec began to explain hastily, suddenly embarrassed by his thoughtless outburst. God only knows what Magnus thought of him now... He must have looked so childish complaining about being left behind.

"No need to apologise," Magnus waved his hands flamboyantly, interrupting Alec mid-sentence. "You don't owe me any explanation, Alexander."

"Alec," he corrected almost automatically. "My friends call me Alec."

"Alec..." The name slipped from Magnus' rosy lips fluently and he seemed to muse over the name.

A faint blush rose on Alec's cheeks and he quickly tried to hide it by looking away from Magnus, his eyes instead scanning the room. Across the floor, the candles still laid scattered and Alec noted the odd bits and pieces of furniture out of place. Unlike Alec's well organised room, Magnus' books laid haphazardly on their shelf and everything he stored seemed to be put away messily. From what he could see, Magnus wasn't exactly the most cleanliest person when it came to housework. "Would you like me to help clear up or-"

"No need," Magnus chuckled at the question. Just as a confused frown was forming in Alec's expression, Magnus snapped his fingers and suddenly all of the candles had disappeared, leaving the living room fairly neat and about as presentable as before they'd arrived.

"Oh." Alec's eyes widened a fraction at the display of magic. It wasn't as if he didn't know about magic - he knew more about it than most Shadowhunters. He'd just never seen it used before so disregarding, as if it was a second nature. Shadowhunters treated magic as something that should only be used during demon hunting activities, whereas warlocks seemed to use it constantly during their everyday lives - at least Magnus did anyway. _If he could just clean using magic, then why wasn't every little thing in Magnus' home organised?_ Alec thought to himself questionably.

"You're not what I expected, Alexander." Magnus stated, tilting his head to the side and studying Alec inquisitively. His golden eyes seemed to rake over his body again, yet this didn't cause Alec to feel as uncomfortable as before.

"It's A-"

"Alec, I know," Magnus chuckled. "I've always loved the name Alexander. It has a lovely ring to it. I think I'll stick with calling you that, darling."

There it was again. _Darling_. Why did this simple word suddenly affect Alec so much?

"Why am I not what you expected?" He questioned.

"I've known many Lightwoods as well as Shadowhunters. I've learnt what to expect from them. But you..." Magnus shook his head; Alec knew that he was looking for the right words to explain himself. "You're nothing like a Lightwood. Your sister, on the other hand, I could have guessed quite easily."

"Other people can never believe it when I tell them I'm a Lightwood. People don't seem to like my ancestors very much…" Alec responded simply in agreement, with a small, disregarding shrug.

"Now that I can believe," Magnus said. For a moment he peeled his eyes away from Alec and looked down at his tabby kitten, Chairman Meow, who was quizzically sniffing the bottom of Alec's fairly tight, jet black trousers. "Lightwoods have always been green-eyed monsters."

Alec laughed at this, the sound of it rang musically through the air and Alec noted a hint of a smile that tugged at Magnus' lips as he heard it. Having seen photos of his grandparents before, Alec knew that Magnus was correct and that he resembled none of the aspects of a typical Lightwood male. In fact, both he and Izzy resembled their mother's side of the family rather than their father's: both of them shared the same raven coloured hair as their mother and Alec had the same shade of clear blue coloured eyes. Thinking of his mother was heart-achingly painful, but he was so use to the pain nowadays that he felt almost numb to it. For a short moment, Alec paused, losing himself in his thoughts again of his family. A worried look resurfaced in his features, changing from his usual gentle, open expression. That was until he suddenly felt a furry, warm creature brush up against his legs. Looking down, Alec smiled and bent down to stroke the tabby cat affectionately.

"Chairman Meow likes you." A smile formed on Magnus' lips, causing his tanned cheeks to crinkle. His smile was oddly like Jace's, Alec noted; it morphed his whole face, lighting it up and shining like a bright star in the room. Not that he was making any comparisons…

"Chairman Meow?" Alec looked up with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, isn't he just adorable?" From the look on Magnus' face, Alec could tell that Magnus treasured his cat dearly, unlike the way he himself treated Church back at the Institute. "That reminds me, his birthday is in a few weeks' time, I should really get round to planning his party,"

"You throw your cat birthday parties?" Alec was baffled by this sudden revelation. Who in their right mind threw their cat a birthday party?

"Every year, don't you?" Magnus said, as if the answer was clearly obvious and to not throw your cat a birthday party was sacrilegious.

"Never." Alec shook his head and Magnus appeared startled by this, before a look of realisation seemed to pass through his eyes.

"Ah yes, of course. I forgot that you Nephilim are the least party animalistic creatures alive." Magnus rolled his eyes.

It had always been unclear to Alec why Downworlders thought of Shadowhunters as being resigned and living rather stoically, up in the supposedly 'high class' society of magical beings, where Downworlders were faced with scorn. If anything, Downworlders were the lucky ones. They weren't required to live their lives dangerously. They weren't required to hunt demons their whole life - the most hazardous job of all. Shouldn't they be grateful? Then again, Alec thought, the amount of times they had been used and abused by Shadowhunters had probably changed their opinions over the many centuries.

"We all have our jobs to do," Alec responded with a shrug. So suddenly, upon hearing and thinking about shadow shadow hunter duty, he seemed to be reminded again of the predicament that Jace and Izzy were currently solving together - without him. "Do you know much about vampires?"

Magnus pursed his lips, holding back a sigh at the change in conversation. "Nothing. There existence is unknown to me." His sarcasm was seemingly an accident, as it slipped from his mouth without a moments worth of thought, and it appeared that Magnus immediately regretted his words once he spotted the look of worry cover Alec's expression. "I'm sure your siblings can handle a few vampires. Raphael knows better than to attack them."

"That was a stupid question, I'm sorry." With a deep, anxious frown, Alec looked down to the floor for a moment, lost in the depth of his own thoughts. It was strange how Magnus could make him so easily forget about his siblings. The few moments he had been caught up in conversation with Magnus were bliss - all his worries had dissipated, his mind had been completely focused on the warlock. Now, he'd plummeted back to reality. "Raphael's not going to answer any of their questions. He hates Shadowhunters, especially me."

"You underestimate my charms, Alexander." Magnus said, his expression turning playful. "I have a knack for bewitching people," He winked cheekily.

"I- Um..." Alec seemed lost for words, his face pulling a weird shape as he looked for the right thing to say in reply.

"Anyway, enough of your worrying," Magnus waved his hands, as if magically brushing away all of Alec's worries. "Let's do something. I'm sure you haven't done anything remotely fun in a while. Shadowhunters have such tedious lifestyles."

"Demon hunting is fun," Alec pointed out.

"If that's the only source of fun you've experienced, Alexander, you haven't lived." Magnus uttered, clearly appalled by Alec's distinct lack of knowledge at the meaning of the word 'fun'. "Surely attending parties or exploring or even just watching TV-"

"Watching a what?" A look of puzzlement formed in Alec's gentle facial features. TV? Was Alec supposed to know what that even was? It was rather embarrassing that he wasn't even capable of understanding what Magnus was talking about. However, he'd humiliated himself so much that by this point, he wasn't being overly careful about appearing even slightly normal.

"Oh good lord!" Magnus' eyes widened emphatically and the look of astonishment in his expression made it seem like something horrific had occurred. "It's official, Alexander Lightwood, you have not lived. Have you never watched something on the television before?"

"Oh... You meant a television." A look of realisation overcame Alec. Suddenly, he realised how stupid he'd been for not knowing the abbreviation of an electrical item that mundanes use for entertainment. He felt like slapping himself for his own foolishness "No, I haven't. We don't have one in the institute."

Magnus shook his head in disapproval. "You have so much to learn."

"About what?"

"About the magical world of television, of course!" Magnus exclaimed. Evidently, this was an exciting topic for Magnus and one that he knew a lot about. Just seeing the look of elation in Magnus' compelling eyes caused Alec to listen intently, even though he knew that none of the information would really appeal to him. "There are so many things to see and watch, it all depends on what you like really-"

"Before you begin, is the tea still up for offer?" Alec interrupted Magnus as politely as possible, knowing that the 'lesson' would probably take quite a while. Maybe the tea would take some of his attention away from his sudden spike in heart rate. _Bu-bum. Bu-bum. Bu-bum._ He could hear the sound ringing in his ears.

After pausing, Magnus smiled brightly and grasped Alec's hand in his, leading him over to the sofa. Alec tried his best to not blush as incessant tingles of warmth flooded through his arm; he took a seat beside Magnus, the sides of their shoulders and knees brushing as they sat fairly closely together. Once they were both sat comfortably, Magnus released Alec's hand and propped his elbow up on the top of the sofa, turning his full body to face Alec. This did nothing to help Alec's increasing heart rate.

"My apologies, I'd forgotten about my earlier offer. What type of tea would you like, darling?" Magnus asked briskly.

"Just normal tea, thanks." Alec responded with a small smile.

"Coming right up."

At first, Alec was bewildered. Magnus hadn't moved from the sofa, making it seem like he wasn't, after all, going to make him some tea. Instead, he'd picked up the remote that laid face down on the comfortable sofa, before closing his eyes very briefly. In a short, almost frightening flash, a 'puff' sounded through the air and Alec promptly felt something hot in his hand.

"By the angel-" Alec almost threw the cup of tea up in the air in fright as it suddenly appeared in his hands. The cup was unmarked by a brand logo, but Alec wasn't naive enough to believe that Magnus' magic could conjure up food and drinks from nowhere. Magic always had its boundaries. _Always_.

Chuckling at his reaction, Magnus looked to him, his eyes twinkling with humour. "That is what you wanted?"

"Yes... I- Did you steal this?" Alec questioned with a small, almost disapproving frown.

Magnus raised an inquisitive brow before smirking mischievously. "No, the waiters who make this always have the right drink readily available for me. All free of charge."

Pressing the large red button on the top left corner of the remote, Magnus turned on the television which sat directly in front of the sofa. Alec watched in interest as colour flashed across the black screen and sound erupted from the speakers at both sides of the television. Though Alec already knew the purpose of televisions - it was basically a book that you watched - and knew what they did, it was quite compelling and interesting to see it in real life. More interesting that Alec could have imagined.

"So, this is a sitcom named Friends. It's very popular-" Magnus began explaining quickly, gesturing towards the different characters on the TV who were being played by good looking actors. Intrigued by more Magnus himself rather than the actual television, Alec sat in silence, listening to Magnus and watching inattentively.

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

A few hours passed with neither Magnus nor Alec really taking note of the time. The TV was still on and a recent episode of Modern Family flashed across the screen - apparently it was one of Magnus' new favourites. After listening to Magnus interestedly, Alec had learnt quite a lot about different TV shows ranging from crime, unrealistic superheroes and soppy dramas. Though Magnus seemed to do most of the talking, Alec chipped in every now and again with some occasional, straightforward comments - ones that he was infamous for - and a few laughs every so often. All in all, the time they had spent together had been completely embarrassment-free for Alec. Finally, he had appeared normal. Well, more normal than before.

For the first time, Alec had somehow managed to relax and act like himself, without feeling anxious. Despite a few outright dumb comments that he'd made, Alec had managed not to humiliate himself as much as before and he'd muttered less apologies than usual, which was always an achievement. Relaxing in the way he had was a rare occurrence for him, or for any Shadowhunter, since dedicating a life to demon killing meant very little time to sit back and rest. But this afternoon had been a pleasant break for him; one that he'd been able to share with the first man that had ever paid even the slightest bit of attention to him. Alec felt himself beginning to wonder whether Magnus felt at ease around him too. He wondered whether the warlock truly liked him as a person, or whether he was just being polite and filling the time with meaningless conversation. Yet again, Alec knew that tonight would bring on a whole new set of questions for him to dwell over as he tried, and failed, to get to sleep.

Lost in deep thought as he paid little attention to the screen and more attention to his and Magnus' touching arms, Alec had all but forgotten about Jace and Izzy. That was, until his phone rang. The sound shook through the room, snapping Alec out of his calm state. He jumped, shocked by the sound before yanking his phone out of his trouser pocket, watching worriedly as Jace's name flashed across the screen. Paying no attention to Magnus, who was now watching Alec with concern, Alec stood and turned away from him, answering the phone.

"Jace?!" Alec said frantically down the phone. This hadn't been part of the plan; they were supposed to get Raphael and lead him to Magnus' after revealing that Magnus wanted to ask him a few questions. "What happened?"

"We're on our way back, tell the warlock that he better not be lying about Raphael owing him." Jace responded rather calmly down the phone. Turning back to face Magnus, Alec looked to see if he'd heard Jace's words and by the roll of Magnus' eyes, Alec could tell that he most definitely had.

"You rang me just to tell me that? I thought we said these phones were just for-," Alec began rather authoritatively, trying to scold Jace, albeit half-heartedly. He knew better than to think Jace would ever listen if he actually scolded him.

"Emergencies, I know." Jace scoffed at the reminder, before his voice seemed to turn deadly serious. "Izzy's hurt."

As soon as the words echoed down the phone, Alec froze in his place. His eyes widened and his hand gripped the phone tightly. He braced himself for extremely bad news. Behind him, he heard Magnus get to his feet, but Alec paid no attention. His focus was solely on the conversation.

"How badly?" Alec had to force the words out of his mouth. Slowly, he began to feel a lump rise in his throat, causing his breathing to quicken.

"They ambushed us as soon as we arrived. We were fighting some of them before Raphael finally made an appearance and stopped them all from attacking. But two of them got their hands on Izzy before Raphael could stop them. I think her arms broken and she's got a few cuts from where they clawed at her. We would have used an iratze but they snapped our steles, the filthy Downworlders." As Jace spoke this discriminative comment, a small commotion of shouts sounded down the phone before Jace seemed to finally return. "We're on our way back now; Raphael agreed to come only if he could bring back-up."

Squeezing his eyes tightly shut, Alec let out a small sigh of relief as he realised that the situation wasn't life or death. However, he still felt guilty about the entire situation. Maybe if Alec had been there he could have stopped them from sneaking up on Izzy... He should have been there to protect her.

"Okay-," Alec began until he felt a small tap on his shoulder. Looking back at Magnus, who was now stood directly behind him, Alec noted that he held his hand out, silently asking for the phone. "Jace, Magnus wants to speak to you."

Magnus smiled thankfully as Alec handed over his mobile. Instantly, Magnus' expression turned formal, as if he was working again, unlike before when he seemed to be at ease. This time, Magnus turned his back on Alec and walked away, meaning that Alec heard only few murmurs of words. He couldn't hear enough to gather the general gist of the conversation. Had Magnus over purposefully far enough away so that Alec couldn't listen?

After a few moments, Magnus shut off the phone and swiftly handed it back to Alec, who shoved it into his back pocket. A deep, questioning frown was etched upon Alec's face, but he made no move to ask what Magnus had spoken to Jace about.

"They should be back in 10 minutes. So that gives you enough time to explain why your sister and goldilocks didn't want you to go with them." Magnus' tone was polite and gentle. It was as if he was trying to encourage Alec to confide in him.

Usually, Alec would have laughed at the nickname Magnus had for Jace. But the unease he felt at the question being asked took away this ability. He shook his head, quickly and continuously, while shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other. "I can't... I don't talk about it."

Magnus sighed deeply. From the look of regret in his expression, Alec could tell that Magnus wasn't fully comfortable asking this obtrusive question - if things were different, he knew that Magnus wouldn't have even brought the subject up again. "I'm going to find out either way, Alexander. From what I've been told, Raphael and his minions aren't going to react too well to you, so I'd rather be prepared."

"Magnus - I..." Alec responded hesitantly, searching for the right words. He'd found himself in a state of panic now. What should he do? What could he do to get himself out of this situation?

"Look, I'm not here to judge." Magnus promised softly. "Even if the event included nudity, obscene violence, sexual-" In any other situation, Alec would have found this joke funny. However, he was too panicked to even try and fake a laugh. He knew that he was going to have to tell Magnus exactly what happened…

Turning a distinct shade of red, Alec looked down at his feet. "It's nothing like that..." Alec mumbled, just loud enough for Magnus to hear. For a few more seconds, he stared down at the solid wood flooring before he felt a wave of confidence shoot through him, allowing him to pick himself back up and look Magnus straight in the eye.

Comfortingly, Magnus held a hand out and brushed the top of his arm soothingly, his hands lingering. The touch seemed to visibly calm Alec and he let out a sigh, before beginning. "It was the night that Simon was kidnapped..."

 _ **Thank you so much for reading and for all the great reviews so far! I'm glad everyone who has reviewed is liking the story, characters and writing style. Let me know what you think about this chapter as I love hearing! What do you think Alec did on that night?  
**_ _ **There will be another update next week and again thank you to the beta who helped me edit this story :)  
** **\- DareToDream**_


	5. Conflicted

Conflicted

Magnus

Feeling an odd sense of concern and worry for the blue-eyed beauty stood in front of him, Magnus waited patiently for Alexander to explain his foreboding story.

Magnus didn't know what it was about Alexander Lightwood, but somehow he'd grown an attachment to the Shadowhunter after such a short period of time. Well, maybe calling it an 'attachment' was a little too farfetched, but Magnus was beyond the point of curiosity.

Despite the blue eyed, black hair combination that he'd always adored and found incredibly attractive, there was nothing overly striking about Alexander. There was nothing about Alec that would usually catch Magnus' eye. The boy was quiet, very reserved and blushed every time Magnus barely even glanced at him - as if he was not used to even the slightest bit of attention. Maybe this was part of the reason why Magnus felt so oddly attracted to him... Alexander seemed so oblivious to his handsome looks and toned body, that it almost made him seem like he wasn't a Shadowhunter at all. For as long as Magnus had worked with Shadowhunters, he'd always known them to be arrogant. With few exceptions, each and every Shadowhunter he'd ever met always had the same characteristics; athletic and guarded, not to mention they were egotistic warriors who had no regard for any Downworlders.

However, Alexander Lightwood was different. He was unlike any Shadowhunter he'd ever met before and especially unlike any Lightwood. The boy seemed much more open, shy and slightly awkward to the point where it was actually rather sweet. Magnus could see his vulnerability, yet also his incredible strength - it was an odd mix that was very rare in any being on this earth. Though he knew little about Alexander, he craved to know more. There was just something about him... Something that Magnus could barely describe to himself.

"It happened the night that Simon was kidnapped..." Alexander spoke, looking rather dishevelled and self-conscious. His eyes were glued to the floor, while he shifted awkwardly from side to side.

Concern flooded through Magnus - he couldn't help it. For as long as he'd known, he'd always been a sucker for those who appeared so vulnerable to the world around them. _But Alexander isn't as innocent as he seems..._ Magnus continually had to remind himself. _He's a Shadowhunter, they loathe Downworlders._

"The vampire who went M.I.A?" Magnus asked, his eyes narrowed in concentration as he listened attentively.

Alec nodded, raising his head to glance up at Magnus before quickly diverting his attention back to the floor. Was the boy afraid of Magnus or was the floor just incredibly attractive? Magnus couldn't decide on which.

"I- We... Jace, Clary, Izzy and I - we went to go find him. Clary had been with him just before he went missing and we traced him back to...To the Hotel Dumort." Alec explained hesitantly, his hand hovering over his forehead and eyes, as if trying to cover himself away from dark memories. Though Magnus was curious to hear the story, he could tell by the boy's expression and anxious state that the story was not going to be pleasant.

"Jace wanted me to stay and look after Clary outside, but I refused. I said that if Clary was going to be a part of our world then she needed to see the bad as well as the good." Alec was now immersed in the story; his eyes seemed lost in memories. "Since I convinced them not to break and enter, we managed to meet with Raphael inside. Jace argued with him... He wouldn't give back Simon. Then, one of the vampires... He said - he said that they'd give back Simon in exchange for Izzy... He said something about Shadowhunter blood."

Noticing Alec's arms twitching irritably at his sides, Magnus took a hesitant step closer towards Alec. He was tempted to reach out and hold his arms still, but he knew instantly that this would be too much for Alec. If the boy blushed at a simple glance, then a more intimate touch would send him crazy. Though Magnus desired to see how Alec would react to his hand touching his toned bicep, he knew that now was not the right time.

"I... I was mad; a bunch of them wanted my sister... Izzy." As Alec spoke, his arms only continued to twitch more and more to the point where his whole body was shaking. Magnus could clearly read the fear portrayed in his eyes. "And I-"

Taking a long breath, Magnus prepared himself for the words about to leave Alec's lips. It wasn't difficult to work out what the story entailed. Alec had killed vampires - Downworlders. Though this didn't surprise Magnus in the slightest, he could still feel a slight twinge of annoyance and disappointment. After all, he had thought Alec to be different from the rest of the thoughtless, conceited Shadowhunters. He couldn't be much different from the rest of them, however, if he heartlessly slaughtered a group of vampires…

"You what?" Magnus hadn't meant for his tone to sound sharp, but his words seemed to slice through the air like razor sharp knives, they seem to cut into Alec and wound him. As soon as the words slipped from his lips, Magnus saw Alec visibly freeze, his body tensing all over, his veins strangely pulsing in his arms.

"I-I can't." Alec whispered, his eyes shining with guilt, his voice sounding so vulnerable and shaken. "I can't tell you. I don't want to."

Sighing deeply, Magnus instantly regretted his sharp tongue and a guilty frown pulled at his concerned expression. These emotions were rarely expressed by Magnus. How the boy was so easily managing to rip out Magnus' caring side was unknown to him. He never showed this side to anybody, not anymore - especially not to Shadowhunters. "Alexander-"

"No." Though his voice still shook with fear, Alec's reply held a sense of finality. He took a step back away from Magnus, holding his hand out as if to try and block him away. For a moment, Alexander stood blinking at the ground, while Magnus awaited his next reaction. "Where's the bathroom?"

Magnus let out yet another sigh and an apologetic smile tugged at his lips as he studied Alexander's tense figure. "First door on the left," he replied sympathetically. Watching Alec warily, Magnus moved to the side as the boy brushed past him hastily, locking himself inside Magnus' luxurious bathroom.

Guilt swarmed his mind, clouding his usually reasonable judgement. Magnus had no idea what to think. Was Alexander Lightwood really as innocent, open and liberal as he seemed? Or did the likely murder spree of vampires make him just another typical Shadowhunter? Whatever the answer, Magnus could feel a certain pull towards the boy - it was like he'd idiotically swum up and eaten the food on a fishing line that Alexander was slowly tugging upwards towards him. All in all, it was and still is a confusing and even slightly painful experience.

Surely, Magnus knew better by now than to immerse himself in Shadowhunter business yet again. Hadn't past experiences proved to him enough that they weren't worth the endless hassle? Magnus could count on one hand how many Shadowhunters he actually missed; a few of the Herondales, especially Will, Jem Carstairs, and Jocelyn Fairchild. _Jocelyn_. He hadn't realised upon their first meeting that he would grow to care for her, as he had grown to care for Will. The relationship they shared was by no means love, but a deep understanding for each other and a common disregard for the clave and anything Shadowhunter related. Their yearly meetings spanned out over a total of twelve years, the topics ranging from Clary's sight to a general catch-up, meaning that they grew use to being around one another. Magnus had even gone as far as to fight side-by-side with Jocelyn in the Mortal War, where the two mercilessly fought off demons and found their way to Valentine Morgenstern, with the help of Lucian Graymark, Jocelyn's fiancé. Heartbreakingly, Jocelyn had been sacrificed soon after by Valentine in order to summon the angel Raziel, while Magnus had been too preoccupied helping Lucian defeat Sebastian Morgenstern; the twelve year old, demonic son of Valentine who fought like an experienced, viscous warrior. He was a child who'd been destined to succeed in Valentine's idea of the perfect world. But, he was no match for a centuries old warlock and a werewolf seeking revenge.

Reminded of old memories and the grievance he felt after discovering Jocelyn's inequitable death, Magnus stalked grumpily back to the sofa, throwing himself down and folding his arms across his chest. Chairman Meow seemed to sense his disgruntled mood and jumped playfully up onto Magnus' lap, brushing his head against Magnus' chest affectionately. Smiling bemusedly down at his tabby cat, Magnus wondered how the Chairman had managed to become so intuitive. It sometimes felt like the animal could read his mind, yet he wasn't even remotely magical. In fact, he was the most ordinary thing that Magnus had ever brought into his home.

Alexander didn't return. Though Magnus became worried that the boy had somehow gotten himself lost or had possibly fallen through the window, he let Alexander be, not wanting to disturb him anymore than he already had. Instead, Magnus switched the TV back on and continued watching the Modern Family episode that he and the boy had been watching before they'd been rudely interrupted by the phone call.

It was strange how simply at ease he had been when conversing with Alec; his explanations about the fascinating world of television had spewed from him in an endless babble of words and the boy had seemed surprisingly interested. Shadowhunters were usually so high and mighty, unconcerned by anything remotely mundane. Seeing Alec so interested in something non-Shadowhunter related was refreshing. Magnus could feel himself slowly becoming more curious; he craved knowledge about the awkward, innocent Shadowhunter.

Around twenty minutes after Alec had disappeared into the bathroom, a knock sounded at the door before it burst open dramatically. Shooting up from the sofa, Magnus glided around the back of it, his head tilting to the side as his eyes followed the two Shadowhunters and the three vampires that had suddenly entered his loft.

"I see you've been productive while we've been out," Jace remarked snidely, his eyes flickering over to the TV and back to Magnus. By his side, Izzy stood shakily, her face remaining hard and indifferent, even though injuries covered the extent of her body.

"I have to say, I'm impressed Goldilocks. I hadn't expected that you were able enough to persuade my dear friend here to pay me a visit," Magnus retorted his response to Jace's typical comments quick and filled with sarcastic humour.

"Goldilocks?" Izzy raised an eyebrow in questioning, very similar to how Alexander appeared when he was slightly confused, Magnus thought.

"Magnus Bane." The infamous vampire, Raphael Santiago, gracefully sauntered forward past Jace; his eyes alight with interest but slight uncertainty. It had been years since Magnus last saw the vampire - the last he'd heard of him was when he and Ragnor Fell travelled the world and sent a few memorabilia postcards. "I see you have Shadowhunters doing your dirty work for you now. Do tell me, what is it that changed your mind about them?"

"A large sum of cash and a charming smile is all it took. As usual their hospitality is lacking, but what should I expect after all these years?" Magnus spoke to Raphael as if he was an old friend, which apparently seemed to surprise Jace and Isabelle. Behind their master, stood a girl and a boy vampire, both who Magnus could barely remember - Lila and Duncan, was it? Or Linda? Magnus couldn't decide, but frankly he didn't care.

"What is it your Shadowhunters dragged us here for, warlock?" The girl - Lila he presumed - snapped impatiently. She had her arms crossed defiantly over her chest, reminding Magnus of a petulant child not getting her own way. "My master has other, more important matters to attend to."

"Now now, Lily," Raphael soothed politely, turning to Lily with a gentle frown, "Magnus is an old friend of mine. You're here as my Seconds because I don't trust the Shadowhunters. We know what they're capable of."

"An old friend?" Magnus chuckled. "I feel honoured."

Striding forward impatiently, Isabelle approached Magnus and he noted that she held a slight limp in her steps. Grazes and slashes marked her arms and her expression echoed her tiredness. From the way she held her arm limply by her side, Magnus could instantly tell that it was fractured, maybe even broken.

"Are we going to get on with the questions or are you going to stand here and chat all day?" Isabelle questioned, her lips pressing into a hard line.

Magnus had believed that Isabelle's first question would be about her brother, but surprisingly she'd been smart enough to realise that mentioning him in front of three vampires would be a foolish idea. However, just as Magnus thought this, he heard the door to the bathroom crack open behind him. Almost immediately, the three vampires' attention snapped over to the door. In his usual awkward, childishly innocent state of presence, Alec casually immersed from behind the door, his eyes pinned to the floor, unbeknownst to the vampires piercingly watching him.

Suddenly, a vampiric snarl ripped through Lily, while the other vampires' eyes lit brightly with fire and anger. Reacting quicker than expected, Magnus raised his hand as he saw a flicker of movement from the corner of his eye and launched a ball of blue smoke from his fingertips. The smoke flashed through the air, hitting Lily directly at the side of her chest, just as she reached the far corner of the room, towards Alexander. Once Magnus' powerful spell hit her, she froze in mid-stride.

Alexander stood frozen with shock, his eyes widening as he looked over Lily's still yet menacing figure. Behind Raphael, the second vampire was about to launch another attack but Raphael held him back, his eyes scanning over Alexander, before returning to Magnus.

"Not only are you working with Shadowhunters, Bane, but you are protecting those who slaughter Downworlders," Raphael spoke incredulously, his words more a statement than a question. "This boy mercilessly killed a group of my oldest vampires. Those who tried to stop him were sent to prison in Idris once the clave discovered what had happened. He got away scot free, no punishment." Surprisingly, Raphael remained calm but there was hidden venom in his tone of voice.

Magnus could feel Alexander's eyes watching him cautiously, awaiting his reaction yet Magnus refused to turn. The situation was worse than he'd first thought: not only had Alexander massacred a group of vampires, but he'd gotten away free of charge and other vampires had been blamed. Magnus didn't know what to think. The clave was corrupt, but surely there must be an underlying reason why Alexander wasn't to blame? The Accords stated that any Shadowhunters who killed an innocent Downworlder could be put on trial and charged. So why hadn't Alexander? _Maybe he is innocent Magnus…_ He quickly pushed this thought away, forcing himself to concentrate on the task in hand.

"Unfortunately, we are not here to talk about this Shadowhunter boy." Magnus indicated towards Alec, though he still didn't dare look at him. For some reason Magnus felt hurt - he felt an ache in his chest at knowing that Alexander had supposedly killed Downworlders. "I've been requested to ask you a few questions. The quicker you answer, the quicker you get to leave. You have always hated this apartment."

"So I have," Raphael agreed. "What do you wish to know?"

"Around a week ago, you spoke to a vampire named Simmons," Magnus started authoritatively, standing tall and proper, like he usually did at work.

"Simon," Isabelle corrected him automatically.

"Ah, the Daylighter," Raphael mused, "how could I forget?" A sense of distaste filled Raphael's voice and he seemed slightly irritated by the fact that Simon had been brought up.

Magnus stepped forward purposefully, his movements graceful and feline. "What did you speak with him about?"

"He approached me, with a Shadowhunter girl supposedly protecting him. We were outside my hotel. The Daylighter was refusing an offer I'd made him." Raphael answered simply.

His eyes narrowing in questioning, Magnus asked, "And what was this offer?"

A small smirk seemed to play on Raphael's lips and he hesitated before responding. "I asked for his help in taking down an old friend of ours. Camille Belcourt. Though perhaps I should have come to you."

Internally, Magnus froze at the name that he hadn't heard in so long. Camille. To say Magnus despised her would be an understatement. Back in the 1800's, she's broken him as if he was nothing but a worthless piece of china. She'd cruelly sucked him in before smashing him to the ground, his heart crumbling to pieces upon impact. It had taken him a long time to recover and repair himself. Nowadays, he was embarrassed to even think about the effect Camille had had on him and he avoided her - even her name - as much as possible.

The momentary silence seemed to confuse the Shadowhunters in the room, but Magnus ignored them. "I have no desire to associate myself with anything involving Camille." Magnus said firmly, his golden eyes narrowing, his body tensed. "Did you speak to the vampire about anything else?"

"I told him that he would no doubt regret rejecting my offer later, but that was all. The Shadowhunter girl seemed angry with me, but they disappeared off down an alleyway after I'd told the Daylighter he wasn't welcome in my hotel."

"Do you know where exactly they were heading to?" Magnus persisted, keen to get the job done before Raphael grew annoyed with him.

The pair had always had a questionable relationship. However, ever since Raphael and Ragnor had gotten together, their relationship had vastly improved. Raphael seemed to have a new found respect for Magnus - no doubt because of all the stories that Ragnor had probably shared - but he didn't want to test that respect. If he did, he would no doubt have an angry Ragnor on his back, demanding to know why he'd hassled his boyfriend.

"I'm not a source of all answers, Bane. After the Daylighter left, I couldn't have cared less where he'd gotten too," Raphael said. "I take it he's missing?"

"Obviously," Magnus said in a sarcastic tone, rolling his eyes in slight irritation.

"Enough," Jace said angrily. "He clearly doesn't have any answers. Or he's not telling us something." His usual calm composure was gone and Jace appeared impatient and twitchy. "Now, vampire, you either tell us where my girlfriend is or you stop wasting our time."

Raphael chuckled, seemingly amused by Jace. "Unfortunately, I don't know anything Shadowhunter, and even if I did, why would I help you?"

"Then leave," Jace hissed.

"Very well. Don't be too upset that you wasted a trip on me. Your Daylighter has many enemies out there, they'll give him back eventually I'm sure," Raphael responded.

Isabelle seemed concerned and angered by this, but made no move to attack. Instead she kept her arms locked at her sides, only allowing her hands to clench into tight fists.

"Bane, will you unleash my second in command for me? I doubt she would wish to stay here, least of all with you."

Nodding once, Magnus snapped his fingers and the female vampire fell to the floor. "Touching the boy will only lead to a much more powerful spell, I wouldn't test me if I were you. I can be a very angry warlock," Magnus threatened.

Lily swiftly picked herself up from the floor, her attention attached to Alexander, whose body was rigid, as if preparing a counter attack. However, upon hearing Magnus' words, she seemed to think better of herself and turned away, her dark, luscious hair flicking out and grazing Alec's cheeks as she did.

"This won't be the last you see of me, Shadowhunter," she hissed venomously. "You'll pay for what you did to my clan, even if you do have a warlock protecting you." And with that, she stormed out of the apartment, with the other boy vampire following.

"Don't think that I won't tell Ragnor about this, Bane. He'll be on your case soon enough." Raphael nodded to him, before following his vampires out of the Loft.

"I look forward to it," Magnus replied sarcastically, smiling like the Cheshire cat as Raphael turned before closing the door behind him.

A silence hung in the air for a few moments, while everyone stood lost in thought. So much had occurred in the past few hours that it almost felt like a whole day had passed by. The day had gone from being easy and peaceful while he was casually conversing with Alexander, to tense and stressful as he interviewed a vampire who he had not seen in many years. And this was only day one. The agreement was that Magnus would only get paid when he discovered the whereabouts of Clarissa Morgenstern and Simmons. So far, the task itself was proving harder than it had first seemed.

On top of all that, Magnus could feel his heart and mind slowly weaving around Alexander. The boy was doing something to him - slowly changing him for the first time in so long. He was becoming curious, flirty and above all caring. The Magnus who'd had his heart broken countless times was yet again making an appearance.

"Well little Shadowhunters, what do we do now?" Stealing his thoughts away from a broken heart, Magnus spoke to the siblings, a small sigh escaping his lips.

Behind him, Magnus could hear Alexander's footsteps cautiously approaching him. Meanwhile, Jace and Isabelle seemed to be silently conversing with one another and only their eyes spoke the words they needed to say. Knowing that he would have to acknowledge the boy at some point, Magnus turned to face Alexander, who was now watching him warily. The boy's expression only mirrored his vulnerable state and apparent guilt, which momentarily caused sympathy to arise in Magnus - sympathy that the Shadowhunter didn't seem to deserve.

 _You can't get close to him Magnus… He will only break your heart, just like Camille._

 **I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thank you for all the great feedback so far. Let me know what you think and stay tuned for another update next week!  
Daretodream**


	6. Hidden

_**Hidden**_

 _The room was dark, almost black. Faint outlines of furniture could be seen around the room while the rectangular door stood tall and barely visible in the far right corner. Crackles of light spilled through the small gaps around it, but they hardly made a difference to the lighting. Was it night? Or were the blinds so thick that no rays could fight their way through?_

 _Alec had once been afraid of the dark - back when he was a young boy, too young to understand how protected the institute was. He'd feared that demons, during his sleep, would silently creep into his room and hide, torturously preparing the worst attack imaginable. Upon discovering his fear, his mother had soothed him. She explained the mechanics of the institute; as long as he stayed within the walls, no demon could ever reach him._

 _But his mother, Maryse, wasn't here. Neither was his father or family. Alec was all alone in the darkened room, kidnapped by fears that were once his own._

 _During the daylight hours of the previous day, Alec had been playing chase with Jace and his younger sister Izzy. Jace was acting as the demon and the aim was to not be caught by him or fight him off and kill him. Being the most unconfident, Alec had hidden away in the shadows, silently deciphering a plan in his head. He'd heard footsteps approaching him fast, he'd thought that it was his chance to finally win the game he always lost at. He'd thought it was Jace._

 _The kidnapper hadn't even given Alec the chance to scream - they'd knocked him out before he could say a word._

 _Alec's eyes were wide and filled with a startled fear as he frantically looked around, trying to find any means of escape. Around him, he could feel thick, prickly rope restricting his movements. Though he attempted to break free from the restraints, he failed and was only left with stinging burn marks around his chest and arms._

 _Isolated. Frightened. Vulnerable. Alec could feel his heart racing frantically and small tears stung the corners of his eyes. The beat of his heart thumped in his ears, only causing his mind to swirl with panic. His breaths were jagged and quick, as if he'd just run for hours._

 _"Hello?" Alec called out shyly, blinking hard to try and get his eyes to focus. All he could pick up was the blackness of the room - it was like looking into the unknown. Suddenly, he threw all his strength into pushing outwards on the ropes._

 _Don't panic, Alec. Don't panic. He attempted to soothe himself frantically. However, it was no use. His body shook as choking sobs shuddered through him and his breathing became ragged and loud._

 _"Hello!?" He called again, his voice timid and croaky. Squeezing his eyes tightly shut, he concentrated on the feeling of water dripping down his cheeks - anything to steal his mind away from the fear. He tried rocking himself back and forth to diminish the fear, but it was to no avail._

 _Alec - a young, dark haired boy of 14 - was alone. All alone in the deep, dark, threatening world of reality._

 _Suddenly, the door flew open, crashing against the side of the wall and a maniacal laugh shot through the silent air, echoing around the room. Alec's eyes snapped open in fear, only to meet the eyes of death itself._

Alec awoke. His heart was racing frantically, pounding in his ears while sweat covered almost every inch of his tense body. Those eyes… That dream… It hadn't haunted him for many years. In fact, before now he'd almost forgotten about it. From the minute he'd escaped death, he'd tried to cleanse his mind by purposefully forgetting what had happened to him. Though he'd been unsuccessful, he'd managed to push away the haunting dreams a long time ago. But now, they'd seemingly returned - leaving him with a feeling of cold dread lingering in his poisoned veins.

Throwing himself up from his bed, Alec checked the time. 23:09. Tired from the previous night, Alec had fallen asleep about an hour after they'd returned home to the institute. He hadn't expected those dreams to haunt him once again - he'd thought they'd dissipated from his memory a long time ago. He'd tried not to think about anything at all, as thinking only lead to the guilt and remorse consuming him yet again. But everything was becoming too much for him. All the guilt he'd built up over the years was suddenly crashing down, trapping him.

Trying to ease his mind and calm his body, Alec took a shower in his conjoining bathroom before changing clothes into a simple navy blue sweater and black trousers. He left his hair messy and free, only brushing the small strands away from his face, which had been dangling annoyingly over his eyes.

A walk. That's what he needed to do. Surely that of all things could help him relax. Despite the late hour, the 3 hours of sleep he'd had seemed to have replenished his energy and there was too much adrenaline pumping through him for him to even dream of going back to sleep. Walking was his only option, otherwise he feared he'd be stuck in a horrible state of mind forever. Like always, Alec had to power on; for his family.

Grabbing his stele and his weapons belt - just in case - Alec briskly hurried from his room and silently jogged down the stairs. He'd had hopes that he wouldn't meet anyone along the way, as they would only question where he was going at this late hour. But when did anything ever go right for Alec Lightwood?

"Alec, is that you?"

The lights were dim in the hallway, dark enough so that only an outline of himself could be seen, but he was visible nonetheless. Plus, Izzy had the eyes of a hawk - she could spot anything from at least a mile away.

Freezing in place, Alec groaned internally, not wanting to be questioned by his sister at this very moment. Too many emotions were slicing through him and he was scared that he'd lash out at her. Izzy was the last person he'd ever want to hurt.

The light in the large, grand hallway to the New York Institute flickered on. Turning begrudgingly, Alec squinted as his eyes adjusted to the light, before watching Izzy warily. Her reactions to Alec's predicament were unpredictable; some days she was angry, some sad and some sympathetic. Judging by her worried facial expression and sunken dark eyes, Alec expected her sympathetic side. However, to his dismay, her eyes hadn't held a single bit of the usual fiery spark in them since Simon had disappeared.

"Are you having those dreams again?" she asked with an edge of childish innocence to her voice, reminding Alec of much happier times in their childhood. It was rare that Izzy every acted younger than she was. Usually, she attracted the eyes of older, Downworlder men and she not only acted their age, but she thought like their age too.

Unable to speak any words due to the weight of his emotions on his shoulders, Alec nodded gently.

"I thought you might be going to see a certain sexy warlock." A smirk played on her lips - the first smile Alec had seen on her face in what felt like months. "But I guess I shouldn't joke about those things if you're hurting."

Instantaneously, Alec felt his cheeks flush with heat. "He probably hates me since he found out what I did to those vampires. I don't think turning up at his doorstep at midnight will exactly help," Alec stated glumly, trying not to think about how the warlock Alec was somehow so interested in hadn't even been able to look at him after he'd discovered Alec's he realised what Izzy had said and felt his cheeks burn even hotter. " How did you know that I'm…I'm…"

"I worked it out. I am your sister you know, I do notice things," Izzy rolled her eyes at her brother, taking a couple of steps towards him. "I know why you haven't told people, but I really don't care whether you're into girls or guys. You're still my brother."

Alec felt his frantically beating heart warm. It was the most comforting and kindest thing that Izzy could have told him in his moment of regretful, self-loathing thoughts. For a long time now he had sensed that Izzy knew, but he'd been scared to bring up the conversation with her in case she disapproved - forcing him to add another person to the list who was disappointed in who he'd grown up to be. "Thank you," he whispered, his voice so soft it was barely audible.

"I don't know if I quite approve of Magnus yet though. Although the way he sent that spell at that vampire..." Izzy raised her eyebrows suggestively. "I think somebody might have a crush on my brother."

"He doesn't like me. I'm the shadowhunter who killed a bunch of innocent vampires and got away with it. Maybe before..." No. Alec couldn't think like that. If there was even a chance that Magnus may have been interested in him before, Alec didn't want to know. Yes, the warlock was the first man to ever pay the slightest bit of attention to him. Yes, he was a very sexy warlock who had the most gorgeous hair and- No. Alec could not think about Magnus anymore. There wasn't even the slightest possibility that Magnus would ever consider...To his surprise, Alec felt his chest ache at the thought.

"He healed me free of charge and protected you from that vampire, do you really think he doesn't have a crush on you Alec?" Izzy raised her eyebrow. It was the longest conversation she'd had with anyone in weeks, and Alec couldn't help but feel honoured that he was the one she was talking to - even if he didn't like the topic.

"Maybe it's you he has a crush on." Alec shrugged lightly, yet his tone held a slightly sharpness to it. Men being attracted to Izzy was something he'd grown used to and even expected.

Izzy shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest. Her whip glinted in the light at the movement. "Call him and find out, maybe you'll finally go on your first date."

"I don't want to go on a da-" Alec began hastily.

"Oh, give it a rest, Alec." There was no hint of impatience or anger in Izzy's voice - just sisterly advice. "I saw the way you used to look at Jace, but you don't see him in that way anymore so what's stopping you?"

For the third time that night, Alec's cheeks flushed with colour and he looked to the floor for a moment, a cold dread sweeping through him. "You know why." And with that, Alec turned quickly and exited the institute.

"Alec-" He heard Izzy call out for him but he let the door slam closed behind him, cutting her off.

The cold air hit him hard, it stabbed at every inch of his body. However, the iciness of it seemed to numb him and take his mind off of the emotions clouding his mind. Vampires. He'd killed so many of them that it was difficult for him to remember faces - though he recalled many of them being lovers and the families of others standing around. The only distinct memory he had of that fateful night was a blur of flying arrows, before he'd pulled out his sword, slicing his way through vampires. Screams. Terror. Innocence. Jace and Izzy had tried to stop him, but the group of vampires surrounding him had been too big. The blur of distant cries echoed around in his mind, catapulting back and forth, tormenting him and reminding him of his poisoned nature. I'm a monster.

Just as this thought rose to the centre of his crowded mind, he looked to the left and gasped, shoving his hand out to stop himself being run over by a car that zoomed down the quiet Brooklyn streets. The car had honked loudly, yet the cries in his head were so loud that they seemed to block out all surrounding sound. He'd been too distracted to put on a glamour rune earlier and he didn't have the will power to do it now. All he wanted was to just evaporate the guilt weighing down on him. For once, just for a few moments, he wanted to feel free of all the torment.

Another ten minutes passed by and Alec remained brooding, lost in the midst of distant, horrific memories. Then, out of it all, one name seemed to arise, switching his train of thoughts. Magnus. The only person who'd ever paid the slightest bit of attention to him. The warlock who now surely hated him due to the fact that Raphael had informed him of Alec's psychotic tendencies.

Just when everything had seemed to be running smoothly for Alec, it had all fallen apart within seconds. He hadn't realised until now how much he'd actually enjoyed and appreciated Magnus' attentive company during the few hours they'd been left alone together. Those perfectly glittered, compelling cat eyes and the oh-so-fabulous hair had consumed his every thought during the time they'd spent together - for once in his life Alec had been completely at ease and happy. It was not to say that Alec hadn't been happy before, as he loved Jace and Isabelle and he'd shared all of his happy moments with them. It was just that spending time with Magnus meant something more... The feelings that the warlock brought out in him were amazingly indescribable. He wanted to feel like that all the time. Alec wanted to feel like that now.

And his wish was granted. Suddenly, he was jerked awake as if shaken by an unknown force and he appeared to gather his thoughts on his surroundings. This place was becoming increasingly familiar.

Standing with his hands shoved in his pockets, Alec shivered in the cool breeze while staring thoughtfully at the buzzer labelled 'BANE'. He hadn't expected to be here. He hadn't planned to be here. Yet somehow he was and it seemed silly to run away now.

It was highly unlikely that the warlock would let him in, or even care that he was here. After all, once Raphael had left, Magnus had barely even glanced at him and hadn't truly acknowledged Alec as he'd left along with a disgruntled Jace and a healed Izzy. At the time, Alec had felt too ashamed to even speak a single word to Magnus. A simple sorry would have sufficed, but instead he'd locked his eyes on the floor and his body had become shaky and tense.

Yes, the warlock undoubtedly hated him. Yes, he had no right to be here. But Alec felt like he owed Magnus an explanation. He wanted to explain himself and reason what he had done. Then maybe, just maybe, Magnus' opinion would change about him. Maybe he would seem as interested in Alec as he was before... Maybe Alec could finally be brave enough to go on his first date, just like Izzy had suggested.

His hopes were higher than the Everest, yet his mood was lower than hell. Alec was clearly not in the right state of mind to flirt or even act normal right now. But when one crazy, foolishly idiotic thought lead to another, he hit the buzzer on the intercom to Magnus Bane's apartment.

"WHO CHOOSES TO DISTURB ME AT THIS UNGODLY HOUR?" The intercom crackled as Magnus' voice boomed through the speaker.

By the angel, what have I just done? Fear pounded through Alec and the adrenaline from earlier pumped through his blood stream, setting his skin on fire. His heart raced, his throat tightened and he found himself unable to speak. There he stood frozen on the doorstep, his hands shoved in his pockets shyly as he stared with widened eyes at the now silent intercom.

"Really, who is this? My cat and I would love to know." Magnus sounded bored and slightly tired, as if he'd been dozing off while lying on his sofa, watching one of his favourite shows on the television. Alec could picture him clearly.

Despite the small smile that was playing around Alec's lips at the thought of Magnus - the sexy, compelling warlock - innocently drifting off to sleep, he remained unmoving and silent. Thoughts of running and leaving right now flew through his mind, before he groaned at himself for being such a coward. Be brave, like a true shadowhunter.

"Look if this is some sort of prank, I know you foolish teens love it nowadays, but-" Magnus began, setting himself on a small rant.

With a burst of confidence, Alec stepped purposefully up to the intercom and pressed the buzzer firmly. "It's a-ah - Alec... " He mumbled nervously, his teeth chattering in the cold. "It's Alec Lightwood."

Silence fell and the only sound Alec could hear was the thumping of his heart, pounding loudly in his ears like drums at a rock concert.

"Alexander..." Magnus seemed caught off guard, surprised at the sudden appearance of a murderer at his doorstep at God-knew-what-time. "Well... You better come inside."

* * *

Clary awoke in a dark, almost black room. The only light that could be seen came from beneath the rectangular door in the far right corner. She was sat on an uncomfortable, wooden chair and her hands were tied behind her back, restricting much movement. Damp, sticky liquid seemed to cover the left half of her face and looking down, she saw that her shadowhunter gear was torn in various places.

Scream. Clary couldn't help it - the scream pierced her throat, ripping through the air and bouncing off the walls of the room. Usually she wasn't one to give in so easily. Usually she was stronger than this… But the fear pounding through her body and the adrenaline pumping throughout her told her that she needed help, now.

Frantically, she studied the room, her eyes shakily landing on each piece of faintly outlined furniture around the room. There were no signs of an escape route. There were no signs of a weapon. Clary was alone; helpless, weak, afraid.

"Simon!" She called out for her best friend, hoping that he was somewhere close by. If anything, if he heard her at least he'd know she was alive. But Clary desperately wanted to know if he was alive too…

During the last moment she'd spent with Simon, they'd been returning to the institute from a visit to the Hotel Dumort. Simon had been there declining Raphael's offer of allegiance and Clary had been there as back up, in case things turned sour - even though she knew Jace would kill her if he knew that she'd gone to protect Simon on her own. On their return journey, they'd taken a short cut through an alleyway close by to the hotel. This was something they normally did as Clary could navigate through the alleyways of New York city in her sleep. But she could never have expected the dark shadow that attacked… She could never have expected that she'd land herself trapped in an unknown room.

Jace. Right now Clary wanted nothing more than to see her shadowhunter boyfriend. Somehow just being in his presence always calmed her; Jace's extraordinary shadow hunter abilities and calm composure never failed to reassure Clary that everything would resolve itself perfectly. Thinking of Jace only caused Clary's heart to ache painfully. Did he even know she'd disappeared? How annoyed was he about the fact that she hadn't informed him where she'd been that day?

Pushing those thoughts from her mind, Clary attempted to control her breaths. Her ragged hyperventilating was only panicking her more, maybe if she could just breathe normally then she could figure a way out of this mess. Maybe she could-

Her thoughts were interrupted by a sudden crash, before the door slowly creaked open and a dark shadow stepped through into the isolated room. Narrowing her eyes and struggling against the ropes, Clary tried to focus on the individual.

The tall figure stood squarely at the door, protruding some of the light that was flooding the inside of the blackened room. There was a flicker of movement on the figure's face, before they stepped further into the room. Clary squinted as the blackened room suddenly brightened, revealing the shabby furniture and the classy chandelier hanging from above her. The room seemed to be covered in a thick layer of dust, but the decoration reminded her oddly of the New York institute.

"Clarissa Morgenstern, how lovely it is for us to finally meet…" A dark, raucous voice spoke. Instantaneously, Clary's eyes snapped into focus and her eyes met the eyes of her capturer. They were the sort of eyes that plagued nightmares and they were the same colour as the contacts that children wore when dressing up on Halloween. The eyes of death himself…

 _ **So sorry it took me a little longer to update, but here's another chapter. Please let me know what you think, especially now that Clary's situation has been properly introduced. More updates soon and thank you for all the support so far :D**_

 _ **-DareToDream**_


	7. Late Night Visit

_**Chapter 6: Late Night Visit**_

Lounging freely on his sofa with a blanket laid over the lower half of his body, Magnus could feel himself drifting wistfully off to sleep. An episode of America's Got Talent flashed across the screen, but Magnus had swiftly lost interest in it around half an hour ago. The time was fairly late yet he couldn't seem to find the will power to actually go to bed. It was rare that he was ever alone on a Friday night. Usually, he spent his Friday nights roaming around different parties, drinking, occasionally flirting and sometimes even working - something he tried hard to avoid. Tonight he felt slightly pathetic: rather than doing all of those fun, exciting and thrilling things he was cooped up in his loft, with his thoughts constantly drifting towards the pretty shadowhunter boy.

Alexander. What a surprise that boy had been. He'd stumbled into Magnus' apartment, all doe eyed and shy, blushing bashfully every time Magnus spoke to him and somehow, under impossible circumstances, he'd lodged himself into Magnus' mind and maybe even heart. And the worst bit was that Magnus didn't even know why or how. The boy was a Downworlder killer - a typical arrogant shadowhunter who looked down on Downworlders as scum. Or was he? Was Magnus just telling himself that so he could finally get Alexander out of his head?

It had been revealed that the Lightwood boy had slaughtered a group of innocent vampires. At the point of discovery, Magnus hadn't been quite sure what to think or feel. Thinking about it, he should have instantly disregarded Alexander and thrown him out of his mind as if he was nothing but a piece of shadowhunter trash. But of course that hadn't happened, otherwise Magnus would have just been able to peacefully drift off to sleep with no worry in the world. No, Magnus just had to feel sorry for him - he had to have an ache in his heart and an angelic voice in his mind urging him to believe that Alexander was different. Alexander Lightwood is not who you think he is.

His eyes were at least halfway closed when the doorbell rang, its irritating noise clanging through the house, causing him to jump out of his half unconscious state. Sighing in annoyance, Magnus climbed to his feet, his cat doing the same, as he too had been rudely awoken by the bell.

"WHO DARES DISTURB ME AT THIS UNGODLY HOUR." Magnus put on his usual show; shouting down the intercom to place fear and doubt in the visitors mind. This way only those who truly needed help or were desperate enough to see him didn't leave. Unless, of course, they were Ragnor, who blasted his door open and of its hinges - just for the fun of it - every time Magnus answered the doorbell upon his visit.

Silence followed and for a moment Magnus believed he'd scared the visitor away. But somehow, Magnus knew. Something compelled him to continue speaking - to try and convince the visitor to respond. "Really, who is this? My cat and I would love to know." He held back a yawn of tiredness.

There was still no answer. Traces of doubt to who it was were flickering through Magnus' mind. But Magnus' senses were never wrong. And, despite truly knowing that he shouldn't, he wanted to see the person stood in front of his door.

"Look if this is some sort of prank, I know you foolish teens love it nowadays, but-"

"It's a-ah - Alec…" The familiar voice fumbled nervously and Magnus could already imagine the blush forming on Alec's pale cheeks. Magnus didn't know Alec that well - they'd only known each other for a few days - but he'd known in the back of his mind that ranting about something mundane would trigger Alec to speak. Whether this was because of his extensive knowledge of shadowhunters or his growing attraction to Alexander, it was unclear.

"Alexander…" He pushed the surprise into his voice, determined to convince Alexander that he hadn't known it was him all along. If Magnus didn't know himself how he had known, then he didn't need to scare Alexander away with the burden of that knowledge. "Well… You better come inside."

Gliding away from the buzzer, Magnus leaned against the sofa, awaiting the entry of the shadowhunter boy. His eyes flickered towards the TV screen every so often, trying to pull his mind away from quizzical thoughts. Am I pleased to see him? Do I even want him to be here? Why did I not just demand him to leave?

Abruptly, Magnus' thoughts were interrupted as a single knock sounded on the door, before Alexander hesitantly eased the door open.

"Magnus?" he called shyly, his hands gripping the door tightly, as if for stability.

"I'm here, come in," Magnus ushered, gesturing for Alexander to enter his loft. The shadowhunter took a few guarded steps forwards, allowing the door to slam shut behind him. Jumping slightly at the sound, the anxiety seemed to radiate from the poor boy. "What can I do for you?" he asked, his voice monotone.

"I - Nothing." Alec fumbled nervously.

"Nothing?" Magnus raised an inquisitive eyebrow, pushing himself up into a standing position. His eyes rested hard on Alexander, while he searched his expression for answers. "So you simply decided to grace me with your presence at this late hour for nothing?"

"I wanted to talk to you." His voice appeared more confident. It was like the boy had suddenly grown a back bone.

"Talk? And this talk couldn't have happened over the phone or in the morning?" Magnus knew in his own mind that his words were more cruel than Alec deserved, but he couldn't help himself. The boy needed to grow accustomed to Magnus' normal behaviour around ordinary people. Showering him in compliments and love would only give Alexander a wrong idea.

"No." Alec shook his head, a frown engraving itself deeply into his expression. "I just wanted to apologise for today. Not many people know what I've done… I didn't want you to find out that way, I'm sorry."

"Is that an apology for slaughtering Downworlders or simply for failing to inform me that you're a murderer?" In an instant, Magnus could feel the regret pulsing in his mind but he refused - out of stubborn arrogance - to apologise for his hurtful words.

Alec's expression hardened, but his misery and sorrow glistened in his glassy, bright blue eyes. "I didn't do it on purpose. I'm not a murderer," he snapped.

Eyes narrowing in confusion for a moment, Magnus watched Alec inquisitively, before a small, sarcastic laugh escaped his slightly glittered lips. "I would love to believe you, Alexander. Really, it is hard to come by beings as compelling as you are. However, do you really expect me to believe you killed a group of vampires accidentally?"

Alec sighed. A blush rose on his cheeks while his eyes shot down to the floor. "I know it's hard to believe-"

"No, it's impossible to believe," Magnus corrected.

"But I didn't mean to kill those vampires. I kill demons, not Downworlders. There's just something… something wrong with me." Alec appeared to be desperate, but hesitant to explain himself. Shifting uncomfortably from side to side, his hands clenched into fists in frustration.

Magnus frowned again. "Wrong with you? Are we talking about diseases now or general persona?"

"Will you stop making fun of me?!" Alec snapped impatiently. "I'm trying to be serious, I'm trying to explain. I-"

Shaking his head, Magnus held up his hand to stop Alexander. "I apologise." Magnus held back an eye roll and instead nodded his head sincerely. "Why are you poorly attempting to explain yourself to me, Alexander? You owe me nothing."

"I don't want you of all people to think I'm a murderer," Alec mumbled. "I'd rather you know who I actually am."

Magnus sighed as the sympathy overtook the blunt side of him that was tempted to respond with sarcasm. "And who are you? You've appeared three times in my apartment now and I barely know you. Usually I've at least discovered an age or birthplace by now. I must be losing my touch."

"I'm a shadowhunter." Alec shrugged, his body finally relaxed.

"That's it? That's all I get from you?" Magnus let out an exasperated sigh. " You're very enclosed for a shadowhunter, I don't think I've quite met one like you before." He commented under his breath.

"What else do you want me to say?" Alec mumbled. Like before, his shoulders hunched forward, showing off his unwillingness to open up to Magnus. It was incredibly frustrating, especially when Magnus wanted to believe him.

"Tell me more about you. How old are you? Where were you born? What's your favourite colour? What song do you loathe and can't stand listening to? The list of questions about you is endless!" Magnus questioned him, aggravated by the lack of answers he was receiving from the closed off boy.

"I'm 18." Alec spoke robotically, as if reciting a character profile written about himself. "I was born in Idris. I like black. I don't listen to music much."

"Finally. There, you see, now I know something about you other than your name and job." Magnus smiled at his achievement - a bright, genuine smile that rarely adorned his lips.

"What's your favourite colour?" Alec asked, a small smile growing on his lips in response.

"Blue. Like your eyes." Magnus winked, returning to his normal, flirtatious self - he'd almost forgotten his reasoning for staying away from Alexander. It was bewildering how the boy had a strange ability to consume Magnus' every thought in his presence.

Silence lingered for a moment as a rosy blush fluttered onto Alec's cheeks in response. Though he appeared embarrassed, he seemed to be slowly growing used to receiving compliments from Magnus.

"Why did you protect me today?" The questioned seemed to burst from Alec's lips in a curious fluster. "You knew… Before those vampires came you knew what I'd done, so why did you stop the vampire from attacking me?"

For a moment, Magnus remained silent, allowing the question to properly sink in. Why had he saved Alec? Thinking hard for the answer, Magnus felt he knew but was unsure of whether he wished to admit it. He'd saved Alexander purely out of instinct - to satisfy the brief panic he'd felt when he'd seen Lily dive into her attack, with the single goal to kill. But did he want Alec to know this? He'd rarely shown his vulnerable side to anyone in his existence and the ones who he'd risked showing it to had disappeared in some way or another, leaving Magnus' heart torn and broken. Did he want to risk his heart again?

Why do you wish to know? Is it not enough that I saved you?" Magnus responded and guilt instantly arose in him as he saw Alec's expression drop. The open side of him seemed to curl in on itself, closing him off to Magnus.

"I'm sorry…" Alec mumbled. He folded his arms across his chest, holding himself in a more hunched position. "I just don't understand."

"Don't apologise. There is no need." Magnus shook his head, taking a brief step closer towards Alexander, shortening the gap between them. "Whatever it is you are struggling to understand, just ask. I am feeling like an open book today and it is a rarity you should probably take advantage of."

"I -" A blush rose on Alec's cheeks and Magnus watched, with a hint of a smile, as Alec fumbled for his response. The words appeared to catch in Alec's throat as he attempted to speak. It was strange for Magnus to witness - he'd never met a shadowhunter so apprehensive. "Izzy, my sister… She said that you seem to like me - like-like me. When we first me, maybe you did. But now…" Alec shook his head, his eyes pinned to the floor. "I wouldn't be surprised if you hate me."

Magnus sighed. "That wasn't quite a question," he responded with a small chuckle, attempting to lighten the serious mood. "But it will no doubt surprise you to know that I hate very few people, Alexander. And you are far from making the list."

"Even though you think I'm a murderer?" Alec looked up, his eyes hopeful.

Flinching at the sound of the word murderer, Magnus again pushed the doubts about Alexander to the back of his mind, allowing his heart to function his speech. "I admit, it is hard to forget. And you have in no way gained my trust just yet. But there's just something about you, Alexander…"

"So…" Alec's blush only deepened, but he appeared to stand taller and his eyes sparkled with more assurance than before. "You… You like-like me?"

Magnus chuckled. "I'm sorry, like-like? Are we in the 2nd grade now?"

"Look, I haven't done this before. I don't know what the right words are, I don't know what the normal thing to do is… I just thought that-"

"I like-like you?" Magnus teased, smirking brightly, showing off his glistening white teeth.

Alec shook his head. "You're making fun of me," he pointed out, his lips pursed.

"It's called flirting. I have no wish to make you feel at all insulted by me," Magnus informed him. "Tell me, Alexander, now that I have answered your questions. Will you answer mine?"

"Yes." Alec nodded.

"Your parabatai, Jace, is it?" Magnus eyes narrowed as he prepared to study Alec's response. "What sort of affection do you hold for him?"

Alec sighed, his eyes retreating to the floor once again. "Jace is nothing more than a brother. I used to… Just not anymore."

"So your affection for me is by no means a rebound?" Magnus tilted his head to the side, bringing his finger up to meet his chin. He was being much more open in this conversation than he'd first desired, but he could no longer deny the simple fact that he wanted Alexander. Murderer or not, he'd sparked something within Magnus that hadn't awoken in a long time.

"Who said that I held any affection for you?" Alec smirked, appearing jubilant due to his quick, Jace-like response to Magnus' question.

Magnus chuckled, his smile widening. The confident response had appeared from nowhere, replacing the usual closed-off comments from Alexander. Magnus couldn't help but feel pleased with himself that he'd managed to unlock the confident side of Alec. "Two can play the hard-to-get game, Alexander. Don't test me, because I _never_ lose."

"I wish I could say the same," Alec muttered. From anybody else, Magnus would have taken this as a mere comment, but there seemed to be a hint at something more in Alec's words - a possible deeper meaning.

"Now, why are you really here tonight? You say it was because you wished to apologise but that could have been done over the phone."

"I- " Alec stumbled again, his hands fumbling with one another as he seemed to search for the correct answer. "I wanted to see you… I think." His voice was quiet, only a little higher than a whisper.

Tilting his head slightly, Magnus took a few, graceful steps closer to Alexander, his slim figure towering over Alec's broad, defined body. Magnus breathed in, then out, pretending to toy with the answer. Setting his cat eyes hard on Alexander's anxious yet firm features, Magnus allowed the corners of his lips to upturn in a small smile. "You think?"

"I couldn't sleep. So I only meant to come out to walk. But Izzy caught me and we talked… Then I ended up here," Alec said, his mouth hanging open slightly as he sucked in a breath at their close proximity.

"And I'm glad you came, Alexander. Despite my… hostility towards you." Magnus met his tone, his voice dropping to a whisper. "But just be aware that this does not, in any way, mean that I trust you now," he stated seriously. "It is hard to forget your discrepancies, Alexander, despite how compelling you are. But it would be foolish of me to not give you a chance. I want to trust you." _What are you doing Magnus? Why are you giving the vampire killer a chance?_ Pushing these thoughts away, he concentrated on the more pleasant thoughts he had of Alexander. The ones that caused his body to react in ways it hadn't in a long time.

"I can't… I can't tell you why, not yet…" Alexander shook his head, appearing slightly frightened for a moment. "I haven't told anyone before, I've never had to explain it- "

Magnus held a finger up, halting Alec mid speech. "You don't have to. Not until you're ready. I don't wish to force you to do anything you may not want."

"Thank you," Alec breathed. "For saying you'll give me a chance."

"Don't make me regret it."

Gently, Magnus took Alec's hand at his side and Alec jumped at the small contact, his eyes wider than before. Holding back a smirk at the boy's reaction, Magnus pulled Alec's hand closer towards his body and placed his other hand at the tip of the sleeve of the black jumper Alec was wearing. The sleeve lifted and Magnus caught a quick glance of Alec's wrists before the hand shot out of his grip.

Magnus frowned deeply. Small images of Alec's wrist faded in and out of his mind and he could have sworn that he'd seen a black sort of stain covering the area where Alec's veins should be. Had the black liquid been inside of him? Was it merely a simple ink stain? Or was it to do with what was 'wrong' with Alec?

"S-Sorry," Alec mumbled, looking down at the floor. His opposite hand now clasped the wrist that Magnus had caught a swift glance of seconds ago. "Not that arm. It's injured."

Sensing the lie from a mile away but choosing to drop the subject, Magnus nodded in understanding. Somehow, instinctively, he knew not to push Alec and by the fearful expression hovering on his features, Magnus knew he was hiding something - something to do with the very reason that Alec did not yet wish to share with Magnus. Though he was insanely curious, he did not want to scare the shadowhunter away. Not when Magnus was finally advancing in their newborn relationship.

"Maybe your hand then?" Magnus asked, holding out his hand for Alec.

Hesitantly, Alec placed his hand in Magnus', watching Magnus with wary eyes. Clasping his slender fingers around the palm of Alec's hand, Magnus waved his other hand over Alec's and watched merrily as the familiar numbers scrawled themselves into Alec's skin.

Alec's eyes widened as they moved to stare at his hand rather than Magnus.

"Here. Now you have my number. Text me when you are ready to talk." Magnus ordered softly, taking yet another step closer to Alexander. "Or if you ever need my help."

Refusing to let go of Alec's hand, Magnus confidently leaned forward, just enough so that his face was mere centimetres from Alec's. Locking his eyes with Alec's, he waited for any response. Alec leaned forward, allowing Magnus to lay his soft lips gently on his. Moving one hand up to Alec's cheek, Magnus brought himself closer as he caressed Alec's smooth lips, enjoying their minty taste. After a few moments of bliss, Magnus pulled back. He could only imagine what it would feel like if he'd continued to kiss and caress even more. _All in due time, Magnus. Don't kill him with your charm just yet._

By the look of innocent shock and surprised pleasance that adorned Alec's face, Magnus could tell that Alec was feeling exactly what he felt. "I'll text you later." Alec spoke more confidently, his voice husky but firm. Without a single shred of hesitance, Alec pulled his hand out of Magnus' and brought it up to touch Magnus' cheek in return, before placing a single, sweet kiss on his surprised lips.

And with that, Alec scurried out of Magnus' apartment, leaving Magnus frozen, staring surprisedly at the place where Alec had stood mere seconds ago and indulging himself in the nostalgia of their first kiss.

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

There was no feeling to describe it. No singular emotion. Tingles surged through his whole body, while his lips prickled with previously undiscovered pleasure. Alec Lightwood felt alive, for the first time in his existence. The childish glee and satisfaction he felt could not compare to anything else.

He sauntered down the empty Brooklyn avenues, a spring in his step, focusing on the bright neon lights and the exuberant feeling of the night that echoed through the streets of New York City. It was something he'd rarely noticed before; the beauty and life in the world around him. Before, the world had been such an evil and menacing place, where he felt like he was being constantly chased by monsters and trepidation. Now, after that one ecstatic hour in Magnus' loft, he finally felt the same elation with the world that he'd only read about in novels and fantasies. He finally felt normal.

However, the more distance he put between himself and the loft, the more the feeling began to fade. While weaving through the familiar alleyways towards the New York institute, the condemning tiredness finally hit his body. It was, after all, past 3am. His eyes drooped and his shoulders hunched, his swift walk morphing to a trudge. The blare of a car horn clattered through the air, clanging in his ears, causing him to wince in slight pain.

The sudden change in emotion seemed normal to Alec at first - it was like the effects of the 'Magnus drug' were wearing off and he was feeling the dangerous after effects. It wasn't until he reached a darkened, silent alleyway that he had to stop abruptly. Leaning up against the wall with his head in his hands, he felt his mind cloud with fatigue. As he placed his hands back at his sides, he breathed deeply before trying to blink, attempting to adjust his eyes to the bleakness of the alleyway. That was when the pain hit him.

Crumpling to the floor in agony, Alec let out a familiar cry of excruciation as his heart doubled its pace, attempting to rip itself out from beneath Alec's skin. He writhed on the floor, thrashing and crashing into the ground, clenching and unclenching his hands. Forcing his eyes to open, he used his remaining strength to tear the sleeve of his jumper, revealing his dark, pulsing wrist - answering the one question he feared. It was happening again.

Panting, he attempted to reach for his phone in his back pocket. A surge of pain struck him again. And again. And again. He screamed while his body jerked uncontrollably, his muscles contracting at a deadly speed. He tried to endure. He tried to be strong. He tried to kill the pain within him.

 _But the monster broke free._

 ** _So Alec and Magnus have finally sort of admitted that they have feelings for each other and they kissed! :D I loved writing this chapter so I hope you loved reading it. Thanks for all the support so far! Don't forgot to review this chapter and tell me what you think happened to Alec at the end. I hope I'm portraying all the characters well and thank you to my Beta SilverySparks who's edited these chapters for me, they wouldn't be the same without her :)  
-DareToDream_**


	8. Blood and Ashes

**Chapter 7: Blood and Ashes**

 _Stop playing hard to get shadowhunter. We both now you like me as much as much as I like you ;) ~ Magnus_

Alec couldn't help but grin as the text buzzed through on his phone. While his eyes remained glued to the phone screen, he read the message over again, feeling his heart rate pick up. Magnus. Who would have thought that Alec would experience desire so soon. After all, he should be feeling panicked, worried and most importantly he should be looking out for his family. They needed him. Yet all Alec had preoccupied himself with was Magnus Bane. And boy had he never felt happier…

Since last Friday Alec had been meticulously replying to Magnus' texts that had initiated the morning after their talk on Friday night. The excitement towards their advancement was continually growing in his chest, causing this flutter of feelings to overwhelm him every so often. Yet, despite this new eruption of happy emotions, his guilt grew along with it. While he was here wishing for Magnus to reply, Jace and Isabelle were frantically searching, continually growing more despondent and lost. Alec could do nothing to help them. He felt partly at fault for what had happened to Clary and Simon due to his lack of interest in their well-being, yet there was still nothing that he could do to save them.

Glancing up from his phone, Alec studied himself in the mirror for a moment, his eyes fleeting across the deep scars marking his forehead and neck. He'd hoped that they'd have disappeared by now, yet they still marked his body - they acted as a painful reminder. The night where he'd collapsed due to his condition was a cloudy blur that his mind had intuitively blocked out. Back when he was younger, he had remembered every single waking moment of what occurred before and after his collapse. He could distinctively remember back to the sleepless nights he spent reliving those terrifying moments. Nowadays his mind was smarter and more prepared for his unplanned episodes and nights where he forgot to take his medicine.

" Alec?" There was a knock at his bedroom door, before Jace marched purposefully into his room. Instantly, Alec brushed his hair down to cover the remnants of the scar on his forehead, before turning to Jace with a half-smile.

" Since when do you barge into rooms unexpectedly? Don't we have some sort of rule against that?" Alec teased, trying to lighten the mood as he noticed Jace's tense exterior.

" We both know that rule only applies for when there's more than one person in one of our rooms. That is something I doubt either of us would want to walk in on," Jace joked, yet it didn't quite sound right. Usually Jace's tone was light and sarcastic and his comments were sharp, but now he seemed quieter and his voice seemed hollow, as if there was no life to it.

" No it most definitely is not." Alec agreed. " Go on then, what do you want me to do for you?"

" See why is it that you jump to that conclusion? I might not want something, I might just be here to see you." Jace sauntered into Alec's room, his eyes roaming over the immaculate order of it. Everything in Alec's room was correctly placed in exactly the right position - it was how he liked it. He loved just being able to wake up and know that everything he needed for the day was in exactly the right place.

" I jumped to that conclusion because it's almost one in the morning, and since when do you ever come to my room just for a chat at this time of night?" Alec replied in a matter-of-fact tone.

" Fine, you caught me. I need your help and we can't tell Izzy." Jace announced.

Alec frowned, not liking the sound of the plan already. " Help with what? And why can't we tell Izzy?"

" Because I think Simon might be dead." Jace's tone was grim and there was an odd hint of worry laced within. A few months ago this worry would have surprised Alec, but nowadays it seemed more believable that Jace actually cared for Simon. When they'd first met, Jace and Simon had constantly bickered and Jace frequently referred to him as a useless mundane. However, when Simon had managed to land himself in yet another dangerous situation after becoming a newly turned vampire, Jace had fed him his blood. From that point onwards, Jace's and Simon's respect for each other had heightened and, despite still consistently bickering, their arguments never grew angered.

" What?" Alec's tone dropped and his mouth hung slightly agape in shock. Simon couldn't be dead. Izzy would be heartbroken if it was true and Alec did not want her to deal with loss ever again. Losing their own mother had taken a deep toll on Isabelle and this news might just send her over the edge. The news couldn't be true, Alec wouldn't let it be.

" I- I've done some research." Jace stumbled slightly, worry seeping through into his words. " I've tried to find them - find her. But then I discovered something on the black market earlier today… Daylighter blood and ashes. If those ingredients are genuine, then they're being sold to warlocks and vampires. There are tons of vampire who want to be Daylighters and would kill for Simon's blood. And I doubt warlocks would miss the opportunity in getting their hands on such a powerful ingredient."

" Where are they selling it? We can inform the clave- " Alec suggested, his mind spinning with worry for his sister and even slightly for the Daylighter.

" We're not informing the clave," Jace stated stubbornly. " Alec, you know as well as I do that once the sellers hear that they've been outed to the clave, they'll disappear and we'll never know whether what they were selling is genuine or not."

" Then what do you propose we do?" Alec asked with an even deeper frown. He'd always loathed breaking the rules but he'd quickly learnt around Jace that sometimes it needed to be done.

" We go out to where they're selling it and we buy some. We question how they acquired it and from whom, then once we've gathered the information we go to the warlock again so he can check its authenticity." Jace always made the plan sound so simple, meaning it was always Alec's job to poke the holes in it.

" So you're suggesting we go to a place filled with vampires who all know us by name, to buy items off of a potentially dangerous black market seller, and then just waltz into Magnus' apartment and demand that he checks this new lead out for us at this time of night?" Alec asked with raised eyebrows.

" You missed out the bit where we question the potentially dangerous black market seller," Jace pointed out. " Other than that, you seem to get the idea."

" Do you fail to see the potential danger in this plan or do you just have a death wish for the both of us?" Alec questioned.

" You always have to poke the holes in my fun," Jace rolled his eyes.

" Fun? You call that fun!?" Alec's voice rose as he prepared himself to scold Jace once again. With the absence of his father, Alec was the oldest and therefore head of the institute, meaning it was his job to scold Jace and Izzy whenever they tried something dangerous.

" No, I see it as the only lead I have in finding Clary." Jace's voice took a darker tone. " Now are you going to help me or not?"

Alec sighed, looking down towards the floor for a moment. Guilt arose in his mind, painfully reminding him that he'd been nothing but self-centred the past few days. This was the least he could do for Jace. " Of course I am," he answered. " I'm your parabatai, it's my job. I'll help you find Clary - whatever it takes."

" Good." Jace nodded, a small grin growing on his face. " I don't know what I'd do without you constantly poking holes in my mastermind plots."

" You'd probably be dead by now, killed by god-knows-who and your body dumped god-knows-where," Alec stated.

Jace let out a soft chuckle. "Your lack of faith in my shadowhunter skills is a little insulting."

" You feel insulted by me? This is a proud moment. I've finally broken past your vanity after all these years." Alec smiled at Jace's eye roll in reaction.

" Shut up," Jace said. " We both know I'm not the only vain one in the institute anymore. Is that a new shirt I see, Alec? New hair gel on your dresser? Since when do you even brush your hair?"

" Shut up," Alec said flatly.

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

Less than twenty minutes later, Alec and Jace were out of the door and swiftly heading to Pandemonium - the club in which a dealer was supposedly selling Simon's blood and ashes. They were dressed in dark, ordinary clothing, with hoods pulled over the heads to slightly conceal their faces. Usually, for a mission like this, they would be dressed in full shadowhunter gear in order for them to carry as many weapons as possible, but they needed to remain inconspicuous. Each and every vampire in New York knew Alec by name and if any of them were to recognise him, it was likely that they'd attack. And that would not end well.

Carrying a few small daggers inside a concealed waist belt and a larger seraph blade at his right hip, Alec strode forward, weaving in and out of the oblivious mundanes. He'd wanted to bring his bow, but as there was no easy way for him to conceal it, he'd had to leave it at the institute - to his disappointment.

" What does the dealer look like?" Alec questioned as he caught sight of the flashing red Pandemonium sign.

" They go by the name Blaze," Jace informed him, his eyes focused ahead on the club.

" Convenient name for a vampire." Alec chuckled at the irony. " How do you know he'll be here?"

" The warlock called to inform me. Turns out he's actually worth the payment. He caught onto this lead the other night while he was partying here and said he'd check it out," Jace answered.

" Magnus Bane told you this?" Alec's heart raced at the mere mention of Magnus' name. Why had Magnus called Jace instead of him? Wouldn't it have been easier and much simpler?

" Yeah, why?" Jace turned to him with a small frown, sceptical to Alec's questioning.

" I'm just confused. If Magnus told you he'd check it out then why are we both here?" Alec asked.

" Because you and I both know that I don't trust many people, especially not Downworlders. This lead is important and I won't let the warlock mess it up," Jace said, his tone dominant and unwavering.

" So instead you want to risk losing the lead by bringing me, the most wanted shadowhunter among the Brooklyn vampires?" Alec's frown deepened.

" Get over yourself, Alec. They'll barely even know who we both are. Shadowhunters kill vampires all the time, so the only ones who'll remember are the important ones like Raphael. Now are you with me or not?" Jace stopped dead in his tracks for a moment to turn to face Alec squarely.

" I'm with you." Alec stated, remaining fiercely loyal, despite the approaching danger.

" Then let's go find Clary." Jace held out his hand and Alec took it, swiftly embracing Jace before striding off towards the door, hand hovering over his weapons belt.

Inside, the club was booming with life and lights; coloured spotlights flashed in all directions while the animated echo of music bounced off the walls, creating a deafening swirl of sound. Bodies of all species mingled around the dance floor and bar, their voices adding to the blur of sound. Many of them danced - their bodies pressed against each other casually - while others chose to linger around the bar with a broad range of multi-coloured drinks held in their hands.

Alec had never been to a club before. Pandemonium especially was a place he carefully avoided due to the large numbers of Downworlders that flooded to the bar every night. He'd never been much of a people person - not that everyone in here could be classed as a 'person'. In his opinion, a night alone in the library or in the training room was much more appealing. This was Alec's version of hell - or close to it.

" We go this way," Jace shouted into Alec's ear, before pushing through the crowds of women and men of all species.

Shoving his way through the crowds, Alec fought to keep up with Jace, cringing each time he had to push yet another person out of the way. He kept his hood firmly over the top half of his face, concealing himself away from the watchful eyes of potentially dangerous enemies. Soon later they reached a few neon coloured stairs leading up to a large, quieter bar area with different doors leading off to other, more obscured rooms.

As he reached the top of the stairs, Alec looked back over the bustling area of exuberant people, his eyes scanning for any signs of possible jeopardy. It was among the quieter group of elegant, female vampires that Alec spotted the familiar hair and glitter of the man who caused his heart to double its pace. Magnus Bane. With a sparkling smirk planted upon his glittered face, Magnus appeared to be talking casually to the girls, who were hanging onto his every word, their eyes glinting with desire.

The way Magnus seemed to speak to them - with the same flirtatious smile and enticing words on his lips - caused a hint of jealousy to pool at the pit of Alec's stomach. Envy was a painful emotion; one that Alec had experienced all of his life. But this type of jealousy was new, and almost exhilarating. Instead of making Alec feel like he wanted to hide away or wallow in self-pity, it urged him to grasp hold of Magnus and never let go, so nobody could steal him away from him. The new feeling was a powerful, unfamiliar current simmering within Alec that he knew was wrong. Possessiveness was an improper feeling to have, especially towards someone he barely knew. But Alec couldn't help it. Magnus was the first person outside of his family to pay even the slightest bit of attention towards the real Alec. Was it wrong of him to want that attention all to himself?

As if by some unknown force, Magnus' gleaming cat eyes flickered away from the charming females and towards the exact spot where Alec was stood. A brief hint of surprise sparked in Magnus' expression as he recognised Alec, before his smile swiftly morphed to a confused, almost worried frown. Alec tried to force an assuring smile in return but he was frozen in place, his eyes locked on Magnus. Looking behind Alec's figure, Magnus' frown only deepened, as his eyes caught onto something, before he promptly switched his attention back to the female vampires.

Feeling another wave of jealousy, Alec forced himself to turn away and search for Jace, who'd hurried off ahead in search of the dealer. Instead of being focused on the task ahead, Alec could feel his mind swirling with unanswered questions.

 _Was Magnus flirting with those girls? Is he really gay? Is Magnus faking for some unknown reason in an attempt to humiliate me? Or am I just being stupid?_

Fiercely pushing the questions to the back of his mind, Alec clenched his jaw before picking up his pace to follow Jace. By this point, Jace had introduced himself casually to a tanned, Italian-looking vampire who was stood slightly in front of even darker, inconspicuously dressed vampires.

Taking his place on Jace's left, Alec remained silent and cloaked as the eyes of each vampire turned to him curiously.

" Blaze, this is my good friend Zander. He's here with me to collect Bane's ingredients. Should we take this exchange to a quieter area?" Jace suggested, speaking in an unfamiliar authoritative tone that Alec felt almost proud of. It was like Jace was finally entering the world of adulthood - where formality instead of sharp sarcasm was a constant requirement.

" That would be ideal." Blaze nodded, his tone deep and husky. Nodding his head to one of his men, Blaze smiled sharply at Jace, indicating for him to follow the vampire ahead. Alec watched Blaze warily, awaiting any sign of sudden anger or violence. He allowed the vampires to walk ahead and he followed from the back, his eyes hovering from one to the other.

" Now, back to business." Jace smirked, his eyes dark and mysterious under the dimmed light of the back room. One of the vampires had lead them through a single, closed off door which led through into a spacious storage room. Alec took note of the exit door in the corner leading out into a back alley - an accessible escape route to be used if things turned sour.

" You are here for Mr. Bane, correct?" Blaze asked, tilting his head slightly to the side as he studied Jace. Due to the lack of light in the room, Blaze seemed to blend in more in the background, meaning his movements were obscured. His dark eyes appeared to be drilling holes into Jace's skull as he contemplated something.

" Yes. He instructed us to give you this large sum of money, in exchange for some ingredients for his latest work. He also instructed us to question you on where these ingredients have come from. After all, he says, the ingredients are very rare." Jace's eyes narrowed in concentration while he squared his stance.

" Mr Bane can be assured that these ingredients are authentic. He is well acquainted with Miss Camille Belcourt, yes? She was very surprised when Magnus Bane took an interest in her latest acquired ingredients."

Alec could sense the change in mood. Something was not right. Hand hovering over the seraph blade in his belt, Alec prepared to defend himself and Jace.

" And how did Miss Belcourt acquire them?" Jace questioned further.

" If Magnus Bane wishes to gather that information then he will have to obtain it from Miss Belcourt herself. I'm sure she will be more than happy to arrange a meeting with him." A smirk grew on Blaze's expression, showing off his razor sharp teeth.

" Ah Camille. I should have known." Magnus strode purposefully into the room, a business-like grin plastered upon his face while his hand hovered underneath his smooth chin. " She always was one to dabble in dark business, especially ones in which it concerned dazzling men, i.e. me."

Alec relaxed from his stiff position as Magnus entered and he felt a calming sense of relief wash over him. It was clear that danger was swiftly approaching himself and Jace and if they'd have continued down the same path, Alec didn't doubt they would have had to fight their way free.

" Magnus Bane. You decided to make an appearance." Blaze commented, taking a small, almost inconspicuous step away from Magnus. " There I was thinking you left poorly trained Shadowhunters to deal with your business inquiries nowadays."

" Well my own personal body guards require some training, their current people skills require extra work. I apologise if they have offended you." Magnus waltzed forward again, planting himself in front of Alec and Jace in order to seize control of the conversation.

" Nonsense, I can handle a few Shadowhunters."

" Now, about the blood and ashes I require," Magnus said. " Will you do the honour of handing them over? My time is precious, you see, and I no longer wish to waste it."

Alec watched with narrowed eyes as Blaze whispered to one of the vampires, before taking a small, velvet bag from the hands of another broad and muscular vampire. From inside the bag, Zander pulled out a glistening glass vial brimming with viscous, scarlet red liquid and another containing black, dust-like ashes. With slight hesitance, Blaze handed them over to Magnus, who grasped them firmly in his hands and studied them for a single moment.

" Now the payment," Blaze ordered, his voice turning a tone deeper.

" Ah, about that…" Handing the ingredients over to Jace, who pocketed them instantly, Magnus held up a finger, before placing it on his lips. " Camille knows as well as I that the payment you wished for is near impossible for me to hand over. So she should gladly accept the money I have to offer instead."

" That wasn't the deal," Blaze stated through gritted teeth, his hands clenched by his side.

" Oh but it is now." Magnus smirked mischievously.

This reply angered the vampires and a few of them seemed to seethe with annoyance. In a flash, one vampire from the back strode forward, while two flew down from the roof, landing at both exit doors. Instinctively, Alec turned slightly to his right and brandished his seraph blade, before pinning it to the neck of a vampire in warning. The vampire had been sneaking up behind Magnus. Somehow, Alec had saved him.

Magnus' eyes landed on Alec in surprise for a moment before he turned back to Blaze, his hand held up slightly in front of him. " Now, now. Surely you do not wish to have a fight on your hands?"

" You're outnumbered, Bane. Now either hand over the payment or hand us back the vials. Otherwise you and you're little body guards will die," Blaze threatened.

" That is a bold threat, even for vampires," Magnus stated as he let out a small, sarcastic chuckle. " I have said this once, vampire, and I will say it again. You will accept this money as payment, or nothing at all. Either way, these ingredients are mine."

" I'm not going to ask again, Bane. Hand me back those vials," Blaze ordered, his tone deadly.

" How about… No?" Magnus seemed to welcome the danger as he spoke, while his stance remained casual and careless.

" You will regret this, Bane." Blaze disappeared in a blur. In his place, two vampires advanced forward with their teeth on show, hissing at Magnus, Jace and Alec. Snapping the neck of the vampire he held tightly in his arms, Alec let the body drop before attacking another vampire preparing to attack Magnus from the side. Slashing his sword forward, Alec cut into the vampires shirt and created a slash seeping with blood in the mans chest. Cries of pain filled the quiet void in the room, overpowering the music echoing through the walls. Flashes of blue smoke shot from Magnus' slender hands, freezing some of the vampires and causing some of them to cry out in agony.

Neither Jace nor Alec aimed to kill. They fought together, attacking from either side, protecting a perfectly capable Magnus, who seemed gleeful at the opportunity to take down a few vampires. An endless stream of them seemed to advance forward; Alec spun with his seraph blade, gracefully striking one vampire, before turning to ward off another.

" Alec, watch out!" Alec frowned as he heard Magnus' voice shout before a surprised grunt left his lips, as he felt himself being pulled to the ground by a vampire from behind. He landed on the floor with a thud, the vampire towering over him, their canine teeth approaching his neck. Using all of his strength, Alec pushed hard at the vampire, trying to gain grip on the seraph blade that had fallen from his hand.

" Alec!" He heard Jace shout in panic.

" Alexander Lightwood. Vampire killer. I will take much pleasure in killing you," The vampire hissed loudly, before his teeth found the pulsing artery in Alec's neck.

Clamping his lips shut, Alec forced himself to hold back a scream of pain as he threw all of his strength towards the vampire, rolling them both over so that Alec was on top.

" Alexander Lightwood." The whisper of his name echoed from each vampire around the room, changing the direction of their anger.

Alec tried again to force the vampire's teeth away by throwing its head towards the ground, but nothing would unclamp the canine teeth. Suddenly, blue smoke fired towards the vampire and hit him squarely in the head, causing him to cry out in pain and unlock his teeth from Alec's neck. Scrambling weakly to his feet, Alec stumbled slightly in dizziness before grasping his seraph blade. He felt a hand grip his arm and he looked up, ready to strike, before he met the worried cat eyes of Magnus Bane.

" Follow me," Magnus instructed, pulling Alexander towards the exit that was being guarded. Behind them, Jace followed, hoarding off the remaining vampires. Taking a single look back, Alec watched with a deep frown as the vampire who'd drunk his blood rose from the floor, before dropping again in a fit of coughs, black liquid spewing from his lips. No. Not again, he thought solemnly.

Sending yet another shot of smoke, Magnus attacked the final vampire before exiting into a dark alleyway, pulling a weak Alec with him.

" We will go back to my apartment. I will treat you there," Magnus assured Alec carefully, looking from side to side before letting go of Alec's arm. From his fingertips, sparks of coloured magic emerged while Magnus spun his hands, masking it into a ball of colour, before throwing it ahead. The colour seemed to hit an invisible boundary, spinning out to create a powerful portal.

A crash sounded in the night air as Jace escaped from the club, several cuts covering his body. He kicked the door shut behind him, his hair waving forward to cover his face.

" We need to leave. Now," Magnus informed them sternly. " Do you have what we came for?"

" I have it. Let's go." Jace nodded.

Alec felt his eyes droop, while his body sagged forward a little. A deep ache throbbed at his neck while his arms twitched at his sides, the veins within them pulsing energetically. Magnus grabbed Alec carefully again, pulling him forward and into the portal, Jace following.

As soon as the portal landed them in the living room of Magnus' apartment, Alec flew forward, holding back a cry of pain. Pain shot through his head as he slammed against the floor. Curling up in a ball, Alec wished and wished in his mind for this not to be happening to him. _Not right now. Not with Magnus here._

His arms twitched again and his body writhed. In excruciating pain, Alec thrashed on the floor, his body crumbling into a fit of agonised spasms.

" Alexander…" Alec heard Magnus' voice call worriedly.

More voices echoed, before cool hand touched Alec's arm. He thrashed. Once. Twice. Again. And again, his arm throwing Magnus back and to the floor. Squeezing his eyes tightly shut, Alec felt his mind cloud.

 _No. Not like this. Not now._

The pain stabbed at him. And in one final moment of weakness, Alec let out a sharp, piercing cry of pain.

 _ **Thank you so much for reading and for all the**_ ** _reviews/favourites/follows so far! I really hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please review and let me know what you think: what's wrong with Alec? What do you think will happen next chapter? Is Simon really dead? More updates next week and as always big thanks to my beta reader Silvery Sparks who's edited this chapter.  
-DareToDream_**


	9. Allies

_**Chapter 8: Allies**_

Magnus watched in concern, his mind panicking uncharacteristically as Alec lay sprawled across the shiny linoleum flooring, twitching madly and frequently choking on his own breath. Alec's once wondrous, electric blue eyes were now dark with pain and sweat poured down his clammy, flushed face.

"Alexander." The voice that spoke was foreign to Magnus. It held concern and was laced with hints of panic. Heart frantically beating against his chest, Magnus felt himself grow stiff with fear, unable to deduce a sensible plan of action. Magnus had no idea how to fix Alexander. But he needed to act quickly and soon.

Jace remained silent. He too was kneeled on the floor, but he hovered over Alec, watching with frightened eyes as he writhed with agony. Clutching the spot on his chest where Magnus could only guess his parabatai rune was, Jace winced, his expression radiating his anxiety.

"Move," Magnus ordered sharply, breaking free from his brief moment of sheer panic. Centuries worth of training and experience had made Magnus into the warlock he was today - powerful and talented at healing magic. "I said move shadowhunter. Otherwise watch your brother die," he snapped again, when Jace didn't comply.

"He's my parabatai warlock. I'm not going anywhere." Jace's voice was icy as he spoke, but laced with hints of anxiety, which only caused Magnus' worry to grow further.

Shaking his head in annoyance, Magnus leaped forward across the floor, placing a soft hand on Alec's twitching arm. But as soon as the tips of his fingers merely touched the soft cotton of Alec's shirt, Magnus was thrown backwards by a purposeful, heavy shove of Alec's arm. In surprise, Magnus picked himself up, glancing back at Alec with a horrified expression.

"You can't touch him," Jace informed him, his tone grave while his eyes remained locked on Alec. "You'll just get thrown backwards. Trust me, I've tried."

Magnus frowned, while his mind clouded with questions and worried anger. "This has happened before?"

Jace let out a humourless laugh. "You could say that."

"My magic can help him. Even if I cannot touch him, I may be able to take his pain away. Meanwhile, you should inform me of what is happening to him." Magnus words seethed with annoyance as he spoke, while edging himself closer towards Alec warily. Pushing the worry to the back of his mind, he prepared himself to perform advanced, healing magic, picturing in his mind the spells he needed to conjure.

"It's not my business to tell," Jace replied bluntly.

"So you're just going to sit there, shadowhunter, and watch while Alexander suffers?" Magnus could feel his heart pounding heavily in his ears. Frustration towards Jace surged through him - it was a panicked anger beyond anything he'd felt since the mortal war.

"You think I like watching him in pain, warlock?" Jace snapped. This accusation seemed to have struck a chord in Jace, as his tone was icy and his expression portrayed his raging temper. "You think I like watching this happen to him?"

"What exactly is happening to him?" Magnus questioned again, hovering his hand over Alec's body. Closing his eyes, Magnus used his mind to push his magic forward to surround Alec's twitching body.

"He's having an… episode," Jace said quietly, a deep frown forming on his face as he observed what Magnus was doing. It was strange hearing no hint of sarcasm or sharp humour in Jace's voice, even Magnus - who'd barely even met Jace - knew that this behaviour was uncharacteristic. "He's had them before and he'll have them again. You can't do anything to stop it."

"I'm a centuries old warlock, you have no idea the lengths at which my magic can go to, shadowhunter. Don't underestimate me." Magnus frowned as his concentration wavered from saving Alexander. Feeling around for the source of the pain, Magnus continued to direction his magic around Alec's body to locate it.

"And I've seen many warlocks and other more powerful beings try and fix what's happening to him. They failed and so will you," Jace retorted coldly. "So instead of wasting our time, you need to help me think of a way to get into the institute unsuspected."

"Can you take your infuriatingly irritable voice somewhere else? I'm trying to help him and can't concentrate with you babbling off my ear," Magnus requested bitterly, ignoring Jace's pessimistic comments. Magnus would not fail in saving Alexander. He couldn't watch another person he cared about die. Not again.

"You're not listening to me." Magnus could almost hear the eye roll that no doubt followed Jace's comment. "The only way to stop the process is to get his medicine, which is back at the institute. So I need to get in there, undetected by Izzy, and get back here before it's too late."

"Then go," Magnus responded abruptly. "Run back to your institute and get it. It'll be no use creating another portal now."

"And leave Alec here with you? Not likely. I don't trust you, warlock, if that hasn't already being made clear."

"I've done nothing but direct my efforts into helping you, Jace Herondale." Jace flinched upon hearing his last name. "I wish for nothing more than to stop whatever is happening to Alexander. You may want to risk his life by not going for that medicine, but I do not. Go. Before I blast you out the door," Magnus threatened through gritted teeth.

"If anything else happens to him while I'm gone-" Jace began, throwing himself to his feet while grabbing his fallen seraph blade from the floor.

"Then you can do nothing about it. You have no power over me," Magnus reminded him, his voice pledging his dominance. "But I'm the best thing for Alexander right now."

Jace let out another sarcastic, humourless laugh. "You keep telling yourself that."

Before Magnus could reply, Jace had sprinted out of the door, leaving it wide open, as he left to hurry back to the New York institute.

A sigh of relief escaping his lips, Magnus let himself relax - only slightly - freeing his body from its rigid state. With Jace gone, his mind could thoroughly focus on one aim - saving Alexander. Pushing more power and force into his magic, Magnus felt a frown tug at his expression as he concentrated on locating the source the pain. It took only a few more seconds worth of effort, before Magnus discovered something peculiar. A familiar, dark, demonic aura seemed to pulse from both of Alec's arms, creating a sort of barrier around him, disallowing anything remotely 'good' for Alec to pass through. The darkness seemed to have a deep control and was somehow the source of all of Alec's suffering.

Pulling his hands away, Magnus opened his eyes, looking down upon Alexander's arms with a distressed curiosity. While feeling guilty for his intrusion in Alec's privacy, Magnus used his magic to lift Alec's arm and pull the sleeve back, being careful not to make any skin contact with him. He had a faint idea of what he would find, but nothing could prepare him for the reality of it. Where faint, pale blue veins would most normally appear on a human's arm, pulsing, blackened chords stood, attempting to rip their way free from Alec's skin. Behind the thin layer protecting the dark veins, a thick, inky substance flooded through, destroying the pure blood and creating waves of liquid that could be clearly seen by the human eye. Magnus had never seen anything like it before. Pulling Alec's jumper further up his arm, Magnus watched with widened eyes as the viscous liquid gradually inclined up Alec's arm, dropping down every so often as if it was hit by an unknown barrier.

Gulping back a breath caught in his throat, Magnus let Alec's arm carefully drop to the floor. Trying desperately to think of something useful, he gritted his teeth in desperation, pressing his lips firmly together. He needed Jace. He needed to know what the hell was happening underneath Alec's skin so that he could stop it, before the liquid reached Alec's heart. The only possible explanation was that it was demon blood. But how had it made its way into Alec's bloodstream? And why was demon blood even affecting Alec when he'd been bitten by a vampire?

Thinking back to earlier that night, Magnus narrowed his eyes as he remembered the vampire who'd bitten Alec. Magnus had looked back to make sure that no other vampire had been following them, and had caught a brief glance of a choking vampire, who seemed to be coughing up blackened blood. Until now, Magnus had thought nothing of it. Peculiar incidents like that occurred every so often in the shadow world. But could the vampire have been choking due to something within Alexanders blood? Did the demon blood constantly reside in Alec's bloodstream?

Then something seemed to dawn on Magnus. Almost two centuries ago, he'd seen a case similar to Alec's. A case that had not ended well. Jem Carstairs. His blood had been infected with demon blood and he'd constantly had to cure himself with Yin Fen. His whole existence had been entirely reliant on the damaging drug, that had stripped away of all the colour in his life, before almost killing him off once and for all. A shiver ran down Magnus' spine at the thought.

 _No_. Alec could not be constantly on the brink of death. Alec could not be close to slipping away from life itself. Not when Magnus had only just begun to grow deep affection for him. _No_. He, an immortal warlock, could not watch another of his loved ones die while he was forced to live on with his life, as if the person had never existed.

 _No. You're thinking of the worst._ Jem Carstairs had constantly looked weak and on the brink of death and he had most definitely not had black veins, Magnus reminded himself. Even now, despite Alec's pained condition, his face appeared young and untouched, while his hair remained one colour, not showing any signs of age. Maybe Alec's illness wasn't fatal. Maybe, with the medicine Jace was about to obtain, Alec would always remain cured, and die of natural causes in decades to come.

Magnus couldn't and shouldn't rely on his own theories. After all, Alec had confirmed that he would reveal to Magnus what his 'condition' was and thinking of theories was only intruding in a part of Alec's life that Magnus had not been granted access to yet. No. All Magnus could and should do now was attempt to stop his pain.

"Oh, Alexander…" Magnus sighed, placing his hand lightly on Alec's cheek, forgetting for a moment that he couldn't touch Alec. This time, instead of throwing him back, Alec's hand flew up to grip his wrist tightly, while he cried out in more pain.

"Magnus…" Alec's croaky voice broke through the cries for a moment and his grip slightly loosened on Magnus' arm. As his eyes finally rolled back into focus, Alec looked up at Magnus for a moment, his expression radiating nothing but pure fear. "S-Sorry," he choked out, before his eyes rolled up again, glazing over and moulding into the colour of his pupil.

Typical. He always has to apologise.

Wincing at the colour of Alec's eyes, Magnus looked away, hovering his hands over Alec's forehead before forcing all of his energy into the palm of his hands. There was only one solution to the problem that Magnus could think of. With a soft flick of his wrist, Magnus sent a purple coloured shot of smoke that hit Alec directly on his forehead, knocking him out into unconsciousness. Though his body still twitched and his black veins still pulsed, Alec's lips remained shut and his face remained relaxed, as if he was enjoying a peaceful sleep.

Knowing that Alec's body now had a lowered defence, Magnus pushed a surge of powered magic through Alec's mind and neck, allowing it to travel through Alec's body. With his eyes closed, Magnus concentrated on the magic's direction, trying desperately to ignore the feeling of being inside of Alec. It was all a very intimate healing technique, that Magnus sparingly used - only when it was deemed necessary for the person's survival. Soon, Magnus could hear Alec's frantic heart and he impelled all of his energy into slowing the beats, forcing it to follow the same, casual rhythm of Magnus' own heart. As his bloodstream slowed, Magnus then allowed his magic to travel down through the main bloodline to Alec's arms. He quickly met the pulsing, demonic aura and it was only then that he felt its true grasp on Alec's body. The blackened liquid refused to move backwards, no matter how much of himself Magnus threw behind his magic. All he could do was slow it down and attempt to attack it from all directions. It seemed to cling to Alec with the same power of bonded atoms, disallowing Magnus to even remain a millimetre's distance from it.

Despite the continued unsuccessful outcome, Magnus continued to fight with all his strength, even when he began to feel the slight effects of his magic waning. The demonic power of the blood might not be dampening, but it was slowing, giving Alec much more time before the liquid reached his heart. Magnus needed to continue his efforts until Jace arrived.

Mind clouding for a single moment, Magnus frustratedly pushed more of his magic into Alec's body, refusing to give in. Just as he was beginning to feel his mind lose its strength, the door slammed open, pulling Magnus out of his miserable engrossment in his panicked thoughts for Alec.

"What happened?" Jace snapped and Magnus could hear his footsteps pounding over towards him, while another's footsteps seemed to freeze at the doorway.

"I'm taking away his pain. Do you have the medicine?" Magnus asked, his voice sounding wearier than before, as if he even lacked the energy to speak.

"I have it. Now move away from him. You've done enough," Jace told him ungratefully, crouching down at Alec's other side and pulling out a satchel from his pocket carrying a shining gold powder.

Pulling his magic back slightly, but disallowing himself to relax, Magnus prepared to use more of his supernatural powers in case something went wrong. Opening Alec's mouth, Jace opened the satchel and carefully poured in the contents of the powder into Alec's mouth.

"Jace, he's unconscious. He needs to swallow it in order for it to take effect."

Magnus turned, slightly surprised at the sound of Isabelle's voice. Hadn't Jace planned on not informing Isabelle about what had happened?

"Water. Make yourself useful, warlock, and go fetch some," Jace ordered.

Holding back his frustration and snarky comments, Magnus pulled one hand away from Alec's body, while resting his other on Alec's shoulder, before procuring a glass of water out of thin air. Jace appeared unmoved by the casual display of magic and snatched the water from Magnus hands. Placing a hand behind the top of Alec's back, Jace forced him upwards into a half sitting position, before pouring some of the water into Alec's mouth. In his unconscious state, Alec instinctively swallowed and Jace then laid him down carefully.

Magnus clutched Alec's shoulder harder when he felt a wave of jealousy pass over him as Jace placed his ear above Alec's lips, checking to see whether he was still breathing, before placing his hand within Alec's. Watching Jace with hard eyes, Magnus remained silent, ignoring the tiredness tugging at his mind and body.

"Can one of you care to explain what happened to my brother and why I wasn't there to help him?" Izzy requested coolly, her lips pursed in annoyance.

"As I do not know the whole story, I will transfer Alexander to a more comfortable place to rest while you two… discuss things." Magnus held back a smirk, knowing that Jace was soon to be scolded by Isabelle.

"No. We're going back to the institute. We're not staying here any longer than necessary." Jace shook his head.

"Your consideration towards what I have done for your brother is unnecessary, Jace Herondale. I do not need a thank you," Magnus told him sarcastically.

"Thank you, Magnus, for what you've done for my brother." Isabelle sauntered forward, a small smile adorned on her full lips. "I'm sure he will thank you too when he has awoken."

Jace let out a scoff at Izzy's words and picked himself up off of the floor.

"I'll carry, Alec. Izzy we need to leave," Jace said.

"No," Isabelle stated firmly, placing her hands on her hips. "We're staying here, where Magnus can help if anything else happens to him. We're not risking going back to the institute."

"It is nice to have someone finally agree with me…" Magnus commented, a brief, thankful smile tugging at his lips as he looked up at Isabelle.

"Fine." Jace appeared stung by Isabelle's change in allegiance and he turned to glare at Magnus, before throwing himself grumpily down on the sofa.

"Now tell me what the hell happened and why you left me behind at the institute," Isabelle demanded.

Taking this as his cue to leave, Magnus climbed up from the floor, quietly snapping his fingers so that Alec's body levitated up to meet Magnus' hip. Directing Alec down towards the corridor, Magnus walked behind, his eyes hovering over Alec worriedly. He opened his own bedroom down with the flick of his wrist, pulled the covers of his deep blue bed covers back and placed Alec's body on top of the plush mattress. Walking over to the side of the bed, Magnus pulled the thick duvet covers over Alexander's body and tucked it underneath his chin, before yawning deeply. Rubbing his eyes, Magnus willed his body to stay awake, despite the very late hour.

"Sweet dreams, Alexander," he spoke in a sweet whisper, placing a soft, delicate kiss on Alec's warm forehead and brushing his wild hair away from his face with his fingers.

Leaving his bedroom and wandering back into the main room, Magnus let out yet another yawn as he overheard Jace and Izzy's heated conversation.

"You should have told me," Izzy stated, her voice venomous. "You left me behind and put Alec in danger. He could have been killed by those vampires!"

"Alec's strong enough, Iz. He can fight, he's been trained just like us. We can't just lock him up in the institute. He wanted to help me, I gave him the choice," Jace protested.

"Well it's not much of a choice is it? He's your parabatai, Alec would have never have said no to helping you. You could have asked me- " Isabelle's frustration radiated from her like a raging lioness and Magnus couldn't help but agree with her frustration. If Jace had requested Alec's help, then due to the parabatai bond Alec was unlikely to have refused and would have wished to protect Jace. While Magnus had assured Jace that he would acquire the blood and ashes Jace required himself, Jace's arrogant lack of trust towards him and his strong desire to find Clary had placed Alexander in danger. The selfishness of the act only caused a certain fire to ignite in Magnus, one that urged him to let out his anger at the culprit.

"Simon might be dead!" Jace shouted, his usual composed tone turning frantic and disjointed, like he was losing control. "And if Simon's dead, then Clary might be dead too… What's done is done. We need to find out whether what those vampires were selling is genuine."

Izzy flinched at the ferocity and frantic tone of Jace's voice. Upon hearing Jace speak of the 'ingredients', Magnus took this as his cue to enter the conversation.

Magnus heaved a deep sigh, making his presence known to Jace and Isabelle. "Let's get this over with, goldilocks. Hand over the ingredients and I'll check their authenticity," he said in a tired voice, not having the energy to create a sarcastic quip that he could throw at Jace.

Not bothering to reply, Jace pulled the sealed vials of blood and ashes from his pocket and handed them over to Magnus. Placing the objects on the floor, Magnus lit the few candles scattered around the room with a click of his fingers, before kneeling down on the floor. His magic dwindled and he could feel the fatigue weighing down his body.

Placing his hands over the vials, Magnus began muttering Latin words under his breath, while drawing power from the flames of the candle as he cast his magic over the objects. Feeling his heart pound frantically in his ears, Magnus pushed forward, his hands twitching as he threw his energy into the spell, linking the ingredients back to the Daylighter. For the blood, an image appeared; a boy; brown eyes radiating innocence; pale skin; mousy brown hair. As the image faded, he focused on the ashes, but this time instead of a boy an image of a young vampire girl, burning to death under the rays of sun.

Pulling his magic back, Magnus breathed in slowly, holding himself up stiffly as he felt the need to lie down and relax. He could not show his weakness in power in front of two shadowhunters relying upon him.

"The blood is genuine, but the ashes are not," Magnus replied simply.

Isabelle seemed to visibly relax, but only slightly, while Jace appeared unmoved by the answer.

"Which means you can use the blood to do another tracking spell. It should work since it's a stronger link?" Jace suggested, his eyes narrowing as he thought hard, staring at Magnus.

"I don't perform spells at your beck and call," Magnus stated coldly, picking himself up from the floor and snapping his fingers again so that the flames on the candles flickered out. "I require sleep, unless you wish to wake to an extremely angry warlock in the morning. You'll find two bedrooms in which I'll allow you to rest for the night. Do not disturb me, otherwise you'll find yourself out of this house faster than you can say shadowhunter."

Leaving Isabelle and Jace in silence, Magnus strode off towards his room. Upon entering, he slammed the door shut hard, forgetting for a moment that Alec was dreamlessly sleeping in his bed. Sighing, Magnus couldn't find the energy to stroll back into the living room and tell one of the two shadowhunters that they'd have to sleep on the sofa. So instead, Magnus sat down against the side of the bed in which Alec was sleeping, and leaned his head back.

Despite his desire to sleep in his own bed, Magnus knew that if Alec awoke to find a shirtless Magnus sleeping next to him then he would no doubt panic. Leaving the glitter on his face and the clothes on his body, Magnus closed his eyes, almost instantly drifting off into a deep, exhausted sleep.

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

"The plan has worked. They have acquired the ingredients. They should arrive soon enough, once my dear friend Magnus has performed the correct location spell for them." The feline woman grinned, flaunting her razor sharp teeth as she sauntered forward into the richly decorated room, her green eyes locked upon the seat in which her ally sat.

"Good. Prepare your allied vampires, Camille. And inform our visitors that their friend will be joining them soon enough."

* * *

 **Thank you so much for reading! All the support from you guys so far has been amazing and I'm glad you all seem to like the characterisation and plot line. I've seen a few theories of what's wrong with Alec and some of you guessed correctly. Hopefully this chapter answers a few more of your questions while also giving you a little more Malec time. Let me know what you think by reviewing and please follow/favourite.  
-DareToDream**


	10. It's A Date

_**It's A Date**_

Magnus awoke lazily the next morning at the feeling of bright light targeting his closed eyes. Flickering his eyes open, he held back a small groan of pain, grasping the back of his neck. Due to his kindness towards Alexander, Magnus' lower back and neck were now aching from the position he'd slept in all night. If only Alexander was more knowledgeable about relationships, then maybe Magnus could have sneaked into bed with him. But Magnus - for some reason not wanting to risk his chance with the shadowhunter - had chosen to sleep on the floor, out of rare consideration towards another person.

Looking down at his knees, Magnus half smiled at his tabby cat, who was looking up at him with hopeful eyes. Unable to resist Chairman Meow's undoubtable request, Magnus stroked him behind his ears, before picking him up softly from on top of his own legs and carrying out of the room.

His loft was oddly quiet, considering the fact that three shadowhunters were currently residing in it - again, due to his uncharacteristic consideration. However, Magnus was not complaining. This was exactly how he liked his apartment and right now he was prepared to damage any shadowhunter willing to disturb the peace and quiet of his loft.

Placing Chairman Meow on the floor of his shiny, modern kitchen, Magnus pulled the cat food from the bottom cupboard. His cat purred, brushing itself against Magnus' legs as he squeezed the cat food out into the small bowl on the floor. Smiling as the cat jubilantly dived into devouring the food, Magnus sauntered back to his bedroom, feeling casually at peace with himself.

However, his mood soon changed as he arrived back. Almost instantly he spotted the handsome shadowhunter boy still soundly asleep in his bed. Reminded again of the worry and panic of yesterday night, Magnus frowned as he approached Alec. The boy did not appear peaceful like before - he was twitching in his sleep, as if experiencing a nightmare. Concerned though he was, Magnus sighed, brushing Alec's hair gently out of his eyes before turning towards the bathroom. He wanted to escape the worry weighing down on him, just for a single moment more. He wanted to feel at peace like he had moments before.

Locking himself away in the bathroom, Magnus scorned at himself as he spotted his dishevelled appearance in the square mirror. Dark eyeliner stained the bottom of his eyes, causing him to look haunted with sleep while glitter smothered his face. His hair was an even worse story as it stood up at all ends, his previously smooth spikes were now tangles of knots laid upon his head.

After showering and washing the remnants of yesterday's appearance away, Magnus wrapped a towel tightly around his lower body before running his finger through his hair, smoothing it away from his face. Flushed from the hot shower, Magnus stepped out of his bathroom only to freeze in place as he spotted the handsome shadowhunter, who was watching him with wide, bright blue eyes.

"Alexander." Magnus breathed, his body slightly rigid with surprise. "You're awake. I'm glad."

"What…" Alec began. He seemed to be having an internal battle with himself from his sitting position on Magnus' bed. Though Alec attempted to keep his eyes on Magnus' face, Magnus noticed quickly that his eyes flickered downwards every so often. Magnus held back a pleasurable smile. " What am I doing here? What happened?"

"Don't worry. I know how this may look, darling," Magnus winked, walking gracefully across the room, turning purposefully away from Alec so that he could see the back of him. "But all is not as it seems. I've merely had a morning shower. And you've woken up from your sleep in my bed, in which you slept alone."

Magnus turned just in time to see a crimson blush form on Alec's cheeks in response - just what he'd been aiming for. Lightening the mood and flirting may prepare Alec for the horrible news to come. Though Magnus didn't doubt it would at all change Alec's reaction.

"I - Why am I here?" Alec asked, his expression confused and vulnerable - reminding Magnus of an oblivious puppy.

"You don't remember?" Magnus asked, raising an eyebrow, tightening his hold on the clothes he had planned to wear for the day.

"Should I?" Alec frowned, his lips tightening as he lost himself in deep thought.

"Avert your eyes for a moment, darling. Unless you wish to see me clothes-less, then by all means keep watching." Magnus teased, winking again, but Alec barely even blushed this time. While still consumed by his thoughts, Alec turned politely away. Slightly disappointed with the lack of reaction, Magnus snapped his fingers so that the towel disappeared, before he snapped them again, looking down as casual, sparkly t-shirt and designer, black jeans appeared on his body. Leaving his hair free and wild and deciding not to put any make up on, Magnus felt almost naked while he stood in front of Alexander, completely natural.

"What part of last night do you remember up to, Alexander?" Magnus asked him more seriously this time, feeling the familiar sense of dread pool in the pit of his stomach. It was already bad enough that he'd have to admit to Alec that he'd intruded in his privacy. Why did it have to be him to inform Alec that he'd collapsed on his living room floor?

"Me and Jace went to Pandemonium to collect those ingredients… You were there, we fought the vampires and then you portalled us back to here. Then… I can't remember." Alec's frown only deepened and Magnus strolled forward, taking a seat beside Alexander on the bed. For a moment their eyes remained locked as Alec thought, then suddenly everything seemed to dawn on him at once, and fear overtook his innocent expression. "Oh no."

"Alexander…" Magnus began, but he was unable to continue. The words seemed to catch in his throat as a look of pure terror overcame Alec, causing him to appear like a frightened child lost in the dark.

"No. I didn't - Please tell me I didn't- " Alec stuttered, a breathe catching in his throat as his hands shook on his lap.

Feeling a strong need to comfort him, Magnus took Alexanders hand into his own, weaving their fingers together. Magnus squeezed his hand tightly, trying to provide some sort of relief for Alec. But nothing could wipe the horrified expression off of his face.

Alec seemed to take this gesture as a response. Hanging his head low and ashamed, Alec bit his lip, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. "I'm sorry - I couldn't - you shouldn't have seen that - I'm sorry." He fought with his words, unsure of what to say.

Heart pounding and body melting, Magnus felt his expression tug into a concerned frown. "You have no need to apologise, Alexander. You've done nothing wrong."

"I should have controlled it…" Alec muttered, his tone almost lifeless as he spoke. "I should have fought it back."

Magnus shook his head, sighing deeply. "There was nothing you could've done, darling."

Squeezing his eyes shut for a moment, Alec breathed in and out heavily, while his hand squeezed Magnus'. Watching Alexander, unknowing of what to do, Magnus remained silent and still. Words of comfort formed in his brain, but he shot every idea, rendering them all useless. He'd never been good at dealing with suffering people - he'd never quite been kind enough to deal with them. Now he wished he'd learnt exactly what to say in a situation like this.

"Where's Jace?" Alec looked up abruptly, his eyes focusing ahead rather than on Magnus as he spoke. Pulling his hand out of Magnus' lap, Alec seemed to subconsciously curl in on himself, masking himself away from Magnus once again.

"Asleep, I expect. I allowed your siblings to stay the night." Magnus informed him softly, disappointed by Alec's withdrawal. However, he was a master by now at hiding unwanted emotions, meaning he no doubt appeared to be nothing but concerned.

"Thank you." Alec mumbled, looking down again. "Thanks for everything. For helping me." His voice was quiet and insecure.

"I owed you. After the stunt you pulled on those vampires attacking me. It has been a long time since anyone has in any way protected me." Magnus cringed at the vulnerable edge to his voice, but he'd allowed himself to speak this words in the vain hope that Alec would open up to him again.

"Me and Jace… We should go, Izzy will be expecting us back." Alec climbed to his feet, swaying slightly before he seemed to balance himself.

Hiding his disappointment yet again, Magnus held back the bitter comments he so desired to speak. "Will you not even stay for breakfast? You've yet to experience my exceptional cooking. My cat loves it, but I think I need a more human opinion." Magnus felt like slapping himself for being so open and hopeful when he'd knew he'd only be kicked back down. He'd invaded part of Alexander's life that he wasn't ready to open up about and now he was experiencing the consequences.

"I'm sorry, Magnus…" Alec's voice was apologetic and his eyes shined with slight regret, but his mind seemed set on leaving. "I have to go."

"You'll find both your siblings in the spare rooms. Inform them that I'll be expecting lodging payments from them along with the payment for the magic I've provided. Make sure to close the front door, will you. I wouldn't want any more unexpected visitors." Magnus huffed sharply, unable to hide his dismay any longer.

Magnus' sudden change in mood seemed to spark a small realisation within Alec and he hesitated as he approached the door. "I'm- "

Though Alec appeared to want to explain himself, Magnus knew all too well that he was not ready to. He understood. He didn't want Alec to force himself into explaining everything to Magnus. But he couldn't help but feel dejected about the whole situation. After all Magnus had worried so much and thrown all of his efforts to saving Alexander and this is what he was given in return.

"Thank you." Alec repeated, his voice low, before walking out of his bedroom and towards the two doors.

Gritting his teeth in annoyance, Magnus ran a hand through his hair, dishevelling it, before standing up and peering into the corridor. Voices mumbled and Magnus watched with thriving jealousy as Alec and Jace hugged. From the look of relief in Alec's expression, Magnus could tell that the two parabatai were pleased to see one another alive and well. They appeared to have a silent conversation while Izzy hugged Alec and Jace - for the first time since Magnus had met him - portrayed some sort of caring love towards Alec. It only caused Magnus' jealousy to simmer more within him.

As the three turned to leave, only one bothered to look back. Isabelle Lightwood turned with a thankful expression and a polite smile. For a moment Magnus could have sworn that he'd seen understanding in her eyes - like she knew exactly what Magnus was feeling right now. But as the shadowhunters left, thankfully closing the door behind them, Magnus felt his whole body sink as he retreated bitterly back to his bedroom, locking himself away once again from the world.

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

Alec felt nothing but shame pounding through his body. It consumed him, weighing him down, despite his efforts to restrain it. For a long time now he'd hidden himself away from the world, desperately trying to contain his demonic illness. He'd remained inside the institute, lonely and afraid for so long. And just as he was starting to open up to somebody, he'd collapsed in front of them, revealing all of his deepest darkest secrets.

Alec couldn't get the look Magnus had given him out of his head. It was one of pity; confirming in Alec's mind that the only reason Magnus had possibly helped him was due to the fact that he felt sorry for him. And Alec hated being pitied. It was bad enough that he was constantly consumed by his own self-loathing, he didn't need other people wishing he had another life for him. He did enough of that wishing himself.

But as humiliated as Alec felt, he couldn't ignore the warm feeling in his chest at the thought of Magnus protecting him. Nobody outside of his family had ever attempted to rescue Alec from his dark demise; he'd never let anyone get close enough. Yet Magnus had. Contrary to Alec's beliefs, Magnus hadn't abandoned him in disgust or sudden loathing of his nature. No. Magnus Bane, the high warlock of Brooklyn, had helped him. All free of charge — well, to a certain extent.

Alone in the training room, trying to remain focused as he practised shooting arrows at a target, Alec felt himself cloud with nostalgia. The goodbye kiss. Though it had occurred nearly more than a week ago, Alec could still picture it clearly in his mind; the soft touch of Magnus' slightly chapped lips, the taste of them. It was beyond anything Alec had ever felt before.

 _Twang_. He'd released the arrow, mid thought and it skimmed the top of the target, clattering against the back wall. Sighing at himself, Alec squeezed his eyes shut and wiped all thoughts of Magnus from his mind.

 _No. Don't think about him Alec._

Alec had involuntarily revealed his darkest secrets to Magnus; how would he ever be able to face him again?

"Are you going to hide in here all day or are you going to let me talk to you?" Isabelle strode into the training room, the click of her heels bouncing off of the tall roof, causing the sound to echo around the room.

"I'm not hiding, I'm training." Alec responded bluntly, firing two arrows quickly at the target. They both hit the bullseye.

"Alec, it's been two days. Don't you think it's about time you finally spoke to me or Jace?"

Alec lowered his bow slightly. He turned so he could see Izzy. She was dressed in subdued black clothing - unlike her usual flaunting appearance. The whip coiled around her wrist glistened in the soft light, while her eyes looked upon Alec with worry. _Great._ _Another person who pities me_ , Alec thought bitterly.

"I am talking to you." Walking over to the weapons rack, Alec placed his bow neatly back into its rightful place, before stripping the arrow satchel from his back and putting each arrow neatly into a small container next to it.

"You're hiding. Like you always do when something like this happens." Izzy said in a matter-of-fact-tone.

"Can't you just leave me to train?" Alec snapped, feeling his arms pulse by his side. No. Control the anger. "I don't need you feeling sorry for me Isabelle."

"Fine," Izzy huffed, yet her tone of voice indicated that she was far from giving up. "But if you won't speak to me or Jace, then you'll just have to speak to Magnus."

"I don't want to speak to him either," Alec stated grumpily.

"You've always sucked at lying, Alec, so don't bother." Izzy rolled her eyes at him, while taking a few controlled steps closer towards him. "You were so rude to him the other day. He helped you and you ran out of his apartment the minute you woke up."

"Leave it alone, Izzy." Alec shook his head, closing his eyes for a brief moment while attempting to not let the words get to him.

Had he been rude to Magnus? After all, Alec was extremely thankful that Magnus had kindly helped him when he was in pain. But Alec could still hear the final words that Magnus had spoken to him that day. I wouldn't want any more unexpected visitors, he'd said. Though Alec hadn't realised at the time, he could see now that the comment had clearly been about him. This stung Alec more than he wanted it to.

"I thought you liked him. Why didn't you just stay?" Izzy frowned, appearing confused.

"I do like him. That's exactly the problem," Alec responded in a low tone. Stupid Izzy and her meddling in other people's problems. He again pushed back that bitter thought. Izzy was only trying to help and it was kind of her to do so even though neither Simon nor Clary had been located yet by Magnus' tracking spell.

"I caught Jace that night you know. He was trying to sneak into the institute. And do you know what I saw when I arrived in the loft that night?"

Alec shook his head, bewildered where Izzy was going with her story.

"I saw an exhausted warlock throwing everything he had into saving you. Jace might have been too arrogant to notice but I did."

Feeling his heart warm, Alec felt his lips part in slight shock. Tingles emerged at the pit of his stomach like a volcano erupting, spreading throughout his whole body. Magnus more than helped him - he'd tried to save him. However, upon this thought, Alec's mood lowered once again. If Magnus had tried to save him, then surely he must have seen his arms. Alec shuddered at the thought. He'd heard enough times from his father how disgusting his condition turned when it overcame him.

"He felt sorry for me. That doesn't change anything," Alec muttered.

"Alec when are you going to stop being so stubborn and accept that you like the damn warlock?" Izzy said in an exasperated manner. "You don't have to be ashamed of what you are. You shouldn't be ashamed about your condition or being gay."

"Izzy, you know what it'll look like," Alec shook his head, trying not to allow his sudden irritability to consume him. "I already look weak enough to the clave because of my condition. Being… being gay," Alec had to force the word from his lips. "will only confirm that even more."

"Alec…" Izzy let out an apologetic sigh, her sturdy expression crumbling into one of concern. "It doesn't matter what the clave will think, it doesn't matter what father will think." Alec flinched at the mention of his father, Robert Lightwood. "You'll have me and Jace. It won't change anything. Jace won't care, he'll just be disappointed that you kept it from him for so long."

Alec shook his head firmly. "No. Jace of all people can't know."

"You're so stubborn." Izzy sighed again. "When are you ever going to learn that the people who care about you like you for you? And that applies for Magnus too."

"Don't bring Magnus into this again." Alec ordered, but his voice was too soft - it was as if he was encouraging Izzy to go against his wishes.

"You should apologise to Magnus." Izzy suggested plainly. "I can tell he likes you and he's finally earned my approval after what he did for you the other day."

Alec opened his mouth to respond but the words seemed to catch in his throat, leaving him speechless. With a small, almost victorious smile, Izzy turned her back on Alec and sauntered out of the training room, leaving Alec alone with his thoughts.

He knew deep down that Izzy was right. In fact, Alec couldn't remember a time where Izzy had ever been wrong. Would Jace care that Alec was gay? Would he feel ashamed about his parabatai? Alec didn't want to give Jace a further reason to feel ashamed of him, his condition already gave him enough reason to.

Feeling himself drowned by his thoughts, Alec picked up one of the arrows, studying it for a moment, his eyes fleeting over the intricate runes carved into it. He paused on one, his eyes mapping over the curves that his own stele had carved into the arrow. Fortis. The strength rune. All Alec needed to have was a little bit of strength of mind and body. Then maybe he could finally overcome his shameful fears. Maybe then he could face Magnus. Maybe then he could reveal his secrets too him and confirm the theories that Magnus no doubt had.

 _Just have a little bit of strength, Alec._

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

Another day passed, bringing the long weekend to a close and Alec had not yet found the strength he needed. Pacing up and down his bedroom, bickering with himself in his mind, he squeezed his eyes shut, clenching his hands into fists.

 _Just do it, Alec. Call him. Tell him you're ready to talk. He told you to contact him when you were._ The voice encouraged him, eagerly informing him how the plan was simple. All he needed to do was pluck up the courage to call Magnus.

 _No. It's been too long. He's probably mad at you. He probably won't even answer and then you'll just look stupid._ Another voice provided the counter argument, adding to Alec's clustered mind.

 _Just call him. Be brave for once in your life. Stop being so weak and whiny._ The last voice felt more condemning, like it was scolding Alec for being so weak all the time. However, Alec couldn't help but feel it was speaking the most truth out of all the voices. He'd always been like this; fearful of ever growing close to anyone. Jace and Izzy were clear exceptions, but overtime he'd grown to learn that they truly did care for him. Even Clary and the Daylighter, to a certain extent, had embedded themselves into Alec's life. So why couldn't he just be brave enough to let Magnus in?

 _Do it._

 _Do it Alec._

 _Call him._

So he did. In a burst of unplanned courage, Alec grabbed his cellphone from the dresser besides his bed and called Magnus' number, placing the phone shakily by his ear.

 _Stay calm. Speak normally._

The phone rang once, twice, three times. And just as the fear arose in Alec's mind that Magnus wasn't going to pick up, there was a sudden crackly noise and then loud music sounded down the phone.

"Hello?" Magnus voice called over the loudness of the booming music. Clearly, he was in a club, possibly Pandemonium, enjoying himself, unlike Alec who'd been meticulously pacing his room for the past hour. Upon realising this, the image of Magnus with the vampire girls from a few days ago arose on his mind, only causing him to become more determined.

"It's er-Alec. I want to speak to you about something." Alec responded, half-confidently, pushing the doubtful fear from his mind.

But all of his anxiety seemed to return, crashing down on him like a ton of bricks as Alec heard Magnus' next three words. "I'm sorry, who?"

"A-Alec… Alexander Lightwood. You gave me your number…?" His tone was much warier, as he was unable to hide his fear that Magnus would just ignore him.

"Alexander…" Alec couldn't tell whether Magnus sounded pleased or irritated to hear from him. But as he tried to decide this, the music booming down the phone seemed to dim, as if Magnus was moving to speak with him more privately. "To what do I owe the pleasure? Let me guess, there's something you and your little shadowhunter friends need?"

The sarcasm dripping from his voice caused Alec to cringe, only reminding Alec of his abrupt departure from Magnus' loft a few days ago. Thinking back, Magnus had been so open and kind to him, and Alec had shot him down all because he was ashamed.

"No, actually. I wanted to speak to you." Alec informed him, attempting to sound slightly more bold.

"And you decided to call instead of paying me a late visit?" Magnus sounded sceptical, as if he was trying to deduce why Alec was calling him.

"You said you didn't want any more unexpected visitors,"

"That is true. But it doesn't necessarily apply to you, unless you are going to arrive then abruptly depart again, in which case I'd much rather you just texted." Magnus responded.

Alec could hear the slight irritation in Magnus' voice and he wondered how he hadn't realised he'd been rude before. "I won't. I er- wasn't in the right mindset the other day. I don't think I thanked you properly for what you did. I'm sorry."

"As always there is no need to apologise, I have come to expect this behaviour from shadowhunters," Magnus said, slightly bitter.

"Still though - thank you. Nobody's ever helped me like that in a long time," Alec said, mimicking when Magnus had told him that very few people had ever protected him.

"And once again you called just to thank me. You're beginning to become slightly more predictable, Alexander."

"I didn't." Alec shook his head, forgetting for a moment that Magnus couldn't see him. "I called to tell you… That I-m… That I'm ready to talk." Alec breathed deeply, awaiting Magnus' response.

"I see."

Was that hope Alec could detect in his voice? Or was he simply deluded? "So…Do you want to go out with me? Then I can explain." Though Alec hesitated upon speaking these words, he managed to force it out his mouth in one brief, hopeful moment stupidity.

"You wish to go out with me?" Magnus seemed to ponder the thought.

"Yes." Alec confirmed. "This Friday?" Squeezing his eyes shut, Alec bit his lip as he awaited any sign of a positive response from Magnus.

"Where?"

Alec thought hard, then realised that he'd never properly been out anywhere in New York for a long time. "I-I don't know…A restaurant maybe? I don't know any-"

"I know exactly the right place." Alec could hear the faint smile in Magnus' voice that only caused the corner of Alec's lips to upturn. "It's a cosy little place uptown, you'll love it."

"Great," Alec couldn't hide the excitement from his voice and he could only hope that he didn't sound over eager.

"It's a date," Magnus said brightly, his tone light and airy like it had been when Alec had awoken in Magnus' bed. "Come to my loft for 7 and don't be late. I'll see you then, darling."

 _It's a date._

"See you then." Alec mumbled as a beeping sounded down the phone, replacing Magnus' voice and the echo of loud music.

 _See you on Friday, Magnus Bane._ Alec thought proudly to himself, unable to hide the beaming smile now adorned on his lips.

* * *

 _ **Thank you so much, again, for reading! I really hope you enjoyed this chapter. This one was a little bit of an emotional rollercoaster for Alec, but he finally plucked up the courage to call ask Magnus out. Let me know what you think by reviewing and don't forget to favourite/follow. I can't thank you all enough for the continued support, I'm glad you all like this story so far. More updates soon.  
~DareToDream**_


	11. Friday

**Chapter 10: Friday**

 _'Tell your little shadowhunter friends to stop calling please. I am no closer to locating Simmons than I was 10 minutes ago when they last called.' ~ Magnus_

 _'I'll tell them. They're just worried.' ~ Alec_

 _'Thank you, darling. See you on Friday. Can't wait ;)' ~ Magnus_

 _'I'm looking forward to it too :)' ~ Alec_

 _'xxx' ~ Magnus_

 _'?' ~ Alec_

 _'What's wrong?' ~ Magnus_

 _'Why did you put 3 x's?' ~ Alec_

 _'They're a symbol for kisses, darling. Newly dating people seem to put them at the end of texts so I tried it out.' ~ Magnus_

 _'xxx' ~ Alec_

 _'Stop being cute ;)' ~ Magnus_

 _'xxx' ~ Alec_

 _'Stop it. I'll set my cat on you ;)' ~ Magnus_

 _'I thought you said your cat likes me?'~ Alec_

 _'He does. I don't date people my cat doesn't like. That doesn't mean he won't attack if I tell him to.' ~ Magnus_

 _'I'll stop then.' ~ Alec_

 _'xxx'~ Magnus_

 _'If I have to stop then you do too.' ~ Alec_

 _'xxx' ~ Magnus_

 _'I'll set my cat on you too. Church hates everybody.' ~ Alec_

 _'You named your cat Church?' ~ Magnus_

 _'I didn't name him. He's been at the institute for decades I think.' ~ Alec_

 _'Fine. I'll stop. I wouldn't want your immortal cat to attack me.' ~ Magnus_

 _'I've got to go. I'm going demon hunting with Jace.' ~ Alec_

 _'Ok. See you Friday, darling.' ~ Magnus_

 _'See you Friday.' ~Alec_

 _'xxx' ~ Magnus_

 _'xxx' ~ Alec_

Alec couldn't quite pinpoint when his texting conversations with Magnus had become so open and free, but sometime in the course of the week things had changed between them. After their Sunday night conversation, Magnus had texted Alec casually; asking what he was doing. At first, Alec had been confused as he hadn't texted anyone before. Usually he only ever used his phone in case of emergency. But overtime, he'd soon grown used to replying to Magnus casually, as if he were sitting next to him and conversing naturally. Alec thoroughly enjoyed their conversations. They never lasted long - maybe an hour or two - but it was pleasant talking to someone other than Jace and Izzy. Magnus also seemed to have labelled them as 'dating' and being his usual, flamboyant self, he never ceased to remind Alec every so often. Though Alec wasn't complaining. Not at all.

He read back through their Wednesday conversation, the last one that had occurred that week after three others. Alec had been forced to leave as he'd planned to go demon-hunting with Jace, at an abandoned warehouse that was reported to be infested with them. Since they had to wait for Magnus to finish his tracking spell and no new leads had arisen, the search for Clary and Simon had been put on halt, to Jace and Izzy's great annoyance. Because of this, they were back to performing their daily shadowhunter duties.

On Thursday, however, they had received a rare letter from their Father. Though he hadn't wished to, being the oldest Alec had read the letter aloud to Jace and Izzy. It had bluntly informed them that they should be continuing to perform their daily duties while the Clave searches for Clary and Simon. It also hinted towards the Clave knowing something about their whereabouts, but - as usual - their father had failed to explain further. The pure meaning behind the letter was clear: their father was telling them to behave themselves and not cause trouble. Like always.

Alec could remember the sheer animosity in Jace's tone as he snapped about the Clave being useless and how Robert Lightwood was doing nothing to help their predicament. But, alas, there was nothing Alec, Jace or Izzy could do but wait for Magnus to finish the spell and trust that the clave were at least in some way helping.

Standing in front of his mirror, Alec pulled his eyes away from his texting conversation and returned to readying himself for his date. Sighing at his crumpled appearance reflected back in the mirror, Alec changed his jumper for the fourth time that evening - he pulled on a navy blue jumper, replacing the black one he was wearing. Sweeping back his hair, Alec attempted to use hair gel for the first time in his life. He tried at least. But it took three poor attempts before Alec finally gave up with it, choosing to leave his waved hair in its typical unkempt style. Lastly, he sprayed the first ever drops of aftershave he'd used onto his wrists and neck, scrunching his nose at the unfamiliar, musky smell. It was a gift bought for him by a distant relative years ago and Alec had never found a use for it until now.

After spending a little over half an hour getting ready, he tiptoed down the large staircase of the institute, hoping that neither Izzy nor Jace would catch him leaving. He hadn't told either of them about his date.

"Alec? Are you sneaking out?"

Alec jumped at the sound, unaware of Jace's presence behind him. He cringed, before turning to see that Jace was not the only one who'd caught him.

"No," Alec shook his head, frowning. He needed a believable explanation, but his mind seemed to erase itself. "I'm just going out."

"You never go out," Jace pointed out, sounding bewildered but teasing.

"Well I'm going out now," Alec responded, while searching desperately for an explanation. But still, he couldn't conjure one. _Think Alec. Think._

"We were just about to call you," Izzy interjected herself into the conversation, her eyes sparkling as if she knew exactly where Alec was going. Alec tried not to blush. "We found a new lead on Clary and Simon."

"Have you told the Clave?" Alec raised his eyebrows, taking on the role of head of the Institute once again.

"When are you finally going to stop talking about the Clave? You act like you're married to them," Jace commented.

"Just because I follow the rules- " Alec shook his head, giving up the on the argument he knew was approaching. "Look, Father told us yesterday that the Clave are doing what they can. He specifically told us to go along with our daily duties."

"And you're going to listen to him like a good little boy?" Jace's tone took a darker tone and Alec tried not to let the words get to him. Now was not the time for him to begin an argument with Jace, today was supposed to be a good day.

"Jace…" Izzy warned, looking back and forth between Alec and Jace with a worried expression.

"Yeah I'm going to listen to him. Because if you hadn't forgotten, the last time you brought me along on one of your wild goose chases I ended up- " Alec stopped, unable to go further. There was never a right word to describe Alec's condition. Calling it an 'episode' seemed strange on his lips and even saying he 'collapsed' wasn't quite right.

"You think I'd forget something like that?" Jace frowned, his voice lowering ever so slightly as he seemed to absorb Alec's words.

Despite not wanting to argue, Alec could feel the bitterness arising in him again - the same shameful emotions that he tried so hard to repress these past few days. He didn't want to ruin yet another of Jace's missions, as much as he wanted to help. Alec knew all too well that he was a hindrance. Jace and Izzy would never admit it, but he knew it was true.

"You're so focused on Clary-" Alec began. He hadn't meant this as an insult or an accusation. However, Jace's outrage broke free as soon as the words left Alec's lips.

"Because Clary's missing! I don't know whether she's dead or alive. Why can't you understand that?" Jace frowned, staring at Alec like he was nothing more than a stranger.

Alec sighed. Though he felt selfish for his words against Jace, he couldn't conjure up the energy to fight any longer. "Just go search the lead with Izzy. That's what you do nowadays, right?"

Jace and Izzy opened their mouths, ready to retort, but Alec turned before they could, heading towards the door.

"You don't need me anyway." He added in a bitter tone, before slamming his way out of the institute and stepping into the cool evening air.

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

The boy was late. He was late even though Magnus had outright asked him not to be. In a flurry after his final job of the day, Magnus had placed even more effort into his appearance than before. Every single spike in his thick, black hair had been precisely placed and glittered to perfection, while his outfit had taken a whole hour to choose from a wardrobe bursting with fashionable clothing. Magnus had put more effort into preparing himself for this date than he had done in a very long time. And Alexander was late.

Though Magnus still whole-heartedly believed that the boy would show up on his doorstep, he couldn't help but want to groan at the whole situation. Upon first meeting Alexander, Magnus had known there was something different about the shadowhunter boy. Magnus had somehow subconsciously sensed then and there that he liked Alec - like-liked him as Alexander so childishly put it. However, Magnus could have never imagined this: that he'd be sat on his sofa, his appearance beyond perfect, waiting for Alexander to show. Magnus never waited for anybody. It was always him who controlled the timings and place and even the relationship itself. Yet somehow Alec had managed to seize control from him.

Magnus waited. The boy was fifteen minutes late. Choosing only now to turn on the television, Magnus glanced at the phone beside him for what felt like the thousandth time, checking for any contact from Alexander. An episode of Friends flashed across the screen and Chairman Meow suddenly made an appearance, climbing onto the sofa next to him and purring as Magnus stroked behind his ears.

Twenty minutes. Magnus checked his phone again but there was still no contact. Having never been in this situation before, Magnus didn't quite know what to do. He'd never been stud up before. But Alexander was still going to show… right? Catching the doubt in his mind, Magnus threw it out before it grew. Of course Alexander was going to show up.

Buzz. Twenty five minutes late, Alexander seemed to have finally made an appearance. Climbing gracefully to his feet, willing himself not to act too disgruntled, Magnus pressed the 'speak' button on his intercom.

"High Warlock Of Brooklyn speaking. Is this Alexander Lightwood calling?" Magnus spoke formally, choosing for the first time not to shout down the speaker.

"Yeah." The reply was so simple but the mere sound of Alec's voice caused Magnus' heart to race.

"Come on in," Opening his doorway, Magnus leaned against its hinge, being careful not to mess up his hair, while he awaited Alexander. His footsteps slowly became louder as Alexander made his way up the rickety staircase.

Magnus didn't quite know what he had been expecting, but it hadn't at all been this. Though he appeared much more groomed than usual - wearing a plain but clean navy jumper and black jeans - the expression upon Alexander's face was not one of excitement. In fact he looked almost as if he was in pain.

"Hey," He spoke, half smiling at Magnus as he saw him in the doorway. His tone sounded robotic and his eyes seemed to like the look of the floor rather than Magnus.

"You're late," Magnus pointed out with raised eyebrows. He attempted to keep his voice as soft as possible, despite his irritation. After all he desired for the date to go well, but so far it had had a wobbly start.

These words seemed to awaken Alec and his eyes widened, as he frantically looked down at his watch. Upon seeing the time, Alec let out a deep sigh and ran his hand nervously through his hair. Magnus hadn't noticed before but the boy was shaking. " I'm sorry. I didn't know I was late - I wasn't supposed to be. I got caught up - "

"You look like you've seen a ghost. What happened? Surely I don't look that bad," Magnus gestured down at himself before opening his arms wide in questioning.

"No," Alec shook his head, frowning deeply. "No…Before I left the institute, Jace and Izzy said they'd found a new lead. I argued with them about everything that's happened and I've let them go without me… If they're hurt- "

"Alexander…" Magnus began, his sympathetic side arising. "Your siblings are well-trained shadowhunters. They are perfectly capable of handling themselves." He told Alec reassuringly. "But don't tell goldilocks I said that, his ego doesn't need a boost, especially not from me."

"I know…Jace, he's the greatest fighter I know. He can handle himself. But if anything happened to him and I left him behind…"

Though Magnus could feel the jealousy bubbling within him, he attempted to keep a level head. "We can arrange this date for another time if you have other priorities."

Alec looked up, his eyes locking with Magnus. Almost instantly, he shook his head. "No. We're not rescheduling."

A smile tugging at the corners of his lips, Magnus took a feline step forward, softly closing the door behind him. "That settles it then. Off we go."

"Are you not locking your door?" Alec asked with a frown, as Magnus set off ahead of him down the stairs.

"There's no need. Nobody would dare steal from the high warlock," Magnus chuckled at the thought, flying down the staircase with a spring in his step. Holding the main door open for Alec, Magnus grinned at him broadly as he passed through, still appearing as if he'd seen a ghost.

"Now really, is it what I'm wearing? Or is it the hair? If you don't like my appearance then all it takes is a click of my fingers and it will change," Magnus asked, as he set off down the street in the direction of the restaurant he and Alec would be visiting. Following closely, Alec met his step, his arm brushing against Magnus' every so often. Elated by the simple touch, Magnus purposefully moved his hand closer so that their fingers skimmed as they walked.

"No. Not at all." Alec assured him quickly, the words spewing from his lips in a flustered babble. "You look, er- "

During the brief pause, Magnus interrupted, being his usual, helpful self. "Flawless? Legendary? Alluring? Radiant?"

A small grin grew on Alec's soft lips and Magnus lost himself for a moment as he remembered what it felt to kiss them. "Good. You look good."

"Good!" Magnus scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Am I really that bad or is it the best word you could pick out of your presumably small range of vocabulary?"

"It's the least corny," Alec mumbled, suddenly seeming a little more unsure of himself. "But I mean it."

"Good." Magnus scoffed again. "Huh. That is a first, Alexander, I must say… I guess you don't look too bad yourself," Teasingly, Magnus looked Alec up and down, his lips pursing.

Unlike before, Alec didn't curl in on himself when Magnus studied him and he instead stood slightly taller, as if he'd miraculously grown in confidence. "Not too bad? You said my vocabulary was small."

"I'm handing out the same standard of adjectives that I'm given." Magnus shrugged, feeling a small surge of tingles as Alec ever so slightly closed the gap between their hands.

"So where are we going?" Alec questioned, stumbling as he tripped over a dent in the pathway, only managing to catch himself at the last minute. After apologising to a small, middle-aged women who he'd accidentally elbowed, Alec finally managed to balance himself on his feet. Magnus watched with an amused grin.

"It's a small restaurant run by Downworlders - a friend of mine actually. He comes to all of my parties," Magnus informed Alec lightly. "I'm sure you'll love it there. Unless you have a strong distaste for frogs, in which case you should avoid the lower half of the menu."

"Frogs?"

"Faeries have such strange tastes. They requested it on the menu a few months ago," Magnus told him passively, watching with a small grin as Alec frowned in slight confusion. "Don't worry. I'm sure you'll find something delicious on the menu. And if not you can just have me."

Magnus revelled in his natural ability to cause Alexander cheeks to grow an appealing shade of light red. It caused the shadowhunter to appear younger; it dissipated the stiff, stoic expression usually held in Alec's facial features.

Delightedly surprised, Magnus jumped as he returned to reality, seeing that they'd arrived at the restaurant. He most definitely had not been marvelling Alexander's beautiful appearance and lost concentration of where he was going. No he hadn't. Ok… Maybe he had. But Magnus couldn't help it; it was hard not to get lost in Alec's magnificently blue eyes.

"Do you come here often?" Alec asked, snapping Magnus out of his thoughts, returning him to the date he was so far enjoying.

"I like to keep my schedule unpredictable. Life can so easily become very monotonous. I've been here a few times in passing," Magnus answered, observing Alexander with keen interest as the boy looked up at the decrepit sign in confusion. "But you are the first date I've brought here."

"Hubert's Hungry Hub?" Alec raised an inquisitive eyebrow. Magnus noticed the ever so slight upturn of Alec's lips and took this as a positive response to the restaurant. He had wondered whether it was slightly too flamboyant for a shadowhunter who lived tediously.

"It's known among Downworlders to be a little… eccentric." Magnus commented, swooping towards the restaurant door and chivalrously opening it for Alec to step through.

"Thanks," Alexander mumbled, smiling at Magnus as he walked - wary but with a certain confident edge - into the restaurant, followed by a meandering Magnus.

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

Inside the restaurant was beyond anything that Alec had ever set foot in; the place seemed to be a mismatch of vibrant colours, containing the widest range of differing patterns that Alec had ever seen. The only way to describe it was like a strange cross between a vibrantly coloured peacock and a zebra. It was completely out of Alec's comfort zone, yet as Magnus walked in, his attire and appearance seemed to match everything in the restaurant, only making him look more appealing. The weird mismatch of colours, designs and lots of glitter somehow worked.

After overcoming his initial shock at the quirky appearance of the restaurant, Alec turned to Magnus, waiting for him to take the lead.

"Magnus Bane! Long time, no see!" A gruff, booming voice called to Magnus and a bright, polite smile appeared on Magnus' lips in response.

"Hubert. You're looking older, have you finally reached your adolescent years?" Magnus smirked.

Alec watched, trying desperately to remain impassive, as Hubert pounded forward to pull Magnus into a friendly hug. The man was young but extremely tall and almost as wide as his height. His features were soft and unsymmetrical to each other and they appeared to be planted on his face at random, causing his right eye to hang higher than his left and his nose to turn a funny angle. However, what was more striking about the man, was his hands. Instead of five rounded fingers, eight sharpened, spindly claws emerged from his obtuse, rounded palms. Due to the stubby length of his arms, his strange hands stuck out like a demon attempting to disguise himself among shadowhunters. Alec knew that this was Hubert's warlock mark and the sharpness of his claws should have caused the warlock to appear like a grizzly bear, but instead he seemed more like a cuddly one.

"Always making fun of me. I'll think of a good enough comeback one of these days," Hubert laughed slapping Magnus on the back before letting go. It was strange seeing someone treat Magnus as if he was his equal. Every time Alec had been with Magnus so far, everyone had treaded around Magnus, being careful not to cross the boundaries he'd clearly set up around himself. But Hubert seemed to discredit this and invaded Magnus' personal space without a shred of hesitance. "Who's your guest?"

"Alexander Lightwood, shadowhunter of the New York Institute." Magnus moved away and took his place by Alec's side. "Alec, meet Hubert. He's an old friend of mine. I've known him since he was a child."

Relaxing a little more as Magnus placed one hand on Alec's lower back, Alec looked up at Hubert with a stiff smile. "It's nice to meet you," He said politely, holding out his hand.

"Hmph." Hubert crossed his arms over his chest and Alec quickly snatched his hand back, standing taller in slight defiance as a look of animosity formed in Hubert's expression. "I know your parents. Tried to have this place shut down one time."

"Er— " Alec hesitated.

"We'll take my usual table at the back. I'll have a blue moon to drink and Alec?" Magnus turned to him with a reassuring smile.

Heart pounding in his ears, Alec jumped as he realised that Magnus had asked him a question. "I'll have the same." Despite have no idea what a blue moon was, he decided it would be better than asking Hubert what drinks he sold. Clearly, the warlock disliked him.

"Just make sure your shadowhunter doesn't kill any of my customers, Magnus Bane." Hubert ordered, avoiding looking at Alec.

"Alec wouldn't hurt a fly, would you darling?" Magnus turned to him again, his hand more prominent on Alec's lower back.

Distracted by the fluttery tingles erupting through his body, Alec merely nodded in nervous response, not wishing to upset Hubert any further.

"Hmph." Hubert tightened his arms around his chest, watching Alec with hawk eyes as Magnus lead him swiftly to the back of the restaurant. As Alec moved further into the place, the bright colours seemed to blend in more with the surroundings, allowing it to appear a little more normal. The back of the restaurant was much quieter and to Alec's great relief there weren't as many eccentrically dressed Downworlders residing at nearby tables.

"I apologise for my warlock friend, he… is a little wary of shadowhunters, they haven't treated him kindly over the years," Magnus sat himself down in a corner booth that was dressed in criss-cross patterned, olive green material. Its structure was made of mahogany coloured wood and it stood slightly crooked.

Following in Magnus' footsteps, Alec sat down a few inches away from Magnus, giving them just enough space to speak to each other comfortably in the rounded booth. "It's ok. We're used to it - I'm used to it."

"The jumper you are wearing…" Magnus began, changing the subject. "It brings out your eyes, I didn't notice before." He commented softly. "You should wear that colour more often."

"Does it?" Alec felt his cheeks warm as he looked down at the jumper. Though he'd paid more thought to his outfit than usual, matching his clothes to his eyes had in no way been done on purpose.

"It would make a change from the black you shadowhunters seem to adore. Maybe a lighter blue as well… Made out of cashmere, it would look wonderful on you." Magnus eyes fleeted up and down the visible part of Alec's body and Alec felt himself stiffen.

"Cashmere?" Alec frowned, unsure of what Magnus was talking about.

Magnus chuckled. "Oh darling, I have so much to teach you about fashion. But I won't bother to bore you with that today, as I'm sure there are many more important topics."

Seeing Magnus' words as a hint, Alec's eyes shifted down to the table as he bit his lip. _Just get it over with, Alec. Magnus won't hate you for what you are._

"My… My condition." After a short pause, Alec spoke up hesitantly. "I said I'd tell you… If you still want to know?"

A small frown etched itself into Magnus's expression, as his eyes flickered down to observe Alec's hands shaking on the table. His compelling, cat eyes shining with what Alec believed to be sympathy, Magnus brought his hand up from under the table and placed it over Alec's in comfort.

"Alexander…" The name rolled off Magnus' tongue so softly and sweetly that Alec didn't even bother correcting him anymore. "I admit I'm curious. But dates should be fun and easy. You shouldn't feel the need to force yourself into telling me a story you're not ready to explain."

"No," Alec shook his head vigorously. It was now or never. If he didn't explain it all to Magnus, then he'd only put it off for as long as possible. And Magnus deserved to know. "I need to - I want to tell you."

"Alexander…"

"Here are your drinks," A depressed looking man interrupted their conversation, making Alec jump in shock. For a moment he'd been so lost in thought and his conversation with Magnus that he'd almost forgotten that he and Magnus weren't the only people in the restaurant.

Placing the blue coloured drinks down on the table, the man miserably pulled a notepad from his pocket. "Are you ready for me to take your order?" His voice was monotone as his eyes remained glued to the notepad in front of him.

"We need more time. Hurry along now," Magnus ordered, shooing the man away with an impatient flick of his wrist.

Alec watched as the nameless man strode away, muttering under his breath, before turning back to Magnus. For a moment, silence lingered and his mind clouded with fear, the words catching in his throat. "It - It happened when I was 14…"

* * *

 **Thank you so much for reading this chapter! I adored writing this chapter because it had so much Malec in it so I hope you enjoyed reading it. Little cliff hanger at the end, meaning that next chapter there'll be a convo about what happened to Alec. Next chapter will be up sometime next week.**

 **On a different note, i just hand to publish this chapter after the Malec kiss on shadow hunters. Even though I'm not too fond of the wedding storyline and found the whole wedding thing a little cheesy, their kiss was amazing and Harry and Matt have so much chemistry. In my opinion, they are the best casting in the whole show and make the perfect Magnus and Alec.**  
 **If you like the TV show, then please check out my Malec video. Just enter the youtube weblink with a slash before this 'watch?v=jkoWGosqKBw' and you should find it. If not, search Magnus & Alec Like I'm Going To Lose You on youtube. **

**Thanks for all the continued support as always!**  
 **-DareToDream**


	12. Masked

_**Masked**_

"It-It happened when I was 14… After that, I've never been quite er- the same." Alec began shakily, biting his lip as he attempted to hold back the fear, rather than letting it pour out of him. Shadowhunters weren't supposed to be afraid of anything. Yet, sometimes Alec couldn't help it. After everything that had happened, how could Alec not be fearful of the world around him? How could he not be frightened of himself?

"How so?" Magnus' voice was velvet soft while his eyes studied Alec with nothing other than concern. It caused Alec's heart to pound — the last thing he wanted to do was disappoint Magnus or scare him away.

"I have these… episodes, as Jace calls them." Squeezing his eyes shut, Alec willed himself to level his voice. He tried to block the sound of his heart out of his ears while his hands clenched into fists by his sides. "The Silent Brothers, warlocks… even those who live in the Spiral Labyrinth, they've all tried to… fix me. But they can't. It's incurable."

"Incurable?" Magnus' voice was no higher than a whisper and his hand tightened around Alec's.

Taking another deep breath, Alec nodded, a frown weaving its way into his expression. _Bum-Bum. Bum-Bum. Bum-Bum._

"The powder that your parabatai retrieved for you?" Magnus' own frown only deepened as he spoke. Alec noted a slight hesitance to his tone, as if he was no longer willing to hear anymore.

Shaking his head, Alec looked down towards the table. "It only helps for a limited time. It doesn't stop them completely." His own voice sounded so dejected as he spoke, Alec almost wished he could change their conversation back to how it was before. But it was too late: the light, flirtatious tone of their date had dissipated and it was all Alec's fault.

"Them?" Magnus brushed his thumb over the top of Alec's hand soothingly, his once gleaming cat eyes now seemed to be clouded with confusion.

"My… episodes." Alec configured tentatively. "They usually happen if something triggers it… like a spike in adrenaline, emotion or something strange in my bloodstream… l-like the vampire bite. Or they happen if I forget to take a little bit of the powder every week. But they've happened at random before too."

"The powder… What ingredients does it contain? Who provides it for you?" Magnus questioned.

"I- I don't know… A delivery is sent to institute from the Spiral Labyrinth every year containing it. It's never signed by name."

 _Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out._

"Alexander…" Magnus began, his voice almost seeming uncertain — a strange quality for Magnus to ever portray. "The veins in your arms - "

Alec flinched involuntarily. He tried to move his shaking hand out of Magnus' but his grip only tightened.

"They contain demon blood?" Magnus asked delicately, his thumb brushing over Alec's hand once again.

Squeezing his eyes shut for a moment, Alec paused, his breath catching painfully in his throat. "Y-Yes." He choked out. "It poisons my bloodstream." Looking up at Magnus' sceptical eyes, Alec chose to continue further, attempting to keep his breaths level. "It's contained at my wrists… If I have a-an episode, then it tries to move upwards… towards my heart."

"The powder somehow pushes it back and dilutes its effects?"

Alec was surprised at how much Magnus was able to fill in the gaps for himself. Then again, he was a centuries old warlock who'd likely had a tremendous amount of experience dealing with rare diseases among the supernatural. It was difficult to remember sometimes that Magnus was far older than he looked.

"I think so." Alec nodded.

"Would you mind if I take a sample of the powder myself? It would be intriguing to take a look at its properties — possibly even adjust them - "

"No." A stream of unwelcome feelings flooded Alec in response and the voice that spoke was cooler than he wished it to be. "I don't need your help, I've had enough help."

 _He cares about you, Alec. That's why he's trying to help you_ , Alec tried reminding himself, but this thought did nothing to diminish his slight anger. _Look at what father did when he tried to help._ Shuddering, Alec struggled to contain himself.

"Alexander…" Magnus began, but Alec interrupted him almost instantly.

"No, Magnus," He stated, pulling his hand out from under Magnus'. This time Magnus made no move to stop him. "I-I can't deal with someone else trying to fix me or the powder… I-I've been e-experimented on… They k-kept me - " Alec paused, forcing his eyes shut while he held his head in his hands, his fingers grasping his hair. "I can't do this. I can't speak about this anymore. I thought I could, but I can't." Abruptly pulling himself to his feet, Alec tried hard to avoid looking Magnus' in the eye, ashamed with his sudden, almost unprovoked outburst.

"Alexander…"

Alec stopped as Magnus grabbed his hand, gently tugging him back. After a few stubborn moments of degrading thoughts, Alec forced himself to turn and meet Magnus' eyes; his yellow eyes gleamed with sympathy while his expression conveyed his unspoken apology.

"Don't call me that." Alec snapped, though he felt his expression drop upon seeing Magnus' face tighten.

"Alec- " He corrected formally, his tone controlled yet laced with hints of condolence. "I apologise for my prying. It was not my intention to hurt you. We don't have to broach the subject again, but will you stay?"

Alec sighed, allowing his body to relax in relief. Pushing all his thoughts away from his condition, he returned to the table. An electric silence fell over them for a few moments while Alec sat with his head in his hands, staring down at the table. He tried to ease his heavy breathing and pounding heart.

"I'm sorry- " Alec lifted his head, meeting Magnus' concerned eyes. However, before he could continue, he was interrupted by the ringing of a phone - his phone. Feeling a deep frown pull at his expression, Alec fumbled around in his pocket, before grabbing his vibrating phone. He looked up with widened eyes as he spotted Jace's name flashing across his screen.

"Jace?" Alec answered his phone.

"Alec." Jace seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. Down the phone, Alec could hear the frantic breaths of his parabatai and the whistle of wind, as if Jace was running — fast. "How quickly can you get here?"

"Why? Has something happened?" Alec asked frantically.

"Well if a dozen demons ambushing us after we arrived is classed as 'something happening', then sure." Jace spoke sarcastically. A female grunt sounded down the phone causing Alec to wince.

"Jace - what's happening?" Alec demanded.

"We're fighting them off, but there's too many. As much as I don't want to admit it, we need help," Jace answered, while the cry of a demon crackled down the phone.

"I'm coming." Alec stood up, barely even acknowledging Magnus as he ran towards the restaurant door. "I'll come as fast I can. Where are you?"

"Where are at a- " And just as Jace was about to speak, the phone went dead. Eyes wide, Alec looked down desperately at his phone, only to see the red battery sign flashing across the screen. He squeezed the phone in anger, before clutching his head as his mind raced with anxious thoughts.

Alec jumped as he felt a familiar hand touch his shoulder and turned jerkily. "This is all my fault. If I hadn't of—If I'd have just gone with them…"

"If you'd have gone with them then who would have alerted me of the danger?" Magnus said, his hand caressing Alec's cheek softly. Alec felt himself faintly relax. "I know where they are. If we could just find a quiet alleyway then I can create a portal and we'll be on our way."

The peaceful and loose composure of Magnus reminded Alec that as long as he remained calm, everything would run smoothly. After all Jace and Izzy would soon have an extra shadowhunter and the high warlock at their aid. _Just stay calm Alec. Keep calm._

"Let's go." Nodding right towards the nearest gap between the high rise buildings of New York City, Alec strode forward with Magnus following his step. He remained silent, his eyes set hard ahead so he didn't become distracted by Magnus. Just the mere presence of him caused Alec to loose slight focus on his goal.

"Here we are. This is perfect," Magnus announced, a smile playing on his lips as he looked around the darkened, damp alleyway with an expression of delight.

"Wait…" Alec frowned. So suddenly something had dawned on him. "How do you know where they are? When you tried to locate Clary and Simon you needed an object and it took you longer…"

Magnus' expression fell. "I already knew where they were before you arrived today, Alexander. It was I who gave them the lead. The Daylighter's location is continuously changing, however, I managed to find a location in which he keeps appearing. I informed them yesterday."

"Why didn't you just tell me?" Alec demanded, feeling a slight pang in his chest. Shame welled within him at the thought of him letting Izzy and Jace go alone on such an important mission. He'd merely thought it was just another raid on a useless location. "Why did I leave them on their own?" Alec gripped his hair yet again, his hands shaking.

"I was under the impression that you did not wish for your parabatai to know that you were in contact with me. Therefore all information I pass along I pass to him." Magnus answered quietly. It was clear that he didn't want to provoke more anger within Alec. "I'd have thought that he might have told you."

"He tried," Alec muttered defensively. Letting out another deep, frustrated sigh, Alec jumped as a pop sounded in the air and a colourful portal appeared next to him. "Magnus, I-"

"Shh." Magnus held a finger to Alec's lips. Feeling an almost familiar surge of tingles flow through him, Alec loosened in response. "We can speak afterwards. After all, our date is yet to finish."

"Ok," Alec nodded. "Ok." He repeated in assurance.

With a small, concerned smile radiating from his glittering lips, Magnus weaved his fingers through Alec's, locking their hands together before pulling him through and into the portal. For a few moments everything appeared in blinding colours - warped shapes and bright lights faded into one forever changing image in front of Alec's eyes. Then everything stopped. The warehouse appeared.

"This way. Follow me," Magnus ordered authoritatively, his hand giving Alec's a small squeeze before he let go.

Alec shadowed Magnus, remaining behind him with his seraph blade held defensively in front of him. Gliding seamlessly along the gnarled pathway, Alec focused on his senses, listening out for any signs of danger while his eyes fleeted from left to right. The warehouse was located in a remote area of New York by the sea. The swishing of the waves echoed in the air and the area appeared desolate, as if it had scared any source of life away. There was a sincere lack of wildlife or shrubbery around the area and the building itself was a mangled grey colour, its roof half impended. From a distance, however, the faint sound of demon cries could be heard. Alec knew they were close.

While continuing to follow Magnus footsteps, Alec's eyes narrowed before he stepped through the doorway of the abandoned building. Instantly, the air seemed to drop in degrees - an icy breeze swept through the air, chilling Alec to his core. On his hand, Magnus ignited a flame that hovered just above his olive skin. It lit the dim corridor just enough for them to see forward.

A cry jerked off of the walls and without warning, Magnus took off, sprinting down the corridor like a fixated cat hunting its prey. Holding back the welling feeling of trepidation, Alec continued after Magnus, swiftly pulling out his stele and tracing a night vision and stealth rune onto the top of his forearm.

Stele away and Seraph blade out, Alec ran. He could feel his heart pounding against his chest, the sweet adrenaline rushing through his ears as he felt the familiar, glorious feeling of truly acting like a shadowhunter. One who wasn't poisoned. One who could sprint and fight freely without the constant worry.

The cries grew louder and soon Alec could see a harsh yellow light at the end of the corridor, which Magnus' slender body was partially blocking out. As soon as they made it through the broken doorway, Magnus froze, throwing an arm out to catch Alec before he continued on.

With widened eyes and frantic breaths, Alec looked around in worried horror, tightening his grasp on his seraph blade. In the centre of the room, Jace and Izzy stood back to back, with their whip and seraph blade brandished in front of them, their only aim to kill. However, Alec could easily read the frightened terror in their eyes. After all, the many demons who were littered around the fiery lit room were not the simple kind that they found in raids. They were Eidolon demons; in the form of Clary and Simon. Clary's blazing red hair filled the room while the many different Simons stood as awkwardly as if they were the real thing. But what if they one of them were real? Alec thought to himself. What if Jace and Izzy had killed the real Clary and Simon by accident?

"Frigore inferni daemones!" Magnus' voice boomed while he held his hands out in front of him, misty smoke puffing from his fingertips, causing the room to fill with a cloudy haze. The demon cries heaved to a halt. Everything shuddered into silence. The many Clarys and Simons froze, mid stance; the only thing moving was their eyes that flickered with black and red speckles.

"Jace!" Alec rushed forward, dodging nimbly around the frozen demons. "Izzy, are you alright?"

"Splendid, Alec." Jace spoke first, his voice sounding like a choking cat. His whole body was shaking and he couldn't seem to tear his eyes away from the Clary demon he was just about to kill. "Just splendid."

A frown tugging at his expression, Alec reached out and grasped Jace's wrist, pulling his arms out of its attacking position. Turning to Alec with anguished, gold eyes, Jace stared for a moment, appearing more childlike than Alec had ever seen him before. Finally, after a few seconds of silence, Jace lowered his sword and grasped Alec in a one arm embrace. Sighing in relief, Alec held his parabatai, before switching his attention to his motionless sister.

"Izzy?" Alec took a step forward, feeling Jace's stiff presence still behind him.

"I'm fine." She spoke through gritted teeth, her voice no higher than a whisper. Her whip was still wrapped around the neck of a frightened, Simon look-alike demon. "I'm fine." Her voice sounded determined, but her expression held nothing but sorrow.

"You need to leave," Magnus told them in a business-like tone. Moving back to face Magnus, Alec noted that his cat eyes were set hard ahead, looking at anything but him. "All of you. Now. The spell won't hold for much longer and I can't have you pesky Shadowhunters in the way while I clean up your mess."

"I can't leave," Jace muttered, shaking his head in objection. "Not until I know that my real Clary isn't here. And Simon." Alec turned back to look at Jace and placed a hand on his shoulder in comfort.

"Oh, they're not here," Magnus informed him passively. "If any of these figures were human then they would not have frozen. You Shadowhunters do study Latin right? I'm sure the spell clearly stated-"

"Come on. Magnus is right, we need to leave," Alec interrupted, taking hold of Izzy's hand and pulling her forward, while indicating for Jace to follow him. Making sure that his family were safely in front of him, Alec's eyes flickered from demon to demon, making sure that none of them were about to attack.

"Wait outside the warehouse and I will portal you all back to the institute," Magnus ordered as Jace passed by him, barely even acknowledging that he was there. Both Jace and Izzy, Alec noted, seemed to be lost in their own worlds; they both stood slumped, their downward expressions conveyed their lingering terror and misery. Alec felt his mind cloud with concern and shameful thoughts. If only he'd been there to help in the first place, then maybe he could have killed the Eidolon demons himself. Alec couldn't imagine what it must feel like to kill the image of the one you loved over and over again.

After Izzy and Jace had gone far enough ahead, Alec paused and placed his hand confidently on Magnus' shoulder. Magnus relaxed under his touch, his eyes meeting Alec's with a soft concern that hadn't been visible before.

"I'm not leaving you here. I'll kill the demons with you," Alec stated, pulling his hand back awkwardly, not really knowing what to do with it. Before, Magnus had caressed Alec's cheek without a single shred of hesitance; like it was a gesture he knew how to do well. Alec had never been in any sort of dating relationship like this before. He felt completely oblivious, as if he was a child learning to talk for the first time.

"Alexander, go. I can handle a few Eidolon demons myself. Warlocks as powerful as I don't need the aid of Shadowhunters, you'll find that it's usually the other way round," Magnus spoke gently, though his tone hinted at an underlying irritation that Alec hadn't previously heard.

"I want to help," Alec responded with a soft smile. "You've done everything you can for my family. You don't need to exert yourself over some lesser demons that I can handle. It's the least I can do for you."

"I just don't wish for you to hurt yourself, darling. Or be forced to kill those you know and love." A hint of a frown seemed to pull at Magnus expression. "Are you sure?"

"I need to do this. For Jace and Izzy."

"Very well." Magnus nodded his head, before turning away to face the mass of frozen Eidolon demons. "Prepare yourself."

Stood with his seraph blade raised to his chest, Alec took a sideways stance, his body turning rigid with anticipation.

"I'm ready," Alec spoke confidently, willing his mind to ignore the fact that each demon represented people who Jace and Izzy cared about — people who Alec could almost consider to be friends.

Magnus glanced at Alec once more, his eyes filled with a flicker of unknown emotion, then he raised his fingers, clicking them loudly. The sound expanded, echoing around the room, before the haze dissipated and angered demon cries flooded Alec's ears. Blue smoke instantly skimmed past Alec, hitting the first demon that was charging towards him and imploding it into a pile of darkened ashes. The ashes folded inwards, deporting the demon back to its hell dimension.

"Be careful, darling." Magnus smiled, his eyes wistful for a moment. In return, Alec smiled at his concern, watching as Magnus threw himself into action, his body felinely gliding forward, blue smoke shooting from his fingertips like bullets from a gun.

Shaking his head and tearing his eyes away from Magnus - who had distracted him more than he should have - Alec too launched himself forward, slicing through the first demon with ease. The Clary lookalike shrunk back with a pained wail, before attempting to charge forward again. Alec threw his arm out, knocking the demon back and plunging the sword straight through its heart. Instantly, it crumpled to the floor, black liquid pooling around its body which was flickering between different faces. The demon twitched as the blood oozed and stained the floor, before it suddenly began to condense.

Alec continued to fight with Magnus by his side. They moved in close sync, slaughtering the demons that attacked, fighting together as one. Despite the slight pang he felt in his chest every time he submerged his sword into Clary or Simon's body, he'd soon grown used to the feeling, his mind continually telling him that they weren't real. Alec fought with confident agility, while Magnus fought with skilled twirls and flicks of the wrist, attacking each demon with a graceful, almost dance-like approach.

They were close to the final demons and Alec smiled upon hearing Magnus' chuckle at the poor attempts to kill him. After killing so many of the Eidolon demons all at once, they'd soon become predictable; their moves all mimicked one another, despite their species being known as one of the better fighters out of the lesser demons.

"Alexander…" A whisper hissed through the air, flowing through his ears softly. Upon hearing the sound, Alec turned to Magnus in reply, but only caught Magnus' deep frown. It had not been him who had spoken.

"Alexander Lightwood…" The voice sounded serpent-like - inhuman. "Demon. One of us."

Alec felt his body tighten upon hearing the words and he turned his head to see Magnus inching closer towards him, while still attacking one of the final four demons.

Suddenly, everything seemed to happen at once.

A cackle echoed off of the walls, the source of it unknown. Eyes fleeting around the room, Alec tried desperately to locate the continuous hiss of laughter, before he returned his attention to the demons in front. Each of them blurred, their bodies moving quickly back and forth on the spot. Just as Magnus finally reached Alec's side, the demons appeared once again in the form of one. Alec's mind froze. His heart stammered. His body tensed.

 _Maryse Lightwood. Mom._

"Alec, my son."

It was her voice. It was her body. It was her face. She was wearing the same clothing, the same broken expression. Her body stood slumped, exhausted. Her hands shook at her sides. Her eyes echoed her fearful remorse.

"Alec…No. Please," Her voice whispered, her tone pleading and shaky.

Alec's mouth hung open in shock, his blade slipped through his fingers, clattering to the floor as the image of his mother strolled forward. It was all he could hear; the blood crashing through his veins like tidal waves, his heart tearing itself free from his body, his demonic blood pulsing in his veins, threatening him.

 _It's just a demon Alec. It's tricking you._ He tried convincing himself, but to no avail.

"Mom." A choked whisper escaped his lips. His mother shrunk back away from him. Then, in one swift movement, Magnus threw himself in front of Alec, just as the demon's claws shot forward. Alec gasped as his mother yelped in pain, blue smoke hitting her directly in the chest. Her body crumpled, limp and motionless.

 _No. Not again._

Letting out one final cry of pain, his mother drew in on herself, before turning dark and oozing herself in blackened blood. She vanished in a flash, not even a speckle of her blood was left behind.

Alec breathed. In. Then out. In. Out. His body relaxed and he squeezed his eyes tightly shut. _It wasn't real Alec. None of it was real. It was just a demon._

Opening his eyes, Alec looked at Magnus, who was staring ahead, motionless. The room was left with no traces of any demonic activity — they were the only ones there.

With his head hung low and his heart racing, he moved forward, almost instinctively, seeking comfort from the only source he could think of. The mere presence of Magnus only inches from him provided some sort of relief. He could feel the heat radiating from Magnus' body. He could hear the shallow sound of Magnus' ragged breaths.

"I don't know what happened," Alec whispered, his voice croaky and broken.

"Are you alright?" Magnus didn't turn but Alec could hear the concern in his voice.

"I'm fine… I think." Alec frowned as heard his own shaking voice. "Are you?"

Turning around, Magnus looked upon Alec with nothing other than affecton. However, his expression held some sort of pain. But not the sort of pain that Alec had seen him express before. No, this was different, it was like…

Alec's eyes shot downwards in a haste, his attention focused on Magnus body. He noticed it instantly. Magnus' once shimmering, elaborate top was now torn to shreds at the front and scarlet blood oozed from a wound in his chest in the shape of claw marks. Despite the pain he was clearly feeling, Magnus' full focus was on Alec. It was as if Alec was the only thing in the world that mattered.

"You're hurt," Alec stated the obvious, his ragged breath catching in his throat.

Magnus shrugged and Alec noticed how he winced at the small movement. "It's nothing I can't fix once we return."

"This is my fault - if I hadn't of - " Alec shook his head, the familiar guilt surging through his body, poisoning his veins.

"One thing I have learned about you today, Alexander, is that you always blame yourself for other's problems," Magnus spoke in a delicate whisper. "What happened here was none of your doing. You don't need to apologise to me."

"But - "

"Shh," Magnus interrupted, holding a finger up to Alec's lips. "If you wish to apologise properly, then there is a way without words."

Alec paused, unsure for a moment to what Magnus meant. Seemingly sensing Alec's confusion, Magnus lowered his fingers, his eyes tracing over Alec's lips. Taking another, hesitant step closer, Alec instinctively brought his hands up, placing his hand gently on Magnus' cheek. Magnus' olive skin felt smooth under his touch and Alec's eyes flickered down to his glittered lips. As he moved closer, Alec could feel Magnus' short breaths of anticipation. He brought their lips together, caressing Magnus' with his own, revelling in the taste he had desperately missed. Moving his hand down, he trailed his fingers over Magnus' collarbone, then chest before resting both his hands on Magnus' slender hips. Magnus jerked slightly at his touch, his lips applying a harder pressure to Alec's. A pleasured smile tugged at Alec's lips as Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec's neck, weaving his fingers through Alec's wavy hair and tugging him closer. His whole body felt alive under Magnus' touch, like he was being lifted weightlessly upwards.

For the first time since the age of 14, Alec no longer felt as if he was awaiting his descent to hell. Now he was flying high towards heaven.

* * *

So I know there were probably less answers in this chapter than you wanted but Alec wouldn't be Alec if he didn't shy away from telling Magnus. It's not exactly the easiest thing for him to explain and he's never had to do it before. I hope you liked reading this chapter! And i'm sorry, I know this probably gives you more questions than answers but all will be revealed in due time :D Let me know what you think by reviewing and don't forget to favourite/follow.

On another note, what did you guys think to the Shadowhunters finale? As much as I didn't think the show was bad, I also did think that it could be better. The Malec kiss was the highlight of the show and the Malec episode and episode 5 were the best in the season. Don't get me wrong I love the acting in the show (besides Clary and Jace sometimes - but they've got progressively better), it's the writing that bugs me. I don't mind that they've changed the plot line, in fact I like that because it makes the show unpredictable. It's just I really don't think the writers quite have a strong grasp of the characters yet meaning the things they do and say come out a little wrong sometimes on screen and either make it cheesy, cringy or just annoying to watch. For example: in a video I watched, they described Alec as 'confident' and anyone who's read the books know that Alec is the opposite of that, he's 'uncomfortable in his own skin'. I know that for show purposes they've changed some of the characters but surely the main ones should have similar characteristics? Another thing that slightly bugged me was how much they hyped everything up, because I only ended up being disappointed with it (besides the Malec kiss). They've been over advertising it a little bit, although I am grateful that they're communicative with fans. But everyone was saying from the start that the finale would shock us, and surely I wasn't the only one who predicted what would happen at the end like two weeks before it happened? Anyway, enough of the negative, I can't wait for Season 2 and more Malec and hopefully some Sizzy.  
If you haven't already, then please check out the Shadowhunter videos I've posted on my youtube channel. I'm called daretodream and I've recently posted a new video about Jace and his storyline throughout the season, finishing at 1x13.

Thank you for reading and more updates soon! x  
Daretodream


	13. Return

**Chapter 12: Return**

Warm faced and slightly flustered, Magnus waltzed merrily into the institute, a feline spring in his step, with Alexander following closely behind him. His body rang like chimes of bells— it was an after effect that Magnus had scarcely experienced before. Nobody had caused his body to react this way in a long time. In fact, nobody had ever caused Magnus to quiver at the knees and fall fruitlessly head over heels for them like Alexander had with a single kiss. It was like he was wrapped up in a warm, fuzzy blanket of feelings. Magnus had always loathed feeling so vulnerable to the world around him, but he couldn't help but bask in his current puppy love for Alexander Lightwood.

After healing himself with a simple spell that he'd performed countless times and flourishing a portal, Magnus had transported back to the New York institute with Alec, Jace and Izzy without any disturbance. It all seemed too easy.

The main institute stood in a dim light, shadowing the ancient furniture. Ornaments littered the room while old, Shadowhunter paintings hung from the walls, decorating the place with history. It was like stepping foot into a time warp — each and every famous historical event was plastered upon the walls and shelves, appraising generations after generations of Shadowhunters. Magnus had tried hard to refrain from intertwining himself in Shadowhunter business, but here he was. Yet again, he'd managed to find a way into their unjust, tedious system that loathed people like him.

"You can leave now, warlock." Jace strode into the room, shoving past Magnus and sprawling himself over the antique sofa that stood in the centre.

"My dear Alec, is he always this grateful?" Magnus asked, raising a questioning eyebrow. He turned to Alexander, who seemed to have shrunk inwards like a turtle retreating into its shell of protection. Unable to stand still, Alec shifted from one foot to the other as he hovered by the door.

"Er-yeah…" Alec mumbled and Magnus watched, with a sting of jealousy, as Alec turned his full attention to Jace.

"Well, I think I at least deserve a 'thank you'. You Shadowhunters…" Magnus pointed to Jace and Izzy, who was stood to the side of the sofa, her hand resting on the arm. "You've spoiled my perfect date night. I was rather enjoying myself."

Magnus turned just at the right moment to witness a deep blush form on Alec's cheeks.

"Alec shouldn't have called on you. We'd have done fine on our own." Jace folded his arms over his chest, his voice taking a bitter tone — Magnus had come to expect this from him.

A sarcastic chuckle escaped Magnus' lips before he could stop himself. "Or you'd most likely be dead. Although I can't say you'd be much of a loss to the shadow world."

Jace shot up from the sofa, his lips pressed into a hard line. He strode forward. "What did you just say to me?" Although his eyes projected his fury and his stance stated his unwillingness to back down, Magnus could read the vulnerability within. Centuries of defensive training had taught him to read angered situations such as this.

Feet planted to the ground, Magnus straightened himself, teasingly pulling the hem of his sleeves up from his wrists, as if preparing for a fight. In a flash, Alec was by his side, positioned just in between him and Jace, disrupting their disagreement. His eyes fleeted from Jace to Magnus and Magnus could see the almost pleading tone in his expression.

"Enough. You need to tell us what happened in there before we arrived." Alec's eyes were locked on Jace and with a huff of annoyance, Jace retreated to the sofa, shooting a glare at Magnus.

"Now that is the smartest suggestion I've heard so far," Magnus responded, tilting his head to the side with a small, almost inconspicuous smirk at Jace.

"How do I know we can even trust you, warlock?" Jace stated, his eyes narrowing. "You were the one who told us about the warehouse. You could've been leading us into a trap."

"Then why would I waste my precious time rescuing you, goldilocks? If I wished to kill you, don't you think I might have done it already?" Magnus rolled his eyes in exasperation, hovering by the window, his cat eyes wandering over the city view. Feeling Alec's presence close by, he wished to be able to whisk him off back to his loft and end their date how he'd planned. But he'd have to accept that it wasn't going to happen.

"We can trust Magnus," Alec stated in Magnus' defence, causing a soft smile to tug at Magnus' lips.

Jace let out a sarcastic chuckle. "You trust him after he sent me and Izzy to our death beds?"

Out of the corner of his eye, Magnus could see Isabelle looking back and forth between himself and Alec, as if trying to decipher something. She appeared deep in thought and her hand brushed subconsciously over her whip.

"He saved my life, Jace," Alec stated.

"No. I saved your life. I was the one who retrieved the powder. If he — " Jace's tone was venomous as he pointed towards Magnus. " — hadn't of turned up then the plan would have worked. You wouldn't have had to fight and you wouldn't have gotten hurt."

"Those vampires would have killed us. They knew who I was, they'd have killed us because of what I did!" Alec seemed to subconsciously move to block Magnus from Jace's view. Turning with a deep frown, Magnus hovered closer to Alec, wanting nothing more than to calm his raging temper. "You would have died because of me. Magnus saved the both of us."

Jace shook his head, his eyes squeezing shut while his hands clenched into fists. "I could've handled it. We'd have been fine without him. I could've gotten you back on my own!"

"Enough."

Everyone's attention turned to Izzy. Her voice broke the dispute between Alec and Jace, the irritated dominance captured their attention. Magnus noted that Izzy hadn't even had to raise her voice to grasp both of her brothers attention — they both respected her enough to listen when she spoke. Magnus couldn't help but admire that.

"Will you two quit bickering? You're giving me a headache," Izzy told them in annoyance, crossing her arms over her chest while she widened her stance. "I trust Magnus. You should trust him too, Jace. I'll tell you what happened."

"Izzy- " Jace began, sounding outraged.

"I said enough." Izzy held a hand up and Jace halted, his lips pressing into a hardline. In that moment, Magnus could see the traces of Maryse Lightwood — the cold, authoritative leader of the institute with hidden warm heart — within Isabelle. She was reflecting the same superiority over the two male Shadowhunters that Maryse had displayed from a young age.

"Izzy, what happened to you both in there?" Alec asked in a softer tone than before, his shoulders hunching forward a little as he moved back to stand at Magnus' side. Turning away from the window, Magnus switched his attention to the group of Shadowhunters, curious to know what had happened. After hearing the serpent-like voice and seeing the hidden traces of a well-worked plan in the Eidolon demon attack, Magnus was eager to learn more. His mind was already racing with suggestions of what might have happened and what he'd done wrong. After all, he'd been the one who'd sent Isabelle and Jace into the supposed trap and Alec would have never forgiven him if they'd died.

A dark expression overtook Izzy's features and the light in her brown eyes dimmed. "We arrived at the warehouse and we searched it like we normally would in a demon raid." She spoke directly to Alec, her eyes locked with his as if she was drawing from his strength. "I thought — We thought we'd found them. They were — Simon and Clary were tied to a chair in a room we found. They couldn't speak and just as we were about to untie them… We heard this voice."

Alec froze and Magnus inconspicuously brought his hand closer to Alec's so that their fingers skimmed in comfort.

"It told us something. And then the demons attacked. We couldn't do anything but run and that's when Jace called you, Alec." Izzy voice had quietened throughout her answer. "I don't even know if that was the real, Simon. Or if he's stuck somewhere else—" Izzy paused, her hand covering her mouth as her expression fell. She spun her body away, hiding her face from everyone.

Instantly, Alec shot forward, his hand reaching out to rest on Isabelle's shoulder while Jace rose from the sofa, watching Isabelle with a pained expression.

"I'm fine, Alec." Her voice shook as she spoke, but she seemed to have managed to hold herself together. Remaining by her side, Alec looked up to meet Magnus' eyes. Magnus could read the sorrow held within and sent a small, hope-filled smile in his direction.

"That voice you talk of," Magus began, taking a small step forward so he could lean his hand against a rounded end table. "We heard it too while we were disposing of the Eidolon demons."

"What did it say?" Jace's head snapped towards Magnus, a deep frown upon his face.

"I could ask you the same question." Magnus shrugged. The last thing he wished to do was break Alec's trust or cause any unwanted emotions to arise by mentioning the appearance of Maryse Lightwood and the voice naming Alec a demon. It was a terrible situation that had confused Magnus and had sparked a stream of questions towards the whole predicament. The voice and the attack all seemed too perfectly constructed.

"It laughed at us, then it said that it was unfortunate that no one would be able to rescue Clary and Simon because we'd be dead. It spoke about a son as well and how it'd soon be reunited with a son," Izzy explained, her voice echoing her confusion.

"A son?" Magnus pondered over the term, his mind racing with thoughts. Eyes flickering towards Alec, he could see the confusion and slight worry also portrayed in his expression.

Isabelle nodded. "What did it say to you?" She looked back and forth between Magnus and Alec.

Freezing in place, Alec stiffened and looked for help from Magnus. "Nothing of too much importance," he said with a brush of his hand. Centuries of practise had morphed him into an expert liar. "A bit of laughter and talk about demons. It was superfluous really."

"None of this is just a coincidence. It must have been a trap," Jace said, shaking his head, as his gaze wandered around the room. His eyes were lit up as if a light bulb had awoken in his arrogant mind.

Bringing his hands together in a slow clap, Magnus rolled his eyes at Jace. "Well done, you've finally caught up. Took you long enough."

Jace's eyes narrowed while his lips pressed together. However, despite his clear irritation, he made no response — much to Magnus' disappointment.

"But why would someone set up a trap like that? Why would they go to all that effort just to kill you both when they could've done it more easily?" Alec questioned, his eyes falling to the floor as he lost himself in thought.

Magnus pondered over this. It was true, after all, why would someone — or something — go to that length to kill two Shadowhunters who could so simply be murdered in an ordinary demon raid? There was something brewing underneath the surface and Magnus couldn't seem to grasp hold of it. He was missing a piece — he needed to retrace his steps.

"The answer to that question is still unknown. But — " Magnus held up a finger, meandering backwards and forwards as his mind raced with thoughts. "The being that set up the trap needed a way for you to arrive at the location, hence where I fall into this. I was one who tracked the place and pinpointed the location. How did I do this? I used the blood and ashes acquired from the vampires and who did I acquire this from?" Magnus spoke his thoughts aloud and he froze as he reached the end of his speech, his eyes locked ahead on the wall.

"Blaze…" Jace muttered. "But why would he- "

"No." While Alec spoke, Magnus could feel his eyes studying him in confusion. "No, Blaze said that he'd gotten the blood from another vampire… Her name- "

"Camille." The name slipped from Magnus' lips in a hiss-like whisper and he felt his whole face fall as her face brewed in his mind, unlocking unwelcome feelings that he tried so hard to detain. Lips pursed together, heart pounding against his ribcage, his fingers twitched as he attempted to control his breathing.

"Raphael mentioned her when we questioned him," Jace said. All eyes seemed to be focused on Magnus and, for the first time, he felt uncomfortable under their stares — it was as if he was a small child again, looked down upon by many overpowering figures. "You know her."

"Yes. I know her." Magnus bristled, picking his head up to face the Shadowhunters with narrowed eyes. The venom in his tone seemed to freeze them in place for a moment.

"Then you can contact her and you can find out why the hell she set up a trap and where she's keeping Clary and Simon." Jace's expression illuminated like christmas lights. This only caused the anger to build within Magnus. These Shadowhunters expected so much from him — they seemed to want to pull at him and his magic until there was nothing left.

"And then all your christmases will come at once and all your tedious problems will be solved!" Magnus cheered sarcastically, his expression masked with fury. "No. I will not contact her."

"We're paying you to do a job!" Jace said, turning to Isabelle and Alec for help. Neither of them spoke and Magnus refused to turn to either of them. His anger was too great — too overpowering.

"And no money in the world could convince me to contact Camille. There is nothing you can offer that will convince me, so I suggest you drop your plan, Shadowhunter, before you anger me even more." Magnus could feel the venom almost dripping from his tongue.

"Then tell us how to contact her, I'll do it myself," Alec's voice was soft as he spoke and it eased Magnus' anger ever so slightly. Though the thought of Alec speaking to Camille caused him to shudder in panic.

"No." Magnus stated.

"Why not?" Jace demanded, his irritation breaking through.

The reaction he was receiving only elated Magnus' fury. "Because I said so. Do you need reminding of the meaning of the word or is your poorly educated brain familiar with it?"

"Then I'll find a way to contact her myself," Jace stated. He barely even flinched at the comment Magnus had thrown to him, much to Magnus' disappointment. "Congratulations, warlock, for your lack of help, your cheque will arrive in a few days giving you a grand total of zero dollars, spend it wisely. Now get out."

"I think you'll find I already have all the riches I desire." Magnus shrugged nonchalantly. "I'll leave gladly."

"Magnus—"

Ignoring Alec's call, Magnus stormed out of the room, his infuriation carrying him swiftly towards the grand doors of the institute. Just as he swung the door open with the flick of his wrist, a hand grasped his, halting him in place.

"Let me go, Alexander." Magnus cringed at the softness he spoke with automatically.

"Jace doesn't mean what he said. We still need your help," Alec told him, his expression portraying his innocence.

"And what if I no longer wish to give you my help?" Magnus turned, feeling himself relax under Alec's touch. The anger within him dwindled and receded.

"We need you Magnus," Alec said, his voice edging towards a pleading tone. "We wouldn't have gotten this far without you."

"I can't help you any more, Alexander, not while Camille is involved." Magnus shook his head, his eyes locking painfully with Alec's. "I've already involved myself enough by acquiring the blood and ashes from her followers. I won't delve into my past any further."

"Please Magnus… This might be the only way we can get Clary and Simon back. If Jace and Izzy lose them— " Alec shook his head, his eyes receding to the floor.

"Camille is not the only person involved. She would only immerse herself in Shadowhunter business if she wanted their attention or if she was doing it for someone else. The voice that we all heard is no coincidence. There is someone else involved."

"See, this is why we need you," Alec pointed out in a mumble.

"I can't, Alexander. Don't ask me to again," Magnus asked with a hard edge to his voice. It angered him that Alexander may not forgive him for this, but he already knew that family always came first for any Shadowhunter. However, if Alexander was truly the man Magnus saw him as then surely he'd be kind enough not to force Magnus into their situation? Magnus couldn't help but hope this was true, as he did not wish for their relationship to end. "Now I will be leaving. If you still wish to speak to me of other matters then you know where to find me, but do not come if you only seek my help in your family's predicament. You'll only be disappointed."

After pressing his lips to Alec's cheek, Magnus turned and left the New York Institute. The spring in his step and the chimes of bells were all but a distant memory. Now as he aimlessly wandered through the city streets, he was consumed with monstrous thoughts of Camille — he was lost in his broken past.

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

Feet pounding against the solid pavement, Alec strode through the night air. Cars drove past in a hurried fashion, each of them beeping their horns at the many taxis clogging the roads, disrupting their journey. The air was filled with the blaring sounds, music and chatter — a typical New York evening — but this all seemed distant to Alec. Instead, the voice in his mind rung through his ears, blurring out the distant sound and consuming his every thought.

He had a choice to make and he couldn't decide. Bringing up Magnus' past once again would be cruel, as Magnus had accepted Alec's past and he never pushed Alec to give him answers. But he needed answers from Magnus. He needed to know how to contact Camille — it was the only way they knew that would lead to Clary and Simon's return. It was a choice between family or Magnus. Jace and Izzy were desperate for answers and Alec wanted nothing more than to provide them with some. However, he didn't know whether he could bring up Magnus' past again without angering him. The way his whole expression had crumbled upon hearing about Camille answered that question. They clearly had history together — the sheer resentment that had shone in Magnus' eyes proved that she must have committed something unforgivable against him. _No_. It would only upset Magnus. He couldn't do it. Alec had already admitted to himself a long time ago then he didn't wish to hurt Magnus in anyway.

Yet he couldn't help but feel a certain anger towards Magnus for not helping them. If he gave them Camille's contact number then they didn't have to involve him. They were smart enough to be able to talk to Camille without provoking her. It was their job. Alec couldn't help but think that Magnus saw them as being too weak against Camille. It seemed like he believed that they needed him in order for any plan against Camille to work. However, Alec only felt guilty for being angry with Magnus over something so hypocritical.

The familiar sense of déjà vu arose within Alec as he found himself on Magnus' doorstep. After a day filled with nothing but resentment towards himself and his own selfish thoughts, Alec sought comfort. This was the only place — and person — who could provide him with the comfort he needed. But he was not here for comfort. He was here to question Magnus — for his family. They needed Clary and Simon back, therefore Alec needed answers and Magnus was the only one who could give them to him.

"WHO DARES TO DISTURB THE HIGH WARLOCK OF BROOKLYN?"

A smile tugged at his lips and heart as he heard the familiar voice. "Magnus it's Alec. Can I come in?" For the first time, Alec spoke with familiar confidence. He did not stutter or mumble down the speaker. He did not embarrass himself.

Without a reply, the door buzzed, allowing Alec to push it open. He could feel his heart rate pick up as he made his way up the rickety staircase and he tried hard to ignore the guilt pooling in the pit of his stomach. The door leading into Magnus' apartment was already open, revealing the same Japanese-themed furniture that had remained for a few weeks. Alec had grown accustomed to Magnus' loft and appearing like this during the evening.

"Alexander. You decided to make an appearance," Magnus commented with a brief smile, turning towards him with a drink in his hand. With a flick of his wrist, he motioned for Alec to enter. As soon as Alec stepped foot into the apartment the door slammed behind him. "Would you like a drink?"

"No I… I can't stay long. Jace and Izzy need me." Alec could feel the nerves bundling within him. Being in Magnus' presence had caused him doubt his aim, but he knew what needed to be done. He needed to tell Magnus goodbye. He couldn't go against Jace.

"Then to what do I owe the pleasure?" Magnus asked. Hearing the dejected tone of Magnus' voice, Alec feared that he knew why he was here. As Magnus lowered himself onto the sofa, Alec walked further into the loft, his eyes fleeting around the room in a nervous panic.

Magnus looked up at him with hopeful eyes, a slight worry etched into his features.

"I — " Alec began, but froze; the words caught in his throat. It was in that moment that he knew he couldn't do it. He couldn't pressure Magnus about his past. That was now way to get answers from someone. He couldn't hurt a man who cared for him, who was patient and understanding when learning of Alec's own dark past. Upon seeing Magnus, all he could feel was a warm fuzziness in his chest, that seemed to dissipate all his guilty thoughts and choices. Magnus cared about him. Magnus wanted him.

"I came here to… finish our date," he answered, his voice low but firm.

"I thought you said you couldn't stay long?" Magnus' eyes narrowed as he studied Alec with confused eyes.

"I changed my mind," Alec stated, hesitating as he took a few, disjointed steps towards the sofa, before taking a seat besides Magnus.

A cheshire cat grin spread across Magnus' expression and he settled back into the sofa, his body relaxing from its stiffened state. Feeling something soft nudging his side, Alec jumped slightly as Chairman Meow brushed himself against Alec, purring in delight.

"I think Chairman Meow approves of your decision."

Alec laid back, turning to Magnus in silence, unsure of what to say.

"I apologise for my earlier actions." Magnus spoke in a much softer tone, his eyes shining with guilt as they remained locked on Alec. "I wish I could help you."

"Jace and Izzy are mad, but I'll help them find another way," he responded quietly. "But what happened between you and Camille, Magnus? Why won't you contact her?"

"That is a story that I cannot tell." Magnus turned, his eyes squeezing shut for a moment. "My past is something that I don't talk about. I can't."

"It's okay." Alec understood. He himself struggled to speak about his own past, so he couldn't condemn Magnus for not wishing to relive his own. Placing a hand over Magnus' in comfort, Alec moved ever so slightly closer to Magnus. "I understand. I won't bring it up again."

"Thank you, Alexander." Magnus' eyes reopened and a smile tugged at his expression. "Now, how do you wish to end our date?"

"I don't know…" Alec began, suddenly struck with the same nerves that had been present during yesterday's date. "What do you want to do?"

"My suggestion is that I introduce you to the world of cheesy, romantic movies. I'm sure you'll love the particular movie I have in mind," Magnus said lightly. His previous tense mood seemed to have dissipated and he was edging back to the same Magnus he was accustomed to. However, his eyes still held a certain wistful pain.

"Movies?" Alec frowned, slightly confused. He could feel the heat rising in his cheeks. "They're something to do with the television right?"

"Oh Alexander…" Magnus chuckled, his face brightening. Swooping upwards and placing a light kiss on Alec's lips, he moved one of the thin boxes lined up against a shelf. "You have a lot to learn. I think we'll start with Notting Hill. Oh I do love that movie."

Frozen in a state of surprise, Alec allowed the tingles on his lips to consume his whole body and mind. After placing a thin, shiny disk into a machine that Alec had never seen before, Magnus returned to the sofa, making sure that he was sat close against Alec as he sat down. He pressed a few buttons on the remote before clicking his fingers so that the lights dimmed down. Alec felt his heart race frantically as he leaned back, allowing his shoulder to rest close to Magnus'.

The title of the supposed 'movie' flashed across the screen and Magnus pressed a final button, before placing the remote at his side. While writing rolled across the screen, Alec tried his hardest to focus as the colours flashed and voices erupted from the speakers. Just as he was about to grasp hold of the story presented on the screen, he felt an arm wrap itself around his shoulders and tug him softly. Alec jolted upon the touch but quickly settled back; his breaths were deep and shallow.

Sometime during the movie, Magnus' lips found their way to his and Alec's body fell limp against him. Eyes closed, he lost himself in Magnus; he caressed his lips with an unpredimented force and his fingers trailed through Magnus' silky spikes while Magnus' arms wrapped around his torso, pulling Alec against him. The movie was a distant blur as Alec's lips clumsily reached the edge of Magnus' jaw before instinctively travelling downwards. He didn't know what he was doing, but the soft moan that escaped Magnus' lips encouraged Alec to continue his journey down Magnus' neck. Fiery shivers erupted within him as Magnus' hands reached up his shirt, moving up and down his waist. As Alec's lips finished their course, Magnus followed in suit, his lips and teeth grazing across his jaw and up to his ear with practised skill. Alec felt like he was on fire as their lips moved in close sync, their hands trailing over each others bodies.

Somehow, this continued throughout the movie and by the end, Alec somehow found his way into the comfort of Magnus' arms. Their legs lay intertwined, resting on the coffee table, while Alec's head leaned against the small space between Magnus' shoulder and chest with his hand relaxed underneath Magnus' shirt. They laid in comfortable silence; neither pushing the other to go further. Alec felt the brief caress of Magnus' lips against the top of his head before Magnus leaned his head against his. Relaxing into him in bliss, Alec's eyes flickered with exhaustion. He tried to focus on the colours once again, but it wasn't long before his eyes flickered shut and he unknowingly drifted off into unconsciousness.

That night, he was not plagued by nightmares. He didn't wake until morning. He slept soundly in the protection and warmth of Magnus' arms — the monsters were unable to harm him.

* * *

So this is kind of a bitter sweet ending more than anything. And I know there's more and more questions arising, but all will be answered in due time. I really enjoyed writing the little Magnus and Alec scene at the end, so I hope you guys like it. As always thank you for reading and thank you for all the follows! I could never have imagined that this story would get so much good feedback :D it makes my day reading all the lovely reviews.  
More updates soon!  
\- Daretodream x


	14. Warnings

**Chapter 13: Warnings**

 ** _January 3rd 2003_**

 _"Camille?" Magnus took a few steps through the main square of Idris, moving past the group of warlocks he'd been speaking to. With his eyes narrowed and his head held high, he approached Camille cautiously. Her beauty had not dwindled over their years apart - her attenuated body stood tall and graceful, while her blonde hair billowed around her frame like a curtain and her sharp, accentuated features showed no signs of age. In other words, she was still beautiful — much to Magnus' dismay. He had hoped that the true snake within would make its appearance in her features one day._

 _"Magnus, how lovely to see you again." She spoke with a pointed smile, her voice sultry and more compelling than he remembered. Everything about her voice drew his eyes in, causing them to flicker to her rosy lips. Magnus scolded himself for being so weak._

 _After ending their relationship back in the 1800's, Magnus had believed that as time passed he would grow to forget Camille. However, over time she seemed to have embedded herself deeper into his mind and heart, making herself forever present in his life. She always appeared at the wrong moment. Every time he believed he'd finally gotten rid of her, she swooped into his life again. He couldn't even count her random appearances throughout the centuries on two hands anymore. The heartbreak she had caused him was something he'd strived to forget over their time apart, but even now, two centuries later, he still felt a cutting twinge at his heart every time he saw her._

 _"And how not lovely it is to see you," Magnus retorted, attempting to keep his expression bright and care-free. "I'm surprised you're here. Since when do you ever do anything for anybody but yourself? I didn't think the mortal war would be a priority for you now. No more lives to ruin? No more hearts to break?"_

 _"I was under the impression that I never broke your heart. After all, you were committing as much adultery as I was with that Shadowhunter boy. William, was it?"_

 _"Who said it was my heart you broke?" Magnus forced a grin to his face, willing his body to remain relaxed._

 _"I can see it in your eyes, my dear," Camille said, taking a few controlled steps closer towards him. Magnus stepped back, but was unable to move far enough away. He could feel her cool breath on his skin and her features filled his vision, making it difficult to look away. "And I can't tell you how sorry I am. I remember how good we were together — " her hand reached out and her fingers trailed his shoulder, causing him to shiver. "— I remember our time in London. It's something I can't forget."_

 _"London? What a shame, I do not recall," Magnus responded, but his voice was too low to sound convincing._

 _Camille grinned, flaunting her pristine, razor teeth. She took yet another step closer. "I was foolish back then. I didn't understand my love for you then, but I do now. Can't you forgive me?" Her fingers trailed from his shoulder down his chest._

 _"_ _No," he said, his voice no higher than a whisper. Feeling his mind cloud and his heart race in his chest, Magnus focused on all the terrible things that he could muster about Camille. But all that appeared in his mind was their first kiss, their first dance, their first time in bed. All the memories and emotions he'd locked away for so long were flooding through once again._

 _"I can see it in your eyes, my dear. You love me too. I know you do." Her sultry, soft voice pulled at his heart. Every word consumed him._

 _"N-No," He stumbled. "No I don't." Although his voice was firmer, it was already too late. Both her hands were placed on his cheeks and her full, rosy lips were inches from his. Eyes lost in hers, Magnus found himself leaning forward. She closed the gap, placing her lips lightly on his. Her lips moved, easing him into the kiss, before she prised his lips open. For a moment, Magnus was lost. His body grew limp with pleasure and he could feel himself gradually melting towards her. Just as he was about to move his fingers into her hair, she pulled back, a soft grin tugging at her lips. She leaned her head to the side, gazing at him with her enthralling, emerald eyes._

 _"Why are you here, Camille?" Magnus asked in a single breath, his lips tingling. All the memories of their previous kisses seemed to be at the forefront of his mind, reminding him of the wondrous times he'd spent with Camille — the times when he'd fallen in love with her._

 _"For you, Magnus," She answered. "I heard that you were planning to stand by the Shadowhunters in their most minacious war yet. I didn't want you hurt, so I came to help,"_

 _"I struggle to believe that." Magnus frowned. He attempted to take a step back but her hand caught his, tugging him forward again._

 _"I'm here to fight beside you, Magnus, like we have before," She told him gently. "After this war is fought, if we live, you will see that I tell only the truth. And if we die… Then I will die besides the man who's earned a place in my heart for two centuries."_

 _He could feel himself falling under her words. The unstable walls he'd built around his heart were crumbling. Mind clouded, heart racing, skin tingling, Magnus took a deep breath, allowing his lost love to devour him._

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

Magnus awoke with a jump, as if he'd been stung. Throwing his hands down on the plush sofa, he steadied himself, while his eyes darted round the room in a disgruntled panic. Upon seeing that he was in his loft, he breathed a sigh of relief. As he closed his eyes, he attempted to control his breathing. But Camille's face appeared once again — as if she was pierced to the back of his eyelids — causing his eyes to snap open.

 _It's just a nightmare, Magnus_. He reminded himself, brushing a hand over his dampened forehead. _Yes, but it wasn't just a nightmare, was it?_ A voice irritably told him at the back of his mind. It was strange — Magnus had believed that he'd rid his mind of that scene a year or so ago. Yet, it seemed, because Camille had crossed his mind, it had decided to make a reappearance. He could still clearly remember how he'd felt in that situation; afraid, vulnerable but forgiving towards Camille. Foolishly, he'd given in to her and allowed her to dent his heart once again. After reconciling and leaving his heart open for her to crush, a few months later, Magnus had discovered the true meaning behind Camille's appearance — she had not in any way fought in the mortal war to protect him. She'd played on his weaknesses — taken advantage of his ajar mind and heart after suffering losses in the Mortal War. The heartbreak that she'd caused him was a constant reminder of why he should never allow the walls around his heart to fall again. She'd damaged him — brutally and mercilessly. He was right to have refused contacting her. Magnus knew her appearance would only cause him to doubt love once again and that he'd be reminded of his foolish reconciliation with her that occurred only six years previous.

In taking another breath, he relaxed back into the sofa, only to set his eyes upon a drink and note in front of him. A frown tugged at his expression, while he leaned forward, looking down at the drink in bewilderment. He picked up the note leaned against the mug.

' _Magnus_ ' It read. _'Thank you for the movie last night. I had a great time. I had to leave since Jace and Izzy have no idea where I am. I didn't realised I'd fallen asleep. Sorry if I was a bother. I didn't mean to overstay my welcome. But I made you a coffee. Somehow I found some in your empty kitchen. You should really stop stealing from that cafe you know. Anyway, I hope you like it - Alec'_

A smile tugged at the corners of Magnus' lips as he read the note. During the hastiness of his awakening, he'd all but forgotten the end of their date the night before. How silly of the Shadowhunter to believe he'd overstayed his welcome. As Magnus thought back to it now, he could still taste Alec on his lips and feel the warmth of him in his arms. He yearned for more. The memories of Alec fought off the images of Camille. It was like the fluffy puppy had somehow won a battle against the snake.

Picking up the mug, Magnus brought it up to his lips and took a long gulp. He instantly regretted that decision, however, as a cool, thick substance oozed down his throat. Cringing at the foul taste of cold, poorly made coffee, Magnus slammed the cup back down on the table, before searching for his phone.

 _'Darling that was the worst cold coffee I've ever tasted. I think I'll stick to stealing for now thank you ;)'' ~ Magnus_

He pressed send, a smirk lingering on his lips. Just as he was about to settle back against the sofa, a loud bang echoed around the room and the front door crumbled.

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

Trailing up the steps to the institute, Alec pleaded in his mind for Jace and Izzy to still be asleep. Easing the door open, he stepped in, making sure that his footsteps were soundless. He made it in with no sign of his siblings. But then the door clattered shut behind him. Alec cringed.

"Alec!"

His head shot up at the sound of his sister's frantic voice. She stood on the grand stairway, wearing leather pants and a tight top, her whip coiled around her wrist. Shaking her head at him, she stepped down, facing him with pursed lips.

"Really? You chose now to have your first sleep over at Magnus'?" She quietened her voice as she spoke, so not to be overheard, before pulling him in for a hug.

Frowning, Alec wrapped his arms around her, despite his confusion towards the sudden affection. "What was that for?"

"Me and Jace have been searching for you for over an hour! Haven't you heard your phone going off?" She told him, moving her hands to her hips.

"No I — I was busy," Alec mumbled.

Izzy raised her eyebrows. "Oh really?" Alec cringed as he spotted the smirk growing on her lips. "Well at least one of us had fun last night."

"Why have you been searching for me?" Alec asked, quickly changing the subject. "Couldn't you have just said I was still asleep?"

"I tried that," Izzy said with an eye roll. "But last night we received a note from someone and it was left on the institute doorstep. Jace went up to your room to tell you about it and saw that you weren't there. He panicked and thought you were missing."

"But why would he just presume that? I could have been out for a walk — "

"Since when do you ever just go out for a walk?" Izzy rolled her eyes again.

"You know what I mean." Alec shook his head.

"He's shaken Alec… That note…" Izzy trailed off, her eyes falling to the floor. "It had some of Clary's blood on it — or so it said anyway."

"It what?" Alec responded, his head jerking up, suddenly alert.

"It was splattered all over the sheet of paper the message was sent on. Even if it isn't Clary's blood it was enough to send Jace crazy," Izzy said.

Feeling a twinge of guilt for not being there to comfort him, Alec brushed his hair away from his eyes. "What did it say?"

"Whoever wrote it wants something from us in exchange for Clary and Simon. It said that they aren't any use anymore, so we can have them back in exchange. If not then…" She broke off abruptly.

"I get the idea," Alec told her softly, placing a hand on her shoulder in comfort. A small, grateful smile grew on her lips in response.

"Where the hell have you been?"

Alec turned at the sound of Jace's voice, looking up at him with a twinge of guilt. Bounding down the stairs, Jace swung himself down the last few steps, landing in front of Alec with a panicked expression. Alec watched with a frown as Jace uncharacteristically threw his arms around Alec, pulling him in for a hug.

"That was oddly affectionate," Alec commented with a grin, but Jace did not seem to find this amusing.

"We thought you were missing. Where the hell were you and why weren't you answering your phone?" Jace demanded, folding his arms over his chest and pressing his lips together into a tight frown, causing him to appear like a petulant child.

"So I heard," Alec mumbled, his mind racing as he realised he needed a reason for his disappearance. " I was — out."

"Since when do you ever go out?" Jace questioned sarcastically.

"Since now, apparently." Alec shrugged, trying to brush the situation off but Jace seemed determined.

"Where were you? Did you not take your phone?" Jace's frown only deepened, causing Alec to sigh.

"You're beginning to sound like a parent," Alec commented, but Jace, again, did not seem to find this amusing. While an awkward silence hung in the air, Alec shifted under Jace's piercing stare. "Fine. I was at Magnus' house. Magnus Bane's." He bucked under the truth, even though he had no idea what his reason for being there would be.

"The warlock's?" Jace responded, his eyebrows shooting up.

"Yeah." Alec nodded, moving from one foot to the other uncomfortably. "So this note that you got —"

"Why were you at his house? Has something happened? Did he tell you how to contact, Camille?" Jace interrupted, a stream of questions bursting from his lips.

An idea sparked within Alec. "No… I was there trying to convince him to tell us how to contact her. You said it yourself, he seemed to like me more than you guys so I figured I'd give it a shot. He wouldn't tell me anything though."

"Well we need to go back there now. I have a few questions I'd like to ask him myself."

Hearing the sudden, dark change in Jace's tone, Alec stiffened, his body shifting into a defensive position. "What questions?" Alec asked, his tone sharper than he'd expected. "He's not going to tell us anything after what you said to him the other day."

"I'll make him answer if I have to, this is important," Jace stated, his jaw set in determination.

Frozen in place, Alec's eyes widened upon hearing this threat. "You can't just go round torturing warlocks for answers — " He began. The loudness of his voice seemed to startle Jace.

"Nobody's torturing anyone, Alec," Izzy informed him gently, placing a hand on his arm.

"What do you want to know? I'll ask him myself. If we all go he won't tell us anything," Alec pointed out.

Jace opened his mouth to argue but Izzy interrupted him. "In the note I was telling you about… It said Magnus knows where the item is that we need to exchange."

"Is it even worth asking whether you've sent this note to the clave?"

"You know what the answer will be. So probably not." Jace answered with an eye roll. "The Clave can't know about this. Whatever item the sender wants must be of high value and as soon as the Clave find out, they'll take it and ruin our chances of any exchange."

Alec's frown only deepened. "So you think two and a half Shadowhunters can handle a situation like this? We need help — "

"Are you underestimating my ability?"

"No," Alec stated. "I'm being smart about this. I'm trying to keep you all safe."

"We're not telling the Clave." Jace folded his arms across his chest defiantly.

"Fine," Alec conceded through pressed lips. "I'll go to Magnus myself and ask him about the item."

"No. We all go. This is important, Alec, I'm not staying behind."

"You really think he'll tell you anything after what you said to him the other day?" Alec's eyebrows raised.

"That was me being nice. I could have said much worse," Jace pointed out.

"I know you could." Alec rolled his eyes at Jace's petulance. "I'll go on my own tomorrow to find out what I can."

"You're not leaving me behind," Jace said, sounding like a child having a tantrum.

"Well now you know how I feel." After shaking his head at Jace, Alec brushed past his siblings, heading up the stairs without a backwards glance. As he reached the top, his phone buzzed in his back pocket so he pulled it out. He tried but failed to hold back a grin upon reading the text.

 _'You could just buy some coffee granules that aren't out of date. Or you could've just woken up earlier so that the coffee wasn't cold ;)' ~ Alec_

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

Magnus coughed as dust cascaded around the room like confetti, narrowing his eyes to try and see through it. Stood up and crouched defensively, he held his palms up and ready to shoot a spell at an attacker. The dust flew around the room in a whirlwind, circling around before vanishing into thin air. Looking down at the door with a pleased smirk, Magnus' old green friend, Ragnor Fell, strolled into his loft.

"You should really get a new door. It's becoming easier to blast down every time I visit," Ragnor commented, hopping over the mangled door. Under the dim light in his living room, Ragnor appeared like a discoloured toad with horns protruding from his head — his white hair was longer than usual, trailing down to his shoulders.

Magnus clicked his fingers, smiling as the door fixed itself, returning to its original place. "Ragnor! Might I say you're looking positively green today my old friend! To what do I owe this wonderful pleasure?" Magnus exclaimed. "Oh and apologise to my door will you? You hurt his feelings."

"I'm not apologising to a bloody door." Rolling his eyes at Magnus' flamboyant behaviour, Ragnor trailed past Magnus, landing himself on the khaki green chair next to the sofa with a huff. Only now did Magnus realise how much he'd missed Ragnor's grumpy behaviour.

"Okay then. I see you're extra grumpy today. Has Raphael not paid you a visit recently?" Magnus' eyes twinkled in mocking as he took a seat on the sofa, crossing his legs and reclining back.

"Actually I saw him in the meeting you yet again forgot to attend — "

"Yes, yes and you have continued to remind me ever since. It will not happen again, you have my word." Magnus waved his hand, brushing away the complaint.

"You've been saying that for the last century." Ragnor rolled his eyes, leaning his forehead against his hand in exasperation.

"The last two centuries actually," Magnus corrected him with a grin. "But maybe this time I mean it."

Ragnor scoffed, a humoured chuckle escaping his tightly bound lips. "I'll believe that when I see it."

"You're lack of trust in me, Ragnor, is very insulting. Have my endeavours to gain your trust over our years together been futile?" Magnus asked in a mocking, pained tone.

"Enough with your antics, Magnus." Ranger shook his head, leaning forward so that his arms rested on his knees. For a moment he paused, his eyes landing hard on Magnus with a strange flicker of concern in his eyes. Magnus felt himself freeze at the odd display of emotion. "I'm actually here on important business, believe it or not."

"Important business? Don't tell me you wish to become a pirate again, I was under the impression that you'd given up that dream a — "

"Enough, Magnus. This is serious." The grave tone of Ragnor's voice caused Magnus to lean forward intently. For once, Magnus remained silent, holding back all the quirky comments.

"What's happened?" Magnus asked, frowning in bewilderment to the sudden change in tone.

"I know you have it, Magnus. After all these years I thought you'd gotten rid of it — but word on the street is that you've concealed it. They're finding out one by one… They'll come for you," Ragnor explained, his tone low and grave, reminding Magnus of the time he'd tried to play the bassoon.

"Have what, my dear friend?" Magnus knew that his attempt at innocence was laughable but he couldn't help but try.

"You know what, Magnus. If you have any sense you'll conceal yourself until they lose hope of finding you," Ragnor said, leaning forward further. Contemplating this idea for a moment, Magnus knew that he couldn't. Not when Alexander was so newly present in his life. Although maybe he could somehow steal him away for a few decades… Although, Alec didn't seem the type for a quiet life in the country.

"They'd be foolish to try and retrieve it from me. I haven't exactly made it simple to find," Magnus said, shrugging lightly while moving his hands to cup his knee.

"They'll come for you. I came here to warn you, like a good old friend, so don't ignore me — otherwise my long trip will all go to waste."

"Who exactly is coming for me then, Ragnor? Which big bad monsters are foolishly going to try and capture me this time?" Magnus asked with a humourless chuckle.

"The exact person who's been relentlessly trying to find it for years. But she's not working alone. It wouldn't surprise me if the Shadowhunters and demons alike come for it too. You know as well as I that their Clave considers it a crime to hold possession of it," Ragnor explained carefully.

"Yes, yes I know." Magnus rolled his eyes at the mentioning of the Clave and their arrogant ways. "If it makes you feel better I'll place an extra ward on my front door so nobody can blast it down."

"You're not taking this seriously, are you?" Ranger scoffed, turning his head away to stare at the left side of the room.

"I hear your warning, Ragnor. In fact I'm thankful you came to me with this information. You've answered a few recent questions of mine," Magnus answered earnestly. Storing himself away was something he'd never truly done over the centuries. He wasn't about to start now. Handling unwanted guests was in his resumé. "But I won't hide from my enemies."

"Very well." Ragnor climbed to his feet, looking down upon Magnus with a peculiar expression. His white hair glistened in the light causing his skin to appear greener than before. "Don't say I didn't warn you, Magnus."

"Won't you stay for a drink so we can relive old tales?" Magnus offered pleasantly.

"And relive the time where you tried to play the lute?" Ragnor let out a soft chuckle at the memory.

Magnus pointed a finger at him, shaking his head. "I think you'll find that the beautiful instrument was a charango and I made an excellent charanguista!" He retorted playfully.

"You tortured everything in the vicinity of a few miles with that hideous instrument. And all for a lover." Ragnor rolled his eyes once again, heading towards the door. Climbing felinely to his feet, Magnus followed him, feeling his phone buzz in his pocket. Smiling, he pulled it out to find a text from Alexander.

"Yes well, speaking of lovers, I have to return to mine." Magnus waved his phone in the air, a grin growing on his lips. "Next time you pay Raphael a visit, don't forget to drop by."

Without another word, Ragnor turned and clicked his fingers, blasting down the door once again before hopping out of the apartment.

"Apologise to my poor door!" Magnus cried down the hallway as a billow of dust wafted around him yet again.

"I'm not apologising to a bloody door!" Ragnor shouted before a small pop echoed through the air and silence fell over the apartment block. The warning laid to rest at the back of his mind and he made note to place a few extra demon wards on his loft. As of yet, it was not a pressing issue.

With a hint of laughter still playing on his lips, Magnus fixed the door then returned his eyes to his phone. His smile grew upon reading the message.

 _'Well maybe next time you should stay longer so that my morning coffee doesn't go cold ;)' ~ Magnus_

 _'So there'll be a next time?' ~ Alec_

 _'Of course there'll be a next time you silly shadowhunter. Stop playing hard to get xxx' ~ Magnus_

 _' :) xxx' ~ Alec_

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

 ** _October 8th 2003_**

 _Loitering around his apartment, searching for something to do, Magnus refrained his mind from wandering to Camille. But despite his valiant efforts, the questions never ceased to attack. After Ragnor's heartfelt visit, Magnus didn't know what to believe. Can't you see the snakes using you, Magnus. Ragnor's words echoed in his mind, catapulting back and forth. Magnus had tried defending his Camille; he'd tried explaining that she wasn't the woman she once was. But how true was that? How much had she really changed? Magnus didn't know the answer to that question anymore._

 _His head snapped towards the door, his body spun round as it opened. Eyes automatically narrowing to study the compelling snake, Magnus froze in his tracks, his lips pressed shut. An uncomfortable silence lingered in the air as the snake watched him in wonder._

 _"Magnus? Did you find it?" Camille asked, her voice filled with hope — it was an emotion he'd scarcely seen her express before._

 _"Yes." Magnus spoke with a frown, his eyes wandering over her curve of her features, searching for any signs of the snake within._

 _"That's wonderful!" Camille exclaimed. A grin formed on her lips while her eyes lit up with desire. This reaction only proved Ragnor's accusation. "Where is it?"_

 _"Hidden beyond your grasp," Magnus replied, lowering his eyes to the floor as he sucked in a shaky breath. Feeling an aching jolt in his chest, he willed himself to remain strong. However, an omnipotent force seemed to be weighing on his shoulders, dragging him down._

 _"Something's wrong. I can see it in your eyes. Tell me, Magnus. Tell me what's worrying you, my dear." Tilting her head to the side in bewilderment, Camille took a step forward, pausing abruptly as Magnus took a step away._

 _"Caught on have you?" He let out an angered scoff. Refusing to look at her, he kept his eyes focused on the wall behind her, marvelling at the delicate wallpaper he'd recently designed his loft with. It was the wallpaper that Camille loathed — he'd wanted to change it before, but he had no reason to now._

 _"Magnus…" She took another step closer. This time Magnus remained motionless, but his hands clenched into fists by his sides. His shoulders were hunched forward and he felt the odd urge to curl up and conceal himself away._

 _"Stop." Camille halted in place at Magnus' abrupt tone. "You lied to me, Camille. You've been lying to me all along."_

 _"What gave you that idea?" A frown grew on her expression. She appeared so innocent, so vulnerable but Magnus could read through it. How had he not read her lies before?_

 _"You told me you wanted the book of the white so that we could end our immortal lives together when we so pleased," Magnus spoke in a broken tone and he cringed at the audible pain laced within. "But now I've been informed you have other plans for this precious artefact. Who are you working for, Camille?"_

 _"I don't know what you're — " Camille began._

 _"Lies!" Magnus yelled, turning away as he bit his lip, holding back another shout. Raw emotions burned inside of him, firing up his mind and magic. "All of it was a lie. Now answer my question: who do you wish to hand the book over to?"_

 _"Magnus — I — "_

 _"Stop." He ordered, holding up his hand. Pausing for a moment, he locked eyes with her for the final time. Feeling his expression crumble upon seeing the deceit painted across her features, Magnus tightened his lips, turning away so that his back faced her. "Leave. Now."_

 _"Magnus — "_

 _"I said leave!" He repeated, his voice raising. "And never return. If I so much as see you again then you'll find yourself under the wrath of the sun."_

 _Silence lingered. For a moment she stood there, her breaths echoing around the room. Magnus gulped, remaining frozen in his place, focusing his eyes ahead on his victorian style loft. Tight lipped and eyes narrowed, Camille glided out of his apartment. The click of her heels echoed down the stairs as she left and Magnus flicked his wrist, slamming the door shut behind her._

 _Letting out the choking breath he hadn't known he was holding, Magnus felt his body slump under the force acting down upon him. Every part of his body seemed to disintegrate before him. His mind clouded, his heart stopped and his body numbed. Nothing could diminish the pain of heartbreak — it was an agony he never wished to feel again._

* * *

So sorry that this update is a little later than expected :( Here's an extra long chapter for you though. I think it's the longest one yet... So a little bit of non-canon past for Magnus and Camille occurred in this chapter, so let me know what you think and if you have any questions feel free to ask!I really hope you enjoyed reading and I hope everyone has enjoyed all the chapters so far :D

As a quick note: I'm really sorry guys, but instead of updating once a week, I will now be updating twice a week as exam season is only 2-3 weeks away and I have so much revision to do. Right now exams are important and take priority, which means I have little time to write and focus on much else. I have written up to chapter 15 so far and chapter 16 is currently been worked on, so you can rest assured that those chapters will be published. If there is no update after two weeks (after chapter 15 has been posted) then I'm extremely sorry, I will try to update ASAP. Chapter 15 should be posted on the 25th May, which is in the middle of exam season, so please don't be too angry if a chapter 16 doesn't follow precisely two weeks afterwards. But exams finish on June 17th and then I have 10 weeks worth of summer to do a LOT of writing. I promise I will continue this story (I love Malec so much, how could I not continue?) and I will try and keep the updates as regular as possible. Please do bear with me, and thank you for all the great support!  
-Daretodream


	15. Collapse

**Chapter 14: Collapse**

"Back again, Magnus?" Hubert boomed, his voice filled with delight. Stepping into the quirky, vibrant restaurant, Alec remained behind Magnus as Hubert stepped up to greet them. "And you brought your Shadowhunter again." Hubert grumbled upon seeing Alec, his expression dropping in distrust.

"Well Alexander enjoyed your restaurant so much last time that he convinced me to bring him here tonight," Magnus exclaimed, a polite smile growing on his lips as he glanced from Alec to Hubert. Like before, Hubert stood tall and wide, his stature filling the low-roofed restaurant. His arms were folded across his chest and he wore a dull, oversized t-shirt and trousers with a grimy apron over the top. Despite the contrast in appearances, he somehow fit in with the restaurant, unlike Alec who stuck out like a sore thumb.

"You didn't buy anything last time," Hubert pointed out, his eyes narrowing as he watched Alec. Shifting under his gaze, Alec tried to focus on something else.

"Actually we had some wonderful drinks. Now we're back to try the food," Magnus corrected. "Come along, Alexander. We'll seat ourselves at the back."

Shivering as Magnus pressed a hand against his lower back, Alec stumbled forward, his eyes fleeting around the restaurant in a daze. The mismatch of psychedelic colours seemed to blend in more this time, causing it to appear a little more normal. Instead of the appearance, Alec noticed the Downworlders more — many of different species were gathered around wooden tables and some of them watched Alec, their eyes wary. Alec felt himself shrink under their piercing gaze.

"Here we are," Magnus announced, a pleasant grin forming on his glittered lips as he took a seat in the same booth they'd sat in before. Alec followed, making sure to sit close to Magnus. "Now, are you alright, darling? You're oddly quiet, even for you."

"Yeah — yeah I'm fine," Alec assured him in the most convincing voice possible. "Just a little tired."

Magnus appeared convinced. "Were you out demon-hunting today?"

"No…" Alec found himself lost for words. He knew that their conversation hadn't started off well but he didn't know how to improve it. Instead of conjuring a better conversation starter, all he could think about was how he was going to explain and ask Magnus about the note. "Just training."

Pursing his lips, Magnus fell silent for a moment. "Well I have had a hectic schedule today. Chairman Meow's birthday's coming up and I haven't even had a chance to plan the party yet! I can't have another failed party — Ragnor would never let me forget about it."

"Who's Ragnor?" Alec asked.

"A dear old warlock friend of mine. I've known him for centuries. He's attended almost all of my parties and he never lets me forget the one awful party I threw in the 1970's. He can be the bane of my existence but he does have his uses," Magnus explained.

Listening intently, Alec found himself lost in Magnus' shining cat eyes as he spoke. His voice seemed to strip away Alec's fear and anxiety. "What happened at the party?"

"Oh, it was a disaster! Let's just say that there were a few drunken mishaps and a ghastly amount of glitter and cheese spray involved. Everyone had left before the night had even begun."

Alec laughed, a grin tugging at his lips. "Cheese spray?"

"It was a relatively new mundane invention at the time, but why it was used, I'll never know." Magnus laughed along, his eyes sparking while his face lit up. "It took years to clean up, even with magic."

"Your loft is never clean anyway. I doubt the cheese made much of a difference," Alec teased. He felt as if a weight had been lifted from him — the laughter between them appeared to have broken the nervous tension.

"Oh ha ha." Magnus rolled his eyes. "Says the Shadowhunter who can't even make a decent cup of coffee!"

"It's not my fault you — " Alec began but their teasing was interrupted by the waiter.

"Here are your menus." The depressed waiter who had served them before dropped the menu's down on the table, his eyes glued on the notepad he held. This time he was dressed in an all-black uniform with strips of neon colours randomly stained across the material. He appeared more like a piñata than a waiter. "Drinks?"

"I'll take a _hot_ — " Magnus emphasised the word, his grin widening, " — cup of coffee please and Alec?"

"The same, thanks," He answered with a small eye roll, unable to wipe the smile from his lips. Without any response, the waiter left their table. Each step he took appeared stiff and stoic, as if he was pretending to be a robot.

"They really need to improve their fashion sense in here," Magnus commented, eyebrows raised. "He looks like a fairy has puked colours all over him. The material is all wrong and those colours… Urgh. " Magnus shuddered while cringing.

"The material? What's material got to do with anything?" Alec asked with a bewildered frown.

"Oh, darling." Magnus waved a hand in exasperation, before leaning his elbow down on the table. "I have so much to teach you about fashion. For starters I see that you're wearing that lovely blue colour again — it suits you."

"Thanks," Alec mumbled, feeling his cheeks grow hot. Looking down at Magnus, Alec took in his exuberant appearance; he wore a burgundy coloured satin top with rhinestone lining the collar and black leather pants, while his hair lay swept back over his head in a quiff with coloured tips matching his outfit. Sparkly dark eyeliner ran the length of his cat eyes, causing them to glow yellow with mystery and his body appeared decorated with silver glitter. Everything about his appearance suited Magnus — he looked handsome. "You look good too."

"Again, with the poor choice of vocabulary!" Magnus exclaimed in mock horror, but his smile echoed his teasing. "Amazing, darling. Use that word instead. I really must teach you some new synonyms."

"And I thought Jace was vain," Alec said, chuckling as Magnus' expression pulled into a teasing frown.

"Well, vanity is my favourite sin," Magnus exclaimed in a deeper voice than before, as if he was mimicking someone. A little confused by his words, Alec frowned a little, trying to make sense of them. "It's a movie quote… The Al Pacino movie?"

Alec's frown deepened.

"The devil's advocate?" Magnus prompted again. "Dear God we must add that to the list of movies I need to show you."

"The list is only going to grow. I haven't seen any movies," Alec pointed out.

"You watched Notting Hill."

"I don't think I can really say I watched that. You distracted me." As Alec spoke he could feel his cheeks grow even hotter with embarrassment and Magnus smirked at his reaction.

"Yes, well, I am insanely handsome. I'm not surprised you were so easily distracted."

With yet another eye roll, Alec chuckled, while attempting to rid the blush from his cheeks. He reached out for the menu and opened it, hiding himself behind it a little to try and cover his embarrassment.

"Ah, if we're choosing food now then can I suggest we play a game?" Magnus' eyes twinkled under the dim light as he spoke and his bejewelled fingers curled underneath his chin, as he leaned closer towards Alec playfully.

"A game?" Alec tried not to sound worried. Flirting didn't exactly come easy to him — the only flirtatious comments he'd made were the lines he'd spoken as if he was Jace. A game could only lead to Alec humiliating himself even more. But then again Magnus hadn't seemed to mind Alec's lack of knowledge towards the dating world or his obliviousness to mundane life so far.

"It's simple really. We order food for each other and whatever it is, we have to eat it," Magnus explained, studying Alec with slightly narrowed eyes. It was as if he was trying to judge Alec's reaction.

"If you order me frogs — " Alec began accusingly.

Erupting in laughter, Magnus eyes glistened and the sound from his lips fluttered through the air, causing Alec to brighten. "Fine," He said in a defeated tone. "No frogs allowed."

"Am I supposed to order something I think you'll like or dislike?" Alec asked.

Shrugging in response, Magnus leaned further forward with a mischievous expression — he resembled a playful kitten. "You can order anything. But do bear in mind that early dates are supposed to be about impressing one another." Magnus's face was close to his and Alec could barely breathe.

"O-Ok." He stumbled, pulling a little back from Magnus to look at the menu. Appearing pleased with himself for the reaction he'd gotten out of Alec, Magnus turned to the menu, his eyes leaving Alec's for the first time that night.

Eyes raking over the menu, Alec searched for something to order. His heart raced against his chest in anticipation, as the game felt more like a test. Not knowing whether to take Magnus' warning to heart, Alec searched for two options — something he believed Magnus would like and dislike — so that he'd have a backup option, in case Magnus ordered him something horrible. The menu itself claimed to be Cambodian-American fusion with added options for the different species of Downworlders. Alec had to read the descriptions to understand what each other foods were. The menu only seemed to reinstate how strange yet quirky the restaurant was — Alec could understand why Magnus liked it.

Returning with the same glum expression, the waiter paused at their table while Alec was still searching. In a panic, Alec scanned the menu — only having decided what his good option would be. "Food?" The waiter asked bluntly.

"Yes. Alexander, why don't you order first?" Magnus suggested.

"No, you first," Alec urged him, a little nervous.

"Fine. Deep fried Tarantula please."

Freezing, Alec opened his mouth to speak but no words left his lips. His eyes widened in horror while his heart rate increased. Ever since he was young he'd had a deathly fear of spiders. It was something that Jace had always teased him for. He was supposed to be a Shadowhunter who feared nothing, yet he was afraid of the tiniest spiders. Even if the spiders were dead and fried, the last thing he wanted to do was eat them.

Not having managed to pick out a meal that he believed Magnus would dislike — that didn't include frogs — Alec desperately looked over the menu. He ordered the first dish he saw. "The grilled Twa Ko burger with fried rice, please."

A startled expression formed on Magnus' features, causing Alec to panic. Had he picked something so bad that Magnus would never forgive him for forcing him to eat it?

The humour dissipated from Magnus' face. "I was joking!" Magnus tried calling to the waiter, but he continued to walk away without a backwards glance. "Are you purposefully trying to make me feel bad, Alexander?" Magnus asked in a mocking accusatory tone.

"No…" Alec frowned, confused. "Why, what did I order for you?"

"Oh darling." A chuckle escaped Magnus' lips upon seeing Alec's reaction.

"What? It's all part of the game right? I was allowed to order you anything?" Alec asked, his voice taking on a new innocent tone. He wasn't quite sure what was going on.

"Yes, but I ordered you deep fried spiders because I didn't think you'd order something nice. But then you go and order my favourite dish!" Magnus explained, his expression tugging into a worried frown, as he shook his head in disbelief.

"I did?" Alec exclaimed in surprise. A warmth filled his chest. He, Alec Lightwood, had actually gotten something right in the dating world. Somehow he'd impressed Magnus by ordering the first thing he'd set his eyes upon.

"Yes you silly shadowhunter!" Magnus said in exasperation, shaking his head as his smile only grew. "You never cease to amaze me."

Alec's grin widened.

Throughout the rest of their dinner, Magnus frequently apologised for what he'd ordered Alec. After discovering Alec's deep fear of spiders, Magnus seemed to feel even worse. This caused Alec to feel a little bad himself, but he didn't let it spoil their date. Instead their conversation flowed in a steady stream of laughter and stories, with the occasional flirty or teasing comment. Magnus allowed Alec to share his food with him and the fried spiders sat untouched at the edge of the table. The date flew by faster than Alec could have expected and he'd almost forgotten what he was supposed to question Magnus about.

"Bill?" The waiter stiffly picked up their plates. Eyes remaining locked on Alec, Magnus nodded once, before leaning his head on his hands. The dazzling rings adorning his fingers slid downwards as he tapped his fingers against his cheek.

"Well I've now learnt you have excellent taste in food. How you picked out my favourite dish I'll never know," Magnus commented, picking up his mug and drinking the last drops of the coffee. Alec brought his own cup up to his lips.

"It was a lucky surprise." Alec shrugged.

The bill arrived and Alec pulled out the wallet he hadn't used in years. Rolling his eyes, Magnus shook his head at him, before snapping his fingers — thirty dollars appeared in a flash. Mouth hung open in slight shock, Alec tried to hide his disappointment while he placed his wallet back in his pocket. He had hoped that Magnus would let him pay. After all, Magnus had helped his family and he'd received no payment.

Following closely behind Magnus, Alec remained silent as they weaved through the tables, heading towards the exit. Magnus fingers brushed against Alec's before he grasped Alec's hands, their fingers intertwining. The familiar race of his heart and flutter in his stomach overcame Alec for a moment, but he was growing used to the affect that Magnus had on him.

On their way out, Alec couldn't help but glance among the Downworlders staring at him. Each of them watched with wary expressions, some of them even shrunk away from him in fear. He barely had any weapons on him yet he still aroused fear among them all. It hurt him a little to watch. Just as Magnus bid goodbye to Hubert, a glint of gold hair caught Alec's attention. At first he believed it was Jace, but upon looked carefully he saw that the person was a woman; she wore her blonde hair down in loose ringlets and her pale skin glowed under the dim lighting. She seemed to notice Alec staring and turned to look at him with her compelling emerald eyes. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips, lighting up her face with enigma. Pulling his eyes away, Alec shivered a little as he felt her stare follow him out of the restaurant.

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

The journey back to Magnus' loft glided past in a whirlwind; Alec walked hand in hand with Magnus, lost in his own little bubble as they wandered through the illuminated streets, a comfortable silence upon them. Before long, they were climbing the rickety staircase leading to Magnus' front door.

The door remained closed and Magnus paused in front of it, turning to Alec with a soft smile. Stood only a few inches apart, Magnus closed the small gap, tugging Alec forward by his sleeves. Alec barely had chance to gasp before his lips were on Magnus'. The shock caught in Alec's throat and his lips remained still for a moment, before Magnus prised them open, caressing them. Hands moving disjointedly to Magnus' waist, Alec hesitated, before his fingers trailed over the top of Magnus pants and he pulled him closer. A soft moan escaped Magnus' lips and Alec shivered while Magnus' fingers threading through his hair, tugging at the ends. He stifled a gasp when Magnus smiled, his lips moving towards his jaw. Unpractised and lost in pleasure, Alec remained frozen, an involuntary moan escaping as Magnus' lips moved across his jawline and down his neck, his teeth grazing across his skin. After a few moments, Magnus' lips returned to his, and his palms touched Alec's cheeks. Opening his eyes, Alec kissed Magnus on the lips, then on the corner before turning his head to kiss his palm. A bright smile formed on Magnus' face— causing Alec's heart to race — as he pulled back. His skin felt like raging fire was burning through him and he could feel himself drifting off into the same pleasurable state he'd been in throughout the movie they'd watched a few days ago.

Unsure of what to do with himself, Alec lingered a little by the door as Magnus moved away, flicking his wrist, waltzing in through the open door. Alec watched, lost in Magnus, as the warlock greeted his cat before sprawling himself out on his sofa. He turned to Alec with a small frown upon seeing him still stood at the door.

"Won't you stay for a drink, Alexander?" Magnus asked, his eyes echoing hidden hope. Taking note of Magnus' crumpled clothes from where his own hands had been, Alec felt himself freeze with nerves.

"Okay," He said after a short silence, stumbling through the door and picking at his fingers anxiously. Before today he'd arrived at Magnus' so comfortably and even slept the night. But he hadn't been expecting to do that. The fear of what was the right thing to do was eating away at Alec. Was it fitting to stay the night after a date? Was that what people usually did or was Alec pushing the boundaries by doing that?

"What would you like, darling?" Magnus asked gently. Alec shrunk a little under Magnus' gaze. Taking a seat down on the sofa next to Magnus, Alec placed his hands in his lap. Their shoulders brushed, causing Alec to shiver, his skin prickling.

"Anything, I don't mind." Alec shrugged.

"Very well," Magnus responded. A mischievous grin formed on his face. With a snap of his fingers, a heavy object fell into Alec's lap.

"By the angel — " Alec jumped in surprise, the object thudded to the floor.

Magnus chuckled. "Oh I do love that expression," He said, a little wistful. " Sorry, darling, I was expecting it to be a smaller jar."

His expression tugging into a frown, Alec looked down at the floor in confusion, only to spot a kilogram tub of instant coffee. A shocked laugh burst from his lips and he felt a grin pull his expression wide and bright. Picking up the coffee from the floor, he turned to Magnus, shaking his head. That one small act had somehow brushed all of Alec's nerves away — he felt like he was back in familiar territory.

"This doesn't count as not stealing," Alec pointed out.

"You only said that I should stop stealing from the cafe," Magnus said, his eyes twinkling. "Is that enough in date coffee for you?"

Alec shook his head again. "I'll go make us some and this time it won't be cold or disgusting."

"I'll believe that when I taste it," Magnus said teasingly. Feeling Magnus' eyes on him as he walked away, Alec tried to wipe the wide grin from his face as he went to Magnus' kitchen, turning on the kettle.

A few moments later, he returned with two steaming mugs of coffee in his hands. Taking it with a fake wary expression, Magnus smelled the coffee before glancing at Alec with a frown. "If this poisons me — "

"Just drink the coffee, Magnus." Alec rolled his eyes, taking a seat once again. Silence fell as they both took a sip, before Alec turned to watch Magnus, awaiting his reaction. "So?"

Magnus appeared a little sheepish. "It's vile." He concluded teasingly.

"It's the best coffee you've ever tasted."

"Fine… Its good, I'll admit. Not quite cafe standard, but good none the less." Magnus shrugged nonchalantly. "So what are your shadowhuntry plans for the week and when will I get to see you again?"

Alec smiled, but it faltered as he realised that he hadn't yet told Magnus' about the note. The topic of Jace and Izzy had been so carefully avoided by the both of them that it had slipped his mind. He felt his heart rate frantically pick up at the thought. "No…" He began, his voice shaking a little. "No plans. But there is…something I need to talk to you about."

"Go on?" Magnus appeared sceptical and there was a significant drop in his expression — the yellow light seemed to have faded a little in his eyes. This caused Alec's heart to pound harder.

"The other day… After I went back to the institute, Jace and Izzy told me about something that had happened that night," Alec began warily. Avoiding Magnus, he kept his eyes pinned to the beige walls behind him. "There was this note left on the institute door. It told us a way that we could get Clary and Simon back."

Magnus sighed, his lips pursing as he turned his head away. "You need something from me," He said in a quiet voice.

Alec hesitated. "The note said that we could have Clary and Simon back if we could give something to them."

"Them?" Magnus asked, his voice remaining in a low tone.

"The note was unsigned… We presumed that it was from the vampire, C-Camille, and whoever she was working with." Alec cringed upon seeing Magnus wince at the mention of Camille. He hated having to speak to Magnus about it, but it was the only way.

"I see…"

Alec watched, feeling a twinge in his heart, as Magnus' grip tightened on the sofa. "It didn't tell us what the object was… The note said that you would know."

Lips pressed shut, Magnus didn't speak and he turned back to face Alec with a crumpled expression — open and unguarded. Alec tried to focus on his breathing, but constant panic prickled under his skin as he watched the happiness dissipate from Magnus.

"Did you fabricate this whole date to ask me about this?" Magnus questioned, his eyes narrowing in what appeared to be distrust.

Alec breath caught in his throat. "No…" He whispered, frowning at the thought. "No! Of course not. I want to be here — I just needed to do this."

"You accepted it." Magnus picked himself up from the chair, running a hand through his hair, dishevelling it. His tone suggested that he was more speaking to himself, than Alec. "We agreed that I couldn't help you." He turned to Alec with narrowed eyes.

"I know I did." Alec looked down, his voice dropping. "But that was when I thought there was another way…"

Magnus sighed, pacing towards the opposite end of his loft. His expression appeared torn. "You don't realise what you're asking me to do, Alexander."

"Then explain to me… So I can understand — I want to understand," Alec told him. "What is it Camille wants?"

"Alexander — " Magnus began in a warning tone, his back turned to Alec.

"Please, Magnus." Alec bit his lip. "This is my family. I'm trying to help them. They haven't been the same since Clary and Simon disappeared… They need them. And it's my job to protect them from situations like this."

"This is bigger than just your family." Magnus shook his head, his back still turned.

"Then explain it to me… So I know what I can do to help. It's not just them I want to help it's — it's you too." The words stumbled from his lips.

Shoulders slumped forward, Magnus turned an inch, revealing his darkened eyes and stoic expression. All emotion seemed to have wiped from his face. It was strange not seeing the cat-like mischief in his eyes. "If I tell you… Then you'll only want what I can't give to you."

"Please Magnus… I need to know."

Magnus' eyes were slits as he turned to squarely face Alec. Avoiding his eyes, Magnus looked down at the floor, his lips pressed together. "Camille — and whoever she is working for — wish to retrieve a valuable artefact. One that is rumoured to have been lost after the mortal war: the book of the white."

"But the clave — " Alec began with a frown.

"The clave have never truly held possession of the book," Magnus answered his unasked question. "I don't know what she wishes to use it for, but I assure you she won't be using it for the lighter elements. I'm not even sure it is she who wishes to use it."

"But if that's what she wants then…" Alec frowned as the realisation dawned on him. "Wait… Do you have the book?"

Magnus fell silent, his eyes raising to meet Alec's. There was nothing but distrust and wariness in his eyes and it caused Alec to flinch. "It is hidden in a place that only I know of."

"But it's against the law for anybody other than the clave, especially a downworlder and a warlock, to have possession of the book." Alec stated with a frown.

Upon seeing Magnus' expression darken further, Alec froze. He could feel the hurt and anger radiating from Magnus. "So that's what you see me as now, Alec? A downworlder? A warlock?" He asked spitefully. "Am I lesser than you for breaking laws in which shadowhunters have broken and gone unpunished for centuries?"

"No! Of course not!" Alec retorted, shoving a hand through his hair as he climbed to his feet, moving closer to Magnus. Somehow his brain was no longer functioning his actions. Moving away as Alec approached, Magnus turned to face the wall. Alec placed a hand on his shoulder. "You're not a downworlder to me, Magnus. You never have been."

"Then what am I?" Magnus spun around, trust while his expression unguarded; the pain radiated from his eyes as he shrugged away from Alec's touch.

"You… We're — " Alec fumbled for the right words, panicking. "I—I care about you."

Magnus remained silent, his eyes locked on Alec in a startled surprise.

Feeling the blood rush through his ears, Alec searched for something to say — anything that would explain himself that wouldn't hurt Magnus. Seeing Magnus appear so closed off and pained hurt him to see. It felt as if he was slowly driving a seraph blade further into his body.

"I care about you and my family." Alec stated after a short silence. "If there was any other way for me to help my family then I'd do it."

"I care about you too…" A deep sigh escaped Magnus' lips, before he gulped, looking down at the floor. "But I vowed to myself that I would never contact Camille again."

"Then tell me how to contact her — I'll do it myself. I can come up with a plan — " Alec began in a panicked flurry, the words bursting from him.

"No." His tone was final, but it didn't diminish Alec's determination. "No… You can't contact her."

"Why not?" Alec demanded.

"Because…" Magnus paused, his head raising high, as if he was trying to hold something back. "She's deceiving, cunning… She's like a snake." Magnus explained, pacing up and down the room again. "The snake in the Bible — it convinced Eve to eat the apple. That's what she does, Alexander. She uses your weaknesses to her advantage and she never stops. Once you know her — once you've been deceived by her — you can never forget her and she won't let you forget her."

An irritation prickled under Alec's skin, causing his insides to burn with hurt buried deep with him. "I'm not weak." He declared, louder than before. "I might not have magic — I might not be like the rest of the shadowhunters, but I'm not weak."

"No." Magnus agreed, pausing to look at Alec for a moment. "You're not weak. But even the strongest minds fall for her tricks. I've seen it. I've lived it." He admitted, his voice trailing off to a pained whisper.

"Just tell me how to contact her — I don't care what she does to me — and I'll find a way for her to give Clary and Simon back. I have to do this."

"Then what?" Magnus' voice raised. "You'll just waltz up to her and demand she return your friends?"

"No… I'll come up with a plan — " Alec began, his eyes following Magnus' every movement.

"Without the book of the white she'll never exchange them." Magnus said in a grave tone, his eyes staring daggers at the wall.

"Then we get the book of the white —"

"Oh and then we'll just hand it over to her and allow her to wreak havoc over the earth. But if your friends are safe, then that's okay!" Magnus voice raised to a shout, causing Alec to flinch back. The blood pounding through his veins crashed through his ears, heating his body — he felt like he was on fire. Shifting uncomfortably as the pain prickled under his skin, Alec felt his body shake. He pressed his lips into a fine line.

"I wouldn't allow that to happen." Alec stated.

"I told you not to ask me. I told you you'd only want what I can't give you." Magnus shook his head. "I will not contact her. I will not hand over to her one of the most powerful spell books in history."

Alec fell silent, his hands clenching into fists by his sides as the pain prickled through him. His veins felt hot in his wrists. "I…I need to go." Alec said, his tone sharp and forced. "I need to get out of here." Running a shaking hand through his hair, Alec hurried to the door.

"Fine." Magnus huffed sharply. "Just leave." His voice sounded pained, but Alec had no time to resonate that observation.

Without a backwards glance, Alec threw himself out of the loft as quickly as he could, bursting down the stairs. As soon as he reached the ground floor, he sprinted away, crashing through the New York streets, ignoring the strange stares he was receiving.

He could feel it happening. He could feel the demons burning through his body, eating him out alive. Pain pulled at his mind in every direction. Feeling himself cloud, Alec stumbled on the streets, but willed himself to continue. He needed to make it back to the institute. He needed the powder.

But all he could think about was Magnus — the hurt, the pain, the worry, it devoured him. The world appeared in a frenzy around him; lights blared from every direction, chatter spun in circles, horns crashed in waves of sound. His mind was spinning. He couldn't see.

A hand grasped his arm. Stumbling as he was pulled sideways, Alec collided with the wall, his head striking against the bricks. He moaned in pain, attempting to move away as he felt the fire frenzy through him. Suddenly, he hit the wall again, a force shoving against him, and he clattered to the floor. Blinking up through the darkness blackening his vision, he saw two figures towering over him. He blinked again. The figure became one. It moved back and forth. He thought he could see a spark of green and gold but he couldn't decipher who was there.

"Foolish little Lightwood…" A feline voice spoke, but she sounded far away. Alec moaned in pain upon trying to speak, his hand finding the floor. He attempted to drag himself away but a foot thundered against his hand. "You shadowhunters never learn."

* * *

 **So this was an extra long chapter, I think the longest one yet. I know the cliffhanger is a little harsh, but I think you've all been reading this story for long enough now to realise that I leave chapters on cliffhangers like this all the time ;) There was lots and lots of Malec interaction though... surely that makes up for the argument and cliffhanger ending? No? I though not...**  
 **Anyway, enough of me rambling about nothing. I really hope you enjoyed this chapter and let me know your thoughts/feelings by reviewing. i'm currently in the middle of revision and exams start next week - thank you for all the 'good lucks' you guys have given me, I'll definitely need them. A new update will be posted in two weeks time (25th May) and I'm currently working on chapter 16 which will be published another two weeks after that (8th June).**  
 **Thank you for all the continued support!**  
 **-DaretoDream**


	16. Lost and Found

**Chapter 15: Lost and Found**

An irritating buzz clanged through the air, causing Magnus to jump awake and fall sideways from the sofa. With a groan, he picked himself up, blocking his ears with his hands as the sound of his buzzer clattered through the loft.

Trailing past the empty bucket of Ben and Jerry's ice cream, the dampened pile of tissues and the empty Notting Hill DVD box, Magnus approached the buzzer in a foul mood. His neck ached from his awkward sleeping position and he could feel the eyeliner smudged around his eyes, the dissolved liquid tugged at his lashes.

With a low grumble, he waved a flourish of magic to smarten his appearance, before answering the door. "WHO DARES TO —"

"Magnus Bane, you let me up here right now or I will break down this damn door!"

Magnus frowned upon hearing the angered voice of Isabelle Lightwood. Hesitating for a moment, he stared at the intercom, his mind filling with memories of the previous night. A sharp twinge nipped at his heart as he remembered his argument with Alec that had ended with Alec storming away from the apartment. He'd left in an angered hurry, abandoning their unresolved problems and leaving Magnus alone to wallow in his thoughts. The tub of ice-cream had been his only solace that night as he'd endeavoured to steal his mind away from the handsome Shadowhunter. The aching pain in his heart remained; it was as if his heart had been bruised.

"Magnus I'm warning you — " Isabelle began, her tone fiery with determination as her voice rose louder.

With an irritated sigh, Magnus pressed the buzzer, allowing her to enter, and trudged back to the sofa, facing away from the door. There were two reasons why Isabelle had decided to visit and neither were reasons that Magnus liked. He held no desire to be questioned on his past once again, but he also did not wish to be lectured about Isabelle's handsome, blue-eyed brother. If Alec wished to resolve the issues between them, then he had to do it himself. He couldn't just storm out of his apartment and leave Magnus alone, indulged with hurtful thoughts of his past and present. It was a cruel, unfair way to end their wonderful date.

"Alec!" Izzy stormed into his apartment, her tone deadly as she crashed through his doorway. "Alec, I can't cover up for you again, Jace is worrying about you!"

"Alexander isn't here," Magnus told her, turning around with narrowed eyes. A startled jolt seized hold of him, arousing a bundle of unanswered questions. If Alec wasn't with Isabelle… Then where was he? Magnus tried not to jump to conclusions too early. "He left rather abruptly last night."

Izzy's mouth hung open slightly, her eyes widening as she froze in place. Her hand moved subconsciously to her whip, as if she was seeking protection or comfort.

"Did he not return to the institute?" Magnus asked in a controlled tone, trying to calm his sudden frantic heart race and shallow breaths. All the anger and hurt he'd felt moments ago had disappeared with no lingering trace. Instead, pins prickled every inch of his skin — it felt like tiny insects crawling within him.

"No…" Isabelle muttered, staring at Magnus as a trail of emotions flashed through her eyes. "No, I thought he was here. I told Jace that he was asleep, like he told me to when he stayed over last time. I thought — I thought he was here."

Ignoring the warm feelings that rose upon hearing that Alec had spoken about their relationship with his sister, Magnus focused on more pressing matters. Allowing emotions to consume him would only deter him from finding Alexander. And there was nothing more important than completing that task.

"Have you called him?" Magnus eyes flickered down to his phone that lay haphazardly on the sofa.

"I tried but he didn't answer. But he didn't last time either," Izzy's voice trailed off as her body shook. "Magnus, where is he!?"

"I'll call him," Magnus said, diving for his phone. "If he doesn't answer then I'll track him."

"What time did he leave last night?" Izzy questioned, her eyes darting around as she paced the length of the room, her hand clutching his motionless whip.

"Around eleven," Magnus answered instantaneously as he held his phone up to his ear. "He left in a bit of a…state, to put it mildly."

"Why?" Izzy demanded.

"We were having a… heated conversation about matters I do not wish to discuss right now," Magnus explained. The phone rang in his ear and each ring felt like a sting.

"You had an argument?" Izzy raised her eyebrows, her lips pursing as she placed her hands on her hips.

Magnus watched her warily. "He left very suddenly — sprinted out of here, in fact. We barely even got anywhere with the argument. I've suffered through worse."

"But Alec wouldn't do that… He wouldn't just leave unless…" Isabelle's expression darkened and her eye's widened into glassy orbs. The phone reached voicemail. "Magnus… He wasn't shaking, was he? When he left was he shaking, sweating, anything like that?"

"I wasn't exactly paying attention to how damp his forehead was—" Magnus began sarcastically, his expression tugging into a frown as he dialled Alec's number again. But then the reason for Isabelle's questions dawned on him, as if a ton of bricks had fallen from the sky and crashed down upon him. The phone dropped from his fingertips, clattering to the floor. "You don't think…"

"By the angel…" Isabelle muttered, shoving her hands through her hair in distress, her whip slithering on her wrist. "Why did you let him leave!? You've seen what happens to him! He could be anywhere right now!" She shouted, her eyes tearing through him like daggers. "He could be—" She paused, her lips clamping shut.

The whole weight of the earth seemed to have fallen on Magnus' shoulders; he felt as if he was being pulled down to the bottomless depths of hell. His mind could no longer process functions, as Alec consumed his mind; dear, sweet, gentle Alec alone and in agony. Feeling the rumble of magic brewing within him, Magnus launched it around, allowing it to fold itself around his body and mind and carry him, like a spirit.

"What are you — " Izzy began in a panicked voice.

"I'm finding him," His voice spewed from his lips in a choked murmur, as he locked his eyes shut, allowing his magic to lift him through the streets of New York. Locating Alec's familiar aura from the depths of his mind, Magnus allowed it to absorb him, using the broadened width of his power to scour the length of the city for any signs of it. A dark, assertive grasp hauled his mind to a location.

"Follow me," Magnus ordered, his eyes snapping open.

Shooting out of the door without a backwards glance, he raced down the rickety staircase, glamouring himself in the process. Bursting from his apartment, Isabelle locked to his side, Magnus took off through the streets, sprinting towards the destination he knew well. It wasn't far from his loft — possibly a mile. Magnus tried not to think about how Alec had run through these streets the previous night. He'd watched him leave from his loft window. He'd seen Alec's shaking body and distressed state. Yet he hadn't picked up on it. And Alec — being supposedly selfless and not wanting to burden Magnus even more — hadn't muttered a single word of his pain. The selfish decision to not even question Alec's behaviour weighed heavily on Magnus' heart.

Eyes searching up and down the road, Isabelle's voice speaking down the phone to someone was a distant blur. Magnus darted through the crowds of people, lifting his hands in defence as he edged closer to the familiar alleyway leading onto a trail of Downworlder homing. Peeking through the faded darkness, Magnus' senses lit up in alert.

"Alec!" Isabelle shot forward into the darkness — towards a body that lay crumpled by the damp walls. Frozen, Magnus choked on his own breath, grasping the wall to steady himself as his eyes lingered on the body covered in bloody slashes and mangled wounds. Alec lay motionless on the ground, his skin deathly pale. A fallen sword rested in his open palm, while torn pieces of clothing littered the area around him.

Magnus took a step forward, as Isabelle stumbled to her knees by Alec's side. Eyes locked on Alec, his lips pressed together, he used all of his strength to hold back any emotion he felt in order for him to assess the situation. Yet he couldn't ignore the frantic pounding of his heart and the numb feeling overcoming his body _. Alec. My Alec._ His mind whispered solemnly.

He took another few steps, somehow finding the willpower. He had to know if Alec's pulse still thrived in his neck — if he lived. The darkened thoughts echoing in his mind couldn't possibly be true — he wouldn't let them be.

"Alec…" Isabelle whispered, her voice angelic as she reached out to touch Alec's forehead.

Magnus froze in his footsteps as Alec's body suddenly jerked. He barely had chance to react as suddenly Alec's eyes were open — revealing soulless, black slits — the sword grasped in his hand. Izzy tried to jump away, but Alec's hand shot forward through the air in a blurred motion, plunging the sword deep through Isabelle's stomach.

Her cries of pain filled the air as a sadistic smirk grew on Alec's face, splattered with his sisters blood.

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

 _December 1st 2002_

Alec heard voices. They mumbled in the distance; a discreet blur of sound that resembled the buzz of bees. He tried lifting his head. He tried to open his eyes. But his head collapsed, hanging forward on his neck, and his eyes flickered once, before a force pulled at his eyelids, forcing them closed.

The voices grew louder, causing sharp sounds to pierce through his ears. A soft murmur forced its way through his throat, passing through his lips. He barely even made a sound. The chains clinked as his hands tugged weakly at them, attempting to make any sort of sound that would draw attention.

An omnipotent force weighed on his body as he lay slumped against the wall, unable to hold himself straight. His hands remained shackled to the the wall beside him, while beads of water from the damp walls dripped on him from above. Fire consumed every fibre of him — over time it'd spread from his fingertips to his heart, its grasp gradually strengthening. Every movement, every sound, every thought provoked the fire, causing a jolt of electricity to spark within him, burning him from the inside out. He didn't know how long he'd been here. He couldn't remember how long he'd felt the wrath of the fire. He only knew that every day, more fire came. Every day he shuffled closer to the death he'd long desired.

The voices were among him — he could hear them.

"Alexander!" A voice cried. It sounded pained, Alec noted. But it was nothing compared to the pain he'd endured. It was nothing compared to the wrath of the fire.

 _December 2nd 2002_

He felt different. The fire had receded. Somehow his body was numbed to the burning pain. He felt almost… normal. Held down by a condemning numbness, Alec's mind awakened but his body screamed for rest. Though he tried to force his eyes open — he attempted to reawaken to a new reality — his eyelids remained clamped.

Voices echoed around him. They became easier to listen to as the mass slowly lifted upwards, pulling him away from hell, towards the real world.

"He may not survive." The woman's voice spoke in a clipped, cold tone, her voice filled with an underlying agony that tore through him.

"He will survive, Maryse. The Silent Brothers have done all they can for him." A man's voice said. They sounded so familiar, but Alec couldn't pinpoint it. His mind was too cloudy to think.

"But they couldn't get it all out!" The woman cried in a burst of cold emotions. "He's still got some of the… demon blood in him that that thing tortured him with."

"The demon was working for Valentine. What did you expect? To be able to hand the mortal cup over and receive our son, happy and smiling?"

"I expected a fair deal," The woman stated coldly. "That thing wanted the mortal cup in exchange for my son. But I don't have my son back."

"He's still the same. He's just weaker than before — but he can grow stronger again." The man spoke defensively, a sharp edge to his tone.

"He's demonic. He's got that monsters blood in him. No true Shadowhunter should be plagued with demon blood." The woman said dejectedly. "He shouldn't have to live like this. I wish he were dead — my son would be better off that way."

Death. Alec wished for nothing more than to be granted with it. But not even the darkest depths of hell would claim him.

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

 _Present Day 2008_

Magnus threw himself into action — moving only on instinct. He shot a puff of smoke from his fingertips, launching it at Alexander's head. The boy turned to see Magnus, pulling the sword out of Isabelle. Flinching upon witnessing the blackness of Alec's once electric blue eyes, Magnus attempted to control his breathing as the smoke hit Alec, knocking him to the floor unconscious.

His hands shook as he made his way forward, kneeling down beside Isabelle, who lay gasping for air on the floor, her hands fumbling around in her pocket. With pain written across every inch of her expression, blood cascaded from her wound like a waterfall, staining her black gear. Hovering his hand over her, Magnus prepared himself to perform healing magic, but suddenly a cry of pain bounced off the high walls of the buildings next to them.

"H-Help him." Isabelle choked out as Magnus turned, his eyes wide with horror as Alec convulsed on the floor, blackened liquid spewing from his lips. Unsure and seized with panic, Magnus fumbled in his head over what to do. His hands moved from Isabelle's wound to facing Alec, before moving back in a haste. Closing his eyes and trying to block the sound out, he sucked in a deep breath, preparing himself for the inevitable.

"Have you called Jace?" Magnus asked in a haste, flourishing pink coloured smoke from his fingertips and directing it down at Isabelle's wounds. A gasp escaped her lips. The blood pooling around her wound froze, as the arteries below repaired themselves, charged by Magnus' sparking magic.

Isabelle nodded, cringing with each movement of her head. Her lips were clamped shut as she pulled out her stele from her back pocket. "Help him," She ordered more forcefully, through gritted teeth. "I can heal myself."

"Ok." Magnus nodded once, sending a ghost-like mould of smoke towards the wound — a spell that would strip some of the pain away. Wincing at the sound of Alec's pained chokes behind him, Magnus turned, making sure to keep an eye on Isabelle. He moved to touch Alec's shoulder, but Alec's arm shoved him back, throwing him to the ground. Picking himself up and gasping for the air knocked out of him, Magnus held his hands up and closed his eyes, as he forced every ounce of his magic from the palms of his hands into Alec.

The power of his magic entered through Alec's throat, clearing his airways of the inky blood choking him. He focused hard, his mind picturing his magic expanding and healing as he made his way through Alec, checking him inside and out. His magic stumbled upon many internal bruises, deep wounds, claw marks and much more, but he only healed the fatal. It wasn't long before he hit the familiar stem of demonic aura. However, instead of being confined to his arms it now flooded his body, poisoning every organ. He could see it flowing with the angelic blood, gradually gaining a firmer grasp on Alec's blood flow. In a panicked disarray, Magnus powered forward, white magic spilling from him to fight off any evil within. The demonic blood fought back, its devilish aura creating boundaries and walls that Magnus battled through, attempting to weave it back to the confinements of Alec's arms. He could feel a cloudy haze tugging at his mind and body, sending a numbing sensation throughout him, but he continued forward, hard set on his end goal.

A hand touched his shoulder, jerking Magnus back and breaking him away from the war in Alec's body. Anger streaming through him, Magnus slumped a little as his eyes flickered open, only to see Jace kneeling over his parabatai, forcing the white powder down his throat.

"Help Izzy," Jace ordered, his hands clenched into fists by his sides as he looked upon his two siblings with vulnerable terror — his eyes were glassy and his face slack with numbed pain.

Turning back to Isabelle, Magnus jumped to her side as he saw her unconscious body lying on the floor, a fallen stele in her hand. An unfinished iratze was drawn near her wound, which was pooling with blood again. His body groaned in a slight pain as Magnus spun the magic into the balls of his hands and launched a powerful spell down at Isabelle's stomach. The blood froze again and her mangled internal injuries began to regenerate, sealing everything back together. As soon as the magic left his fingertips, Magnus slumped against the wall next to him, his eyes flickering with exhaustion while his body cried out for rest. He'd never used such advanced healing magic.

"We need to portal them back to the institute," Jace said with his back turned to Magnus. "Whatever hurt Alec could come back and nobody can know what happened here."

"I can't." Magnus breathed with a dejected sigh, his mind screaming at his weaknesses in anger. "We'll carry them to my apartment, they can heal there. I have more resources which can help them."

"Is… Is Izzy alive?" Jace asked in a whisper, his voice angelic, like an angel in despair.

Magnus opened his eyes, leaning his head back against the wall, his breaths shallow and deep. "I've healed as much as I can…"

Turning to face Magnus, Jace's expression crumbled, revealing the childish terror within. He looked down upon Isabelle with glassy eyes. "Can't you… do more — anything!?"

"No. But we need to return to my loft and I can monitor her there." Picking himself up from the floor, Magnus moved over to Alec's unconscious body, his eyes trailing painfully over the ruined, white skin. His body lurched as a strong sense of guilt and fear captured his mind. _This is all his fault._ "I've got Alexander."

Jace's eyebrows pulled further inwards, his eyes divulging his bewilderment, before he kneeled down, placing his arms around Isabelle's body and lifting her easily from the floor. Attempting to ignore the exhaustion condemning him, Magnus moved his arms under Alec and hauled him up. He buckled a little under the weight, but secured his hands around Alec's circumference, holding him against his chest. Alec's head rested on his shoulder, while Magnus' heart raced in his chest.

"Follow me," Magnus instructed. He walked ahead, returning to the bustling streets of New York. While trying to ignore the feeling of Alec pressed against his chest, Magnus weaved his way through the oblivious mundanes, stopping to readjust his hold on Alec every so often.

The journey home seemed longer than before. Every crossing and sidewalk appeared to stretch endlessly. Exhaustion tugged at Magnus' mind, while his thoughts filled with guilt and concern. Questions arose within him — a lot of 'what if's'. He realised now that he should have stopped Alexander the night before. He should have been less selfish and noticed Alec's diistress. Magnus had already accepted that he'd rather be hurt himself than hurt Alexander. So why had the opposite occurred?

However, a bigger, more important question still remained to be answered, but Magnus could barely even acknowledge that it had occurred. The black, soullessness of Alec's eyes seemed to be imprinted into Magnus' mind and he couldn't rid himself of the monstrous, sadistic image of Alec plunging a sword into his own sister. Alec wouldn't do that. Magnus knew him well enough to say that Alexander wasn't a monster. Sweet, kind, gentle, protective Alec loved his family more than anything and would journey to the far ends of the universe to protect them. There was no other explanation other than one: the demon blood had taken control of him. Whether this was permanent or not, Magnus didn't know. He could barely even understand it himself — he'd seen no case like it before. The one person he needed to speak to — to understand — was lying unconscious in his arms and Magnus didn't even know if he would survive. He felt sick to his stomach; the thought of Alec dying terrified him. But he also couldn't forget Alec's monstrous side — the side that could kill him too.

After a lifelong journey, Magnus finally returned to his loft. He used the last of his magic to open the doors ahead and he carried Alec through into his home. Placing Alec down gently onto his bed, Magnus tucked him under the covers.

"Where should Izzy go?" Jace asked, leaning against the doorframe and adjusting his grip on Isabelle's body.

"The spare room," Magnus answered, his tone clipped. His eyes remained locked on Alexander — he was unable to tear himself away. Hands shaking and heart pounding, Magnus watched Alec, awaiting any signs of movement or distress. He heard Jace approach from behind. "Your siblings will need a change of clothing and Alexander may need more of his powder. I don't yet know if the demon blood has receded back to his arms."

"Fine. I'll go to the institute…" Jace nodded, his voice angelic. "If anything happens to either of them… Call me — please," He added in a pleading tone.

"I'll continue to heal them while you're gone," Magnus said as Jace turned, heading out the door with nervous backward glances.

Pulling his eyes away from Alexander, Magnus hurried into the spare room, pressing his fingers to Isabelle's neck to check her pulse. Her breaths were shallower than before but her heart beat steady in her chest. She appeared fine — for now. He knew he'd need to perform more extensive healing magic once he'd rested in order to heal any smaller wounds that Alec — soulless Alec — had inflicted. The correction appeared over and over in his mind: it was not Alec who stabbed Isabelle. But it was hard for Magnus to rid the image of soulless, evil Alec.

He turned back out of the room and returned to Alexander, his eyes trailing over the Shadowhunter with a frown. With a deep sigh, he wandered forward, stifling a yawn and placing his hand on Alec's chest. Feeling the distant, steady beat beneath Alec's skin, a sigh escaped Magnus' lips. He could no longer sense the demonic aura, meaning he could check Alec over for more injuries.

Attempting to keep his mind focused on work and work only, Magnus lifted Alec's prickly jumper, revealing the Shadowhunters toned chest. He expected his heart to race. He expected to marvel at the wonders beneath Alec's clothes.

Eyes widening, body igniting with anger and fire, Magnus' fingers rested on the top half of Alec's bare chest, looking down in repulsed horror at the familiar language and claw marks etched into his skin.

 _Camille._

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

 _December 13th 2002_

Alec lay alone in his confinement, curled up on the stone floor, shivering in the icy air. A torn piece of cloth lay over him and he clutched at it, his eyes squeezed shut as he attempted to fall asleep. It was his tenth sleepless night in the Silent City.

A monster, they said. They told him that his angelic blood was tainted with demonic blood — he was no longer a pure Shadowhunter. His father told him that he needed to be cured. Weakened. Demonic. Soulless. They said that in order for him to return to his duty as a Shadowhunter — to return to his home in the New York institute — a cure must be found. No visitors. No weapons. No training. Alec Lightwood must be confined in the Silent City until he is deemed safe in the Shadow world, they said.

Nightmares plagued his sleep and the cries of other prisoners and the whispers of the dead afflicted his daytime. Or what he presumed to be daytime. He hadn't seen the sun in days. There was no light in the Silent City, only the witchlight that lay by his side — given to him by a Silent Brother during his first night.

Alec missed the sun. He longed to soak up the warm rays in his skin. But more importantly he missed his family — his parabatai, his sister. Thoughts of what they might think of him terrified him. Did they believe he was a monster too? Alec couldn't help but think they must. He couldn't blame them if they did. It was right of them to think so. But this did not dampen the pain of those thoughts.

 _You're a monster, Alexander. Nothing more than a demonic mutant. You need to be cured._

His father's words were a constant in his mind. They reminded Alec of why he was here. Down thousands of feet below the earth, it was sometimes hard to remember through the dusty air, dampened walls and thriving coldness. But the monstrous eyes of his torturer seemed to be tattooed to the back of his eyelids. His tortured days were a cloudy blur — every time he thought back, he jumped away from the memories due to the dull ache that erupted within. Those red eyes, however, he could never forget. The eyes of death himself.

Shaking and staring ahead at the wall, unblinking, Alec remained motionless as the sound of clinking chains rattled at his prison's doorway. His mind could barely even focus on anything around him. It was consumed with constant flashes of painful memories, enveloping him into a nightmarish abyss of terrified agony.

'Alexander Lightwood.' The voice of a Silent Brother echoed in his mind, breaking his thoughts.

Alec lifted his gaze from the wall to the Silent Brother, his eyes moving jaggedly upwards. Unblinking, his eyes laid locked upon the Silent Brother in silence. His lips remained clamped, holding back the cries and screams locked at the back of his throat.

'Come with me, young one.' Even in his mind, the voice of the Silent brother sounded solemn.

Alec blinked once, his eyes running over the sheet of brown hair with a streak of silver upon the Silent brother's head. He looked down into brown eyes flecked with gold and felt a sudden tug in his chest through the condemning numbness. _Jace._ The eyes reminded him of Jace. And somehow, at that thought, Alec managed to drag himself to his feet once again and carry himself towards another day's worth of endless experiments, searching for an impossible cure.

* * *

 **So yeah... I don't really know what to say or ask about this chapter other than: were you shocked? Believe it or not I was kind of shocked when I was writing this myself, even though I knew exactly what was going to happen. It just seemed so horrible. But yeah I hope you enjoyed it and I hope you're glad that I finally revealed what Alec has been trying to tell Magnus all along. Also, there were a few flashback scenes in this that have revealed more about Alec's past/condition which I hope you enjoyed too. If you're confused about anything that's been revealed so far then feel free to ask and I'll be happy to answer.**

 **Let me know in the reviews what you thought! And the next chapter will be posted on the 8th June. I'm sorry for the wait since I know this chapter is a bit of a cliffhanger, but originally I was going to be more evil and have a chapter ending with Alec stabbing Isabelle, so at least that didn't happen. I feel kind of evil right now though XD**

 **Thank you for all the continued support! I love reading every single one of your reviews, you don't know how much they mean to me :D**  
 **DareToDream**


	17. A Message

**Chapter 16: A Message**

 _'The book or death for your lover_.'

Magnus' hands shook beneath him. A raging fire erupted within, burning through his body, igniting an anger so uncontrollable that magic spewed from his fingertips. The wistful smoke launched at the words — written in a strange demonic language — and landed, attempting to heal the words away. But the magic fizzled out and the writing sizzled on Alec's skin, causing his body to twitch. Exhaustion tugged at Magnus — an omnipotent force weighed upon him.

The anger wavered, overtaken by a sullen sense of guilt. This was all his fault. He'd refused to aid the Shadowhunters. He'd refused to give Camille and whoever she was working for the book of the white. And the consequences were fatal. Alec — his Alec — had been brutally attacked in his most vulnerable state; thrown aside, his body crumpled and ripped with careless slashes and markings, and left in an alleyway as a message. Magnus should have known. He should have been able to help him — protect him. But he'd been too selfish. He'd evaded his past and refused to aid the Shadowhunter who cared for him. Alec had been forced to fight for his life and now he was on the brink of death. Magnus didn't know if he would survive.

Another wave of frustration washed over him like a tidal wave as a realisation dawned on him. If Alec was a message, then Camille had to have known about his condition. She had to have known the state Magnus would find him in. Bristling with vexation, Magnus ran a hand through his hair, his eyes locked on Alec's vulnerable, pale complexion. The knowledge that Camille had of Alec's condition only proved her a greater threat. She could use it against them. It was clear she already knew of Magnus' relationship with Alec — yet another piece of knowledge she could use to her advantage. She held so much power over them all. She'd always held influence over Magnus, but never anything as powerful as this.

His eyes trailing to the etchings below, Magnus seethed as he spotted the familiar title of the book of the white carved under the threat. He shot his magic forward. Again. Again. Again. But his magic waned. Exhaustion crippled him. He couldn't heal Alexander away from the threats that endangered them. He couldn't protect him. Breathing hard in frustration, Magnus crumpled to the floor, leaning his head back against Alec's bedside. Hands clutching his hair, his eyes squeezed shut in thought, anger and exhaustion. His breaths, moulded with Alexander's, echoed around the room. He felt powerless. He felt helpless — torn between thoughts and decisions of his next move.

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

Magnus dozed in and out of consciousness, his hand loosening on the wooden spoon he was using to stir the ingredients. Having pulled out his extensive stock of medical supplies, he'd whisked together a concoction to further heal Isabelle's internal wounds. Alec's steady breathing eased him; it encouraged him to continue, and not give in to the exhaustion. However, it was all becoming too much for Magnus. His body ached for rest. Yet he was afraid to fall asleep — afraid of what might happen when he wasn't conscious or able enough to help.

The front door slammed, jolting Magnus to his feet. Looking down upon the cream concoction with a crumpled frown, Magnus continued to stir, before setting the wooden spoon to rest at the edge of the bowl. Jace appeared at his doorway, appearing dishevelled and out of breath, his eyes finding Alec's body instantly.

"Did anything happen? Are they ok?" he asked breathlessly, holding up a small weapons bag clutched in his fingertips.

"All is well," Magnus assured him, cringing internally at the weak, whispery tone to his voice. "They're both resting and I've been making medicine for Isabelle."

Jace breathed a deep sigh of relief, his body relaxing from its tense state. Eyes flickering over to Alec for a moment, Magnus gulped back the snippets of anger tugging at his mind, allowing the thought of Alec's safety to consume him.

"What's that?" Jace snapped suddenly, stalking forward, his hands clenched into fists. "You didn't tell me about this. What happened to him?" Hesitantly, Jace reached out his hand, his expression falling as his eyes raked over the marks on Alec's tender skin.

Magnus bit back the stream of frustration, taking in a deep breath. "Markings from his attacker." His voice was quiet as he spoke.

"What does it say!?" Jace demanded through gritted teeth. The hand hovering over Alec's chest clenched into a fist. Anger seemed to expand throughout the room, drowning it. "What did they do to him!?"

Pausing, Magnus remained silent, his fallen expression wandering from Alec to Jace. "It's a message for me."

"You?" A frown formed on Jace's expression. "But why would someone possibly leave a message for you on — " Jace froze, his eyes widening as fury erupted from him like wildfire. "This was Camille, wasn't it? The vampire who set up the trap to try and kill us."

Magnus nodded once, his eyes falling to the floor. He closed his eyes as the guilt swarmed him.

"Why would she leave Alec as a message for you!?" Jace questioned, his tone bitter.

Heart racing against his chest, Magnus remained impassive as he searched for an answer. "She clearly knows of my association with you Shadowhunters. This is exactly what I worried would happen. This is why I told you I could no longer help you! You little Shadowhunters have no idea what you're up against."

"So you just let my brother get hurt instead of helping us?" Jace's eyebrows raised as he turned to squarely face Magnus, his lips pressed into a hardline.

Involuntarily shrinking backwards, Magnus felt oddly intimidated. He knew Jace was right. The truth behind the words stung him. "That wasn't my intention."

"Then tell me what it is that vampire's looking for and I can go get it myself before she hurts any more of my siblings… She's already got Clary and Simon, she can't have any more of my family," Jace stated.

"You won't find what she wants." Magnus shook his head.

"What exactly is it that she wants?"

Magnus fell silent, his eyes glancing over to Alec before he turned his body to face the wall, away from Jace.

"Tell me, warlock," Jace demanded venomously. "Do you want to have another life lingering on your conscience?"

"Your siblings are alive. Alec and Isabelle will be fine. Haven't I helped you Shadowhunters enough for one day?" Magnus snapped.

"Alec will never be fine." Jace's voice quietened as he spoke. The words hit Magnus like a slap in the face. He cringed. "Now tell me what Camille wants."

Magnus didn't answer, his lips remained shut as he turned to face Jace, his expression impassive. "I need rest, otherwise my magic will be no use to your siblings," Magnus said bitterly, glaring daggers at Jace. "Now are you going to continue to disturb me or monitor your sister's well-being?"

Rolling his eyes, Jace turned towards the door. "Fine. But don't think I won't ask again."

"You might want to take my potion with you. It will ease any further pain she has," Magnus suggested, crossing his arms over his chest as he waited for Jace to leave.

Potion in his hand, Jace moved to open the door but froze abruptly, looking back at Magnus with a peculiar expression. "Why did you heal him instead of hurting him?" The anger seemed to have dissipated a little from his voice — confusion replaced it.

Magnus frowned, not understanding the question for a moment, before realising Jace was referring to Alec. "Your brother would never hurt Isabelle. He wasn't in his right mind, so I had no reason to harm him."

"But how did you know that? You barely know any of us." Jace's frown deepened and his tone was almost accusatory.

Attempting to keep his emotions under lockdown, Magnus tried to remain impassive to the situation. He shrugged. "I'm a centuries old warlock, I notice these things."

Jace let out a scoff. "No." He shook his head, his eyes narrowing as he studied Magnus. "That's not it. You know so much about Alec's condition, you know how to heal him. It's like he told you all of it himself…" Jace muttered into silence.

Pressing his lips together, Magnus calmed his breathing, controlling his annoyance towards Jace's prying. "I have more power than your little mind can imagine. I've attempted to heal Alexander twice now. I wouldn't have been able to help him in any way if I didn't know of his condition."

"Is…" Jace began, before trailing off for a moment.

Magnus looked up, his eyes narrowing with perplexity.

"Is there any chance you might know a cure? Or you can find one?" Jace inquired, his voice sounding weaker than before, as if he was unsure of whether he should ask or not.

A deep sigh escaped Magnus' lips and he turned back to Alexander, his expression falling. "Not that I know of. And I'm under the impression he does not wish to seek a cure."

"No he doesn't."

Lips locked shut, Magnus lifted his eyes to stare at the wall. "Alexander didn't mean to stab Isabelle. He wouldn't do that. It's part of his condition, correct?"

"Yes, he…" Jace's voice trailed off, leaving the room in silence. Alec's heavy breathing filled the room. "He's not a monster. He's the kindest one out of all of us. He's just… ill."

A frown tugged at Magnus' expression. It was strange hearing a comment that expressed so much sincerity and kindness towards another person from Jace. Magnus had grown used to his arrogant, sarcastic approach to the shadowhunting life — he was a mimic of hundreds of previous Shadowhunters, who saw themselves as a higher race. But hearing the concern and love within Jace's voice for Alec only proved that he truly cared. He's not a monster, Magnus. He's not a monster.

Magnus turned to reply but Jace had silently glided from the room, leaving Magnus alone with Alec. Shoulders slumped forwards, Magnus moved to the other side of the bed, collapsing by Alec's side and leaning his head back against the pillow. Turning to face Alec, he looked upon the boy for longer than he'd planned; his eyes wandered over the curves of his features and the pain held within. He hadn't meant to fall asleep, but his exhaustion was all consuming and as soon as his eyes shut, he drifted into deep unconsciousness, his thoughts only of Alexander Lightwood.

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

Magnus' shot awake. Slamming his hands down on either side of the bed, his eyes darted around the room, his breathing ragged.

"Magnus… Hey…"

Magnus jumped. His head spun towards the voice. Body relaxing, Magnus let out a small sigh of relief as his eyes locked with Alec's. He felt suddenly weightless — as if the weight of Alec's life had lifted from him. Alec was alive, well and nothing pleased Magnus more. The boy looked down upon him with a sympathetic sort of worry, his hand reaching out to caress Magnus' cheek. Magnus sat up, his head leaning into Alec's touch while a soft smile grew on his lips. The panic receded.

"You should be resting. Are you in any pain?" Magnus asked softly, moving his legs so that he and Alec were facing each other on the double bed.

"I'm fine," Alec smiled sweetly, his eyes gentle and innocent.

Magnus couldn't help but frown a little in worry. "Are you sure? Alexander… You've been through — "

"Shh…" Alec pressed a finger to Magnus lips, leaning forward so that his face was inches from Magnus'.

A deep frown tugged at Magnus' expression, as he looked down at Alec's finger before lifting his eyes to meet Alec's almost playful looking expression.

"I'm fine. I promise," Alec said, moving his face ever so slightly closer to Magnus', as he removed the finger from his lips.

"But Isabelle —" Magnus began.

"No." Alec shook his head, a smirk playing on his lips. He placed a finger to Magnus' lips once again. "Enough about my siblings. I want you."

Mind clouding with confusion, Magnus barely had chance to process those odd words, as the boy shot forward, pressing his lips hard on Magnus'. A startled gasp escaped Magnus as he quickly melted into the passionate kiss, his lips moving to meet Alec's, who was controlling the situation with unforeseen skill and practise. The kiss continued in a frenzy of movement; Alec's tongue was in his mouth, his hands were on his waist, pressing him back against the headboard of the bed. Trailing his fingers through Alec's hair, Magnus thrived with pleasure, his eyes closed and his mind clouded with the feelings Alec was generating from him. Alec's lips moved down his neck, sucking and nipping at Magnus' skin, erupting shivers from Magnus that washed over him like a tidal wave. Suddenly, Alec's hands were on his stomach and his eyes looked down at Magnus with frenetic desire. Gasping, Magnus' gaze locked with Alec's as the boys hands trailed further up his chest, pulling his shirt with him.

Two shirts lay crumpled on the floor. Alec hovered over Magnus, pressing him down into the bed while Magnus trailed his hands over Alec's soft skin. Hands caressing Alec's chest, Magnus paused — froze in place as a frown pulled at his expression.

"Your wounds…" Magnus whispered, lowering his eyes to Alec's now smooth, unscarred chest that had earlier been ripped apart by slashes and demonic words. "Alec…"

"I told you," Alec's fingers moved from Magnus' waist to his chin, pulling Magnus' face up so their eyes met once again. Magnus breathed hard as Alec's wild eyes spun with desire. The frown did not recede. "I'm fine."

Magnus held his hands up to stop Alec from resuming the kiss and thoughts erupted in his mind — the cloudiness had dissipated. What the hell was happening? Why was Alexander being so forward, so open? "Alexander… What are you doing? Not that I object to any of this, but…"

"I told you," Alec said, sounding almost irritated. "I want you."

"Alexander — "

Alec's lips interrupted him as he prised Magnus' lips open once again, resuming their previous intimacy. Mind clouded with confusion and questions, Magnus attempted to retain hold of them but Alec's wandering hands made it difficult to concentrate. The boy's touch continued its journey downwards — his hands trailed over his neck, chest, abdomen and Magnus' eyes closed. Then, all of a sudden, Alec's touch disappeared.

A laugh — demonic and humourless — erupted in the room and Magnus' eyes flashed open, his hands reaching out to Alec to protect him from the sudden harm approaching. But as Magnus moved upwards, his eyes widened as he noticed the blackness staining Alec's eyes. The laugh had been Alec's. Alec wasn't in danger — he was the danger.

A sword glistened in Alec's fingertips as a masochistic smile grew on his swollen lips. Magnus raised his hands to fight back but the sword plunged forward, slicing through his bare stomach, erupting an agonising pain within him. He bit back a scream, but it escaped his lips, bouncing from the walls in the room. His mind clouded. Fire brewed within him. Magnus looked upon his lover in shock and despair as he fell back against the bed, watching as Alec's grin widened and the blood trickled down his monstrous expression.

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

Magnus' shot awake. Slamming his hands down on either side of the bed, his eyes darted around the room, his breathing ragged. Heart racing in his chest, he took a few controlled breaths, unsure of what was happening.

"Magnus…" A soft voice croaked from beside him and upon hearing, Magnus jerked up from the bed, jumping almost in fright away from Alec. Magnus watched warily as the boy looked at him with a gentle worry in his wide, innocent blue eyes. "What's…What's wrong?" He asked feebly.

"Alexander…" Magnus breathed a sigh of relief, relaxing his rigid body and returning to the bed. "Nothing… Just a nightmare."

"Are you sure?" Alec asked. "You were er— muttering in your sleep."

Magnus smiled at his concern, his eyes locked with Alec's. "I'm fine, darling." He assured him. "The better question is are you okay? You're not in any pain?"

"I'm fine," Alec replied, a little awkwardly. "Should I be?"

Magnus couldn't bear to reply.

Silence fell for a moment and a frown grew on Alec's face as he looked around in confusion. In that brief period, a wave of consolation passed over Magnus. Seeing Alec alive, talking and even just breathing caused joy to erupt within him. But a lingering wariness seemed to be pledged inside, reminding him of the dark, soulless eyes he'd witnessed in his dreams. He had to be careful.

Alec's soft, blue eyes returned to face Magnus. "What am I doing here? I thought that—"

"You left?" Magnus finished his sentence for him, letting out a deep sigh. His heart rate increased as trepidation grew within him at the thought of having to explain everything to Alexander. Within a few seconds, his happiness had moulded into guilt and fear. "You did."

"Then what am I—" Alec fumbled with his hands nervously. "What happened?"

"What do you last remember?" Magnus questioned as he gently as he could. He leaned forward a little but made sure to keep a platonic distance between himself and Alec. After the previous night's argument, he was still unsure where they stood.

Alec's eyes narrowed in concentration. "I— I left here because we… argued about something?" He looked up in worry, his eyes projecting his anxiety.

Magnus nodded. "Anything else?"

"No… I think I was running but after that it all goes black… It's like I was—" Alec's eyes suddenly widened and his body turned rigid. "No…" He shook his head, his voice cracking slightly. "Magnus… What happened? What did I do?"

Magnus moved forward, placing a hand over Alec's hand that was resting on his knee. "I will tell you. But I need you to promise that you won't run like before."

"I—I promise." Alec whispered in a shaky voice, his eyes looked on Magnus with a horrified worry. Magnus could feel Alec's shaking body underneath his touch.

"After you left my apartment… I believe you were attacked while you were having an 'episode'. You were left in an alleyway with cuts and bruises all over your body. You were barely alive," Magnus informed him delicately, his voice a hushed whisper.

Though his eyes widened, Alec barely seemed panicked by the revelation. It was as if he was used to hearing similar news when he woke up disorientated. "Attacked by who?" He asked.

"Camille — I think," Magnus replied, his eyes falling to the bed as guilt swarmed his mind. This is your fault. This all your fault. Magnus' thoughts blared in his ears, causing him to cringe inwardly. His hand loosened over Alec's and he pulled slightly away.

"Oh." The simple reply left Alec's lips in a startled manner and he appeared more confused than afraid.

"She left a message for me… Demanding the book of the white."

Alec leaned forward and moved his hand over the top of Magnus', giving him the same squeeze and reassurance of comfort. Though his frown only deepened, the gesture consoled Magnus' more than anything else could.

"That's what we were arguing about… When I left?" Alec asked softly, his eyes open and unguarded — oblivious to the condemning information Magnus had to tell him.

Magnus nodded, searching for the right words to explain everything.

"How did you find me?" Alec asked, moving another inch closer to Magnus so that their knees touched on the bed. It seemed to be a small gesture indicating that their argument didn't affect anything.

"I tracked you after Isabelle came to my apartment looking for you," Magnus answered, unable to look Alec in the eye.

"Isabelle's here?"

Magnus nodded again.

"Is she ok? Camille didn't hurt her — "

"No, Camille didn't hurt her," Magnus said in a quiet voice.

Climbing up, Alec's touch left Magnus abruptly, snapping him out of his clouded thoughts. Magnus grabbed his hand quickly, stopping him from walking towards the door.

"Magnus, what—"

"Before you go and see her," Magnus interrupted, cringing at his grave tone. "There's something you need to know."

A frown grew on Alec's face. "Okay…"

Flickering his eyes up, Magnus met Alec's gaze, remaining silent for a single moment. "Do you remember when we were at Hubert's restaurant on our first date and you were trying to tell me about your condition?"

Alec's frowned deepened. "Yes…?"

"Well… Now I know what it is you were trying to tell me," Magnus answered, biting his lip.

"What?" Alec's voice projected his confusion.

"I know about your condition, darling… I know about all of it." Magnus tried to emphasise his meaning without speaking the words — he did not wish to have to explain to Alec in detail what happened.

He appeared confused for a split second longer, before suddenly everything seemed to crashed down upon him and his eyes no longer held the same innocence as before. His lips opened, as if to speak, but he stood there frozen in shock, his mouth agape.

Climbing from his bed, Magnus tried to take his hand and pull him close but Alec snatched his hands away, distancing himself. "W-What… What did I do?"

Magnus remained silent, unable to speak the words he knew would crumple Alec's heart into a million pieces.

"Magnus…" His voice shook with fear. "What did I do?"

Magnus' heart thudded in his ears. "You hurt Isabelle," He said, his voice barely audible.

The revelation hit Alec like a bullet to the chest; his shoulders sagged forward, a breath caught in his throat and his hands clenched into fists by his side, as if he was holding back an excruciating cry of pain. Eyes unblinking, body rigid, Alec stood, motionless and silent. It was painful for Magnus to witness — he had no idea how to make the situation any better for Alec.

"Alec, it's okay," Magnus told him calmly, taking a few gradual steps forward towards him. "Isabelle's alive. I healed her. She should make a full recovery."

Alec didn't even glance up. It appeared that he hadn't heard. Magnus continued forward, outstretching his hand to provide Alec with some sort of comfort. Just before Magnus could reach his hand, Alec darted out of the room in a blur.

"Isabelle," He whispered repeatedly under his breath, eyes wide and frantic.

Magnus chased after him, as Alec searched his open loft before throwing the door to his spare room open. Shooting a spell quickly at the door, he made sure it didn't slam shut in order to not wake the other Shadowhunters. He did not want them to deal with Alec. Three of them all trying to calm him down would only cause more panic.

"Izzy…"

Following Alec through into his spare room, Magnus watched with a deep, pained frown, as Alec's whole body shook with agony as he stared, unblinking, at Isabelle's unconscious body. Jace sat by her side, his head resting just above Isabelle's on the bed. The wound Alec had inflicted was in full, open view for Alec to see but it was smothered clumsily with the thick potion Magnus had produced. Trickles of blood stained the potion and, though the wound appeared to be healing, it was still clear on Isabelle's porcelain skin.

Everything stood still. Only the deep breaths of an unconscious Jace and Isabelle could be heard. Then suddenly the frozen scene was broken; Alec sprinted from the room without a backwards glance, shoving past Magnus. Surprised by the outburst, Magnus knocked against the door hinge, before recollecting himself and shooting a spell at the door to lock it. He placed a silence spell on the room so that Isabelle and Jace would not wake, as Alec crashed against the door, attempting to open it before slamming his hands against it.

"Let me out," He tried to demand, his voice a feeble, croaky whisper, holding pain that sliced through Magnus.

"You promised you wouldn't run," Magnus pointed out in a calmer tone, making his way towards his front door. Crashes blared through the air as Alec continued to hit the door and handle with as much force as he could seemingly muster.

"Let me out Magnus!" he said, his voice louder. "Let me out — please…"

"And where will you go?" Magnus questioned.

"Anywhere but here," Alec stated through gritted teeth. His voice broke at the end, as if he was too wounded to speak.

"So you wish to run away from your problems?" Magnus asked, making sure that his voice sounded soft. "Wouldn't you rather know Isabelle's recovery progress? How Jace is doing?"

"I want to get out of here," Alec replied, unwilling to turn around. Inching further forward, Magnus reached out to place a hand on Alec's arm, stopping him from slamming against the door once again. Struggling only from a moment, Alec relaxed ever so slightly under his touch.

"Why?"

Alec remained silent, leaning his forehead against the door as his eyes squeezed shut. "Because I don't want to hurt anyone else," he admitted after a few seconds. "Nobody else needs to get hurt because of me."

"Nobody is hurt because of you, Alexander," Magnus told him soothingly. "This isn't your fault."

"Don't say that!" Alec snapped, turning abruptly with a wild sense of rage in his eyes. Flinching a little under Alec's piercing glare, Magnus took a small, careful step back. Upon noticing this, the anger died away in Alec's eyes and he appeared more appalled by his outburst. "I should have controlled it. I should have fought Camille. This is all my fault!" He said, while turning back towards the door.

Magnus reached a hand out to touch his shoulder. "Alexander — "

"No… Just don't." Alec shook his head, brushing off Magnus' hand while squeezing his eyes shut and lowering his head towards the floor.

This is my fault. Magnus thought to himself, but he couldn't will himself to admit it. Saying the words aloud would only make them more true and he had a feeling that Alec wouldn't react too well to them.

"Why are you helping me?" Alec whispered after a moment's silence. "You know I'm a monster now. How can you even look at me?"

Magnus sighed. Images of the demonic eyes and a soulless expression echoed in his mind, but despite having Alec's features, Magnus knew they weren't him. Somehow he was able to distinguish between them. Though this did nothing to quell the constant fear of Alec's sudden turn into an emotionless being, he still cared. There was nothing that could change that. Alec was woven too deep within him.

"I've met many monsters in my existence, Alexander. They've ranged from greater demons of hell to callous Downworlders and I even met a gigantic worm once — disgusting creature," Magnus explained, at least attempting to be a little light-hearted. "And you, my darling, are far from being a monster."

Alec didn't reply. He turned to face Magnus, his expression crippled and unguarded while his eyes projected his anguish. Body slumped forward, his hands shook raggedly and only then did Magnus see the wet blood staining his already torn shirt from the reopened wounds in his chest.

"Don't," Alec ordered as Magnus raised his palms. "I deserve them."

Magnus shook his head, feeling the same anger he'd felt only hours earlier arise in him once again. "I'm healing them whether you wish me to or not. Camille's message is not something I wish to see scarred into your chest."

Moving forward so that they were inches apart, Magnus lifted Alec shirt and pressed his palm against the slashes and carvings on Alec's chest. Alec's gasp and intake of breath at his touch pleased him and the boy remained rigid as Magnus trailed his hands gently across and down Alec's chest, healing the wounds. Upon finishing, Magnus looked up. Alec quickly tried to hide his face. Small tears stained the corners of his eyes.

"Magnus… I —" The words caught in his throat and Alec crumbled to the floor, his head in his hands as a choked sob erupted from his throat. It was a dry, painful sound that Alec had clearly been trying to repress. It cut through Magnus, causing a painful rupture in his heart. "I hurt her… I-I almost killed her."

"Shh…" Magnus whispered soothingly, dropping to the floor beside Alec. Hesitantly, Magnus lifted his arm and wrapped it around Alec's shoulders. He was unsure of what he was actually doing — comforting had always been foreign to him — but upon his touch, Alec settled into Magnus' body. Magnus pulled him close against his chest and placed a soft kiss onto Alec's raven hair, before leaning his head against Alec's.

Wrapping himself around Alec in hopes of consoling him, Magnus sat, ignoring the tears that he knew Alec didn't want him to witness, while trying to repress his guilt-ridden thoughts.

 _This is all my fault._

* * *

S **o I admit I almost forgot to publish the update today, so I'm sorry it's a little later than usual. I really hope you enjoyed this chapter! Let me know what you think to Alec's reaction and Magnus' strange dream and attempts at comforting. Thank you for reading and reviewing!**

 **On a bigger note, have you guys heard about the new Magnus series Cassie is writing? To say I'm excited is a bit of an understatement! I don't want to wait until 2017 :( I'm so glad she's writing more about Magnus as he's the best character in the series with so much mystery to him and his relationship with Alec is hands down my OTP.**

 **Next update will be on 22nd June. However, chapter 17 isn't written yet and I'm only half way through exams. If chapter 17 is a little late please don't hate me :( hopefully I'll have it done as I have about 1500 words written at the moment.**

 **Thank you!**

 **DareToDream**


	18. Reality

**Chapter 17: Reality**

 _Back to fucked up reality_. Alec thought bitterly as he stirred awake, his eyes stinging from the bright lights above. A crumpled blanket laid by his feet and Alec didn't even remember making it to the sofa — he could only guess that Magnus had carried him.

A blur of voices had interrupted his sleep — not that he was enjoying it much anyway. After everything that had happened, Alec didn't know if he'd ever sleep peacefully again. Or whether he'd ever live peacefully again; without the constant worry that he was suddenly going to turn and murder someone he cared about. What a great love story that would make — two guys fall in love, then one turns into a messed up monster, stabs the other then proceeds to murder the rest of his family. _The end_.

"Is he okay? How long's he been out?" Jace's voice rang out from a distance. His voice sounded oddly worried for someone who's only characteristic was sarcasm.

"Oh he was jumping over rainbows when I revealed the news — he couldn't of been happier," Magnus responded sarcastically in a grumble, heaving a deep sigh. A smirk tugged at Alec's lips in response. It seemed that Magnus was in a similar mood to him; pessimistic and bitterly sarcastic. Alec didn't know whether this uncharacteristic mood was an after effect of his illness or just a new side of him that had developed from learning, once again, how fucked up the world could be.

 _Magnus_. Usually the mere thought of him provided at least some sort of comfort. But not even Magnus' benevolent attempts at consoling had eased Alec's pain. Nothing could. A deep hole remained embedded in his chest; an empty, bottomless void. Escaping the wrath of the fire was impossible, Alec should've realised this a long time ago and kept himself locked up in the Silent City where he belonged.

"What did he say… When you told him?" Jace questioned.

Magnus let out a sarcastic scoff. "Does it matter? What would you say if you'd accidentally stabbed your own sister due to an illness you've suffered from for years?" He said, his tone laced with irritation. "Oops?"

Alec could already picture the anger seething from Jace.

"I was only — "

"I am here, you know. I can hear you." Alec pulled himself up, staring at Jace and Magnus who were gathered by Magnus' breakfast table, their stances wide while they glared daggers at one another. They both turned upon hearing Alec, they're annoyed expressions instantly morphed into looks of worry.

"Alec! You're awake!" Magnus exclaimed, a forced smile growing on his lips.

Alec could barely offer him a smile in return. The false brightness only endorsed his sour mood. "Where's Izzy? Is she still okay?"

"Izzy's fine," Jace responded quickly, his voice soft. He seemed to treat Alec with hesitance, as if he was suddenly going to turn. Even his parabatai was afraid of him. It wouldn't be long before everyone loathed him. Alec thought to himself bitterly. "She's been asking to see you. The warlock had to lock her down to the bed so that she wouldn't try and move."

"She's in the spare room if you'd like to see her, darling," Magnus told him softly. He appeared to forget Jace's presence for a moment.

Feeling uncomfortable under their anxious gazes, Alec looked away and chose to stare at the wall instead. He knew their strange gentleness towards him were attempts at comfort, but they achieved the opposite. Alec's anxiety grew within, doubling in size every time they treated him like a ticking time bomb.

Did he want to see Isabelle? Alec wasn't quite sure whether he had the courage to face her. Though the memories of what he'd done continued to be a mystery to him, the remorse he felt filled him. The guilt was a justifiable punishment — he deserved to endure pain like Izzy had. This wasn't the first time something like this had happened and Alec knew it wouldn't be the last.

"I'll go," Alec said after a brief silence, in which Jace and Magnus continued to stare at him, their expressions dropping further. "I need to — " He paused. "I'll see her," Alec fumbled, his hands twitching at his sides.

Without glancing at Jace or Magnus, Alec ordered his legs to move towards Izzy's room, despite the pleas in his mind to flee. His hand rested on the door for a moment, while his eyes squeezed shut. The voices in his mind were desperate — willing to do anything but face his sister. However, Alec knew he owed Isabelle much more than he could ever give back to her.

"I-Izzy?" His voice stuttered as he entered. The room stood in bright light that bounced from the magnolia painted walls, creating a very open and serene feel. It was much smaller than Magnus' master suite and held less of Magnus' exuberant personality — instead of distinctive themes and bright colours, the room appeared relaxed and more like a typical lodging in the institute. Alec wondered if Magnus had decorated to make Izzy feel more at home.

"Alec. Hey." Izzy's voice sounded a little weaker than usual, but it still held the same fire of determination that Alec had always been envious of.

"Are you… Are you okay?" he asked hesitantly, hovering by the door. Blood rushed through his ears while shame infused his body. His eyes locked on Isabelle's flushed face, refusing to look down at the wounds he'd inflicted. "Do you need anything?"

She sat up in her bed, a hidden wince flickering in her expression as she moved. "I'm fine, Alec. Honestly. You can stop treating me like I'm about to suddenly die and actually come in. I've been waiting to talk to you for hours."

Alec flinched and paused. A look of irritation passed across Izzy's face and Alec obeyed before she could say anything. Unsure of what to do, Alec nervously pulled up a chair he'd seen Jace asleep on earlier and sat by her side, staring at the wall behind her.

"Alec," Izzy called, heaving a deep sigh.

"Yeah?"

"You can look at me, you know," she said.

Alec forced himself to look at her and before he could stop, he glanced down at her stomach, cringing as a wave of pain washed over him upon seeing the scars. "I-I'm sorry Izzy… For everything. I didn't mean —"

Izzy scoffed, interrupting him. "Don't be stupid, Alec. In what world would I actually think you meant to hurt me?" She shook her head, rolling her eyes. "It wasn't your fault. You don't need to apologise and you don't need to feel guilty. I'm fine."

"But Iz…" Alec could barely speak. A lump in his throat tightened, constricting his voice chords. "I d-did this to you… I hurt you. I—"

"Alec, this isn't your fault. None of this has ever been your fault," Izzy stated, her tone driven with dominance.

"Why aren't you blaming me?" Alec questioned, his voice raising a little as annoyance erupted within him. He wanted to be punished. He wanted to feel the pain she'd felt. Maybe then he could heal the ever growing hole eating away at him — the despair that consumed him. "This is my fault! I should have been more careful. I should've —"

"Alec, stop." Izzy placed her hand over his, squeezing it in comfort. The gesture calmed him a little, but he could still hear his heart pounding in his ears, the blood rushing through his veins. "Stop blaming yourself. We're both alive, we're okay. Lets just forget what happened."

"I can't… I can't, Iz. You know what happened the last time something like this happened…" Alec's voice shook as he spoke. He bit his lip, attempting to still his trembling body. "Maybe I deserve to be locked up again, at least then I can't hurt anybody else."

"Nobody's going to find out what happened," Izzy asserted. "I'm not going to let anyone lock you up in the Silent City again, Alec. It took us long enough to get you out last time."

"But if I go willingly… If I ask them to find a cure they won't have to treat me like a prisoner… Maybe — " Alec began. It was as if a lightbulb had lit up in his mind. The answer to his situation clearly presented itself. Going to the Silent City would be the punishment he deserved, but it would also mean he couldn't hurt anyone else and that they'd possibly find a cure. Jace, Izzy, Magnus… They'd be safer without him there.

"No," Izzy snapped. "I'm not letting you go back there. Nobody knows what happened — "

"Someone does…" Alec admitted, his voice falling quieter. Upon seeing Izzy's confused expression, he continued, "What happened… It wasn't just some random attack… Someone planned it. They left a message for Magnus, saying that if he didn't hand over a book, they'd kill me."

"Magnus? A book?" Izzy said, her eyes narrowing. "Who left the message?"

"Magnus thinks it was Camille," he said in a quieter voice, awaiting Isabelle's reaction.

"The vampire? The one that sent the note demanding something that Magnus has?" Izzy demanded in a hard tone, her eyes blazing with fire and her expression pulling into a tense frown.

Alec nodded, biting his lip anxiously.

For a moment, Isabelle remained silent. Alec could see the cogs turning in her mind, weaving her vehement thoughts into answers and ideas.

"Go get Magnus. I think it's time he finally tells us everything he knows about Camille," Izzy ordered. She leaned against the bed frame, her arms crossed over her chest, her eyes set hard and fiery with determination.

"I… Iz I don't think Magnus is going to tell us anything…" Alec admitted slowly.

"Why not?" Her frown deepened.

"He— Before everything that happened…" He trailed off, wincing as the painful memories remerged. "We had an argument. I did what you and Jace asked and tried to ask for his help… But he wouldn't tell me anything. And — well, you know — me and him… Look if he wouldn't tell me, then he won't tell you and Jace."

Alec thought he spotted an almost grin on her lips — most likely due to his terrible explanation of his relationship with Magnus.

"Alec… Camille almost killed you. Look what she did to you," Izzy said, her tone laced with anger. "She threatened to kill you. Magnus will help, he has too."

"I'll go get him," Alec replied with a sigh. Fleeing from the room and wiping away the anxious sweat pooling on his forehead, Alec returned to the main room, chewing on his lip. Jace sat, sprawled out on the sofa, twirling his stele in his fingers, while Magnus leaned against the dining room table, tapping his fingers in a slow rhythm, his cat eyes lost in thoughts.

"Alexander!" Magnus exclaimed brightly, pushing himself away from the table and running a hand through his glitter-less hair. It was almost strange seeing him mostly bare-faced and toned down.

Alec could barely look him in the eye. "Izzy wants to see you."

"She's okay?" Jace jumped up from the sofa, suddenly alert.

"She's fine. She just wants to… discuss things." Alec turned abruptly, heading back to the spare room, his step a little hesitant. Magnus and Jace followed behind him. Their eyes watched his every movement.

"Isabelle," Magnus greeted her brightly, as Jace shut the door behind them all. Choosing to remain in the corner, Alec watched their exchange, his arms crossed over his chest, while he shuffled nervously. "I'm glad to see you're awake."

"That isn't what I asked you in here for." Izzy shook her head. Alec could read the annoyance radiating from her eyes. "I want to know what that vampire, Camille, wants and why she decided to attack and threaten my brother."

Magnus heaved a sigh. "I see Alec has caught you up." His cat eyes briefly flickered over to Alec, but Alec quickly avoided his gaze, shrinking backwards a little.

"He also told me you wouldn't tell him about Camille?" Izzy said with raised brows. Taking a place by Izzy's bedside, Jace wandered forwards, his arms crossed over his chest, a tense frown upon his face.

"Camille is not someone you wish to be acquainted with, I assure you," Magnus replied, his body tense.

"She threatened my brother," Izzy stated. "What does she want and why is she threatening Alec?"

"It's about time you finally answered our questions, warlock. If Alec's in danger then I want to know what we're up against," Jace stated, his frown deepening. In that moment Alec felt transparent; nobody seemed to realise he was still in the room listening to the whole ordeal.

"Camille desires many things," Magnus responded flippantly with a shrug. "And I think you'll find it's me she threatened, not Alexander."

"Fine. She threatened you, saying she'd kill Alec if you didn't hand her some sort of book. We also received a note saying that she'd exchange Simon and Clary for some object that you have," Izzy explained. "Tell us what's going on Magnus, or so help me—" She broke off abruptly.

"Haven't I already informed you that I do not wish to be involved in any Shadowhunter business that involves Camille?" Magnus asked, his tone laced with annoyance.

Izzy's eyes lit with fire. "Yes but—"

"She wants the book of the white," Alec interjected, taking a few steps forward so that he was stood beside Magnus. "And Magnus has it."

Jace appeared incredulous. "You have the book of the white? Isn't that against clave law, warlock?"

Magnus' eyes narrowed and he remained silent.

"We could have you arrested for that," Jace declared threateningly.

"I've heard many worse and more creative threats than that, Shadowhunter," Magnus remarked bitterly, his lips pressed hard together.

"Enough, Jace," Izzy ordered, as Jace took an angered step closer to Magnus. "If it's that book she wants then we can come up with a plan. We can set up a meeting to exchange it and get Clary and Simon back."

"Do you hear what you're saying?" Magnus asked, rolling his eyes. "You wish to hand over one of the most powerful spell books in the universe to a notoriously devilish vampire with a hidden agenda, in exchange for a vampire and a Shadowhunter?"

"And to protect Alec," Izzy pointed out, her eyebrows raising suggestively. Alec watched, his cheeks reddening slightly, while Magnus' expression fell and his body grew rigid. "We wouldn't just hand the book over. We could just trick her, or disguise a book as the book of the white—"

"Camille is a centuries old vampire, she isn't so easily fooled," Magnus pointed out. "And I think you'll find it takes an incredibly powerful glamour to make a simple book appear even the slightest bit like the book of the white. And even then anyone who has even the slightest bit of knowledge on spell books would be able to see its lack of authenticity. Besides, a powerful glamour requires a powerful warlock — which you do not have. There are very few warlocks who are even remotely close to being as powerful as I am."

"She threatened Alec's life. She said she'll kill him if she doesn't get that damn book," Izzy stated in anger. "Are you just going to let Alec get hurt again?"

Alec felt invisible again. Glancing over at Jace, Alec could read his confusion. He couldn't seem to work out the relevance of Izzy's arguments.

"Alexander will not be hurt by Camille again," Magnus responded. For the first time his voice boiled with restrained anger; his calm composure dissipated. "But I will not involve myself in Camille's affairs."

"Why not?" Izzy demanded, her voice raising.

"I think you'll find—" Magnus began, as Jace's voice rose in retort. The blur of irritated voices filled the room, fuelling the tense atmosphere.

"Will you all just shut up!?" Alec eyes widened as he realised it was him who'd shouted. All eyes turned to him, but instead of shrinking away, he let his bitter, pessimistic mood take over. "Magnus said he's not going to help so we'll find someone else."

Magnus' eyes softened and his expression fell into a guilty frown. After briefly meeting his gaze, Alec turned to Jace and Izzy, who were silently seething.

"We'll go back to the institute and get out of your way," Alec told Magnus, keeping his eyes on Izzy, who watched him, her eyes projecting her worry. "Thank you for your help."

Nodding at Jace, Alec moved forward and they both helped Izzy up into a standing position, while Magnus remained frozen and silent, his gaze locked on Alec. As Izzy rolled her eyes at their help, Alec watched her worriedly, with guilt prickling under his skin. She limped forward, resting most of her weight on Jace. They moved towards the door, leaving the bedroom and making their way towards the exit. Silence filled the apartment; an awkward, tense silence.

"Alexander?" Magnus called.

Alec froze, glancing at Jace, who nodded in response. Releasing himself from Izzy's arm that was wrapped around his neck, Alec remained at the hinge of the door, while Jace helped Izzy down the stairs. His gaze flickered over to Magnus, before he looked down to the floor; a nervous response to the rush of mixed emotions streaming through him. He was unsure of how exactly he should feel about Magnus' response to their situation.

"We'll try and keep out of your way… So that you don't have to be involved in whatever happens with Camille," Alec said, a little uneasily.

Remaining silent, Magnus watched Alec for a moment, his expression laced with suppressed guilt. "I'm sorry… That I can't be of more help. If it was any other situation—"

"You don't have to explain yourself." Alec looked up, shifting uncomfortably as he met Magnus' eyes. "We both have our own past… I don't know what yours was like with Camille, but I can understand why you don't want to see her again."

A small, thankful smile tugged at Magnus' lips as he took a few steps towards Alec. Alec felt his body tighten. "Thank you," He said. "And you're not in any pain?"

"No." Alec shook his head. "You can stop asking and worrying. I'm fine."

"We're dating, Alexander. I'm supposed to worry," Magnus said softly, smiling.

Alec looked down, suddenly feeling very awkward. "I-"

"And before you say anything—"

"M-Maybe we shouldn't be… Dating, I mean," Alec mumbled, unable to rip his eyes away from the floor. He didn't have the courage to look Magnus in the eye; it would only deter him from what he needed to do. Hurting Magnus was not something he wanted, but Alec knew it was the right option — even if it did cause his insides to ache.

Alec heard the small, almost inaudible gasp of shock that escaped Magnus' lips. For the first time, Magnus remained silent, though his eyes were wider than before and he appeared to be clenching every muscle in his jaw in order to keep his expression impassive; a defence to hide his true emotions.

Guilt thrived within Alec; harder and fiercer. "I-I mean…" He began, unsure of himself."You don't have to stay with me just because I'm ill."

"Alexander…" Magnus breathed, moving forward so they were merely inches away. His expression fell and his eyes projected some sort of hidden sadness — as if Alec had hurt him. "That is not the reason why I'm with you. I care about you."

Alec's eyes flickered up in alert, feeling his cheeks redden under Magnus' gaze. The words locked in his throat and he stumbled over the right response. "I… I care about you too," He whispered, looking down to his feet. "But maybe — Maybe that's why I should stay away. I've hurt people… You saw what happened — I can't control it and I could hurt you—"

Magnus sighed. Alec jumped as Magnus' finger moved under his chin, lifting his head up so their gazes met. Heart racing against his chest, Alec's hands twitched at his sides. "I am more than capable of looking after myself, Alexander. You don't need to protect me, or keep yourself away,"

Alec took a hesitant step back, out of the door. Hand dropping down to his side, Magnus' expression fell further and Alec could feel the hurt emitting from him. "So can Izzy, but look what I did to her. I—" He broke off, gulping back the air choking him. "I hurt everyone I care about," He finished in a whisper.

"You're not a monster and you never will be," Magnus reassured him. "So stop treating yourself like one. You don't have to stay away from people to protect them."

Alec remained silent. He repressed the flood of thoughts threatening to overwhelm him. "I can't… I just can't."

"Is this you breaking up with me, Alexander?" Magnus suddenly asked, his voice quiet with an edge of bitterness.

"I-I don't know," Alec responded quickly, disliking the hurt he knew he was causing Magnus as well as himself. "I just need time to think. I don't want to hurt you or anyone else. I just— I need time."

Magnus remained in silence for a few moments; his eyes slowly appeared to harden a little. "Well time is of the essence. I have a millennia or two ahead of me that I'm sure I could spend waiting around — I have nothing better to do with my life, after all." Magnus' voice dripped with sarcasm and he turned away, his back facing Alec, as he aimlessly wandered, running a hand through his hair.

Alec flinched, remaining frozen by the door. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out.

"You Shadowhunters… You never change. I should have known better," Magnus said, speaking to himself in a mumble that Alec was sure he wasn't supposed to hear. "Lightwoods… Always the same—"

Alec marched forward. He couldn't stand it any longer; the suppressed emotions consumed him, thriving through his body and charging him forwards. He didn't want to be spoken about as if he was just some Shadowhunter in a long list of meaningless relationships that had fizzled out. Their relationship meant something more. Alec knew it — he'd realised a long time ago. The right thing to do was break up with Magnus. The right thing to do was let Magnus get on with his life and not be burdened with the worry of Alec's monstrous condition. But he no longer wanted to do the right thing — he only wanted Magnus.

Grabbing Magnus' hand, Alec spun him around before crashing their lips together. A stifled gasp of surprise erupted from Magnus as Alec glided his lips passionately over his. For a moment his lips remained still and rigid, before Magnus finally relaxed and moved his lips against Alec's with a passion that thrived between them. Instinctively, Alec's hands moved to Magnus' waist, tugging him harder against his body, while Magnus' fingers wove into his hair, pulling at the ends. Repressing a gasp of pleasure, Alec opened his lips further, allowing Magnus' tongue to explore his mouth. He'd never felt more alive.

Breathing heavily, Magnus pulled away, his eyes searching Alec's in confusion. Alec's hands remained on Magnus' waist and he forced his eyes to remain facing him, refusing to shy away. "I don't want… I just need time to think. I just need—" He broke off abruptly. In his mind, he knew exactly what he needed to tell Magnus; he couldn't have a deep reason tugging at his mind to return to the Shadow world, while he was far below the ground, enduring torture in search for a cure. But he couldn't make the words leave his lips. "I care about you."

Magnus remained frozen and silent, his eyes wide and unguarded. Before he seemed to have been attempting to remain impassive — instead a mixture of emotion flooded his eyes and expression. He appeared torn, as if he too was subduing unspoken words. "I understand," He nodded quietly, after a few moments.

"I need to go — Jace and Izzy… they'll be waiting for me," Alec fumbled nervously. "I'll speak to you soon…" He couldn't help but let the lie slip through his lips.

Magnus nodded, his gaze falling to the floor in deep thought.

Without another word, Alec turned, stopping himself from glancing back at Magnus while he headed towards the staircase, his hands shaking at his sides.

"Alexander?" Magnus called, just as Alec reached the staircase.

"Yeah?" Alec turned, surprised to see that Magnus had followed him out into the hallway, appearing a little more distressed than usual.

"If Camille or anyone else attacks you or hurts you… Call me. If anything happens to you again, I…" He paused, as if he was unsure whether his words would be too open. "I don't know what I'd do if it was my fault that you were hurt and I wasn't there to help."

A smile tugged at Alec's lips, as a rupture of emotion caused chills throughout his body — it subdued the aching pain for a moment. "I will."

Magnus moved forward, running a finger along Alec's cheek bone before cupping his face. He placed a gentle, loving kiss on Alec's lips. Alec blushed in response, his lips tingling.

"Goodbye, Alexander." The words sounded oddly final, despite Magnus' ignorance to what Alec was about to do.

Unable to stop the smile from curling across his lips, Alec turned and headed down the stairs, basking in the happiness he knew would soon dissipate.

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

 _Isabelle and Jace,_

 _Don't worry I'm not hurt or anything, I'm completely fine. I know you're both going to be angry, but this is what I needed. I've gone to the Silent City. I'm going to let the Silentbrothers search for a cure again. After what happened, I don't want to risk hurting either of you again._

 _I can't apologise enough for what I did to you Izzy and I never want it to happen again. The only option is to find a cure._

 _I'm sorry that I've gone now when you're trying to think of a plan to get Clary and Simon back, but I couldn't take the risk. Camille tried to use me as a bargaining chip to get the book, but now she can't. She knows about my condition and I don't want her to use me against you the clave what's going on and tell them who has Clary and Simon. I know you're not going to want to do this, but there's nothing else we can do, not without Magnus' help. The clave will be able to use the law against Camille and the longer we keep this information from them, the longer Camille gets what she wants. I'm sorry. Please don't come to the Silent City to try and change my mind because it's already made up. I need to do this._

 _Call the Silentbrothers to contact me if anything happens to either of you so I can help._

 _Alec_

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

Alec followed the Silentbrother down the endless staircase. Shivers ran down his spine, chilling him to his core, while his body trembled. He'd forgotten the coldness of the Silent City. He'd forgotten the consuming feeling of death that emanated from the walls. It felt like a lifetime ago since he'd been here, but he hadn't forgotten the pain and the continuous desire to witness daylight once more. The hidden memories terrified him. He'd been haunted for so long by the memories of his first experience here — back then he'd promised himself he'd never set foot in there again. Yet here he was. Subduing himself through torture in order to save the ones he loved. Heroic. But Alec didn't feel like a hero. He was the monster that plagued the Shadowhunter world.

Maybe things would be different this time. He'd explained to the Silentbrother that he was here out of choice — that he wanted them to search for a cure. The Silentbrother had explained the risks and the terms in which they'd heal him. It was too dangerous for them to experiment on him and still allow him to roam free. Their experiments could lead to him being in a permanent demonic state. They could lead to endless pain. They could lead to death.

Alec thought of the letter he'd so carefully written through the night. He thought of the endless debate in his mind on whether to leave or not. The last place he wanted to be was in the Silent City, but it would keep everyone he cares about safe — and for that it was worth it. He thought about his poor attempts at saying goodbye to Magnus. At least in his letter to Jace and Izzy he'd told the truth. But with Magnus, he couldn't stand telling him what he was going to do — it only made everything more real. He hadn't wished to say goodbye so soon, or cause Magnus any pain. Or even cause himself any heartbreak. However, the thought of not being able to contact Magnus again pained Alec more than he thought it would.

The true reality of his situation finally dawned on him. He was back in the place that had haunted his nightmares. He could be here for weeks, months, days, years. He could potentially die. And he hadn't even told Magnus the truth. He hadn't given his siblings a proper goodbye.

 _ **So I'm finally finished with exams, so hopefully if I put in enough effort I will be updating weekly. As of now I'm a bit behind and have nothing written up for the next chapter yet, but I promise I'll try my best to have one written and edited for you next week. I'll try not to get too into Throne of Glass (which I'm currently reading) and How To Get Away With Murder (which I'm currently watching) and update for you all :D**_

 ** _Let me know what you think by leaving a review - I really do love to read them, they make my day! Did Alec make the right choice going back to the Silent City? How is Magnus going to react when he finds out? How will Isabelle and Jace react? And what's Camille up to at the moment... She hasn't made an appearance in a few chapters. All questions answered next chapter!_**

 _ **Thank you for everything and I'm sorry if this chapter is filled with more grammar mistakes or clunky speech than usual - my beta reader is currently busy with exams so I've edited this myself.**_

 ** _DareToDream x_**


	19. Where Have You Gone?

**A/N: I've just created and published a trailer for this fanfiction if you want to watch it. I'm very excited that I can now make one because of the TV show. It's a little ambiguous but some of it may even give hints of what's to come in the future... I'll say no more. If you want to watch it, type in 'Lost Hope Magnus Alec fanfiction' and it will definitely come up on the search page. My youtube account is called DareToDream. Thank you and I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

 **Also... The title of this chapter is inspired by a song from Me Before You that I listened to while writing this chapter. It fits this chapter quite well. If you want to listen to it while reading, its called Don't Forget About Me by Cloves.**

* * *

 **Chapter 18: Where Have You Gone?**

Magnus swayed along to the music, a drink clasped in his hands, as he smiled and chuckled along with the various men and women that surrounded him. He downed yet another drink — his soured mood brightened every time the alcohol hit the back of his throat. Fluorescent coloured lights glided through the air on the dance floor, creating a mirage of colours and a vibrant atmosphere — perfect for flirting and dancing. He didn't care much for the music, but he'd forgotten to care about an hour ago.

Yet another man winked at him. Magnus had already counted five that night. He'd almost forgotten how truly desirable he was on the dance floor. Men fawned after him under the bright lights and usually he couldn't help but take advantage — he loved playing a fun game of cat and mouse with them. But tonight Magnus couldn't will himself to let go and play. He only had one person on his mind; a Shadowhunter who hadn't called him.

Despite his best efforts, Magnus hadn't been able to scrape Alexander Lightwood from his thoughts all week. He'd tried everything. The boy clearly was no longer interested now that Magnus had refused to help his family and yet that only made Magnus more determined. For some reason he couldn't seem to let go. The Shadowhunter had somehow locked him in a cage and he was unable to break free. He'd done nothing but pine over Alexander — he wanted to know if he was okay. Though he loathed to admit it, he'd left numerous calls, messages and voicemails; at first they'd been civil and loving, but they'd slowly morphed into more angered messages throughout the week. Alexander probably thought he was desperate. But somehow Magnus didn't care — all he wanted was to see or even just speak to Alec again. He deserved an explanation, even if it wasn't the one he wanted.

Whenever Alec appeared in his mind, bitter thoughts surrounded him. Magnus couldn't help but feel he'd somehow been strung along. He felt played and stupid for even giving the Shadowhunter a chance. Every time he thought of this, he reminded himself of why he was going through the humiliation, despite loathing lack of control in a relationship.

However, in the back of his mind, he knew something was off. After everything that had happened, surely Alexander wouldn't just abandon him? Magnus had helped him. He'd saved the poor boy more than once and Alec was far from being selfish; so what had led the boy to ignore his numerous attempts to get in touch? And why had he broken his promise to call?

Realising he'd been staring at the guy who'd winked at him for far too long, Magnus blinked and turned away. He pushed his way through the crowds of people surrounding him and left the group he was mingling with without a backwards glance.

He couldn't take it anymore. Stumbling as his mind and sight clouded from the overdosage of alcohol, Magnus leaned against the bar as he collected his thoughts. He wanted Alec. His disorientated mind wouldn't allow him to forget — it screamed at Magnus to find him.

But what if Alexander demanded Magnus to help his family? What if Magnus' refusal was behind all the ignoring? Should he just give in and give Alexander and the Shadowhunters exactly what they wanted? Could he? Magnus never wanted to see Camille again. But could he do it for Alexander? Camille had threatened Alec after all and Magnus did not wish to see the boy hurt by her, let alone murdered.

Another thought appeared. He knew so much of Alec's past, didn't Alec deserve to know at least some of his? Could he trust the Shadowhunter who'd broken his promise to call?

Maybe he will break your heart, just as Camille did.

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

Alec leaned against the damp, icy walls for support, his body aching with exhaustion. He rested his head on his knees, curling into a ball, unable to hold himself upright any longer. The most recent round of drugs they'd tested had stripped him of the little strength he still had; he'd suffered for hours on end with fire blazing him through him, melting him down into nothing but a scrap of skin and bones. Like the countless other attempts, this drug had not worked.

Sweat glistened on his body and his heavy breaths echoed from the walls, creating the only sound present in his cell. Unlike before, he resided in the holding cells on an upper floor, where prisoners who were being transported to Alicante lived for a few days. The first time he'd been imprisoned here, he'd dwelled among the worst traitors of the Shadow World. Screams and cries of the many monsters locked miles below the earth still haunted his dreams and it was a relief that he no longer had to suffer with the most notorious criminals.

There wasn't a moment that passed by where he didn't think of those he cared about. Through hours of excruciating pain and dreams of witnessing the sun, thoughts of his family and Magnus filled his mind, fuelling him. He missed them. He missed them a lot; so much that it physically hurt. Yet he couldn't contact them and the last thing he wanted was for them to come here and see him suffer. Questions of Magnus lingered on his mind more often than not — had he hurt Magnus? Had Magnus discovered what he'd done? Or had Magnus dismissed him as just another failed relationship?

"Alec."

Alec looked up, jumping almost in fright, as a familiar voice sounded in his cell, breaking him away from his thoughts. He hadn't even noticed Jace approach with a watchful Silentbrother placed behind him. A panicked jolt seized him. Though he was happy to see his parabatai, Jace couldn't be here.

"Hey," Jace said, his voice a little hesitant.

Alec took in a deep breath, biting his lip and squeezing his eyes shut. "What are you doing here? I told you not to come."

"And since when do I ever listen to any orders I'm given?" Jace commented sarcastically.

Alec looked up at him silently. He wanted to laugh. He wanted to agree with Jace and fire another comment back at him. But that would only cause Jace to stay longer.

"What? Are you ignoring me now?" Jace rolled his eyes. "You're being selfish. You know that right?"

The comment hit Alec harder than he wanted it too. "You need to leave, Jace. Get out of here."

"No," Jace responded in a hard tone. "When are you ever going to learn? You're always telling me that I don't listen to you, but you never listen to me and Izzy."

"What are you talking about?"

"Izzy's sat at home blaming herself for everything that happened. She's worried about what they're doing to you. We don't know if your dead or alive and we hear nothing from you besides a stupid letter," Jace explained, his tone laced with annoyance. "You left us when we needed you most. How do you think Izzy feels? She's lost her brother and her boyfriend… I've lost my parabatai."

Alec's heart pounded in his ears as it pumped the guilt around his body. He felt numb and hurt. His aim had never been to hurt Isabelle or Jace. Being trapped inside a cell disallowed him from unintentionally hurting anyone else. Yet somehow he hadn't fully thought through the consequences…

"I—" he broke off, a lump clamping his throat shut. "I'm sorry… I didn't think—"

"Clearly," Jace scoffed, shaking his head. A mixture of contrasting emotions flooded his expression; he appeared angered yet upset by Alec's actions. "Come with me, Alec… Come home."

He thought about it for a moment. Home. The mere thought of a warm bed, sunlight and even Isabelle's atrocious cooking caused his mind to scream at him to get out of here. But he couldn't. He'd vowed to himself that he would not leave unless it was impossible for him to hurt anyone else with his illness — no matter the implications. "I-I can't…"

Jace sighed.

Alec dropped his head to his knees, hiding his face from Jace. "I'm sorry…" He whispered, clenching and unclenching his fists in an attempt to calm himself.

Remaining silent, Jace seemed to study him from a distance. "What are they doing to you, Alec?"

"It's nothing you or Izzy need to worry about," Alec said, lifting his head to meet Jace's gaze. The last thing he wanted was for his family to worry themselves sick over what he was going through. "They're trying to find a cure. I'm fine."

"You don't look fine."

"Well I am," Alec snapped, his voice rising louder than he meant it to.

A deep frown tugged at Jace's expression, while his eyes wandered over Alec and the cell he resided in. "Why are you doing this to yourself?" He questioned.

"You need to leave," Alec ordered. It was the last thing he wanted Jace to do; seeing him had at least diminished the worried thoughts over his and Izzy's well being. He'd finally had some company. "Go home, Jace."

"Why are you doing this?" Jace demanded in a harder tone.

"So I don't hurt anyone else," Alec responded. His angered voice echoed from the damp walls. "I've hurt Isabelle… I've hurt…" he paused, unable to speak the name. "I can't hurt anyone else. I don't want to. I need to be fixed."

Jace sighed, his hands gripping the cell bars as he leaned his head closer, his eyes locked with Alec's. "But what if they can't fix you?" Jace murmured. For the first time, a pained sadness radiated from his unguarded expression; as if everything Alec was doing was hurting him.

Alec didn't speak. He couldn't force the reply through his lips — he knew the repercussions it would have on Jace.

However, his silence seemed to answer Jace's question. "No," Jace responded, sounding angrier than before. Hands dropping and clenching into fists by his side, Jace looked away and shook his head; his movements frantic and uncontrolled. "No."

"Go home…" Alec muttered. He couldn't stand seeing Jace beat himself up over his situation. "Tell Izzy that I'm okay and that I love her."

"Tell her yourself," Jace snapped, his tone bitter and furious. Without another word, he stormed away from the cell and the Silent brother followed, leaving Alec alone once again.

Unable to hold himself together any longer, Alec curled himself up in a ball, falling towards the floor. His head knocked against the stones, creating a pain that broke his mind away from the emotions surging through him. He couldn't take it anymore… But he had to. Remaining strong would carry him through this — carry him home to his family. He had to do it.

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

He'd given in. He couldn't stay away anymore.

Disregarding his pride, Magnus arrived at the doorstep of the institute, his mind set on one goal. He felt foolish and weak, but he no longer cared. Two weeks was long enough. After drinking himself into oblivion more than once, avoiding jobs that arrived on his answer machine, consuming far too much ice-cream and viewing countless romantic movies, Magnus' will had disappeared, leaving behind a single need. He had to know if Alec was okay. He wanted to see him.

Nobody answered for a few moments and Magnus dwindled on the doorstep, looking around the streets behind him, searching for an answer.

"Magnus?"

He turned but knew it was not the voice he wanted to hear.

"What are you doing here?" Isabelle asked. Her appearance was more crumpled than usual and deep bags laid under her eyes, echoing the tiredness present in her expression. She wore darker, more reserved clothes than usual and her hair was left loose and unbrushed.

"I'm here to see your dear brother Alexander, who has not been returning my calls," Magnus admitted, a sigh lingering on his lips.

"So after you refused to help us even though Alec's life was threatened, you actually expected him to call," Izzy muttered, more to herself than Magnus, folding her arms over her chest.

Flinching at Isabelle's comment, Magnus attempted to recede the guilt that threatened to thrive. "That's why I'm here," He snapped. "I would like to see Alexander…"

"You're too late," Isabelle announced, a brief frown flickering over her expression. "I thought you'd already know."

"Know what?" A panicked flurry of thoughts erupted within Magnus, consuming his mind. Too late. What had Alec done? Had Camille hurt him?

"He's gone to the Silent City. He left the night we came back to the Institute," Isabelle explained in a murmur, her expression a mixture of guilt, pain and anger.

"The Silent City?" Magnus frowned. He didn't understand. "What is he doing there and why hasn't he returned yet?"

"Alec never told you…?" Isabelle sighed, looking down to the floor as she shifted uncomfortably. "He was sent there when they discovered his condition… They kept him as a prisoner in one of the cells and…" She paused, taking a deep breath. "They experimented different drugs on him to try and find a cure. He went there so that — so that he couldn't hurt anyone."

Magnus eyes widened in alarm and internal voices seemed to scream at him all at once, creating a blur of sound that consumed his mind. Experiment. Prisoner. Those words filtered through him as he squeezed his eyes shut, attempting to decipher what had happened. Alec had made himself a prisoner in the Silent City and they're searching for a cure…

Memories of the time he'd questioned Alec about a cure rose in his mind; Alec had been afraid and unwilling and he'd spoken of some sort of experiments. If he was so afraid of the Silent City and their experiments, then why had he subjected himself to it? Magnus almost hit himself for thinking of that question. He knew exactly why he'd done it; to protect the people he cared about. Alec always put his family first and now he was putting himself through torture just to protect them.

Magnus whirled around on his feet, gritting his teeth together in frustration. All he'd had to do was agree to help them when Alec first asked, then maybe they wouldn't be in this situation… Alec wouldn't be putting himself through hours of pain.

Finalising a quick decision, Magnus hurried down the stairs away from the institute, without uttering a single word to Isabelle.

"Where are you going?" Isabelle shouted to him.

"To get him back," Magnus replied, just loud enough for her to hear. He didn't bother to turn, but instead locked his eyes on the pavement as he flourished a portal to transport him to the entrance of the Silent City.

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

The descent into the Silent City was a journey he'd pleasantly forgotten. Centuries ago he'd been raised by the Brothers, far below the Earth in a home decorated with skeletons and ghastly grey concrete. His journeys outside had been thrilling adventures; he'd quickly grown sick of the constant feeling of death and decay. Though he owed the Silent Brothers for their strange kindness towards him, his visits were scarce and he felt little connection to any of them. All except one — a new brother whom Magnus had known long ago. Brother Zachariah. Or as Magnus knew him — Jem.

"Are you any closer towards finding a cure for the Shadowhunter?" Magnus questioned Brother Zachariah, as he lead him down the endless steps towards the cell Alexander was been held in. Being careful not to touch the walls, Magnus locked his arms by his sides and set his eyes straight ahead, afraid that filthy, damp walls would ruin his pristine appearance. He'd forgotten how hideous the place was — couldn't they have at least decorated it with just a little bit of colour? Grey had to be the most depressing colour of all.

'It is not my place to disclose our findings. You are lucky I'm allowing you to see Alexander Lightwood at all. Due the drugs he's been tested with, his state is unpredictable and he could pose a danger,' Brother Zachariah explained, his voice echoing through Magnus' mind. The communication of the Silent Brothers had always puzzled Magnus, but he barely noticed it anymore. He'd grown use to it as a boy, to the point where it was strange to hear a conversation spoken aloud.

"I see. However, I am quite capable of defending myself if needs be. Alexander's alternative persona is no match for my powers. I've handled him easily before." Magnus brushed away the comment.

'It is not your power I doubt Magnus Bane, but your mind.'

Magnus' frown deepened. "If Will and Tessa are capable of handling a similar situation, then I am more than." The comment offended him more than it should have and he knew he was dancing in dangerous territory by mentioning Will and Tessa. It was strange to think that Jem had once been a vulnerable boy suffering from a rare condition like Alec— his Silent Brother persona portrayed little of his past self.

'William and Tessa should not have been burdened and neither should you, especially due to your lack of ties to the boy.'

"Well, I can't help myself. A damsel in distress has always been my type," Magnus muttered.

They continued the rest of the journey in silence. Magnus' unease grew more prominent as they descended further and he soon found himself shifting uncomfortably. Not only did the iciness chill him to his core, but the whole place reminded him of past experiences in his childhood he'd rather not relive.

Arriving on a floor with a few large, barricaded cells, Magnus looked around in distaste, pursing his lips at the horrendous appearance. Upon reminding himself that the place couldn't be pretty as it held the criminals within the Shadow world, his unease grew as he realised that Alexander lived among them, even though he didn't belong.

Magnus approached the cells hesitantly. The darkness disallowed him to see far ahead, but he could make out a figure laid down in the shadows. Suddenly it jerked. Then it twitched again, a pained groan escaping its lips. Magnus' footsteps quickened in alarm, his hands up and ready, with magic sparking from his fingertips. The shadow flinched one final time, before a scream ripped through its lips, tearing through the walls and shattering Magnus into a million pieces.

The scream continued on and on and on. It held too much pain for one person to suffer. Hurrying towards the cell, Magnus crashed against the metal barrier, clutching it for support as his wide eyes watched Alec's body writhing in agony on the stone ground. Every scream, every movement cut into him like glass puncturing skin. He could feel Alec's pain himself.

His mind pleaded with him to stop Alec's pain, but as he lifted his palms, a cold hand touched his shoulder, pulling him a safe distance away from the cell.

'You must not interfere. The drug may yet work.' Brother Zachariah told him sternly, his voice booming in his mind, drowning out all other thoughts. Under his hood, Magnus could see the pain hidden behind Jem Carstairs constant impassive expression. He knew it reminded the Brother of what he'd suffered through.

"You're torturing him," Magnus stated, his teeth gritted and his hands clenched at his sides, while he attempted to rip his eyes from Alec. Sweat glistened on the Shadowhunter's half naked body and his muscles contracted beneath his skin, while the blackened blood pulsed through him, staining his prominent veins. His expression held nothing but torment— every feature squeezed towards the centre as they searched for an escape from the pain.

The Shadowhunter's cries echoed from the walls, pouring through Magnus' ears and filling him until it consumed his every thought.

"How long does he have to suffer?" Magnus asked, his voiced disjointed as he spoke through his clamped throat.

'We are unsure. If you wish to speak with him you will have to wait until this experiment is over. I presume you wish to wait?'

Magnus nodded once — the movement felt stiff and forced. Seeing Alec suffer felt like he'd been transported into a malicious hell, where everything around him had been moulded into his worst nightmare. Collapsing to the ground, Magnus hugged his knees to his chest, forgetting about his appearance. He didn't care that the dirt would stain his clothes. He didn't care that his hair may flatten due to the damp walls. Grasping his coloured ends with his hands, Magnus rested his chin on his knees, unable to rip his eyes away from the scene in front of him as he tugged mercilessly at his hair. All he cared about was Alec. He wanted to take his pain away. He wanted to end his suffering. He wanted to cure him, so that he no longer had to subject himself to endless torture.

There and then, Magnus vowed to himself that he'd help Alec, no matter the consequences. The promises to himself couldn't matter anymore. He had to help Alec and his family. He couldn't just sit by and watch the boy suffer any longer.

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

Alec's eyes fluttered, his body felt numb and ached with exhaustion. A dim orange light pierced his eyes and he shivered from the cool moisture dampening his skin. The movement hurt. Every muscle cried at him to remain still. He should be use to muscle ache from all the Shadowhunter training, but this was a far different pain; he felt like a melted body, who's bones and muscles had been singed and burnt away.

"Alexander…" A familiar voice called him. Alec couldn't quite decipher whether he was dreaming or not. "Darling…" The voice spoke again, before a hand rested on his shoulder.

Alec flinched, somehow mustering the strength to crawl away from the touch. If he somehow wasn't dreaming, then Magnus couldn't be here.

"Alexander it's okay. You're safe," Magnus' voice told him gently.

Alec's heart fluttered at the sound, while his mind cried for him to turn and see Magnus. He refused to give in. "Y-You shouldn't be here…" Alec forced the words through his lips, his voice a faint whisper. "You s-should go. I c-could—"

"You're not going to hurt me, darling." Magnus sighed, interrupting him.

Finally finding the wall, Alec leaned himself against it, breathing heavily. His expression squeezed as he tried to sit himself upright. Suddenly, two hands found his arms and they helped him into a sitting position. Alec automatically flinched away again.

"You need to leave," Alec ordered, his voice a little louder than before. His eyes blinked furiously as they attempted to adjust to the light. He could just make out a tall, slim figuring hovering near him. "Please, M-Magnus… Leave…"

"No," Magnus stated. "You're not going to hurt me, darling, and I won't let you suffer again while I'm here. You've been through enough for one day."

He managed to tilt his head upwards, just enough to see Magnus' concerned expression illuminated by the orange glow from the candles in his cell. His hair. It was a different colour — that's the first thing he noticed. "You died your hair…" Alec murmured, frowning a little.

Magnus fell silent, as if shocked by the sudden change in topic. "You don't like it?"

"No, I—" Alec paused to catch his breath, slumping further against the walls. "What are you d-doing here? How did you—"

"Isabelle," Magnus replied simply. "You really know how to string a warlock along, darling. I called, left messages, voicemails… It was getting a little pathetic. So I went to see your dear sister and she informed me that I was too late — that you were here in order to protect her and Jace."

"And you," Alec quickly added, wincing a little at Magnus' explanation. "I'm here to p-protect you too… That's why you need to leave."

A mixture of emotions passed over Magnus' expression. He appeared to contemplate Alec's words. For some reason he seemed surprised. Though he soon brushed this off and sauntered forwards, approaching Alec. "When are you ever going to learn, you silly Shadowhunter? I don't need protecting."

"But I—" Alec stumbled, squeezing his eyes shut while his eyes dropped to the floor. "I'm a monster… I should be locked away." His words echoed those of his fathers all those years ago. They were forever imprinted.

Something brushed his shoulder and he turned to to see Magnus taking a seat beside him. Their knees touched. Though he didn't want to, his instincts screamed at him to move away and he shuffled further towards the corner.

"You're not a monster," Magnus disagreed. "Some horrid person has clearly convinced you that you are, but to me you never will be. And to your family you never will be either."

"But I—"

"No." Magnus stopped him, placing a hand over Alec's and squeezing in comfort. This time Alec didn't move away. "Nobody deserves to endure the pain you have. I've seen what they're doing to you, darling. You shouldn't be here."

"You saw… But—" Alec could barely breathe. Subconsciously, he leaned a little against Magnus for support, forgetting that he was supposed to be convincing him to leave. He could no longer deny that he was happy to see him.

"Shh…" Magnus quietened him. "That doesn't matter. I'm only here to take you home."

Alec shook his head without a moments hesitation. "I'm not leaving until they find a cure," He murmured.

"I can find a cure for you, without you having to endure this torture," Magnus explained softly. A little hesitant, he lifted his arm and placed it around Alec's shoulders. Strength prickled under his skin at Magnus' touch and he moved closer to Magnus, aching for more comfort. He didn't realise how much he craved company.

"No," Alec whispered.

"Then I'll make you an offer."

Alec frowned, lifting his head ever so slightly so that they're eyes met.

"But first I want to tell you a story," Magnus said softly, his voice strangely quiet. An internal battle seemed to be taking place within him.

Though he was confused, Alec nodded his head before leaning further into Magnus and settling into his arms. His laboured breaths receded and the panic crippling him seemed to slowly disappear the longer he laid in Magnus' arms. "This isn't going to be yet another story about one of your parties, is it?" Alec asked with a small chuckle.

Magnus laughed. "No. You don't find those stories entertaining enough?"

"You've been to too many parties," Alec commented, moving his hand so that his fingers hesitantly intertwined with Magnus'. He wasn't sure when exactly he'd given in, but he knew he did not want Magnus to leave him alone again.

"And you haven't been to enough," Magnus retorted, his hand squeezing Alec's. "Now my story begins with an extremely handsome warlock, who's appearance outshines all others and who's power puts other warlocks to shame."

Another chuckle escaped Alec's lips. "I don't know anyone who fits that description."

Magnus playfully hit Alexander on the arm, before continuing on. "Back in the 1800's this warlock had many suitors. But he only had eyes for one." His voice quietened, causing Alec to frown in contemplation. "A radiant, fair skinned vampire with golden blonde hair and dazzling green eyes, who went by the name Camille—"

"Magnus…" Alec interrupted him quickly. Why was Magnus telling him this? He'd never wanted to share his past before and Magnus didn't owe him anything. "Why are you doing this?"

"I have knowledge of your past that I know you wouldn't have shared if you'd have had the choice. So it's time I shared some of mine," Magnus reasoned, sounding oddly unsure of himself.

"You don't have to—" Alec began in objection.

"But I want to, Alexander," Magnus replied. "I want to help you. So I'm going to try and give you an explanation of why I didn't want to help you before."

Alec quietened as his mind flurried with questions. He allowed Magnus to continue, listening intently.

"As I was saying. During the early days of their meeting, the warlock found himself competing with a werewolf for her affections. He was kind — kinder than he should have been — and allowed Camille to be won over by the werewolf, giving them both a chance at love. Only a decade or so later, the warlock rekindled with his lost affection, as the werewolf had been murdered. He fell in love." Magnus paused and Alec looked up at his torn, unguarded expression. "He loved her more than he should've. They shared many exciting endeavours. Later however, in order to save herself, she disappeared without a trace, leaving the warlock alone with her subjugate. He searched for her and discovered she'd fled to Russia and was living with a mundane lover."

"Magnus stop…" Alec tried telling him. He could see the words tearing Magnus apart inside, but it was as if the warlock was in a trance he couldn't escape — reliving a past nightmare he'd tried hard to forget.

"She did return, only to mercilessly lie to the warlock. It was then he realised she did not love him, like he loved her. He left her with a torn heart, fleeing to the grand city of New York, where he later became the High Warlock. And that is not all." Magnus' tone grew more bitter by the second, his voice dripping with anger and pain.

"Please stop—"

"Every few decades she reappeared in the warlocks life, tearing apart his most recent relationship and reminding him of what he'd lost. He could not escape her. Somehow he managed to repel her advances, but he lost his will during the mortal war. She approached him at the beginning of the battle, claiming to be there to protect him. He somehow fell for her snake-like charms and lies and fell in love with her once again. The warlock was happy for many months and she even convinced him to find the book of the white for her, so that they could end their immortality and grow old and die together. His friends tried to warn him. He tried to warn himself. But after finding the book, he came to realise, once again, that she was nothing more than a deceiving vampire, who thought little of love. He was left heartbroken for the second time and vowed never to see her again and relive the times that had broken him…"

Alec breathed a sigh of relief, glad that the story had finally ended. But Magnus did not break from his trance. His eyes were wide and fearful, his expression projecting a childlike vulnerability that Alec had never seen before. It was as if all his strong layers had disappeared, leaving behind a child in need of love and protection.

A small smile grew on Magnus' lips. "For many years the warlock believed he would not find someone who held affection for him again. So imagine his surprise, when a handsome, blue-eyed Shadowhunter appears at his door, claiming to care for him, like he cares for them."

Silence fell. Alec clutched Magnus tighter, as the layers returned one by one, building Magnus back into the powerful warlock he was perceived to be. While Magnus' hold on him strengthened, they clutched each other for support — _the two boys who believed they could never be loved._

* * *

 ** _So I know I promised to let you know what Camille's up to but I had to cut down this chapter because its so damn long. There is a second half to Magnus and Alec's meeting in his cell, which will take place in the next chapter.  
I'm stupidly proud about the title of this chapter, since it kind of has a double meaning. It's referring to Magnus questioning where Alec is, but also Alec questioning where the Magnus he knows has gone while Magnus is explaining the story about Camille. _**

**_Anyway...I hope you enjoyed this! I know it may seem as if its too soon for Magnus to open up to Alec about his past since they haven't known each other for that long, but there'll be more of an explanation for why in the next chapter, if it isn't quite clear in this one._** ** _Make sure to leave a review to let me know what you thought of this chapter! Thanks for all the support :D_**

 ** _Daretodream_**


	20. Sons of Demons

**Chapter 19: Sons of Demons**

"Thank you…" Alec spoke after a long silence, turning his head to meet Magnus' gaze. The warlock looked upon him with a peculiar expression; different emotions fleeted in and out of his eyes. "For telling me all of that. I know it was hard for you."

Magnus remained in a contemplative silence, his eyes locked on Alec. "You deserved to know," he replied simply. "After everything that's happened, I think it's about time I try to at least trust you with my past, like you have trusted me with yours."

"Have you told anyone before?" Alec asked.

"No." The reply was quick — a sharp answer which told Alec everything he needed to know. He was the first person Magnus had trusted with this information about himself. He was the first person Magnus had ever opened up to like that. "Even my dearest friends haven't heard the entire story."

Alec paused. A bubble of emotions erupted in his stomach from hearing this information. He liked being the one person that Magnus could trust with his past. But it only reminded him of the small bits of his past that he was yet to reveal — the parts he couldn't even bare to think of. The story Magnus had heard about him was unfinished. And the unfinished parts were the worst.

"I…" Alec began. Was it the right time to bring up that information? He wasn't even sure if he could tell Magnus. "I need to tell you something — about my past, I mean. There are still things—"

Magnus shook his head. "Stop, Alexander. I don't need to hear anymore," he said, rubbing his hand up and down Alec's arm. "Not today, at least."

"But—" Alec needed to tell him, but he couldn't. He couldn't force the words from his lips. He couldn't bare to admit his darkest secret — the one that threatened to cripple him every time he thought about it. But Magnus deserved to know.

"My time is limited here, darling. Whatever it is can wait," Magnus told him softly, smiling down at him. "And there's an offer I still need to make you."

Frowning, Alec sat up and pushed his weight back against the wall so he could face Magnus fully. He pushed all remaining thoughts of his secrets away and concentrated on his warlock, who still had his arm around Alec.

"I'm going to help your siblings find Clarissa and the Daylighter. I'll contact Camille and retrieve them from her. I already have a plan," Magnus explained softly.

Alec's eyes widened in surprise. He smiled, only for it to change to a sudden frown. "But what about everything that happened between you and Camille? You shouldn't have to see her."

"That doesn't matter." Magnus shook his head, his eyebrows tugging together into an arched frown. "If I don't help, she'll never leave you or any of your siblings alone until she has what she wants."

"You don't have to see her, Magnus. Just give us a way to contact her and that's all the help we need," Alec tried to reason. "I don't want you to face her after everything she's done to you. We can handle her ourselves."

Magnus let out a scoff, shaking his head. "You can handle Camille yourselves, while you're trapped miles below the Earth and your siblings are running around like headless chickens? That's very doubtful."

A little deflated, Alec quietened into a thoughtful silence — trying to discover a way that would allow Magnus to not see Camille. After everything he'd done for them, he didn't deserve this. Alec hadn't realised how deeply Magnus's past affected him. If he had he would have never asked Magnus to help them.

"And I will do this for you Alec — all free of charge, I might add — if you promise me one thing," Magnus continued with his offer, purposefully ignoring Alec's disagreement.

Alec remained quiet. If Magnus truly wanted to do this, it would help Jace and Isabelle. They'd finally have Clary and Simon back, which would allow them to live life normally — well as normal as a Shadowhunter life could be. It would fix everything. But could Alec allow Magnus to do this for him if it meant he would get hurt?

"If you leave the Silent City with me, I'll help you and your siblings. And then once the job is finished, I'll help you find a cure." Magnus said, his expression impassive, while his cat eyes twinkled with determination.

"No." Alec shook his head firmly. "I'm not leaving here until Camille can't use me as a threat anymore."

"Alexander, I won't allow Camille to hurt you — you can stay within the Institute while the plan takes place. You'll be perfectly safe there."

"No." A spark of irritation lit up within Alec. "I'm not hiding away in the institute while you, Jace and Izzy risk your lives."

"You're hiding here," Magnus pointed out, his angered tone matching Alec's.

"No." His hands shook at his sides. He could feel the fiery blood pumping through his poisoned veins. "I'm protecting you all."

"This is what you wanted, Alexander." Magnus pulled a little away from him, staring at him with confused anger. "You asked me to help you and when I offer, you refuse? What do you want from me?"

"I—" He couldn't answer. Truth be told, he had no idea what he wanted. Both arguments presented pro's and con's — how could he decide which con's would be the least damaging? "I don't know."

Magnus sighed. "I know how to handle Camille. Do you trust me?"

"I do, I just—" Alec searched for the right words to explain himself. "I'm trying to work out a way that will protect you all — that won't hurt you."

A soft, affectionate smile tugged at Magnus' lips. "It's not your job to protect me from my past, Alexander. I wouldn't inflict that job on my worst enemy."

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Alec questioned. Subconsciously, he placed his hand on Magnus' knee, looking up into his warlocks twinkling cat eyes.

"I wouldn't ask if I wasn't sure." Magnus leaned closer. Alec could feel his breath on his lips. "And I'd at least require some sort of payment if there was actual danger involved."

"Then…I accept the deal," Alec replied, his voice wavering with hesitancy. Was this the right thing to do? "But only if I stay here until Clary and Simon are back and safe at the institute."

The light in Magnus' eyes dissipated and the previous anger returned. "Are you purposefully trying to be difficult?" He demanded, his glittered lips pressed together.

"No," Alec shook his head, more sure of his answer than he was before. "If I stay in the institute and I…I collapse again, then I could be a danger to you all. Camille could do something. She could—" Alec paused and shivered at the thought, choosing not to continue. "At least if I'm here the Silent Brothers can prevent me from hurting anyone."

Placing a hand on the side of his cheek, Magnus' finger glazed over Alec's cheekbone as he thought for a moment. "I don't want you to suffer anymore," he whispered tenderly. The sudden change in presence caused Magnus to appear as a defenceless kitten. "I've seen what they're doing to you. Nobody deserves to suffer like that — especially not you."

Alec wasn't capable of pulling away from Magnus' gaze. He remained locked in Magnus' presence, unable to see or think of anything else. "I can handle it," Alec breathed, his low whisper matching Magnus'.

Opening his mouth to reply, Magnus leaned forward, but he was interrupted by the clanging of the cell bars.

'Alexander Lightwood is required by the Silent Brothers. We wish to monitor his body's reaction to the most recent trial cure used. It is time for you to leave, Magnus Bane.' Brother Zachariah's voice echoed in his mind, causing Alec to jump. The sudden sound broke him from the hazy wall that had been blocking Magnus and him away from the rest of the world.

Nodding once to the Silent Brother, Magnus turned to face Alec once more, a frown embedded in his angular features. "It seems I have no choice but to accept your new deal."

"I'm sorry…" Alec apologised gently.

"What are you apologising for? You've gotten what you wanted," Magnus pointed out. His tone wasn't accusatory, but instead sceptical — confused to why Alec would apologise for something in his favour.

"But it's not what you wanted," Alec replied.

The corners of Magnus' lips turned up into a slight smile, while his expression softened. He moved forward, bringing his second hand up to Alec's cheek, before placing his lips on Alec's. Closing his eyes, Alec allowed his body to melt into the kiss, basking in the pleasure Magnus provided. For a few single moments the whole world slipped away.

"This is what I want," Magnus breathed as he pulled away, resting his forehead on Alec's. Then he got up from the floor.

While his lips tingled, Alec reached out for Magnus, grasping his hand before the warlock could leave. "I wish you didn't have to go. I missed you — I should have told you everything before I left…"

"I've missed you too, darling." Magnus' face brightened as he smiled once more. Though there was a hidden darkness beneath his expression, one that echoed the danger they both knew was approaching. "But we'll see each other again soon."

"Stay safe," Alec told him. Upon seeing Magnus slipping away from him, he came to realise how much danger the warlock would soon be in. Doubts and questions consumed him — what would he do if Magnus was hurt and it was all his fault?

"You too," Magnus replied, moving towards the open cell door where the cloaked Silent Brother stood. "Goodbye, Alexander."

A painful ache seized his body as Magnus murmured something to the Silent Brother, before heading towards the stairs leading to the daylight Alec craved. He watched Magnus leave, memorising every part of him. His bejewelled outfit, the stark red tips of his waved hair and most of all, his glittering cat eyes. The worry consumed him. He couldn't help it.

After many years of living in a hellish world, Alec couldn't help but presume the worst in fate.

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

A single bulb fell from the roof, creating a small halo of light, while ancient, dust-filled furniture littered the wooden flooring. In the corner a fiery haired female sat tall and defiant against a blood red armchair. Next to her stood a platinum-blonde haired male, glaring down at the girl with his arms crossed over his chest, his muscular stature towering over her.

Camille slithered into the dim room, her lips pursing in distaste.

"All we require is the rune, Clarissa," the man spoke with an angered smirk upon his lips. Though his expression held nothing but irritation, he stood far enough away as not to pose a threat to the young Shadowhunter.

"I'm not telling you anything until I know Simon is okay," she stated obstinately.

Camille laughed. Her voice rang out, reverberating from the walls. All eyes turned to her. Clary appeared confused — unsure of what was happening.

"The little girl is fighting against us. She's almost as defiant as her Daylighter friend—" Camille smirked as the girl's expression fell. "Simon, is it?"

"What have you done to, Simon?" Clary demanded, her eyes lighting with anger as her hands clenched into fists under the chains that held her.

Camille sauntered forward, allowing her heels to click against the floor. "You'll see him soon, along with your other friends. Your boyfriend and his friends are playing our game rather nicely. That is, unless, you wish to draw us the portal rune?"

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

"Tell me again, warlock, why you're suddenly helping us now?"

Magnus rolled his eyes at the question, continuing through the streets towards his destination. Jace and Isabelle were following closely behind, nipping at his heels like newly owned puppies, asking question after question — the main one being where they were actually going. Magnus had already forgotten why he'd agreed to spend any time with these two let alone days!

"And what did you say to Alec?" Izzy questioned.

"Can I suggest we play a game?" Magnus spoke, unable to hide his irritation any longer. "The first person to ask another question loses."

"That's a stupid game," Jace stated.

"You want my help, you play my games."

"We never asked for your help."

"Then I'll happily leave." Magnus paused in the street, turning to grin at Jace.

"No." Isabelle hit Jace on the side of the arm, before turning to Magnus with a small frown, almost as if she disliked having to rely so much on him. "We need your help. Jace is just too proud to admit it. Now where are we actually going?"

"Ah, Isabelle is the first loser. It's between me and you, blondie," Magnus announced, striding down the street ahead of the two Shadowhunters.

"It was a stupid game anyway," Izzy grumbled.

The remainder of the journey fell into silence. Magnus looked upon the magnificent city of New York with a newfound wonder, trying to steal his mind away from Alec. The moment he had left the Silent City his anxiety for his Shadowhunter had expanded beyond his control. It only made him more determined to complete this deal as quickly as possible. Although he had asked Brother Zachariah to stop the experiments on Alec and send Magnus the entirety of the Silent Brother's research, this hadn't dissipated Magnus' worry. Nothing ever could. He'd probably spend a lifetime fretting over the silly Shadowhunter, but Alec was worth it.

"What are we doing here?" Jace's eyes widened in horror as Magnus paused in front of a large, crumbling building in east Harmel.

"I win!" Magnus' exclaimed, his tone mockingly jubilant. He turned to smirk at the Shadowhunters behind him before approaching the front door of the hotel of the dead — The Hotel Dumort.

A hand grabbed Magnus arm, pausing him in his tracks. "Why do we need to be here?"

"If I revealed all my intricately detailed plans to you, Isabelle, I think you would be too dazzled by my magnificence to continue." Magnus smiled at her sweetly. The similarities between Isabelle and Alec were alarming considering their difference in appearance. It was strange for Magnus to witness the same worry in Isabelle's expression that was frequently present in Alec's.

Striding forward, Magnus flicked his wrist and the front door of the hotel flung open. Light flooded the grand corridor, decorated with thick layers of dust and cobwebs — the uncared for appearance was a mask to scare away unwelcome mundanes. The vampires were nowhere to be seen.

"Oh Raphael!" Magnus called, waltzing in through the main door with an air of confidence surrounding him. He knew the vampires were no match for him, therefore he had nothing to fear. Especially as Raphael Santiago owed him.

Pausing in front of the double grand staircase, Magnus looked up and around what was once the main lobby area of an expensively lavish hotel. He could hear whispers echoing around him. Though the vampires remained hidden he could feel their presence. Ensuring that Isabelle and Jace were close behind him, Magnus looked up at the balconies of the higher floors, searching for any sign of his old friend.

"Raphael! Your old friend is here to see you!" Magnus announced.

A whooshing sound glided through the air before a raven haired vampire landed on the wooden floor in front of him. She looked upon him with narrow, sceptical eyes, studying the three of them as if they were dirt on her shoe. It was clear she lacked a trusting nature.

"Ah, Lila. How good to see you," Magnus greeted her with a pleasant smile.

Distaste grew in her expression and her eyes narrowed further. "Lily," she corrected him with a snap. "What are you doing here, Magnus Bane? And why have you brought Shadowhunters to a place that neither of you belong."

"I'm here to see Raphael, if that wasn't already clear enough," Magnus responded, matching her low tone. "Am I not allowed to greet an old friend?"

"Raphael wished me to inform you that he does not want to participate in any of your meddling with the Shadowhunters and if you refuse to leave, he will happily call along Ragnor Fell to disperse you," Lily threatened. Though her tone sounded almost bored, as if she disliked being the messenger.

Magnus couldn't help but smile at this response. He couldn't have predicted Raphael's initial answer any more accurately. "Not even if I offered him the chance, along with his large and powerful clan, to fulfil one of his deepest desires — kill Camille Belcourt."

As soon as the name slipped through Magnus' lips, the whispers grew louder and a familiar figure landed by the side of Lily Chen. Gracefully uncurling from his crouched landing Raphael stood as tall as a 15 year old possibly could, his lips curving into a smirk. "I'm listening."

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

 _Magnus Bane,_

 _I have fulfilled your request and Alexander Lightwood will remain in the dungeon of the Silent City until you return. He will not undergo any experiments unless he is in immediate danger._

 _Enclosed you will find the research of the Silent Brothers. This research contains how Alexander Lightwood acquired the condition, details of who he has harmed and how, his reactions to each of the experiments we have performed and details regarding the current medication he is using. May I suggest that you also contact Tessa Gray, who is currently researching in the Spiral Labyrinth, as she has extensive knowledge of Alexander's condition as well as the powder he uses. Throughout the initial experiments when the boy first arrived here during the Mortal War, she was present and researched Alexander Lightwood. She eventually created the powder he is using today. She may be able to help you further._

 _Although I strongly disagree with what you are doing, I do remember the help you offered to William Herondale during a time he needed you most. I trust that you will do everything possible for the young boy and I wish you the best in your findings. If you require Silent Brother assistance, then do not hesitate to contact me._

 _Brother Zachariah,  
_ _Of the Silent Brothers_

Magnus read the letter twice through while a sense of relief washed over him. After a long day of planning and arguing with Raphael, Jace, and Isabelle, it was a great consolation for him to receive this message. He'd first found the letter on his desk, as well as a large stack of files, which — according to Jem's message — contained every single detail of Alec's past regarding his condition. The file's were meticulously ordered and from scanning through the first page, he knew they held even the tiniest details.

Somehow the files felt wrong — a door into Alec's past he hadn't been granted access to. Magnus knew that if anyone had intricate files filled with his past, he would not want Alec — or anyone, for that matter — to read it. Despite requiring the knowledge and his increasing curiosity, Magnus knew that he couldn't read through it. Especially not now, when Alec didn't even know Magnus had access to it.

Storing the files away in a locked drawer beneath his desk Magnus retreated to his bedroom. He laid on his bed, face up staring at the ceiling above. Like so many times before his mind filled with thoughts of Alec — memories of the times they'd spent together. He found himself questioning how things had become so complicated so quickly and how he'd become so entwined in Alexander's life. Was it possible he was falling in love so soon?

Magnus knew he was being reckless and incredibly foolish. He knew he was wearing his heart on his sleeve like a lovesick fool. But after planning Camille's likely demise, he'd somehow come to realise that Alec was different from his past. Alec wouldn't break his heart like she and so many others had. The only way the boy could possibly break his heart was through his condition, which Alec had no choice in. But Magnus did. He could help Alec — they could live a long and happy life together.

Magnus hoped that fate would prove to be kind for once in his lifetime.

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

Alec sat alone in his cell with a book in his hands, reading the same page over and over. He'd somehow managed to finish half of the book, despite not being fully immersed in it. Usually it wasn't difficult for him to read. As a young boy he'd enjoyed hiding away in the library, consuming book after book like a drug addict. When Brother Zachariah had handed him the book, he'd been happy to do something other than stare at the walls. Yet he couldn't seem to pull his mind away from the great Magnus Bane. His warlock. It seemed it was all he ever did nowadays.

Suddenly an explosion of noise alarmed him. Alec looked up, his eyes narrowing as his gaze trailed over the darkness ahead, attempting to make out the source. Here miles below the earth noise wasn't common — especially since the Silent Brothers communicated by mind. Only the whispers of the dead and screams of the imprisoned consumed the City. But this noise was different.

 _Scream._

Alec saw the dagger as it sliced through the air, hurtling towards him through the darkness. His Shadowhunter instincts kicked in, but he was too weak and it was too late. The blade cut through his shoulder, burying itself within his arteries and tissues, causing blood to cascade from the wound and stain the grey stone floor. He clamped his jaw shut, holding back another cry. Getting up off the floor, he winced at the movements but took a defensive position.

He could feel someone close in the blackness of the room but he couldn't make out anything. The cell bars clinked as someone ran a sword across them, then a maniacal laugh rang through the air.

"I'd expected more of a fight," a male voice spoke in a low hiss. Alec could hear the malicious grin no doubt on his face. With his teeth clamped shut, Alec ripped the sword from his wound. Pain ruptured through him, but he somehow managed to hold back his cries — he'd endured worst.

"Who are you?" Alec demanded. His body felt tense and he was still incredibly weak but he didn't allow the fear to overtake him. Shadowhunters fought until their final breath and that's exactly what he was going to do. "What do you want?"

Silence followed, before the man laughed again, his voice echoing around the cell. Alec was unsure where the man stood. The small dagger he held was his only hope.

A metallic sound clanged through the air and suddenly the door to his cell fell open. Alec moved his feet apart, squaring himself and crouching defensively, as a slim figure stepped forward. With each step, the figure became clearer.

"Allow me to introduce myself," the voice spoke. Alec could just make out the gleaming seraph blade in the male's hand. He was a Shadowhunter. "My name is Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern."

Panic thundered through him. "Valentine's son…" The whisper fell through Alec's lips. "Clary's brother."

"You know who I am. Excellent," Jonathan smiled, his lips curving into a vindictive smirk. He seemed to be enjoying Alec's reactions.

Holding himself taller and ignoring the pain in his shoulder, Alec tightened his grip on the dagger. "You're supposed to be dead… You were killed in the Mortal War." Everybody had heard the story of Jonathan Morgenstern. Everyone knew Valentine had tortured his own son with demon blood and turned him into a malevolent monster. Alec felt a sudden jolt as he realised what they had in common.

"I thought you'd be happy to see me. After all we are the only two Shadowhunters alike in our world — we're the sons of demons." Jonathan continued to move forward, his sword remaining by his side — he made no move to attack. His platinum-blonde hair and angular features were a stark reminder of Jace, but the demonic blackness to his eyes revealed who he truly was.

"We aren't the same," Alec retorted in a hard tone. Before Jonathan could reply, Alec raised his uninjured arm and threw the dagger. It spun through the air, sailing towards Jonathan's heart. But the other Shadowhunter was quick and the dagger skimmed his right arm.

"I'm impressed," Jonathan said, nodding in approval. "I will admit, I didn't see that coming."

Launching forward, Alec threw himself into the attack, knocking the seraph blade from Jonathan's hand and tackling him to the ground. Alec threw the first punch with his injured arm, followed by a harder punch from his other arm. Blood spurted from Jonathan's nose, but he only laughed. Just as Alec moved to grab the seraph blade, Jonathan's hand ploughed forward, his fingers pushing hard into Alec's wound.

A scream ripped through Alec's throat as a searing pain plagued his shoulder. Alec fell forwards and Jonathan rolled them over, slamming Alec towards the ground. Jonathan climbed to his feet. Somehow mustering strength, Alec threw his body to the right and reached his hand out for the seraph blade again. But Jonathan's foot shot downwards crunching Alec's fingers against the floor. He cried out again as the bones snapped.

"Your attempts to escape are futile, Alexander," Jonathan told him, cackling at Alec's pain. "There's nothing you can do to escape. And no Silent Brother will hear your call."

"What — have you done?" Alec asked through gritted teeth, wincing as he tried and failed to pull his hand from beneath Jonathan's foot.

"They were rather easy to kill. Although a few have likely escaped, so we best hurry." Jonathan went to grab his seraph blade.

"I'm not going anywhere with you." Alec threw his body in the opposite direction, ripping his hand free. Without a backwards glance Alec sprinted towards the cell door, hearing the angered grunt of Jonathan behind him. He clutched his shoulder wound as an endless amount of blood poured down his shirt. All the while his hand throbbed in agony. Just as he reached the stairs a new sharp, torturous pain buried itself within his ankle. Alec collapsed to the floor. The familiar fire erupted in his blackened veins. It was starting — he could feel the demon blood battling through his wrists.

"And that is the difference between you and I, Alexander." Jonathan approached him, kicking his side so that he rolled over onto his back. Those black eyes stared down at him ruthlessly. Alec realised with a sudden twinge that this is what Izzy had seen when he'd hurt her. "You are weak and I am not."

"What do you want?" Those final words left Alec's lips as he forced the air from his lungs, not allowing himself to cry out. Fire singed in his veins, journeying through his body and plaguing his blood.

"Leverage," Jonathan announced. "You are the perfect leverage for that lovesick warlock of yours and your foolish Shadowhunter siblings, who are about to carry out a reckless plan. Camille will be very happy to see you."

* * *

 **Dun Dun Dun... Bit of a cliffhanger for you there since I know you all love them ;) Can you believe guys that Part 1 of this story has only around 3 chapters left? I don't even think I've told you all yet that this story will have 2 parts. So far I'm suspecting this story will reach 40-50 chapters and they will be split into 2 parts.  
Let me know what you thought about this chapter! Did Alec and Magnus make the right decision? Are they both falling in love? Why are Camille and Jonathan trying to get Clary to show them the portal rune? How are Magnus, Jace, Isabelle and the vampires going to work together? And most importantly, why did Jonathan take Alec? **

**Next chapter will probably be the biggest action filled chapter I have ever written. Yes, that means it will be the major plan Magnus has put into action!  
**

 **Sorry about the little delay for this chapter. As the chapters are becoming more important they're becoming increasingly difficult to write as they need to be well planned out. I think I've completely disregarded the Wednesday updates now. You should expect a new chapter available at some point next week and I will never leave it longer than 2 weeks to update.**

 **Thank you for all the continued support and make sure to leave a review (because I love reading them)!  
DareToDream**


	21. Monster

**Chapter 20: Monster**

The dark room consumed him — a monster devouring it's prey. Alec could make out the outlines of shapes around him, but nothing was clear. While his eyes adjusted to the lack of light, his mind spun with dizziness and confusion. He had no idea where he was. Ropes tied his hands and torso to a chair fixed to the floor, not allowing him to move. He struggled against them.

Time passed by but he wasn't quite sure how much. It could have been minutes, hours or days. But Alec was use to this. He'd grown accustomed to not knowing the time that had passed within the Silent City. This experience allowed him to remain calm. It wasn't the first time he'd been locked in a dark room, unable to escape.

A bulb flickered above. Light flooded the room momentarily before darkness fell again. Alec had just enough time to study his surroundings. Panic erupted in his mind and he struggled against the rope. A wooden desk sat in the centre, surrounded by emptied metal draws. The room appeared to somewhat resemble an old office. Except it had one stark difference; massacred bodies littered the ground around him, each of them swamped in a pool of their own blood. Their expressions all echoed fear and their eyes remained open, staring ahead into the abyss. Each of the bodies were covered in slashes and cuts and Alec realised with a jolt that they were seraph blade wounds.

The lights flickered again. Alec looked down at himself, only to see his hands and clothes covered in dried blood and a fallen seraph blade in front of him. His panic grew, engulfing him. Had he done this? Had he maliciously slaughtered so many innocent people and left them to die in a pool of their own blood? He shivered at the thought, suddenly feeling very sick.

Hazy memories passed through his mind and he realised with a frown, that his hand had completely healed. He looked upon his shoulder, but saw no sign of a dagger wound.

"Alexander Lightwood."

Alec's head snapped upwards. The bulb flickered on once again, illuminating the room and a slim figure appeared at the doorway, her head tilted to the side as she studied him with piercing green eyes.

"I've been wanting to meet you for a long time — ever since I first heard that Magnus was dating the monster Shadowhunter." Alec flinched at the name. "And now here you are."

"You're Camille," Alec concluded, his voice breaking through his heavy breaths. Her golden hair flowed in layers of curls around her shoulders and her green eyes dazzled, highlighting her sharp, accentuated features. In a way, her beauty reminded him of Jace. She held herself with the same confidence. She knew her self worth and flaunted it. Alec wasn't surprised Magnus had fallen for her.

"I see Magnus has told you about me. All awful things, I presume? He was always one for the theatrics," Camille said with a smile, as her eyes pierced Alec harder.

He didn't like the way she talked about Magnus — as if he was some toy she'd played with until she'd grown bored and thrown him away. It ignited his anger. "He told me everything."

Camille's eyebrows rose while she took a few steps closer, her heels clicking against the metal floor. Her eyes brightened. "So he told you of the time we spent in Paris? Venice? Prague?" She asked. "All very beautiful cities, but we barely left the bedroom. We planned to spend eternity together."

"And then you betrayed him," Alec stated, the anger erupting in his voice. Jealousy prickled under his skin but he forced it back, as he knew that Camille was playing with him. She knew exactly how to taunt him.

"Is that what he told you?" Camille chuckled. "Magnus was having as much fun as I during our time apart in the 18th century. With a boy very similar to you, actually." Her eyes trailed him up and down as she began to circle around his chair. "Black hair. Blue eyes. A Shadowhunter. I believe Magnus has a type."

Her words hit him like needles repeatedly stabbing at his skin. He could feel the unwelcome emotions brewing in the pit of his stomach. Remaining quiet, he pressed his lips together in an effort to stay calm.

"Although you are rather different. I mean, look at what you've done to all these innocent people," Camille provoked, her hand sliding along the back of his chair and skimming his shoulders. He flinched at her touch, his lips pressing harder against each other. "They were all my human subjugates tending to you and you murdered them."

Alec's eyes fell on one body lying near him. The woman laid with her blood stained hair tangled around her. He flinched again and averted his eyes, but his gaze continued to land on body after body. Men and women. Even a young teenager. They each seemed to look upon him as if he was hell on was his fault. They were dead because of him.

 _Monster._

"Even Jonathan was impressed when your demon side was unleashed. It took us a long time to restrain you," Camille told him, her eyes watching his every reaction. "You two have a lot in common."

He couldn't speak. The guilt overpowered him, twisting and turning around him, dragging him towards hell. Even when he closed his eyes he saw the bodies of those he had killed. He couldn't escape.

Camille's grin widened, flaunting her sharp teeth. "It shouldn't be long before everyone arrives. Don't worry, my darling, you'll see Magnus soon, along with your little Shadowhunter siblings."

"If you hurt them—" Alec began, a sudden burst of anger breaking free. Every emotion he'd been holding back exploded inside him. The word darling struck something within and the thought of Camille anywhere near Magnus, Jace or Isabelle ignited a raging fire in his body.

Camille laughed, her expression almost jubilant at Alec's reaction. This is what she'd been aiming for and Alec had given her exactly what she wanted. "That's precious. You sound a lot like Clarissa."

"Where are Clary and Simon?" Alec demanded. He didn't care about holding back emotions anymore. He didn't care about playing her games. All he wanted was to keep his loved ones safe from Camille — the snake who Magnus had warned him about.

"You can see them if you'd like?" Camille offered, her eyes gleaming with mischief. "Though it would probably be rather dangerous. After all, you have a track record of hurting those you love. Don't you, Alexander?"

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

"Is this really going to work?" Jace questioned, a frown upon his face as he watched Magnus with sceptical eyes.

Rolling his eyes in irritation, Magnus studied the fake Book of the White, scanning for any aspect that could be improved. "If I presented you with this would you believe it was the Book of the White?" Magnus asked, leaving Jace no time to reply. "Yes. Because you have never seen the Book of the White before. Neither has Camille. Does that answer your question?"

That was a lie. Magnus was not foolish enough to truly believe Camille would fall for this plan. His only hope was that she'd be deceived by the other tricks up his sleeve. But Jace didn't need to know this.

"But what—"

"If I hear anymore questions from either of you then I'll magic your lips shut," Magnus threatened, his annoyance unleashed. Wasn't it enough for these Shadowhunters that he was helping them? Did they really have to question his every action too? Magnus shuddered as he remembered all the questions he'd been asked after he'd recruited Raphael and the vampires to help them.

Magnus jumped as he felt something hot in his fingertips and dropped the book to the floor. A piece of paper appeared in his hands, the tips of it singed black. The note was small but elegantly written in old calligraphy — stating an address followed by Camille's name. Magnus frowned upon realising she'd somehow sent a fire message, despite being unable to draw runes. But he answered himself. this was the proof they needed that Camille had Clary.

"What is that?" Isabelle asked.

Magnus disregarded his previous threat. "An address," he replied, his tone quieter than before. The moment he'd been dreading had arrived. It was time for him to face Camille once more. "It's time to leave. I presume you're both ready?"

Jace and Isabelle nodded in unison and turned to face each other, a silent conversation passing between them.

"Splendid," Magnus replied, his voice more sarcastic than he'd expected. Feeling his heart pound against his chest as if attempting to break free, Magnus tried to calm himself but his mind screamed again and again. He didn't want to go ahead with it. He didn't want to face Camille. But he'd do it for Alec — he had to.

Jace and Isabelle rushed out of the door, their patience dissipating. It was only now Magnus acknowledged how hard it must have been for them to wait and plan an attack. If Alec was the one being held by Camille, Magnus knew he'd do everything in his power to get Alec back. He wouldn't plan or wait; he'd attack with everything he had, uncaring to whether his plan was smart or foolish. He'd lose all sense of judgement. A shiver ran through him at the thought. For the first time, he rejoiced at the fact that Alec was locked within the Silent City out of harm's way.

Just as Magnus reached his door, he winced as a flame warmed his fingers once again. He looked down at the note, frowning at the illegible writing and scrappiness of the paper. Not wanting to waste time attempting to read it, Magnus' eyes trailed to the bottom of the note to see Brother Zachariah's signature. He placed the note on his ottoman to read later, as anything regarding Alec's condition could wait until he returned home. Alec couldn't be his priority right now.

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

They took a portal to the abandoned warehouse, with the vampire clan following through behind them. It didn't surprise Magnus that Camille had chosen the same location as before. She loved playing manipulative games and this was the perfect place to do that; it was a building already haunted with past memories.

"You think that is enough to fool Camille?" Raphael asked with raised brows. Though he didn't appear as if he regretted his decision. In fact he almost seemed to find this funny. His confidence was astounding sometimes.

"You doubt me?" Magnus asked.

"No," Raphael replied quickly. "I know you better than you may think, Bane. You'll achieve your goal. But I also know Camille and she will not let you achieve your goal in the way you want. The more you try to deceive her, the more cunning she becomes."

"And why didn't you express this opinion before we all arrived with a plan?" Magnus inquired. He knew that Raphael was right, but he could only hope that his plan would fall into place perfectly. However, the words were an abrupt reminder that everything he'd planned could go wrong very easily.

"My only target is Camille and the enemies that stand between us. The lives of the Shadowhunter and Daylighter don't matter to me. I don't need a plan, I just need you to lead me to Camille," Raphael replied with an impassive shrug.

Magnus predicted the anger before he saw it burst from Jace. Throwing a spell forwards, he stopped Jace from advancing further on Raphael and stood in between them. "Let's focus our negative energy on our common enemy?" Magnus suggested, his tone harder than before. He wouldn't allow a rampant Shadowhunter and an arrogant vampire foil his brilliant plans.

Turning sharply away from the confrontation, Jace's hands clenched into fists as Isabelle murmured something to him. Magnus breathed a sigh of relief. They had to act soon, otherwise he feared the vampires and Shadowhunters would take their loathing out on one another.

"Camille is not expecting me to arrive with a clan of vampires ready to kill her," Magnus explained, his tone taking an authoritative turn. It was time for him to focus. He need to set his mind on one task — he couldn't allow Camille to affect him. "So don't attack until Clary and the Daylighter are safely with the Shadowhunters or unless everything goes drastically wrong. Do you understand?"

Raphael nodded, a hint of a smirk lingering on his lips.

"Hide and don't be seen," Magnus ordered. "And we only capture Camille. Not kill her. You'll have that chance later."

"Can we just get on with it?" Jace demanded, rolling his eyes with impatience. "We know the plan."

Distancing himself from his thoughts, Magnus didn't reply to Jace and lead the way to the entrance. The vampires disappeared in a flash, leaving no trace of their presence. Magnus shut himself down. He only had one task that he needed to complete. Nothing Camille said would affect him. At least that's what he was telling himself.

The journey into the abandoned warehouse felt familiar, but Magnus refused to allow past memories to resurface. He studied the darkened hallway, observing its run down appearance and careless decoration, with one hand held up in defence. Magic prickled at his fingertips, while he grasped the book in his other arm.

Jace and Isabelle followed closely behind Magnus and he could feel their tense presence. Their emotions radiated from them as if they were some sort of radioactive material. It was foolish of them to wear their emotions on their sleeves, especially when Camille was involved, but Magnus had no time to warn them. Their breaths echoed together with the high ceilings and moulding with the sound of their shoes against the floor.

Every sound and movement set Magnus on edge.

They soon reached the same room as before, where they'd been attacked by Eidolon demons. The roof towered over them in a triangular shape, giving the room an unprotected feel. Litter decorated the ground at their feet. In the centre two chairs stood back-to-back, holding down a man and woman. It didn't take long for Magnus to realise that the fiery haired female and the dark haired male were exactly who'd he'd been attempting to track down for months.

Magnus blocked Jace and Isabelle from moving forwards, keeping them a safe distance away. They had to stick to the plan. Camille was cunning; she always loved to play tricks. Leaving Clary and Simon unguarded was in no way an accident.

Her laugh bounced from one wall to the other, moving through the room like a tidal wave destroying an innocent city. It shuddered through Magnus, chilling him to his core. He hadn't heard that laugh in so long. He had hoped he'd never have to hear it again.

"It's so lovely to see you all," Camille greeted them brightly, a crisp smile growing on her lips. She sauntered into the room, her head held high and her posture taut. Magnus' body tensed and a forgotten fire erupted within him, reminding him of everything he'd hoped to forget. Her mere presence was enough to dissuade Magnus from his goal. "I've been expecting you."

"Let them go now or so help me—" Jace thundered in fury.

Magnus could feel the anger seeping from Jace. He held a hand up, stopping Jace's threat, before shaking his head, scolding him.

Camille laughed again, her eyes filled with amusement. "Such empty threats. I've found they're common amongst Shadowhunters." She took a few steps closer towards Clary and Simon, knowing exactly how to taunt Jace and Isabelle.

"Enough with the games, Camille," Magnus said before the Shadowhunters could reply, his voice colder than he'd expected. "I have what you want and I'm willing to hand it over in exchange for your prisoners."

"Not even a greeting for your past lover, my dear Magnus?" She asked, her head tilting to the side as her green eyes pierced him.

Magnus stood taller, widening his stance in defence. "This is the deal you wanted. That is all I am here for."

"Is that so?" her eyes narrowed, her lips pursing. Magnus could see the thoughts swirling in her mind, calculating and scheming. "Very well. A deal is a deal. The Book of the White, please?"

With a deep breath, Magnus walked forward, forcing one foot in front of the other. His mind screamed at him to run the other way, to flee before Camille could intertwine him in another one of her games. She smiled as he approached and Magnus quickly avoided her eyes, staring at the wall behind her. When he finally reach her, he held the book forwards, forcing himself to look at her. Her eyes resembled the deep sea; they were filled with mystery and hidden secrets. Those who were brave enough sought the answers to her enigmas, only to find themselves attacked or lost in a place they couldn't escape. Magnus remembered a time when he'd foolishly plunged into discovering her, trapping himself within Camille's bounds.

She'd drowned him without a second thought.

He flinched as her cool fingertips skimmed his, pulling his hand away.

"It's so lovely to see you again, my darling," Camille commented, her voice a sultry whisper as she inched herself ever so slightly closer to Magnus.

Magnus's hands clenched into fists by his side. If anyone was going to call him 'darling', it would be Alexander and only Alexander. Camille had no right to refer to him like that anymore. However, he held back his frustration, keeping a calm facade. "I promise you, it will be the last time."

Camille chuckled. "We'll never be done with each other."

The words sunk into Magnus as if he was a sponge absorbing water. Except they stung him, echoing in his mind. Magnus forced a small, impassive smile onto his lips. "You'd love that to be true, wouldn't you?"

Eyes twinkling in response, Camille lifted her hand to touch him, but he slid out of her reach, a warning frown growing on his face. "Do you really believe I'd be so foolish, Magnus?" Her eyes wandered over him, observing him as if searching for some sort of answer. "Did you really think I'd fall for your mindless tricks?"

Magnus froze. He'd known this part of the plan wouldn't work, but he'd had a small hope in the back of his mind. Hoping that the vampires were somewhere close by, he narrowed his eyes at Camille, faking confusion. "Tricks?"

"You can't fool me, Magnus," she stated. She didn't appear angered or annoyed, but instead gleeful. As if he'd fallen directly into her trap. Panic inched it's way forwards in Magnus' mind. "Bring him out."

Magnus froze. Every inch of him stilled, as if time had ended. Her words filled his ears, swirling through his mind, a tornado destroying everything in its path, as he forced his eyes to follow hers. Even the air around him tensed.

"Alexander." The name slipped from his lips; a fallen murmur plummeting towards hell. A cold dread swept through him, numbing his body until he could no longer feel as his raven haired, blue eyed Shadowhunter moved forward, a knife pinned to his neck.

Eyes locked on the scene in front of him, Magnus felt his hands lift, the icy magic prickling at his fingertips. His eyes moved from his Alexander to the man who held him; a platinum-blonde haired male that Magnus somehow recognised.

Camille's laugh sliced through the air, cutting into Magnus. "Were you not expecting to see him? Did you really believe I'd allow him to hide away in the Silent City?"

"Let him go!" A fiery voice erupted behind him. Magnus could feel the rage burning from Isabelle and Jace. He heard the whispers of angels names and the soft glow of seraph blades, as the shadowhunters readied themselves for a fight.

"Let him go?" Camille said, a smile slithering over her lips. "You don't want me to do that."

His heart pounding against his ribcage, Magnus' gaze moved from Camille to Alec. He couldn't breathe. In that moment he noticed the devilish blackness of Alec's eyes. His worst nightmare was being unveiled before him.

Camille continued. "He's already slaughtered a number of my human subjugates. I'm sure he will easily kill the three of you for me. That is, unless, you wish to take me to the location of the real Book of the White, Magnus?"

All eyes turned to him. He could feel Isabelle and Jace's gaze drilling holes into his back. He could see Camille's twinkling eyes watching him in amusement. Magnus' heart constricted. While his eyes slipped over to Alexander once more, his body iced over into glacier — numbed to the pain threatening to cripple him.

Silence echoed.

"I don't quite understand what you see in that Shadowhunter boy, Magnus." Camille's voice broke through the still air. "You named me a monster, yet you're falling for one yourself."

"He's not a monster," Magnus stated. His low, threatening voice just audible through his clamped jaw in a low.. Magic sizzled within him.

"Really?" Camille chuckled. "He's slaughtered innocent humans, vampires… He hurt his own sister. And yet that is not the worst of his many murders."

A frown pulled at Magnus' expression. He could feel the anger brewing within him. Camille had no right to Alexander's past; she had no right to share it. He didn't want to hear anymore.

"Tell me, Magnus, how you can fall in love with a boy who murdered his own mother?"

 **~ Lost Hope ~**

 **December 2nd 2002**

 _'There is nothing more I can do to help your son, Maryse Lightwood. Even the power of the Silent Brothers is not enough to reverse this. But, Alexander will live.' Maryse Lightwood heard Brother Enoch speak these words in her mind, yet she couldn't quite comprehend them. These past few days had been a whirlwind of fear, doubt and helplessness. All she had dreamt of was that her eldest son would be alive, brave and as strong as he always had been. But she had not wanted this... She could have never even imagined this._

 _"There must be something you can do!" Maryse exclaimed in a slightly strangled voice, her usually calm and stoic composure dissipated at the thought of Alexander, her Alexander, being forced to live in that way. This couldn't be happening. Not to her son. "He can't live like this!"_

 _Brother Enoch appeared to be somewhat unmoved. 'I have told you and I will tell you again, I cannot help him anymore. I can only heal so much. Alexander must live like this if he so wishes to live at all. It is a decision that only he must make. Now I must go, Maryse Lightwood. I apologise for what has happened to your son.'_

 _As Brother Enoch glided swiftly out of the room, with his head hung towards the floor, Maryse felt the familiar dampness of a first tear slip down her cheek. She rarely ever cried, only when a painful occasion called for it. This situation itself called for much more than tears - it sought for the tight constriction of her already stone-cold heart. Nothing had ever felt so excruciating. She could only let the helplessness and the fears consume her, let them burn her until they finally died away._

 _"I'm so sorry, Alexander..." Maryse whispered, hovering over him, her shoulders trembling. "So, so sorry..."_

 _Maryse sat by his side for endless hours. Her eyes stung with tears, but she refused to let go of his hand or leave him alone. The last time she'd allowed him out of her sight, he'd disappeared without a single trace, stolen by the callous demon Abbadon. She couldn't bare to think of the torture he'd endured. And all because of her link to Valentine._

 _Her head sunk into her hands, as an icy, guilt-filled wave rushed over her, drowning her in a numbed pain. The blackness behind her eyelids was welcomed. For a brief moment the whole world closed and she escaped the terrorising guilt._

 _Something twitched, knocking her arm. She jumped. Her eyes plunged back into daylight, only to see Alec's body jerking on the bed. She climbed to her feet in a panic._

 _"Robert!" she shouted, needing help. Pulling the bed sheet from him, unveiling his arms, Maryse's eyes widened as she saw the pulsing, blackened veins beneath his skin. This wasn't supposed to be happening. The Silent Brother had assured her that the demon blood residing in his veins wouldn't harm him anymore._

 _Alec's eyes flew open. For a brief moment, a wave of relief washed over her. That was until his body flew through the air, launching towards her with arms outstretched. Alec's fingers grasped her throat, pressing hard against her airways as he tackled her to the ground, pinning her down. Panic seized her. Her eyes looked up into the blackened depths of Alexander's eyes; a startled cry of horror ripped through her._

 _She froze for a moment, unable to will herself to attack. "Alexander…" she forced his name through her lips, taking a sharp breath, as Alec squeezed the air from her throat._

 _Then a strange sort of will swept over her mind; her Shadowhunter instincts kicked in. Her muscles strained as she rolled herself, using her body to push her son to the ground as she attempted to dislodge his hands from her throat. Alec's face tightened, a snarl tearing through his lips. She launched herself to her feet, taking in deep breaths. Her hand flew to her seraph blade._

 _"Robert!" she called for her husband again, backing away from her son and brandishing her seraph blade in front of her as a warning._

 _Alexander climbed to his feet, a feral snarl erupting from him once again. He crouched on the balls of his feet, his hands held out like claws as her blood trickled from his fingertips. Terror pierced through her when she looked upon her demonic son, who was threatening to kill her._

 _Suddenly he whipped to the side, moving towards her and then backing away. Her eyes zigzagged as they followed his every movement, her seraph blade held protectively in front of her. She had no desire to use it against him; she didn't wish to hurt her first born child, no matter his state._

 _He attacked from the side in her brief moment of hesitancy, managing to tackle her to the floor once again. His nails dug into her arm and she avoided using the seraph blade, scared to cut him too deeply. He was on top of her, his black eyes lit with a malicious glee, while his hands clamped around the blade, pushing it away from him. Maryse feared his profound strength and almost cried out again as blood trickled from wounds the blade inflicted on his palms._

 _He continued to push and she feared pushing back. If she plunged the blade forward, she knew it'd slice through his hands and cut into his neck, silencing the monster forever. But she couldn't do it. She couldn't kill her own son._

 _Kicking her legs, she flipped them both once more and they rolled together on the floor, the seraph blade held between them. As her head smacked against the ground, Alec unclenched his hands and knocked both of her arms back, causing the seraph blade to slip through her fingertips. A cold dread swept through her as her eyes hazed, blurring her vision for a moment._

 _His knee collided with her stomach and she was winded, gasping while he scrambled for the fallen sword. Within seconds, she could feel the cold metal against her neck and she couldn't will herself to fight back any longer. Not if it meant killing her son._

 _Time slowed. Her heart thudded once more against her chest as she looked into Alec's eyes, searching for the son she'd lost. She heard his first infant's cry, his first word, his first laugh. She could picture his first smile. Her son had been warm and filled with innocent joy._

 _She loved him with every ounce of her being. She loathed the demon who'd ruined him. And she hated herself for everything she hadn't done — for every way she'd failed him._

 _The sword plunged through her neck and all was darkness._

* * *

 **So there it is... The major secret of Alec's past has been revealed. Did you like it? Well that's probably a stupid question because I didn't like Alec killing Maryse since it's horrible, but did I at least shock you? Or had you already caught on and realised before the reveal? Let me know!**

 **I know I said this next chapter would be full of action, but if I included the whole showdown with Camille this chapter would have been way too long and I like to stick to a 4000-5500 word count. Part 2 of the showdown will be next and I promise that will be all action :D**

 **3 more chapters to go until the end of part 1! Please let me know what you think by reviewing and thank you for all the lovely reviews/follows/favourites so far. I still can't believe I'm almost at 100 reviews, 200 follows and 100000 words! It's crazy!**

 **Thanks for all the continued support and more chapters next week :D  
-DareToDream**


	22. The Shadow

**Chapter 21: The Shadow**

Magnus swirled; his mind and body spun, weaving him into a web. He lost focus. Anger bubbled in the pit of his stomach, threatening to overcome him, while his mind processed the new information, whirling it round and round in his mind. The monster who killed his own mother. That didn't sound like his Alexander. It didn't sound like the boy he'd grown to care for. But Magnus knew that Alec had no control over who he damaged in his demon state. He knew it couldn't have been Alec's fault; the death of his mother would have crippled the Alec he knew.

Moving his head to meet Alec's gaze, Magnus searched Alec's demon eyes. Nothing. No remorse. No grief. Not even a flinch. Alec's expression remained stoic; his dark eyes illuminated the malice within.

Magnus felt sick for the first time in centuries. The mere thought of Alec suffering through the same grief he'd suffered through pained him. Magnus had been responsible for his mother's death and it had almost killed him. Though Alec didn't deserve to suffer like, he had suffered all the same. And like the strong warrior he was, he'd powered through and continued on. Magnus was suddenly envious of the boy's strength.

Magnus gulped back every emotion and turned back to see Jace and Isabelle. Their expressions confirmed Camille's story and it only sickened Magnus further. His hatred rose, gaining speed as it lifted through his body, consuming every ounce of him. He wanted to kill Camille: for everything she'd done to Alec and for everything she was yet to do. While his body grew rigid with repressed fury, Magnus moved his gaze back to Camille, meeting her amused green eyes.

"Alexander is not a monster and he never will be," Magnus spoke in a low, defensive tone. He wouldn't allow her to torture Alec anymore; he couldn't let Alec suffer through the wrath of Camille. Only he knew the pain she caused.

Camille laughed and the strange, platinum-blonde haired male smirked, his expression radiating his amusement. "So foolish of you to believe, my dear," she said, her lips pulling into a sharp smile. "But you'll soon see how much of a monster he is when I allow him to kill you all. That's unless you take me to the location of the Book of the White."

He weighed the risks in his mind. Handing over the real book would unleash an unstoppable hell and not doing so could result in unnecessary death, including the death he feared most. It was an impossible decision. Were four lives worth the hundreds Camille could take with the Book of the White? There were also the vampires to take into account… Magnus was unsure whether they could win the fight, especially with Alec involved.

"I'll take you to the location," Magnus said, ensuring his voice was level. He studied Camille carefully, awaiting her reactions. She seemed bemused by his response, as if this hadn't been the answer she was expecting. "Once you release Clarissa and Simon."

"You're in no position to be making demands, Magnus." Camille nodded her head once towards Alec, her eyes piercing Magnus.

His gaze quickly turning, Magnus' fists clenched at his sides as the captor pressed the knife into Alec's neck, drawing blood. Alec didn't flinch. His darkened eyes stared ahead, almost unaware of the blood trickling down his porcelain skin.

As he looked back at Camille, Magnus flexed his fingers, feeling the magic prickle at his fingertips. He wanted nothing more than to unleash his wrath, but that would be foolish. Remaining calm was key. "And yet I feel my proposal is a fair exchange. I take you to the location of the item you want and you hand over the people I'm here to release. Was that not your aim all along? Or were you never going to release them even if I did hand the real book over?"

"You know I always keep my end of the deal," Camille answered. "But you've failed to provide me with what I want. So why should I hand them over for you to then take me to a wrong location?"

"Do you not trust me, after all these years? When have I ever given you a reason to doubt me?" Magnus asked, hoping for her to concede. He'd never been the deceiving type, but he knew Camille well enough to twist his words into exactly what she needed to hear. "You know that I'd do whatever it takes to protect those I care for," he added in a whisper, allowing only her to hear. "I'd have done the same for you."

Camille's eyes locked with his and for a single moment Magnus thought he'd been transported back in time, to when they were together.

"I retrieved the book for you once out of love and I'll do it again."

The sudden softness in her eyes reminded him of a time Magnus had tried so hard to forget. It triggered the memories of a side of her that he'd loved; the side of her he didn't wish to kill. Though his ambiguous words hadn't been meant in the way she seemed to have taken them, his heart gave the slightest twinge. It was a reminder of the love he'd lost — the omnipotent feeling he was yet to find again.

She clicked her fingers once, never breaking her gaze away from him. Magnus heard a door open and listened as the footsteps approached Clarissa and Simon behind him. It worked. As he listened to them being released, Magnus glanced over at Alexander and was reminded of the feelings the Shadowhunter sparked within him. He thought of their memories together. There weren't as many of Alec compared to Camille, but they were more powerful — consuming enough to convince Magnus that he was falling in love again.

Camille was his past. Alec was his future.

And his past could only give him everything he'd experienced before: pain, heartbreak, a love that had torn him apart.

The moment ended. All thoughts of the Camille he'd once known disappeared as soon as he broke away from her compelling green eyes — they had a certain power over him that he'd forgotten. He turned back to see Clary with Jace and Simon with Isabelle. For the first time he witnessed happiness emanate from within Jace and Isabelle.

Everything paused. It was as if the fate of the world had fallen on Magnus' shoulders. Everyone was waiting for him to do something. His eyes flickered to Alec once more with a single goal set in mind.

"For once I have fooled you, Camille." He couldn't help the smirk that crawled onto his lips. A victorious elation rose within him, but the battle was far from finished. "I refuse to be apart of your games any longer."

Everything triggered as if a fallen grenade exploded; the battle begun.

As a sea of vampires sprang from the rooftop, Magnus launched a spell at Camille, throwing his arm forward and unleashing the magic from his fingertips. For a brief moment, Camille's expression echoed her shock at the sudden turn, but it soon twisted into one of malice as she avoided the spell. A laugh rang out through her lips. Her eyes narrowed as she flaunted her sharpened teeth. As her gaze turned to Raphael, she clicked her fingers twice, before crouching defensively, unleashing a feral hiss from her throat. Her fingers signalled an eruption of noise. Demon screeches filled the room as they appeared out of thin air, their black, animalistic bodies twisting and turning.

Magnus moved towards Alec, his only intent to protect him as he threw a spell at the blonde captor. Around him the demons screeched once more, before morphing into humans. Magnus repelled a shudder when he saw who they'd taken the body of. The eidolon demons had turned into others in the room; Magnus looked upon the false faces of Clary, Simon, Jace, Isabelle, Alec, himself and numerous other vampires.

In his brief moment of distraction, Alec's captor had avoided Magnus' spell and released Alec, who'd unleashed his seraph blade. Panic consumed Magnus for a single moment before he pushed himself forward, shooting a spell at Alec's hand. The blade flew out of Alec's hand. Suddenly his demon eyes were on Magnus, glaring at him with nothing but hatred. Magnus froze. He searched Alec's eyes again, looking for any resemblance to the boy he knew. There was nothing.

A demon's screech caused Magnus to jump and he spun, launching a spell at the demon before it could tackle him. His eyes widened as the demon fell to the floor, screeching in pain in the form of Alexander. But Magnus quickly pushed the panic away. He couldn't dwell on emotions.

Magnus twirled left and right, shooting spell after spell at attacking demons. Screeches and cries filled the air around him, while the clang of seraph blades and the hiss of vampires echoed from the walls. Magnus dispatched a Clary demon, before turning back to Alec, only to see him propelling towards a vampire. Magnus shot another spell, knocking the blade from his hands once again while making sure to keep his distance. A Simon demon screeched at Alec, but Magnus slaughtered it with a single spell, not allowing it to attack. Alec's demon eyes turned to him once again. Magnus only had a second to see Alexander running towards him, when claws sliced into his side, knocking him back towards a wall.

He held a hand to his wound, wincing when he saw the blood staining his fingertips. Pushing back the stinging pain, he raised his hands to shoot a spell, only instead he witnessed the demon collapsing to the floor. Magnus froze as he saw Alexander smirk down at the dying demon. Twirling the seraph blade between his fingertips, Alec's eyes turned to Magnus. For a single moment Magnus believed the old Alec had returned. But he winced as the demon eyes adorned him yet again.

Magnus breathed, collecting himself together and pushing every emotion away. He raised his shaking hands. Alec flew towards him, his eyes lit with devilish glee. The seraph blade shone in his hands. He took a final step forwards before slicing the blade through the air. Magnus didn't watch the blade; his eyes remained on Alec.

The purple ball of smoke projected from Magnus' fingertips before he'd even realised what he'd done. He ducked quickly, dodging the blade as Alec flung backwards, hitting a vampire.

"No!" Magnus shouted as the vampire turned to Alec, hissing menacingly.

The vampire looked at him in confusion, before a demon attacked her and she was forced to turn to another fight.

A feral snarl slipped through Alec's lips as he picked himself up from the floor, facing Magnus with a fiery anger. Magnus felt his heart pound against his chest and ring in his ears. Alec ran forwards, but Magnus was prepared this time. As the blade sliced towards him Magnus dodged once, then twice before waving his hand and knocking a hard spell into Alec's chest. Alec faltered but continued his attack. Magnus ducked round the blade, gracefully sliding away each time Alec struck out. Magnus ignored the blackness rippling through Alec's veins and plaguing his eyes.

Demon Alec only grew angrier, causing him to attack with more ferocity. His movements became quicker and more agile. The blackened veins pulsed in his muscular arms. Magnus continued to dodge, but just as he was about to send another spell something hit his side. He fell towards the floor, wincing as his hands broke his fall. There was a blur of movement, then suddenly Alec was on top of him, growling in anger with his blade at Magnus's neck. Magnus hands moved to grip the seraph blade before it could puncture his skin. He launched his magic forward, ignoring the blood trickling from his hands as he pushed back against Alec's strength.

"Alexander…" he whispered, unsure of why he was speaking. Magnus knew that the real Alec couldn't hear him. He knew the real Alec wasn't doing this. But he couldn't help but try. "Stop, Alexander."

The demon didn't acknowledge him. His face contorted as he pushed harder against the blade, his only aim to slice Magnus' neck wide open.

Magnus continued to push, avoiding Alec's eyes. His heart pulsed and an aching pain consumed every inch of his body. He couldn't let demon Alec kill him. But it wasn't the thought of death that Magnus feared most; he feared Alec having to live with the pain of knowing he'd killed someone he cared about again.

Alec's eyes widened and he fell from Magnus to the floor beside him. Magnus picked himself up, his eyes briefly glancing at the blade stuck in Alec's ankle before he turned to his saviour. Jace appeared torn by what he'd done. His eyes were locked on Alec, cringing as he saw his Parabatai trying to rip the blade from his ankle. For the moment the blade had caused enough damage to stop Alec from attacking.

"Leave!" Magnus shouted over the rupture of noise surrounding the room. "Get Clarissa out of here and Isabelle and Simon. I'll protect Alexander."

Jace turned to him, appearing torn. "I won't leave him behind." He shook his head, before whirling and slicing through a Clary demon that was about to attack him. When he turned back to Magnus he held a sad pain in his eyes.

"I will protect Alexander and ensure he gets out of here. Now leave and return to my apartment! I'll meet you there with Alexander!" Magnus ordered, taking down another two demons who were about to attack from the side.

Jace looked at Alec once more before nodding stiffly. e ran to find Clary. Magnus attacked more demons as his eyes fleeted over the room. It was impossible to tell which side was winning, but he could see Camille's blonde hair whipping through the air while she attacked. Magnus made sure to stay near Alec, knocking him back down every time he tried to stand, as he dispatched more demons. Camille was too far away to attack — if he left Alec's side Magnus couldn't ensure his survival. Though he should have been torn, the decision was easy. He wouldn't do anything that risked Alec's life. He'd have to rely on Rafael to fulfil his wish.

A feral snarl erupted from behind Magnus and he turned to see Alec rip the dagger from his wound. Alec barely even flinched. Magnus shot a spell towards him, but the spell skimmed Alec's side. Before he could stop Alec, he was forced to turn to dodge an oncoming seraph blade. Magnus' mind screamed at him to stop Alec, but the blonde captor sliced his blade forward again, aiming for Magnus' chest. He ducked and twirled to avoid the blade, sending countless spells towards the male attacking him. But the captor was quick and none of the spells hit him.

"Magnus Bane. I expected better," the blonde male laughed while his sword whipped through the air in a blur of movement.

Magnus didn't reply, but twirled around the sword, attempting to find an unprotected area to attack. But the Shadowhunter was swift; quicker and more agile than he'd ever seen before. He flung spell after spell from his fingertips but the Shadowhunter dodged each one, his grin growing wider each time.

"I see you've grown slower in your old age. Losing your touch?"

Magnus knew the Shadowhunter was only trying to taunt a reply from him. But he couldn't help the annoying curiosity that built within him. "A Shadowhunter fighting for a Downworlder? Now you must have really tumbled downwards."

The Shadowhunter cackled. "I don't take orders from Camille."

Magnus looked up in surprise. His eyes met the Shadowhunter's and a cool ripple shuddered through him. Magnus had seen those black eyes before in the person he was trying so hard to protect. For a moment he remained quiet, focusing on his movements and spells. But he couldn't hold back the question any longer. "Where do I know you from, Shadowhunter?"

A smirk pulled at the Shadowhunter's blood stained lips. "We have fought before. Not so long ago in fact. In a war you shouldn't have won."

The memories hit Magnus hard, causing him to stagger. He was forced to jump away. "The Mortal War…" He whispered in realisation, the words slipping through his lips. As the Shadowhunter swung the blade back and forth, Magnus moved backwards, searching for a new counter attack.

"You fought with the filthy Downworlder, Lucian Graymark. It didn't take me long to kill him." The Shadowhunter's eyes shone with glee, while he continued to strike forwards, forcing Magnus to move closer and closer to the wall behind him.

Magnus felt a sharp sting at the reminder of Lucian's death. Memories of the fight filled his mind and he flinched as he witnessed the seraph blade decapitating Luke. A hiss of pain left his lips as he slammed back against the wall, his only option to move forward towards the blade. "Valentine's son…"

"So you do remember me." The Shadowhunter's grin widened. "I am Jonathan Morgenstern."

"I killed you." A frown pulled at Magnus' face as he shot a spell. It was the first to hit — it pushed Jonathan away and caused his hand to twist backwards.

The smile was momentarily wiped from Jonathan's face, but he quickly gathered himself, crouching forwards with his sword brandished in front of him. "I'm not so easily killed."

The blade launched forward and Magnus twirled to avoid it. But then he froze. A familiar cry of excruciating pain filled Magnus' ears, not allowing him to concentrate on anything else. Alec's pain. Alec was hurt.

A sharp cry ripped through Magnus as a searing pain cut through his calf. He moved his leg away from Jonathan's blade, dragging himself forward towards the sound of Alec's voice. But he was forced to roll on the floor, avoiding the seraph blade that narrowly missed his neck. Magnus attempted to pick himself up, but he was knocked back by Jonathan's foot. He coughed, wheezing for breath as a hard blow knocked into his stomach. He rolled again, ignoring his aching pains and avoiding the blade. Just as he was about climb to his feet, a foot slammed into his back and the blade sliced over his skin, cutting deep into his body. A pained moan lodged in his throat, strangling him.

Wincing as he moved, he turned to look up at Jonathan — the boy whom he was sure he'd killed in the Mortal War. Jonathan had been ferocious and merciless; a Shadowhunter born a demon. It seemed he'd only grown more menacing over the years.

"Any last words?"

The tip of the sword gleamed and everything moved in slow motion. Magnus focused himself. He allowed the panic Alec's pain had created to flood his body, letting it fuel him. His mind and body whirled with power. Losing himself within his magic, he felt its electricity prickle through him and pushed it towards all toward his fingertips. Just as the sword touched the skin above his heart, he threw every ounce of himself forwards and unleashed all of his power.

The blue smoke fired forward, weaving around Jonathan like a rope and catapulting him backwards. His head slammed against the wall and he fell to the ground, his body slumping over, while the seraph blade clattered to the ground a few metres away.

Magnus allowed himself to breathe. He winced as the pain of his wounds hit him again. But there was no time. He couldn't heal himself or regather his strength — Alexander was hurt.

Magnus climbed to his feet, staggering as he put pressure on his injured leg. He searched for the familiar raven hair and porcelain skin, only to see numerous different Alexander's around the room. His heart pounded.

Moving forward, he sent short spells at any demons that tried to attack him and tried to follow his instincts. He'd been able to track Alec before. He could feel the boy's aura in the room; a glowing ball of light stained with black. Focusing only on where his mind was taking him, Magnus moved as quickly as he could, holding his hand to his side and attempting to at least seal his wound. He managed a little, but not enough. Blood stained his hands and dripped from his fingertips. Magnus knew he was running out of magic; he could feel it.

"No!" he shouted, throwing his left hand forward and shooting a spell at Lily Chen. Magnus staggered forward, his hand pressed against his side, and looked down at a crippled Alec; his eyes were closed and his body was spasming in pain. Lily fell backwards and landed on the floor, glowering up at Magnus.

"He attacked me. He's slaughtered members of my clan," Lily growled, Alec's blood dripping from her flaunted teeth.

"He's not in his right mind," Magnus defended through gritted teeth, crouching beside Alec and looking down upon him with a frown. "Tell Raphael to capture Camille and bring her to my apartment before he loses anymore of his clan. I'm getting Alexander out of here. The other Shadowhunters have already left."

"You're abandoning us in your own battle?" Lily snarled.

"I have no other choice," Magnus stated. "Now go. Find Raphael."

With a final glare, Lily fled in a blur. Magnus took another deep breath then pulled his hand away from his wound. He winced as the blood poured down his side and shuddered from the pain. Placing two hands beneath Alec, he used his remaining strength to lift Alec to his chest. The boy continued to moan in pain and quiver in his arms. Magnus tried hard to ignore the pulsing black veins in Alec's arms that seemed to be attempting to break free of his skin.

For a moment he looked down and winced upon seeing the ashes of many vampires. However, he couldn't dwell upon their death or worry for the lives of the Shadowhunter's he'd told to flee or consider the idea that Camille may have escaped. He turned his back on the fight, with a shuddering Alec held close in his arms.

As he walked around the fallen bodies and avoided the fighting demons and vampires, Magnus placed a soft spell over Alec that knocked him into unconsciousness. He continued to stagger forwards, ignoring the pain thundering through him and the screaming exhaustion crippling his body. He used magic to lessen the weight of Alec in his arms; his only focus was moving forwards.

He approached the doorway leading to the dark corridor, but gritted his teeth as he felt a demon presence behind him. Leaning against the wall to support Alec's weight, Magnus shot a spell towards the approaching Simon demon, causing it to cripple to the floor in pain. He allowed himself to shudder, before forcing himself to move once again.

Then darkness fell over the room. Everything felt cold. An icy breeze swept through and everything seemed to slow, as if even the demons were confused by the new presence. Something new was here. Something powerful. Something they couldn't defeat.

A sudden cackle burst through from the rooftop, shuddering through the building till it hit the floor and bounced upwards again. Magnus looked up, his eyes trailing over the dark brown windows above, covered in dust and mould. Shadows seemed to flicker across the edges of the roof, crawling closer and closer to the small broken hole in a window near the centre. A single beam of light shone through the hole and Magnus followed its trail to the small halo it created on the ground. Then suddenly it was gone. A black shadow covered it.

"You have failed, Camille," a hissing voice spoke, slithering through the room in a twirl of sound. "And for that you will pay."

Magnus recognised the voice. He'd seen that voice take the form of Maryse Lightwood the last time he'd fought here. It had almost killed Alec.

A burst of panicked energy engulfed him and Magnus moved through the door with a new found strength. His footsteps grew quicker and he could barely feel the pain from his wounds — adrenaline fuelling him forward. Feeling a surge of magic at his fingertips, he waved his hand and placed a glamour over himself and Alec, not allowing whatever the shadow was to follow them. It was a weak spell and he knew it wouldn't hold forever, but he hoped it would give them enough time to escape.

Forward. Forward. Save Alec. Keep moving forward.

He powered through his weakness with his eyes set ahead. Magnus refused to look down at Alec. He refused to look back at the fight he left behind. His only focus was to get Alec to safety.

Knocking the door open with his shoulder, Magnus burst through into the daylight, his eyes squinting as they adjusted. He staggered a little, his leg giving way for a moment, before he forced himself to move faster. He could feel the blood trickling down his side and leg, but the adrenaline dulled the pain.

Somewhere close by Magnus could feel the shadow. It's presence was dark and murderous, as if it was death itself chasing them towards hell.

He continued through the empty streets, focusing on the slight bristle of the leaves that covered the thick weeds growing on the sidewalk. It didn't take long for him to lose track of time. The streets seemed endless and empty — an abandoned, haunted part of New York City.

His body felt numb and his legs weren't moving as quickly. He knew he couldn't go on for much longer. But in a small stroke of luck he found a dark alleyway, covered from above by high walls and metal fire escape stairs.

Magnus only just made it through. He slumped against the wall, his whole being giving way. Alec's unconscious body fell into his lap and Magnus caught his head, making sure it didn't hit the ground. Lifting his hands, Magnus tried to draw on his magic. He felt wisps of it prickle at his fingertips, but as he tried to swirl it into a portal, it fell from his fingertips as weak smoke.

There was no way he could escape. There was no way for him to ensure that Alec was okay. There was no way from him to heal himself. He'd used every last bit of his magic. He was useless.

Magnus clenched his hands and teeth in frustration, his expression crippling as he looked down at Alec's unconscious body. His skin was deathly pale and his blackened veins were prominent on his arms. A thin layer of sweat covered Alec's forehead, while his hair laid in a damp array of knots and tangles.

Magnus trailed a finger down Alec's cheek, following the sharp bone down to his jaw. Alec's porcelain skin was as soft as he remembered. Brushing Alec's hair back and running his fingers through it, Magnus leaned back against the wall, trying to search for any scrap of magic within him.

Nothing. He couldn't feel anything.

Placing his hands on Alec's body, he tried. He tried to force power through himself. He tried to examine the damage the demon blood had done to Alec. The thought of Alec dying… He couldn't imagine it and he didn't want to. But suddenly it all seemed so real. Was this really how it was going to end for them both? Magnus had wished for a more powerful death. Possibly one in battle or in the arms of someone he loved, after having lived a long and happy life with them. But this life in his arms with Alec, it hadn't been long or as happy as Magnus had hoped. They couldn't die yet.

However, there was nothing else he could do.

"I can't save us…" Magnus whispered in realisation, his eyes suddenly damp as a pained sorrow flooded through him. He was weak and useless — a frail warlock who couldn't even conjure a portal. Centuries worth of training and practise had led to this point; a weak death, where he couldn't save the boy he loved.

He loved Alec. Why was he only realising this now? Why couldn't he have said it before?

"I'm so sorry…" Magnus hugged Alec's body closer to him, allowing a single tear to drip down his cheeks as he took a deep breath, savouring Alec's musky scent. "You deserved better."

Pain thundered through him, crippling his body into a weak and useless mass. Blood stained the floor around him and he couldn't will himself to do anything. Magnus had lost. He'd lost everything — all because of Camille.

"Aku cinta maku, Alexander," he whispered as he let out a laboured breath.

Magnus slumped back further, in pain and feeling guilty as he lost any hope of survival. As he repositioned his body a small, block like object moved in his pocket, pressing into his side. He winced, his eyes wide in pain. Then he realised what it was.

A phone.

He lifted his hand, desperately picking at the metal zipper and tugging it. His hand slipped through into the soft material, but everything was blurring. Suddenly the pain was sharper, more consuming. It devoured him. His mind blackened and everything seemed to slip away. He slumped again and fell into deep unconsciousness.

He'd failed.

* * *

 **I finally updated! And I can't apologise enough for the long wait. This past month has been so busy. As well as not having a chance to write I've had major writers block. But I promise I will try to update more often from now on and make sure the time gap isn't as big.**

 **Anyway, I really hope you liked this chapter! Very action packed and a kind of cliffhanger? Let me know what you think in a review and make sure to follow/favourite. What do you think will happen next? Will Alec and Magnus survive? Did Jace, Clary, Isabelle and Simon survive? Have Camille and Sebastian been captured? Let me know what you think!**

 **Thanks for everything :D**  
 **DareToDream**


	23. Shattered Glass

**Chapter 22: Shattered Glass**

Alec's eyes shot open as he took a sharp breath. There was blood everywhere; it stained his clothes and flowed as a crimson river on the floor beneath him. He felt cold yet burnt, an icy mass attacking his singed veins. Something had happened. His memories were dark and his head throbbed with pain. Something terrible had occurred. Heart thudding against his chest, Alec winced, his eyes widening in shock at the redness around him. Where was all the blood from?

"Alec!" He heard Isabelle's voice before he saw her. In a blurred flash, her face obscured his vision and she looked down on him, her hand on his cheek, while her expression flooded with relief. "Thank the angel, you're awake. I thought you might be…" She paused.

"Izzy…" Alec breathed, his voice croaky and dry. He needed water. "W-What happened to me… What's going on?"

As sorrow filled Isabelle's eyes, a numbing coldness swept through Alec, soothing his burning wrists. The fire in his veins answered his darkest thoughts; he'd given into his demon side. But why was there so much blood? Surely he hadn't… He paused at that thought, a jolt seizing him, as his body registered a hand on his shoulder and legs beneath him. He was laying on someone, not the floor. His mind clouded and his heart stammering, he turned to look. His eyes trailed across the high brick walls covered in dirt and the spiral, metal staircase attached to the wall, before landing on the figure beneath him.

Alec scrambled away, hitting the opposite wall, his eyes wide as he looked upon Magnus, his questions answered. It was Magnus' blood. Alec froze, his lungs burning, his body shaking, his heart racing. He looked over Magnus' unconscious body, flinching at the deep slash in his side and the endless blood pooled around him. Alec gasped biting his lip painfully, but recoiled when he felt Magnus' sticky blood oozing through his fingertips. Every inch of him was covered. He couldn't stop shaking — he couldn't breathe — he couldn't —

"—No…Magnus," his voice fell from his quivering lips in a deathly whisper.

"Pathetic," a new voice commented spitefully. "You aren't even helping him, you foolish boy. Or are you too useless a Shadowhunter to at least try and save him? Magnus should have never become involved with you people."

Alec couldn't look up to acknowledge the voice. He couldn't tear his eyes away from Magnus. Sweat and blood covered every inch of his warlock's usually so flawless olive skin. Magnus looked pale — too pale, as if his colour was drifting away. Alec lifted his trembling hands, his breath catching in his throat.

"Leave him alone, Ragnor or whatever your name is," Isabelle snapped, her voice fuelled by anger. "Alec…"

He heard Isabelle's footsteps approaching but refused to turn. Everything was flooding back to him; Jonathan kidnapping him, Camille holding him captive, then nothing. He couldn't remember anything after. Had Magnus tried saving him? Had Alec done this to him? He shuddered at the thought, curling his legs up to his chest, repulsed by himself.

"Izzy I… did I…" His voice quivered as he spoke.

"I don't know, Alec. I'm sorry," she apologised softly, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"He needs help," Alec stated, forcing himself through the impending mass weighing upon him. "He needs help now… Ragnor you need to do something… Magic — heal him… please." His eyes flew to look at Ragnor; a green skinned warlock with shoulder-length white hair and a grim expression.

"Pathetic," Ragnor spat. But Alec could see the hidden sorrow beneath Ragnor's facade. He could tell Ragnor was as worried as he was which only made things worse. Ragnor moved forward to examine Magnus and Alec felt a strong tug at his arm.

"Alec, we need to go. You need more of your powder, otherwise you might collapse again. I couldn't get enough of it in you without any water," Isabelle told him, trying to pull him to his feet.

"No… Magnus. I need to make sure he's alright." Alec shook his head, pressing his lips together to hold back the flood of emotions. "What if he's… What if I…"

"Get him out of here," Ragnor ordered in a sharp tone. "I can't focus with his pathetic snivelling behind me. I need to examine Magnus before I move him and return him home. Catarina will murder me if I move him too soon and make his injuries worse."

"Alec come on…Please…" Isabelle tugged at his arm again.

But Alec moved forward, crawling closer towards Magnus, trying to ignore the blood he moved through. "I'm not leaving," he stated, lifting his trembling hand to touch Magnus' still face.

Something hit his chest and Alec flew backwards out of the alleyway, his head colliding with the floor. Wincing, he picked himself up, his eyes searching for Magnus, as if somehow the world had torn him away.

"Leave," the green warlock ordered, his voice full of repressed fury. "You've done enough damage, Shadowhunter."

Alec could feel Izzy's sharp glare. But he had no time to focus as a fatal realisation swept through him. His theories were confirmed; he'd hurt Magnus. This was all Alec's fault. Ragnor knew this and was rightfully angry with him. And now Magnus was hurt… More than hurt he was —

Alec pulled at his hair, coughing as the air wheezed in his lungs, while a sharp pain devoured him, piece by piece, spreading a cold numbness through him. Then everything stopped. And silence fell.

Alec didn't register being pulled backwards until he fell into a colourful dimension. Soft murmurs invaded Alec's ears and he winced upon arriving in a familiar apartment. Magnus' apartment. He didn't want to be here — he wanted Magnus.

"Alec…" A familiar voice breathed a sigh of relief and Alec felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned, unwillingly, but for a moment he broke himself away from the portal.

A small amount of relief arose within him upon seeing Jace, alive but beaten, stood above him.

"Hey… I'm glad you're okay." Jace smiled but Alec couldn't will himself to return it. "Are you hurt?"

Alec shook his head. For a brief second, his eyes flickered away from Jace and over the room. He held back a pained shudder. Memories flooded his mind; the times he and Magnus had spent here kissing and laughing and —

He stopped. He couldn't think about that. Not now.

A flash of red caught his eyes while he repelled his burst of memories. He turned his head, only to meet Clary's gaze. Simon sat beside her, a frown moulded into his expression as his eyes flickered from Alec to Isabelle.

Alec froze and everything dawned upon him. Magnus had saved Clary. He'd saved Simon. He'd saved them all. And now he was —

"Hey Alec." A smile grew on Clary's bruised lips and her eyes shone with a flicker of brightness. It was as if she was genuinely happy to see him. Happy to see a monster.

Alec's breath caught in his throat, choking him as his knees curled to his chest, his gaze turning back to Jace. A surge of pain hit. "He did this for you…" A heavy bitterness filled his voice. "I told him to help you… I—"

All eyes turned to Alec.

"Where's Magnus?" A new voice asked in confusion.

Alec shuddered. But everyone's gaze turned as a small pop echoed through the air and everything turned to chaos.

"Catarina…" Ragnor's shout reverberated around the room as he appeared through the portal, a body in his arms.

"Oh my… Ragnor, what happened? Does he still have a pulse?" The woman, Catarina, replied, her eyes widening.

But Alec paid no attention, his gaze was glued to Magnus' still face and body that was covered in a cascade of blood. "Magnus…" The name slipped from Alec's lips and he jumped to his feet, following Ragnor and reaching out for Magnus.

Alec flew backwards, a spell slamming into his chest, causing him to hit the wall by the front door.

"I thought I told you to leave him alone, Shadowhunter," Ragnor growled in a low tone, turning his back on Alec.

"His pulse is too fast… He must have gone into circulatory shock. I need you to find me blood, Ragnor, while I keep pressure on his wounds and check his injuries. I don't know what stage he's at but if we don't do a blood transfusion and supply his body with IV fluids soon…" Catarina's worried voice carried down the hall as Ragnor carried Magnus towards the bedroom.

Alec couldn't stand it. He needed to help.

"Alec no!"

Alec was sprinting down the corridor, unable to hold back. Blood rushed through his ears, drowning out his family's voices, while his body shook harder and harder.

Bile rose in the back of his throat, but Alec pushed himself harder towards Magnus' bedroom. Just as he reached the hinge, the door slammed and Alec catapulted into it. It remained frozen, appearing unaffected by Alec's force against it. He tried the handle. He pounded his fist against the door, trying anything to get through. But it was clear that magic had sealed it and there wasn't a chance Alec could enter.

Sliding down the door, Alec collapsed to the floor, resting his head on his knees as he felt the first tear slip down his cheek. His body pounded with guilt and remorse and he could feel it travelling through him, slicing him piece by piece. Thoughts consumed by Magnus, Alec's tears continued to fall as his happiest memories of Magnus were swarmed by the images of his pale, still body and the blood — the endless blood.

Circulatory shock. Blood Tranfusion. IV Fluid. The words meant nothing to Alec. It was so easy for Shadowhunter to heal themselves; they only required a stele. Unless the seraph blade directly hit an artery, a Shadowhunter usually survived. Alec had survived. The Silent Brothers had saved him. But Magnus wasn't so lucky. He didn't have a group of ancient Shadowhunters or an angelic object to save him. He required powerful warlock magic that could be depleted over time. It wasn't fair. Why did Alec's life gain priority over Magnus'?

A thought struck him. Magnus had powerful magic, so why hadn't he healed himself? Had his magic waned during the battle? Had he been too exhausted to try? But then another answer arose. What if Magnus had depleted his magical resources saving Alec from his demon side?

Suddenly, a shrill cry echoed through the house and a strange beeping noise gained speed. Alec heard shouts and frantic movements before the cry erupted again, severing Alec's heart. Magnus' screams echoed through the walls, swirling in Alec's ears. Every bit of Magnus' pain could be heard and Alec's only wish was to take it away. He wanted to feel it himself, to be punished for everything he'd done, rather than hear Magnus suffering. But maybe this was Alec's punishment for all the monstrous things he'd committed. Maybe he deserved this.

A hand touched Alec's shoulder and he jumped then lifted his head to see the intruder. Jace looked down upon him with a concerned frown, his golden eyes filled with worry. Alec quickly swiped away the damp tears on his cheeks but they wouldn't stop spilling from his eyes.

Jace silently took a seat beside him, their shoulders brushed and Alec looked over. He saw the slashes in Jace's clothes, healing scars that indicated blade wounds and bite marks that scarred his body. It reminded Alec of the battle he'd missed and the times he'd been unable to protect the ones he loved dearest. Another wave of guilt shuddered through him. And another cry pierced the air.

"We had a plan." Jace's voice startled Alec. It drowned out Magnus' cries of pain, allowing Alec to relax a little. The tears seemed to slow. "We arranged a place to meet Camille — the abandoned warehouse where the Eidolon demons attacked us before. Magnus had made a deal with the vampires. He promised Raphael that he could kill Camille if they worked with us. When we went there I thought… No, I was convinced that we were going to win. That I was going to get Clary back and that Izzy would get Simon back."

Alec turned to look at Jace, who stared off into the distance, his eyes glassy as if he was replaying the events in his head. "You did get Clary back," Alec said.

"I know… but I thought the fight would be easy. What could Camille possibly have against an army of Downworlders set on killing her? I didn't think there'd be many casualties. And if there were, they wouldn't matter because we'd won. But I was too arrogant, I didn't realise that Camille might have an even bigger plan. I didn't even consider that she might know mine and Izzy's weakness and use it against us."

"You're admitting your arrogant?" Alec wanted to laugh but couldn't. He was sure he'd never hear Jace admit that again in his lifetime.

"You won't hear me say it again," Jace smiled, however it didn't reach his eyes. "This Shadowhunter brought you forward with a knife to your neck… I don't know who he was—"

"Jonathan," Alec responded. _We are the sons of demons._ Jonathan's words echoed in his mind, causing him to shudder. "Jonathan Morgenstern, Valentine's son."

"Valentine had a son?" Jace repeated, his voice quiet and contemplative, a frown forming on his face. "But Clary… She has…"

"A brother?" Alec nodded.

Jace quieted for a moment, his hands clenching into fists.

"Jace…" Alec called, breaking Jace away from his darkened thoughts. "You were telling me what happened."

"You were brought forward, Alec, and Camille found it hilarious. She thought she'd won," Isabelle said, appearing in front of Alec and taking a seat by the adjoining wall. She kicked her stiletto heels from her feet. Jace remained quiet. "Camille taunted us… She taunted Magnus…" Her gaze pierced Alec, searching his expression and reactions. "She told Magnus that if he didn't take her to the location of the Book of the White then she'd kill you."

The strange beeping sound seemed to be losing speed, slower and slower and the sounds of commotion returned.

"I think she and Magnus dated in the past. He tried handing over the fake book but she wasn't so easily fooled. Somehow he managed to convince her to let Clary and Simon go first, then he'd take her to the Book of the White. But once Clary and Simon were released, the vampires attacked just like Magnus had ordered. I thought we'd won too, just like Jace."

"Then what happened?" Alec whispered. He could see everything in his head, picture it as if he'd been there himself. He could see Camille standing tall, her green eyes glistening with cunning mischief, while she attempted to reason with Magnus using her vampiric charms. The thought of her flirting, touching and toying with Magnus sickened him. He wanted to hear that the vampires had torn her apart and that his family had murdered Jonathan before the monster had chance to harm any of them.

"Her Eidolon army appeared. We weren't just fighting Camille and the Shadowhunter, we were fighting each other. The demons morphed into people fighting for us — Simon, Magnus, Jace, Clary, you, me and even some of the vampires. We had to be careful who we fought to make sure it wasn't the real person. I got this wound from hesitating when I thought I was about to kill Jace." Isabelle pointed towards a thick scar on her thigh. Jace remained silent, his eyes like steel as he stared hard ahead. It was clear that the events had affected Jace more than he was admitting.

"But how did you escape? How did you get Clary and Simon out?" Alec questioned.

"We couldn't tell if we were losing or winning the fight… Magnus was fighting the Shadowhunter and Raphael was fighting Camille," Isabelle continued.

"I found you… fighting Magnus, you had a blade to his neck but I stopped you. I pinned you to the floor with a dagger through your ankle. That's when Magnus told me and Isabelle to leave with Clary and Simon. He promised he'd protect you and make sure you got out safely," Jace explained, breaking his silence and gazing at Alec.

Alec froze, a strange bitterness arising in his mind. His wrists pounded and he felt the fire in his veins. "You left him," Alec stated in a low tone, his hands shaking as he bit hard on his lip.

"We didn't want to, Alec," Isabelle said in a soft tone, her eyes filled with guilt. She reached out and placed a comforting hand on Alec's shoulder.

Shrugging her off, he climbed to his feet and released a controlled breath, focusing on the neutral coloured wall ahead of him. The fire continued to spread, he could feel sweat beading on his forehead from the heat. He couldn't stop the anger coursing through him.

They'd left Magnus to die. Even when Jace had seen Alec almost kill Magnus, they'd left without a second thought. After everything Magnus had done for them, they didn't even think to help him.

"It was the only way to protect Clary and Simon, they were weak after everything that had happened to them. The risk…" Jace explained, his jaw firm as his eyes narrowed.

"And what about Magnus!?" Alec shouted, his anger bursting from him. He spun to face Jace and Isabelle once again. "You left him to die! After everything he did for you!"

"Alec we didn't…" Izzy began.

"No! I would never leave Clary or Simon behind! I would never have left them in danger!" His shouts grew louder and louder. "You left him with me… I've killed people before… I could've… I might've…" He couldn't breathe. While the fire continued to spread, Alec struggled to catch a breath. "I hurt him…" He concluded in a choked whisper. "And you could've been there to stop me."

Storming away, Alec clenched and unclenched his hands trying to steal his mind away from the angered thoughts consuming him and the heat spreading through his veins. He found his way to the kitchen, slamming through cupboard doors before finding a glass and filling it quickly with water.

"My powder, where is it!?" Alec emerged from the kitchen, shouting at nobody in particular. It was happening again. He was losing control. What if he hurt someone else in his angered, demonic state?

Izzy handed it to him silently, reaching out to comfort him. Alec snatched the powder from her before storming back towards Magnus' door. Jace watched him with a deep frown as Alec shoved the powder inside his mouth and took a large gulp of water.

"It's not the same," Jace said in a low tone. A angered spark resonated in his eyes and Alec knew he'd hit a trigger within him.

"What?"

"My family were my priority. I knew you were safe, Camille or Jonathan wouldn't risk fighting your demon side, so I got Clary out," Jace began, his voice tight and controlled. "I left you to take care of her on the day she disappeared. And it took you hours to notice she was gone. But did I blame you for her disappearance? You were unwilling to help us find her, you wanted to leave it to the Clave and I still didn't blame you!"

"Jace…" Isabelle warned, her eyes wide.

"How dare you blame me for that Downworlders injuries! We paid him to help us, he knew the risks he was taking. It wasn't my job to protect him!" Jace growled angrily. "It was your job to protect Clary. Your job to protect the person I love. And you blame me for not protecting a Downworlder from your demon side!"

Alec froze. Every word hit him; stabbing him repeatedly in the heart. He looked into Jace's eyes and saw only a ferocious anger. Jace blamed him. He blamed the monster inside Alec for everything that had happened.

The glass slipped in Alec's hand. He gripped it harder, his lungs burning for air. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't speak. Jace blamed him. His parabatai blamed him for all the hurt he'd caused.

"Alec, it's not true…" Izzy's eyes filled with despair as she gazed up at Alec.

Jace remained still in front of him, his chest heaving up and down as he embraced the angered words Jace had spoke.

 _It's not the same._ That simple statement sparked something within him.

"I love him," Alec whispered, the words broken on his lips.

"You what?" Jace paled. His chest stilled and his clenched fists loosened.

"I love him." Alec couldn't tear his eyes away from Jace's paling face, as his hands shook at his sides and a sharp pain plummeted through him.

Silence fell. The glass slipped through Alec's fingertips and shattered on the floor.

The door opened behind Alec and he spun, his eyes wide as he looked upon Catarina's blank face. Her expression gave away nothing of Magnus' condition. All thoughts of Jace vanished from Alec's mind.

Catarina glanced behind him to Jace, before turning to Alec, her blue eyes filled with sympathy. Alec prepared himself for the worst.

"Magnus has lost a lot of blood. When Ragnor found him, his body had lost too much, which caused him to go into circulatory shock," Catarina explained in a soft tone. Alec's head spun as bile burned the back of his throat. "His wounds were also showing initial signs of infection. I replaced a lot of his blood and dosed him with IV fluid to combat his injuries and a round of antibiotics to fight the infection."

The medical words spun in Alec's head. His body tightened.

"He'll need lots of rest and he may not be able to use his magic for a while, but he's okay Alexander."

Alec breathed. A warm relief flooded through him and he relaxed, leaning against the wall for support.

"Thank you," he whispered. "I can't thank you enough."

"It was the least I could do. Magnus is my friend and—" she paused, narrowing her eyes as she glanced at Jace. "He's told me a lot about you, Alexander. I'm… glad that you make him happy. It's been a long time since he's found someone he cares for and who cares for him in return."

Alec nodded his head in thanks.

"Yes, yes, enough with the pleasantries Catarina." Ragnor appeared behind her, his clothes still matted with Magnus' blood.

Alec froze and looked down upon himself, wincing at the dark stains upon his black clothes.

"Now one of you Shadowhunters needs to tell us what happened and how Magnus ended up half dead in an alleyway with this snivelling boy at his side," Ragnor ordered.

"Let's take a seat in the living area and I'm sure Alexander's siblings will enlighten us," Catarina suggested politely, although her tone stiffened at the mention of his siblings. She turned to Alec. "Go see him. He'll be awake soon."

"Thank you," he repeated, not knowing how else to express his gratification. Catarina smiled and Alec took a deep breath, before stepping towards Magnus' room.

Everything was so familiar and Alec was reminded of the last time he'd been in here; he'd awoken from the darkness, with no memory of the previous night and Magnus was there, shirtless and bright, his cat eyes twinkling with mischief. Alec remembered the panic he'd felt at Magnus discovering his condition. It didn't compare to the panic he'd felt today.

Alec turned and stilled, his mind spinning as he saw Magnus lying on the bed, his eyes shut and a frown upon his face. It wasn't the same peaceful expression Alec had seen the time he'd awoken in Magnus' arms. Sweat glistened on Magnus' forehead and his hair stuck to his face, flat and glitter-less. It was a reminder of all the pain he'd suffered. All because of Alec.

 _Because Alec was a Monster._

Alec grabbed a chair from the beside the vanity and took a seat by Magnus' side. He watched for a moment, frowning at the pain evident in Magnus' features. It was all his fault. Jace blamed him for everything that had happened to Clary. Ragnor blamed him for Magnus' injuries. Would Magnus blame him too?

A shudder shot through him at the thought. Alec didn't think he could stand it if Magnus did. But the warlock had every right to. Alec had hurt him.

 _You stabbed Magnus. You stabbed Izzy. You killed your own mother._

 _Monster._

The word slithered through him, slicing him open. The demon had made him into a monster; a demon designed to destruct everything in its path, even those he loved.

Alec reached out and grasped Magnus' hand, squeezing tightly.

 _Monster._

He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on the back of Magnus' hand, before looking upwards at Magnus' scrunched eyes and gripped lips.

 _Monster._

 _You did this._

 _You hurt him._

A violent shudder ripped through him as he tried repressing the flood of emotions. But he couldn't hold it any longer. Pain twisted in his stomach and Alec crippled forward, his hand grasping Magnus' tightly as a violent sob broke through his lips. He squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn't take it.

Jace hated him for failing to protect Clary. Jace was repulsed by his relationship with Magnus. Izzy would never admit it, but he'd seen the pain in her eyes and knew in some way she blamed him too. And Magnus… Alec feared Magnus would feel the same.

 _Monster._

Tears cascaded down Alec's cheeks and he let the emotions consume him. He allowed himself to feel the pain he'd caused everyone else.

He shattered.

* * *

 **I cannot apologise enough for how long its taken me to write this chapter. I could give a thousand excuses for why it's taken me so long but I won't go into detail as I'd only bore you all to death.**

 **Anyway, the new Shadowhunter's teaser trailer gave me enough inspiration and energy to complete this chapter. Season 2 is looking so much better so far and I can't wait to see Malec on screen again!**

 **This is yet another sad chapter to add to the list. But one consolation is at least Malec both admitted that they're in love with each other know! Hope you all enjoyed it and I promise next chapter will be a little happier! I'll try and get it written and edited ASAP. Again, apologies for the wait.**

 **Let me know what you thought by reviewing and don't forget to follow/favourite :)**

 **Big thanks to Holly and Angela in this chapter. Holly helped me massively with how Magnus' injuries would be healed medically! And Angela, my wonderful Beta, did an amazing job editing this as usual.**


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